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Natasha1

How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

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@scienceguy Well, I'm happy to see you again...but I'm saddened by the fact that you felt the need to return.

I have a tough time "relating" to most of the people I encounter. Around here, pro sports are front and center. People know all kinds of arcane details about every athlete, and every play or score of every game that has ever been played. They live their lives around sports. But they wouldn't be able to find the North Pole on a globe. That means:  A. I have nothing in common to talk with them about ("Howz the weather?") and B. I come across as some kind of pointy-headed intellectual and am therefore immediately suspect. The result is, I avoid people as much as possible. I know I'm the oddball and just accept my fate.

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11 hours ago, adamrparr said:

Back after a couple of days.  I’m in a rut within a rut.  Semi-paralyzed, fearful, despondent, anxious, doubtful, lonely, empty, hopeless, listless.  I simply cannot live like this for the rest of my life.  It’s already taken far too much out of me.   Over the years, I’ve tired of fighting as I once did.

You channelled me when you wrote this post. Word for word.

I'm constantly told, "Don't give up, things will get better". Really? When? While I'm still alive?

Oh, and karma does NOT pay a visit those who inflict pain, suffering, and death on their fellow man. Thousands of years of history prove that.

 

Edited by JD4010

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1 hour ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

If that’s the case then they’re a bunch of *****. We all do mistakes sometimes. They should help you in whatever way they can, that’s why they’re there in the first place.

The worst is when people stop responding. The most important thing is to be honest. It makes it hurt less

I was so dam mad, I couldn't even shut down.  I finally sent a text to the guy (among those on my sh#tlist) who manages our two counties.  Amazingly, he called back.  Poor guy.  I kept my head, but I wasn't nice.  I raised holy hell.  (I did use the "are you trying to prove something by teaching me a lesson" line, as well)

I also sent him a copy of my original email that goes on the agency's server so that all four people involved are absolutely clear, in writing, on what happened...actually, what DIDN'T happen.

The original issue was minor.  Unbelievably, what apparently escaped these people is that, in fact, stress can be a significant risk for those like me with compromised immune systems and I have two hospital stays to prove it.

tbh, I'm still so cynical I wonder if anything will be done.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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@MarkintheDark

Stress has been making me worry if I have health problems or not. Sometimes I just keep on worrying if everything is okay with me. I was having a panic attack attack and it manifested itself in my chest for half an hour and then it disappeared.

I’m so sick of this. I can’t stop overthinking and worry and I hate that.

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I feel like I'm in a grieving process over what is a major loss (along with all the former losses) for me yet I can't get pass the depression stage. It doesn't help that I have depression and anxiety already.

Denial - Bargaining - Anger - Depression - Acceptance

I don't think I will ever get to the Acceptance stage.

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2 hours ago, JD4010 said:

@scienceguy Well, I'm happy to see you again...but I'm saddened by the fact that you felt the need to return.

I have a tough time "relating" to most of the people I encounter. Around here, pro sports are front and center. People know all kinds of arcane details about every athlete, and every play or score of every game that has ever been played. They live their lives around sports. But they wouldn't be able to find the North Pole on a globe. That means:  A. I have nothing in common to talk with them about ("Howz the weather?") and B. I come across as some kind of pointy-headed intellectual and am therefore immediately suspect. The result is, I avoid people as much as possible. I know I'm the oddball and just accept my fate.

It was miserable all the years I had to pretend to enjoy sports or pretend to know things about cars.  I know how to put in gas and drive a car.  Watching sports is like a free sleeping pill for me.

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I feel like trash! My whole life has been so painful. It never seems like I can catch a break, instead I fall into yet another depressive episode that makes me wish I was never born. When I think i just got a friend he/she leaves me, when I think life will get better it never does. It’s always painful.

I’m used to the pain by now. I don’t know how it feels to live without it. It’s a part of my character by now. It’s making me feel like a 76 year old, not a 16 year old.

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On 8/17/2018 at 12:03 PM, JD4010 said:

@scienceguy Well, I'm happy to see you again...but I'm saddened by the fact that you felt the need to return.

I have a tough time "relating" to most of the people I encounter. Around here, pro sports are front and center. People know all kinds of arcane details about every athlete, and every play or score of every game that has ever been played. They live their lives around sports. But they wouldn't be able to find the North Pole on a globe. That means:  A. I have nothing in common to talk with them about ("Howz the weather?") and B. I come across as some kind of pointy-headed intellectual and am therefore immediately suspect. The result is, I avoid people as much as possible. I know I'm the oddball and just accept my fate.

I can relate to both of you. I know nothing about sports and couldn't care less. It's awkward when other guys start asking you how you liked the game the other day. You tell them you're not into football, then they say :"oh, you're a basketball fan"? Uh..no..then you get the dumbfounded look. 

I'm into science and engineering etc, wannabe in all such things. 

Not sure what you do about that.

 

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8 hours ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

Hi there, how are you doing? I’m feeling like trash. I probably just lost a friend. I had just gotten to know her. Right when things seem to be going good for me it goes downhill.

What the hell happened?

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On 8/17/2018 at 11:01 AM, sober4life said:

I feel like I'm forced to survive a life I don't want to survive anymore.   I was created so screwed up there was never a chance for me.  I was born to suffer the most excruciating misery possible and that's all it's been so far.

I'm really sorry!!!!

sadly i feel the same way. I'm dealing with this for decades since a child, and nothing ever changes or helps.....I accepted the fact that I'll never find any relief or happiness. And my life will continue to be a misery. I don't wish it on anyone. I'm really sorry for all those who suffer.

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5 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

I'm really sorry!!!!

sadly i feel the same way. I'm dealing with this for decades since a child, and nothing ever changes or helps.....I accepted the fact that I'll never find any relief or happiness. And my life will continue to be a misery. I don't wish it on anyone. I'm really sorry for all those who suffer.

I want the best for everyone here.  I would do anything to make the people here happy again.  It's over for me.  It's been over for years now.  The last few years have destroyed what little of me that was left.  When my health started getting bad I got the stupid idea that maybe along my journey to get healthy and sober I would find someone and fall in love and have a family of my own.  Yeah right the people in my real life have destroyed that dream to the point where I hope I don't see anyone in person ever again.  When I'm done with my seasonal work obligations I will make that happen.

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Absolutely horrible thanks to my living situation and pitiful pets. Can't wait till I'm just a memory in the wind. Or whatever they say. Everyday it's something new. As I type this there is some creature crawling back and forth above my ceiling. I'm guessing a rat or mouse. Why do we have to suffer all the time..

Edited by watalife

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