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Abused into Silence


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I haven't written in DF for a long time. I was living my life for once and wasn't letting depression get the best of me. Not to say if you're on DF you aren't living your life. For me, coming on to DF is like letting depression win for some odd reason. It's like accepting that I have a mental illness is really hard for me. It actually shames me. It's like when i go through something traumatic or just something simply difficult I can't just move on with my life. I end up being a complete wreck! Well let me start to say I'm in a completely different time of my life. I don't want to get into to it so much because then this will be like 10 pages long. I got assaulted yet again from a person who claims to care about me. I couldn't go to the police or the hospital. I have a wound to the head that could use medical attention, but for that would of course involve the police. This person is dangerous to my life. To make it worse, this person is my mother's boyfriend and knowing my mother, she will always choose his side. She will think I asked for it or did something to deserve it like always. He is always influencing me to do bad things but she doesn't see it that way. She actually sees it the other way around. That I make him do things he's not supposed to do. She's been this way ever since I was a child. Always being creepy by choosing her boyfriends over her children and what not. She blames me for everything and is just mad at the boyfriend, but the real anger is at me. I at first didn't understand or think this, but it became clear to me once I contemplated that I couldn't tell her what he did to me. Right now she's on vacation and the same day she left he did this. I would tell you what happen to lead up to why he assaulted me, but it doesn't matter because he is WRONG I tell you. I'm trying to think of something to get over what has happened to me and I know staying silent will only make what happened grow. I'm just... so terrified and I don't want to be alive to be honest. This world is so evil and I promise there's more to my story than just this assault and him and my mom. It's just this this world is so evil and i'm not saying I'm an angel, but i don't want to do this anymore. Being here alive is like being in hell. I haven't met another being in this universe who understands me or connects to me. I'm doubting if i ever will because once I think i do, the person ends up betraying me like the rest including my very own family... What does a girl who has been ridiculed, abused, shamed, betrayed, lied to, and etc do to survive in this world? I don't want to only survive, I want to want to live.

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I have not words - I can only hope that you can find a way to get out of this situation. You deserve more - and if your mother is going to chose this abusive person over you - then you may need to think about separating from her somehow. ((hugs))

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Welcome back to DF, youngbull.  :console:  Jessiesmom is right, you need to find a way to separate from your mom. She should be protecting you, that should be her first priority.  There is never an excuse for an adult to get violent with a child, of any age.  Claiming that you somehow deserve it is classic enabling mentality, and completely wrong.

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It is exceedingly difficult to separate from family members, but sometimes you just have to do it. Part of your mind loves them unconditionally, but another part tells you they're not good for you to be around. Listen to the latter. Find a way, you dont deserve to be abused. No one does.

Steve

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I’m glad to see you back and please don’t feel bad or guilty or shameful for being here on DF. I’m very sorry about your assault and that your life is in danger. In order to live a productive life and move forward you need honesty, forgiveness and accountability. Otherwise these will be hinderances that will never go away. They will hold you in bondage and be a stronghold over your life. They will smother you.

First, I definitely would recommend getting medical attention for your wound. Your health should come first. Does it really matter to you what your mother believes? Her boyfriend committed an abusive assault against you (a crime), therefore he broke the law, as well as your boundaries, and needs to be held accountable.

Have you considered seeing a professional counselor? I don’t know how old you are, but there is help available and I hope you seek it. I wish you the best.

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How old are you? Your options vary somewhat with age.

>> I have a wound to the head that could use medical attention, but for that would of course involve the police.

Did mom's BF inflict the wound?  Strike you, for example?  Or are we talking about retaliatory self-harm?

If he inflicted an actual injury, you do need to involve the police.

Do you have family members you trust?  Grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc?  Or people from some other part of your life, church, for example, whom you trust?

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  • 2 weeks later...

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