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How Do You Feel Right Now? #7


Natasha1

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On 8/2/2018 at 9:25 AM, JustAnotherSufferer said:

@ladysmurf

I can’t get up of bed. I feel paralyzed. It takes so much willpower to do simple things.

I have been able to sleep, but I’m always tired. It feels like I haven’t slept yet I have.

I know that feeling. It's so hard to do the simplest task 95% of the time they go undone. But I'm proud of that 5% I'm able to do. For a while I was at not being able to do anything. Hopefully I won't have to go back there....

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12 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Ditto! I have to attend a lot of work meetings where I'm expected to look and act normal. Well, I'm letting my inner freak come through more and more as time goes on. My moustache is now really long so I look like some kind of wild west yahoo from the 19th century. I wear cowboy boots too, which for some reason shocks people in the "business dress" world. Good! I also frequently let loose with sarcasm. Again, that seems to shock the clones sitting around the table but it makes me feel good. Hahaha.

You crack me up!

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I dont know who im trying to impress maybe deep down im trying to impress myself how i look.. But IF i go out say to run errands or even to play pathfinder i end up spending an hour getting ready and even them i feel like i beached whale.. Its 1030 on a friday night.. And im stuck at home.. No friends to hang out with and no entertainment

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There's not much left of me at this point.  It's obvious the people in my real life are just there to take what's left of me and throw me in the garbage.  They have no regard for my well being or happiness at all.  They don't care if they destroy me.

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@sober4life

I’m just sick of my life. I’m tired all the time even if I get 8 hours of sleep. I try to do my best to keep myself active and all that, but nothing helps. I’m always in some kind of pain. I have this heavy painful feeling in my chest right now and my mind is racing. It’s so painful!

My birthday is tommorow and I couldn’t care less.

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Not in a good way right now. I’m sitting here alone trying to figure out where I went wrong by replaying memories in my head. That’s all I have left with nothing on the horizon for me. Memories.

The only hope I can hold on to is that this all is just a bad dream and eventually I will wake up. 

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i have the house to myself. many years ago i cherished solitude.  these days i cannot stand it.  i am lonely. i want to do things with someone i care about and who equally cares about me, no strings attached or expectations.  im still in bed. it hurts to feel the way i do for so many years.  i dont see any change anytime soon. i've lost that naive hope.

Edited by zenzang
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Empty. Hopeless. The older I get the more I feel this way.

Void. Whatever I do I stay stuck in the hell that is emptiness and pointlessness. I just don’t get this ”life” thing. I am a disappointment unto myself. 

Hell isn’t fire and brimstone. It’s this. ****ing life. Emptiness, futility and pointlessness. Not having the courage to pull the trigger. That is true hell.

No fu kcing point in anything. We live,, eat, s hit, make babies (well some of us..I opted not to for obvious reasons) and die. For what? Why should life continue? I see no reason. I don’t understand people and don’t really like them anyhow. I don’t like myself. I don’t know what kind of person I ‘d have to be to like myself. 

****ing bulls***. Empty pointless husk. I hate myself. There is no point to suffering, if this is in fact pain or suffering. Like life,  pain blah blah, is  just another exercise in futility.

Good night. I hope I die in my sleep.

Edited by samadhiSheol
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I went to see mom today and had a complete meltdown at the nursing home.  On the drive home another episode started to happen and I fell asleep when I was driving home.  I barely made it back and I collapsed in bed for a couple of hours.  I'm feeling some better now.  I'm done pushing myself too far.  I'm done trying to prove a point.  Just like someone told me last week the cemetery is full of people like you.

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52 minutes ago, sober4life said:

Try the s'mores cereal or Rice Krispie treats cereal. 

Reese's Puffs are the devil. lol  I betcha cant eat just 3 bowls.  I demolish  a box in 2 days.  It's banned from my pantry til I can control myself. lol

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57 minutes ago, zenzang said:

Reese's Puffs are the devil. lol  I betcha cant eat just 3 bowls.  I demolish  a box in 2 days.  It's banned from my pantry til I can control myself. lol

Yes I love Reese's Puffs.  Peanut Butter and Cocoa Pebbles is great too!❤️

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Did you ever wish you could crawl into a memory and stay in there, feeling warm and good? Like old memories, such as spending the day with your grandmother. I'm only 34 and I feel like I spend most of my timing feeling nostalgic for everything that's gone. I wish I could have just stayed a child forever, when things were simpler and easier.

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On 8/3/2018 at 10:01 AM, JD4010 said:

I hope that changes quickly for you, my friend.

Thanks JD...I am hanging on by a thread lately ..not in a suicidal sense, that isn't an option (not doing that to my child)...just an overwhelming feeling of doom😟

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