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Neveragain86

In love with a video game character

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I seem to get obsessed with my crushes it’s something that always bothered me. If I like a guy which always someone I can’t be with I get obsessed which takes the fun out of the crush and I have to stop liking them or I’ll be upset. I’ve never been in a relationship I’ve liked many guys in real life and either it didn’t work out or they rejected me. Since I got anxiety depression and ocd when I was 17 I haven’t really been out and liked anyone maybe some celebrities that’s it. There’s a video game character I always had a crush on since game came out years ago but now there’s a new game  omkngnout of this series and I’m into it again and my feelings for him have grown. I think he’s amazing he gorgeous and I love his personality too. He’s like a male version of me I relate to him a lot. I feel like I love him which sounds nuts but that’s how I feel I’ve never felt like this before. I’m obsessed with him I spend my days looking up stuff about him. All I think about is him and it makes me sad that he’s not real and I know I shouldn’t be into him but I feel like if I stop I’ll feel empty. I feel like I want a boyfriend that is like him which is never going to happen since real life isn’t the same. I don’t know what to do anyone have any advice?

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Hi Neveragain86,

Thank you for sharing this with the DF community.  I do not believe that what you describe is "nuts," as you are free to feel however you'd like.  You seem to recognize the behaviors in which you engage as well as the fact that reality does not operate in the same fashion as a video game.  However, it is also not necessarily wrong to appreciate qualities displayed by a character, celebrity, or otherwise - these are qualities you seem to desire in a significant other.  There is no reason to believe that these qualities cannot exist within a human being somewhere in the world.  With billions of people, it can certainly be difficult to find people who possess the exact qualities we think we'd like, especially if we have had multiple past relationships fail.  

Due to listing diagnoses, are you currently in therapy of any kind or did you acquire those diagnoses in another fashion?  This would be a strong starting point for working on the origins of your feelings toward the character to which you're referring.  It is completely understandable that you fear that you would "feel empty" if you did not have feelings for him - he seems to serve as a placeholder for the person you would ultimately like to find.  At the same time, if you do desire to find this type of person, interacting with others will be important.  The more you do so, if this is something you enjoy doing, the more likely you are to find compatible people who possess the qualities you admire.  Only time will tell, and you have plenty ahead of you.

Thanks again for sharing - I hope this was somewhat helpful and look forward to hearing more from you!

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Poetic- I’ve been to a few therapists don’t have one right now but I’m on Effexor right now. I was looking for online therapist to talk to about this character. I tell people I know about him and they all think it’s a joke they don’t realize I feel real feelings for him. I noticed he’s similar to me our personality types are similar and he definitely a introvert. I definitely want a guy like him but I feel it would be hard I admit I think he’s gorgeous and i couldn’t expect real life guys to be exact like him but that makes me sad. I cried yesterday because he liked a girl in the game which I’m ashamed to say it really bothered me. I just do not know what to do.

 

lovehappy- yea it would be great.

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Neveragain86,

I'm sorry to hear that.  It certainly sounds like an upsetting and frustrating situation - your feelings are just as real as they would be if the character was a real person.  What happens if you try to spend time away from the character, if you don't mind me asking?  For example, if you went an hour or a day without engaging in the video game, researching the character, or doing anything that relates to the character?  You could still harbor those feelings and likely would, but you wouldn't be immersing yourself as deeply.  This may very well be an incredibly difficult task, but I wonder what that experience would be like for you.  

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I don’t really play the game I watch the cutscenes on YouTube. Today I tried not to check tumblr for anything about him but it didn’t help. I love him a lot. I spent yesterday crying that he liked the girl in the game. He is the guy I want in real life but I know real guys arent like that’m. I feel sad that i can’t be with the kind of guy I want. I don’t know why I’m this into him something about him. I already felt bored not looking him up too. I don’t know what to do I feel like I’ll never enjoy anything and I’ll always be sad.

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You say that you "felt bored not looking him up."  What did you spend that time doing - were you bored while engaging in another activity, or bored sitting around trying to not think about him?  Everyone is unique in how these situations can be handled, so you can always do your own experimenting - it seems you have been doing some - in order to figure out what things can keep your mind on other topics or at least your body engaged in other activities.  It will certainly be a process and will not happen overnight, but that's why you have support systems like the community here on DF.  It is certainly possible that you will someday be less impacted by this character, should that be what you ultimately want.  

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I was trying to watch tv and and listen to my iPod. I have really bad agoraphobia I barely leave my house which makes it worse. I have nothing I’m interested in nothing that’s a hobby.Part of me don’t want to stop liking him because I feel sad but also it gives me meaning. What I really want is a guy like him but I kno realistically they aren’t going to look like a video game character.

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