Is it possible to go from being quiet to outgoing?

[GAJ123]

Is it possible to even change from being quiet my entire life to being an outgoing person? It seems being the quiet guy has ruined my life in more ways than one especially with women, but I feel I can’t just change into an outgoing person that can just talk to anyone. It just seems it’s a big part of the reason why I hardly have any friends or never been in a relationship. People gravitate towards people that can talk & not people that are quiet. Women especially love being around outgoing guys much more than quiet guys & my life experience is proof of that. I just wish I had a different personality but I can’t just out of nowhere change into someone I’m really not. It just sucks that it seems I have nothing that society finds attractive. People love outgoing but I’m quiet, women love tall guys but I’m short, I have a low paying job, but for a serious relationship women want a guy with a career level paying job, I have depression & other health issues but people want to be around other non depressed & healthy people. There’s probably a bunch of other things too that I’m not thinking of. Life really sucks if you’re not a part of what society deems attractive. 

[Epictetus]

Yeah, that is so true.

[sober4life]

You can change from quiet to outgoing.  I'm proof of it.  I just stopped caring what people thought about me.  Here I am if you don't like me I don't care.  I used to be afraid to leave the house but now I will never let people make this house a prison again.

[Tid322]

I’m pretty good at pretending to be outgoing in large crowds. I have social anxiety and at first it was hard to do without stumbling on my words but with time and repetition it’s become second nature for me. 

I was given the best tip ever by someone else that also suffered from social anxiety: always be the one asking the questions. You end up setting the pace for the conversation. You can pre-ready any questions back at you because you’re holding the dominance of the conversation but you’re also likely to be talking the least. If you’re the one asking the questions you can predetermine them so there’s a level of control and comfort. It also takes attention away from you because they’re the ones speaking and when you do get to speak it’s already quick and thoughtout. Plus it makes you look like the good guy, because you want to learn more about the other person. 

 

Being outgoing is hard. It’s exhausting and mind numbing at times but I do think small habits and actions like this could help you.

Edited July 22, 2018 by Tid322