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Natasha1

How Do You Feel Right Now? #7

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WolfLady     4

WolfLady
I am at work and just want to scream.  The boss is there talking with is beloved employees that always rub is back.  I am not a back rubber so... Here I am listening to their nonsense.

sober4life     9,679

sober4life
It's one of those days where I'm completely brain dead but I have to be out all day anyway.  Wouldn't it be nice to be able to say I need a break from everything and then just be able to do it.  The stressful days never end.  It's one right after the other until I break over and over again.

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Just now, JustAnotherSufferer said:

I feel like trash! These past 2 weeks have been some of the absolute worst days in my life. Lots of depressive episodes, anxiety and I may be having Insomnia again.

 

 

Guess what? You are not trash. It is hard to see that in ourselves i know. The great thing is if the last 2 weeks have been horrible, you can only go up from here. Shania Twains song Up is in my mind now lol. Try putting it on and dancing silly around your home.

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3 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

Guess what? You are not trash. It is hard to see that in ourselves i know. The great thing is if the last 2 weeks have been horrible, you can only go up from here. Shania Twains song Up is in my mind now lol. Try putting it on and dancing silly around your home.

I know. It’s my low self esteem combined with my depression.y psychiatrist is also going to be gone for 3 weeks. I’ll have to use the internet again.

Dancing around definetely helps. 

Thanks for your comment by the way!

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Just now, JustAnotherSufferer said:

I know. It’s my low self esteem combined with my depression.y psychiatrist is also going to be gone for 3 weeks. I’ll have to use the internet again.

Dancing around definetely helps. 

Thanks for your comment by the way!

That song is also very fun. I hope it helps!!

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I'm feeling........nothing. Maximum anhedonia. I have no motivation to do anything. Stuff at work just keeps getting worse and worse. I've been burning out anyway, but with some big problems looming on the horizon, I've bottomed out. I just don't care. "Three months to thirty". I can't afford to retire but honestly, I never will be able to.

 

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3 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

I'm feeling........nothing. Maximum anhedonia. I have no motivation to do anything. Stuff at work just keeps getting worse and worse. I've been burning out anyway, but with some big problems looming on the horizon, I've bottomed out. I just don't care. "Three months to thirty". I can't afford to retire but honestly, I never will be able to.

 

Can you play with your cats?

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Looking back over 58 years, I can see that there was "something wrong" with me as a kid. Lots of notes from the teacher to my parents. At one point, I think it was 3rd grade, I was hospitalized for "tests". My parents were really vague about what those tests were for when I asked, so I just went along with it.

I was always hellishly anxious as a kid and had insomnia for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid, there were many times when I just didn't feel like going on with it.

Like many of us on this forum, I had a rough childhood because of family issues. College almost croaked me--twice. And then there was the disaster of a marriage where I stuck it out for 30 years.

Anyhoo. Just taking up bandwidth with my tale of woe.

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3 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

Can you play with your cats?

That I will do. In fact, I was late to work because the kitties were being so friendly. I "had" to play with them! They are a couple of clowns.

They, and my daughter, are the only reasons I keep subjecting myself to the hell that is my job.

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@JD4010

Family issues are the worst. I have a narcissistic father and my mother doesn’t really care about me. I wanted to **** my self every day when a I was with my father, I would have done it if I knew an easy and painful method.

Same! I was always the weird kid. I never tried to fit in or follow trends, I was just myself and lots of people hated me for that. I was very sensitive though, one mean comment would make me cry and still does to this day. 

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Feeling weirdly, I don't know...stoic? Nonchalant? Not in a bad way, just middle-of-the-road emotionally. My days have been pleasantly bland, so nothing's been flapping me one way or the other. I'm feeling...unflapped. 

I haven't even felt much anxiety recently. Little bits here and there. But as I read through the fine discussion above this, I feel like mentioning that anxiety has always been the burden on my back since at least the beginning of school. I was a terrified, anxious little girl. Depression came later, in middle school or so, I think fueled by years and years of chronic anxiety. What I'm feeling now is completely foreign to me.

Edited by velvetpuddles

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I feel like taking a trip to Milwaukee and never coming back because there is no real hope in my life.  I will stick with my sobriety but I'm holding on by a thread.  I need to see real hope soon!

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I'm at work and I have not been able to sleep the last three nights, so I am

not feeling to good right now.  I'm trying to be sociable and a happier camper

as always but today it probably not going to happen.  So, I'm going to try to hide

from as many people today as I can.    

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@sober4life

same here! This past week has probably been one of the worst weeks so far. I have had so many depressive episodes and panic attacks. Everything feels so hopeless.

This is probably the first time in a while that I have been thinking about suicide. I don’t want to end it though because I don’t want to hurt my family and I don’t want to fail doing it.

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I feel so alone right now. I find myself wanting to just sit and stare. it's like i don't want to think or feel anything even for just a few minutes but I can't. they see me as a jolly person and that's what I show them. I can't tell my family they'll be so sad.

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@JD4010 Kitty playtime is crucial for me...and him.  Even when I'm not in the mood, like you, I usually can't help myself.  This is gonna sound weird, but when I feel I've got other "important" things to do and he wants to monopolize my time, I've usually made a conscious decision that cat business is more important.  That often means Spot remains blissfully planted on my chest or in my lap.  It means he'll be making muffins on me for 8-10 or even 15 minutes...even though I might have to pee.  From one cat daddy to another, you're doin' good.

An aside that, although those li'l claws get trimmed regularly - he's really good about it, particularly for a street kitty - playtime can mean some scars.  More than one therapist has expressed...er...concern about those on my inner arm.  Kitty is nine years old, but often reverts nine weeks old.  Legs make a great moving target.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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I feel zombie-like, numb.  Yesterday's yard care marathon indeed wiped me out and I'm on automatic today, which may not be a bad thing.  Feel like I'll do today what I need to do, but I'm like one of Dr. Who's cybermen.

Here's proof.  Apparently, I've been disconnected from my week.  Received a call this morning that my dentist needed to change my appointment for tomorrow...and appointment I'd completely forgotten about, although it's sitting right there on my calendar staring at me.  Sheesh.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

I feel like taking a trip to Milwaukee and never coming back because there is no real hope in my life.  I will stick with my sobriety but I'm holding on by a thread.  I need to see real hope soon!

Milwaukee? I think I know what you are saying here...one of the things that Milwaukee is famous for...?

@MarkintheDark Gosh yes, kitty time takes precedence over everything else. One of my cats has great "claw manners", but her sister does not. I'm looking at my arms right now and some punctures and deep scratches. I'm singing along with Ted Nugent. But I don't care!  These two kitties are my family life now.

 

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42 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Milwaukee? I think I know what you are saying here...one of the things that Milwaukee is famous for...?

 

Yes that's what I used to call it but I won't.  I won't drink.  I've just had a very rough day.  The stress is eating me alive right now.  I have to rest tomorrow or I'm going to crash hard.  People will understand or they won't I don't care.  My mental sanity depends on it!

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