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Natasha1

How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

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My life is like a yo-yo, up and down. I don't like it but I think this is the best it's going to get. When I'm down, I try to tell myself that it will change as it always does, I hope. Yet I'm afraid one day it won't but that is a worry for another day.

Today I'm in a good place because I took a mental health day off yesterday. Thank God for those! My daughter and family live in Lake Elsinore where there was a large fire right behind their house. I helped them over a 3 day weekend I had. They evacuated for 5 days and now they are back in their home. Thank God! So I'm feeling a lot of relief today. I'm working at enjoying that while it lasts, one minute at a time.

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2 minutes ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

well, I’m doing mediocre. I have been walking very long walks lately. I have been walking 5 miles these past 4 days or so because my bicycle needs to get repaired. Today has been stressful and boring.

That's great that you can walk that much even when you are stressed. I need to get some exercise but have no motivation.🙁

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30 minutes ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

@BeyondWeary

I don’t feel better when I walk, so I don’t get the point really. I just keep it to keep my mind occupied, it’s still painful though.

I know, I barely have the motivation to get up on the mornings.

Sometimes I do, and sometimes I don't ...it all depends how I wake up. Sometimes I go for a walk and it helps a bit, and other times I wont bother getting out of bed, because whats the point? Plus I don't always have the energy to walk or exercise ...

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13 minutes ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

@ladysmurf

Yeah, I get you. I was stuck in bed until around 12 AM or so, it’s sick to be honest!

I can’t get out of bed. It’s like there are invincible chains holding me back. It’s hard to explain. 

do you really think nothing will ever get better for us??

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24 minutes ago, ladysmurf said:

do you really think nothing will ever get better for us??

No, I think it will get better. We change as we grow older - more wisdom, different priorities, maybe a need for a Higher Power, more experience in dealing with this illness. I have the hope of a better life to come after this one because of my faith in God. If I'm wrong, I don't really lose anything. Yet if others who don't believe in God (a relationship not religion) are wrong, I think they have more to lose.

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@BeyondWeary

My past life was awful. I Don’t want to talk about it openly. It helped me to soldier through 2 years of mental and physical abuse in this life, but it’s still no fun.

I’ll take a rest when I die. I don’t want to life a new life for a long time. There was a 34 year old time span from my past life death to this one.

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14 minutes ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

My past life was awful. I Don’t want to talk about it openly. It helped me to soldier through 2 years of mental and physical abuse in this life, but it’s still no fun.

I’ll take a rest when I die. I don’t want to life a new life for a long time. There was a 34 year old time span from my past life death to this one.

I can somewhat understand that. I long rest would be nice. Yet I'm talking about Heaven where there is no more crying or pain or evil, forever. This sounds good to me. A perfect existence. I can't wait!

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2 hours ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

@BeyondWeary

Thats good!

well, I’m doing mediocre. I have been walking very long walks lately. I have been walking 5 miles these past 4 days or so because my bicycle needs to get repaired. Today has been stressful and boring.

I can't wait for it to get cooler outside so I feel like walking again. I've been out a few times during this hot summer. I've had to carry a towel because I sweat so much. Heck, I sweat when it's 40 degrees (F) but at least it's not so horribly uncomfortable for me at that temp.

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2 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I can't wait for it to get cooler outside so I feel like walking again. I've been out a few times during this hot summer. I've had to carry a towel because I sweat so much. Heck, I sweat when it's 40 degrees (F) but at least it's not so horribly uncomfortable for me at that temp.

I walk right after sunrise when it's in the 60s.  Sometimes it's still dark and I'm walking around the cemetery track.  The perfect mornings are when it's still dark and foggy.  I like making my neighbors think I'm as strange as possible.  I agree though.  My favorite months to walk are October and November.

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@sober4life

I like walking all alone. I don’t like walking where there is lots of people. Every time I see someone I have this thought in the back of my mind of how hated I am. Everything about me makes me an outsider and we all know that people like outsiders, especially the elderly. I’m so sick of them pushing me around where I live, just because you’re old doesn’t mean that you can act like a ****.

 

 

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I had a dream-free sleep this morning and woke up anxiety free for the first time in months. Even had three hours of good before I started falling back to usual.

I'm back to my normal, anxious self now, but it's nice to have a relief for a little while, anyway. Plus, it gives me hope that I can maybe, eventually get better.

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Been in a good place. I am feeling more confident that my life is going in the right direction. it's not perfect, not quite where i want it to be, but it's getting there. So many of my worries and fears have been hushed for now so i am taking advantage of it. i have been eating better. I am now 10 lbs. lighter than when i was at my heaviest. I am smoking tobacco only 3 days a week. I am exercising at least once a week. i am working on my crafts. things feel real nice. I like it.

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13 minutes ago, JustAnotherSufferer said:

@sober4life

I know what you mean. I have been in this prison for a long time now.

folsom prison blues by Johnny Cash perfectly describes how I feel

Pretty much every song of his and every song from Hank Williams describes my life.  All my life I've been a loser should be the theme of my life.

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