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JudicatorPanzer

I feel like therapy is BS.

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I decided to go see a therapist to help with my depression and low self esteem. Basically all he did was ask "what can you do to bring up your self worth?" in several different forms. It's like I don;t know man that's why I came here was for advice on how to build up my self esteem, if I had the answers I wouldn't be here! I just find it aggravating. 

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So did you say your last sentence to him? Sadly ive been to a couple of thereapists that simply sucked. I went a few times and found someone else. One's whole strategy was religion, and I'm not religious. That was 1 visit and bail for me. Sometimes people click, and sometimes they dont. Back when i went, ages ago, we went through my childhood, explored my moms mental illness, my dads alcoholism, and my lack of support/encouragement,  plus verbal abuse, which caused a lot of my issues. Then we discussed ways to try to alter how i thought about myself. Not sure if thats the approach anymore, but regardless, a therapist that asks you 2 questions and stares at you for half of an hour, doesnt sound very proficient in his craft. Dont give up, if this doesnt pan out, try someone else. 

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There's lots of different types of therapy too. If this one isn't doing it for you, maybe do some research on the types and look for someone who does something closer to what you think would help you. I tend to think the ones that just ask those questions I could get more benefit out of googling! 

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Please try another therapist if you are able. I've tried several and I did eventually find a good one. Some of the ones I have tried were no help so I relate. See if you can't shop around until you find a better fit. You may find one who will tell you they've experienced the very same things. My therapist is an angel who lets me cry, or cuss, or gush, or spit vitriol at the world and she never judges or asks me what I could do to improve because she knows every minute is a beating and I am doing the best I can. I'm sorry your therapist isn't helping the way you need. I will be thinking of you. 

Edited by Tearz

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That question can't really be answered by the therapist, she/would be guessing and that's liable to be annoy you since most guesses will be dead wrong. Instead, I suggest in your next session you list every time in your life you can remember when you felt confident, safe and comfortable with yourself - be specific about what were you doing, what were the circumstances surrounding them. 

You and the therapist can then dive into figuring out what in particular about those occasions helped you feel this way. For example, were you getting good forms of attention? Did you complete something which made you feel competent? Did you make someone laugh, think, smile? Did you surpass your own expectations of how you'd preform?

I'm throwing darts in the dark here, I don't expect to hit a bullseye. I only hope to get you thinking about what events, outcomes, situations in your life made you feel good about yourself so that you and your T can move forward in addressing the self esteem issue. 

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14 hours ago, Tearz said:

My therapist is an angel who lets me cry, or cuss, or gush, or spit vitriol at the world and she never judges or asks me what I could do to improve because she knows every minute is a beating and I am doing the best I can

I wish I have a therapist like that. I’ve never had luck with Therapists either and have left so many I just get tired of looking. 

What @Atra said might be helpful but it’s difficult, it seriously takes a LOT of effort to do that cos there is really almost nothing in my life that has ever made me feel that way, and even if there are they were like short seconds of my life which even though the Therapists have gone through them, I still feel her deductions on why they happened are totally wrong. And my self-esteem improved maybe for a short while but that’s it, i still go back to square one. 2 steps forward 2 steps back. 

But yea, maybe it’s still worth a try. Maybe I’m exaggerating, maybe I’m being way too negative, but I guess I’m just saying don’t wake my word for it. 

Edited by Depressedgurl007

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4 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

it seriously takes a LOT of effort to do that cos there is really almost nothing in my life that has ever made me feel that way,

It's very difficult. If depression is a time-traveler it can distort the past making small but nonetheless significant events seem trivial or even lousy. Gaining perspective without the lens of depression may require trusting another to validate us sometimes cause we are fighting symptoms.

Maybe you were never allowed to shine through in the things you've done or maybe, despite the darkness, a spark within you never died out. If it's in there somewhere, it can be found. 

4 hours ago, Depressedgurl007 said:

Maybe I’m exaggerating, maybe I’m being way too negative, but I guess I’m just saying don’t wake my word for it. 

Maybe. Whose bullsh1t is it, your depression's or yours? Over decades, my negative thought patterns built up a way of comfortably looking at everything in the dark until I couldn't tell where depression ended and I began. I guess I always knew I'm not my illness but I had to go down into the murk and blindly fumble around to find what I was. Cause truthfully, I couldn't freakin remember.

Therapy helped to separate me from it. I'm not gonna tell you that outcome happened in 6 sessions allowed by insurance or that I found the best therapist to save me cause that's not my story. It took as long as it needed to, not a day less or more. 

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Ok, so I've been to a LOT of therapists.  There are many different kinds and a great variety of personalities, so sometimes the first one is not a fit.

That said, I had a similar reaction to my first therapist, who just kept asking me over and over again why I was there and why I thought I was depressed.  He actually did ask me other things and suggest other things, but all I heard was that he was clueless and wouldn't be able to help.

I was with him for 4 years.  It was *really* hard, but I learned so much from him.

You didn't say how many times you'd been to see yours - sometimes we have to give them a chance and develop some rapport with them.  I certainly have left after just one session, but that was usually because they did something cruel or just inexcusable.

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I think the hardest part about therapy, for me, is opening up to the therapist.  There’s a few things on my mind that I just can’t bring myself to tell my therapist.  I remember being in sessions and we have 15 minutes left and she would ask if there’s anything else I want to talk about.  There would be, but I would say no, because talking to my therapist about very private things was too hard for me.

Maybe that’s why I felt like therapy wasn’t for me.  But at the same time, sometimes I got the impression that therapy was little more than talking.  It was like I was paying money to have an hour long conversation.

With my most recent therapist, I don’t feel like she took my problems very seriously.  Granted, compared to a lot of others, my issues are mild.  I suffer from mild depression that comes and goes, some anxiety, and some self esteem issues.  Most of the time, she would end the session at 40 minutes.  I never had the guts to ask why we end at 40.  Is it common to end a session at around 40 minutes?

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On 2/4/2019 at 5:31 PM, I need a hero said:

I think the hardest part about therapy, for me, is opening up to the therapist.  There’s a few things on my mind that I just can’t bring myself to tell my therapist.

And that's very common because nobody finds it easy to open up about the things that really make us squirm awkwardly in our chairs. So many fears to get hung up on.

Will saying it aloud make it real? Will I be judged or laughed at? Will I be scolded, told I must stop doing whatever it is I'm doing? Will I be given advice that I can't or don't want to take? Are you gonna write that down on my permanent record? Or maybe the therapist will click their tongue, then mash that red button and two men in white coats will appear and drag me off to my padded room (there really should be a trap door that opens).

Anyways, if there was a simple way to overcome this I'd share it with you and all the people struggling to unburden themselves. It took years to convince myself that my secret problems, while very extraordinary in my estimation, were completely ordinary to a professional who has 1000 hours or more of practice.

Regarding my problem behaviors and my fear of being told to "just stop", my therapist said "first we have to find a better way for you to cope" and I was all like, "hey, you're right. What do you have in mind?"

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If only there were some way for therapists to experience what their patients actually feel... I don't think most therapists know what it's like from personal experience, and book study goes only so far.

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On 2/4/2019 at 7:31 PM, I need a hero said:

Most of the time, she would end the session at 40 minutes.  I never had the guts to ask why we end at 40.  Is it common to end a session at around 40 minutes?

I think 40 minutes is the standard. My therapist spends the typical 40 with me. All my previous therapists did as well. It can get frustrating because sometimes we won’t get around to talking about what’s most bothering me that day. 

 The psychologist I also see however spends the entire hour with me, sometimes up to an hour an a half. 

Edited by SqueezeWax

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8 hours ago, SqueezeWax said:

I think 40 minutes is the standard. My therapist spends the typical 40 with me. All my previous therapists did as well. It can get frustrating because sometimes we won’t get around to talking about what’s most bothering me that day. 

 The psychologist I also see however spends the entire hour with me, sometimes up to an hour an a half. 

I think part of it might be that the therapist thought I was pretty well adjusted and didn’t need therapy as much as some of her other clients did.  I think that might be part of it too.

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