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But I think that time has passed.


xanarticus

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Good morning friends.

I'm a 28 y/o guy who reluctantly earned a bachelors in psychology from a university that was not a good fit for me, back in '12. I write "reluctantly" due to switching out of my major at the time, Pre-Physical Therapy, on account of poor grades that made me ineligible for graduate school. A combination of a toxic relationship, poor study habits and honestly a lack of aptitude in the subject caused my lackluster performance to proceed far longer than it had any right to. With only two semesters left before my aid would run out, I switched to Psych to simply finish my obligation to academia and conclude my studies with at least something to show for my efforts. A still recovering job market and a less than helpful degree led me to seek out employment wherever I could find it. I finally found a low paying position as a Teacher's Aide with a school for children with special needs. After a year there I took a 7 week trip to Europe and loved it. It was the most happy and alive I had felt for years. I had lived with my parents all through university and the years immediately after graduation and this was the longest I had been away from home. I vowed to do what I could to live abroad where I felt happy and excited. I was about to turn 25 when I got back. I returned to the school and worked for another year and a few months. Before leaving back for Europe I was offered a position to make more money in a higher capacity, not much more but it was a something and could lead to a possible entrance to grad school. I decided against traveling and took the position. It was one of the worst years of my life and left me feeling drained and depressed. So much so that I went back to my old job as a Teacher's Aide and spent the next year and a three months just clocking into and out of work and going back to sleep, just to recover from such a brutal year. Where once I had exercised religiously, now it took me everything I had to walk long distances. I had trouble staying awake and slept 9-11 hours a day. I still do.

I am a 28 year old man who lives with his parents and works the same minimum wage job Iv'e held since finishing school. I am getting wrinkles along my check bones and under my eyes. The front of my hair line is thinning. My vision is slowly starting to get blurry. I have lost some of the strength and stamina I had only two years ago and It hasn't shown any signs of returning. Even if I were to somehow recover fully tomorrow, I am almost 30. While I can understand not having a career completely figured out, the fact that I have no idea what I would do has me seeing things in a negative way. The only solace I have been able to take is in the things that I don't have, namely a family to support ( I don't actually want a family so it works out.) 

I don't feel well enough to travel anymore. I feel obligated to find some means of supporting myself, not just for myself but for my aging father and grandmother who have taken care of me all these years. The reality of where I am in life is slowly setting in. I am overcome with regret and remorse. I would have loved to travel and explore different countries and cultures but now I am too tired and too defeated. I wanted to have some time to live the hostel culture and party and try to live out some measure of my youth that I missed as a young man. But I think that time has passed.

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How much vacation time does your current job afford you? Could you accumulate your time and even some personal non-paid time to travel extended yearly? It could be a good compromise to what is needed for your father and grandmother, the stability and ability to afford said travels. And it gives you more time than a few days or week to get the taste of the country you rightly desire. You are still young yet. I know physically it can all be taxing and draining day after day but it doesn't mean its impossible. If it is something you truly desire, and you have the means to have zero attachments for an extended vacation, I say why not take the time and go? Maybe having that yearly upcoming break may invigorate you and excite you out of your slumber. I don't know. I may just be talking out of my ass.

Edited by Tid322
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15 hours ago, xanarticus said:

Good morning friends.

I'm a 28 y/o guy who reluctantly earned a bachelors in psychology from a university that was not a good fit for me, back in '12. I write "reluctantly" due to switching out of my major at the time, Pre-Physical Therapy, on account of poor grades that made me ineligible for graduate school. A combination of a toxic relationship, poor study habits and honestly a lack of aptitude in the subject caused my lackluster performance to proceed far longer than it had any right to. With only two semesters left before my aid would run out, I switched to Psych to simply finish my obligation to academia and conclude my studies with at least something to show for my efforts. A still recovering job market and a less than helpful degree led me to seek out employment wherever I could find it. I finally found a low paying position as a Teacher's Aide with a school for children with special needs. After a year there I took a 7 week trip to Europe and loved it. It was the most happy and alive I had felt for years. I had lived with my parents all through university and the years immediately after graduation and this was the longest I had been away from home. I vowed to do what I could to live abroad where I felt happy and excited. I was about to turn 25 when I got back. I returned to the school and worked for another year and a few months. Before leaving back for Europe I was offered a position to make more money in a higher capacity, not much more but it was a something and could lead to a possible entrance to grad school. I decided against traveling and took the position. It was one of the worst years of my life and left me feeling drained and depressed. So much so that I went back to my old job as a Teacher's Aide and spent the next year and a three months just clocking into and out of work and going back to sleep, just to recover from such a brutal year. Where once I had exercised religiously, now it took me everything I had to walk long distances. I had trouble staying awake and slept 9-11 hours a day. I still do.

I am a 28 year old man who lives with his parents and works the same minimum wage job Iv'e held since finishing school. I am getting wrinkles along my check bones and under my eyes. The front of my hair line is thinning. My vision is slowly starting to get blurry. I have lost some of the strength and stamina I had only two years ago and It hasn't shown any signs of returning. Even if I were to somehow recover fully tomorrow, I am almost 30. While I can understand not having a career completely figured out, the fact that I have no idea what I would do has me seeing things in a negative way. The only solace I have been able to take is in the things that I don't have, namely a family to support ( I don't actually want a family so it works out.) 

I don't feel well enough to travel anymore. I feel obligated to find some means of supporting myself, not just for myself but for my aging father and grandmother who have taken care of me all these years. The reality of where I am in life is slowly setting in. I am overcome with regret and remorse. I would have loved to travel and explore different countries and cultures but now I am too tired and too defeated. I wanted to have some time to live the hostel culture and party and try to live out some measure of my youth that I missed as a young man. But I think that time has passed.

 

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Glad you are sharing!  Your past indicates you are adventuresome and willing to take chances!  That's wonderful!!   Yet, right now, you sound defeated.  Please know there is hope and I encourage you to keep looking forward. Have you considered seeing a life coach or a counselor?  Talking through your past and where you  would like to go in the future with an unbiased, professional might be helpful!  Praying for you today.

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You are still VERY YOUNG!!!! Traveling is the best medicine.

I think if you seek professional help like others suggested you will be able to feel better, and get better advice from a professional.. People go back to school and change careers later on in life... you still have so much time.. A lot of people study one thing, and end up in a totally different field too, so don't consider yourself a failure just because you didn't end up right away at the field you wanted to end up.. Sometimes it takes time to figure out what one wants.. One study I once read said the average student changed their major 3 times before resulting in what they wanted to do..

Honestly, if you really think physical therapy is where you need to be, is there anywhere near by you can perhaps volunteer at? a hospital or a clinic or something that would allow you to work near those type of people or maybe with them?? Maybe that will help you give you hope/strength and push you more into maybe returning back to school (when you are ready mentally, and financially ) and going after what you really want. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, you need to find a job to support your family like you said, and maybe you can find one in a company that helps you pay for school or at least part of it?? But at least it might give you hope that someday you will be where you want to really be if you feel that strongly about that field. I would also reach out to others in the field if you can through volunteering or if you meet others online or in real life and ask for their advice.

Give yourself some credit...You managed to get a degree, some people never get to finish that either..or have the opportunity..

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Thank you all for your responses.

@Tid322-Thank you for your suggestion. Honestly, I'm am hoping to leave my current position within the month. I have come to realize that part of the reason for my mood is the fact that I am still stuck in a job with no upward mobility or really satisfaction. I am grateful that it has provided me a steady income but for my own mental health I must move on. I cannot turn 29 in the same position I held at 23 lol.

@SuzQ154-Thank you for your encouragement. I considered hiring a life coach  but frankly I was unsure how much they could help me reach my goals when I didn't even know what they were. I think most of my depressed mood is due to my immediate environment. My coworkers are mostly fresh graduates looking to get some experience and make some money before moving on to grad school to become teachers, social workers or therapists. Most don't stay longer than a year. I've seen lots of them come and go and I am kind of the old man in the class now. I should not compare myself to others lives but its hard when I am surrounded by them on a daily basis.

@ladysmurf-Thank you for making those points. I have written off the idea of pursuing P.T. I have decided to move onto other things and have grown out of the desire for that field. You are right that people change over time and I don't mind that I am also changing. I am just regretful about my past and can't help but see people succeed all around me at a much younger age. I do plan to keep moving forward to something else, its just disheartening that I am going to be competing with people who chose wisely the first time.

I think that my depression stems from regret over missed opportunities that I shunned to pursue P.T. I didn't pursue things in high school and university because I was focused on trying to enter the field of P.T. When that didn't work out it made everything I had done up to then, pointless. Studying abroad, making friends, going on road trips, dating, humanitarian missions and exploring other fields. In my major I was unable to do any of these things and when I switched to psychology, I couldn't help but think about all of the opportunities that I had to forgo. I did learn that no occupation is worth throwing away experiences and opportunities for. Especially in university.

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