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GAJ123

Why do I even bother at this point?

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Posted (edited)

I don’t get it really. It just feels like a waste to keep hoping things improve when they never do. I never have the motivation to do anything besides being on my phone, playing video games or watching tv. I have an awful job that I don’t want to go to anymore & have no energy to find another job. Whenever I’m off of work I’m pretty much at home 90% of the time since I have nowhere to go. I have no friends to hang out with & everyone around my age group is already married or have girlfriends or have their own friends that they’ve known for years already so I won’t mean much to them as those other people. I have everything working against me & I just don’t know what to do anymore. Never was even close to having a girlfriend at going on 33 years old & I gave up on that long ago thinking I would improve by not worrying about that but I’m still in the same damn position & still feel like garbage. I sometimes think about hanging myself to end it all but I don’t even have the courage to do it since I’m a damn loser. Why do I keep going on only just to keep having to live an awful quality of life? I’m just confused on what the point of this is if I’m stuck being me with a bunch of health problems & no future. I just don’t know anymore, all I know is that I’m really sick of this. 

Edited by GAJ123

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Hi GAJ123,

     Its awful that you have suffered so many misfortunes in your life and still are.  Its even more awful that the situation is so unrelenting and unending.  The word "awful" cannot begin to do justice to what you have suffered.    I wish I knew what to say to help.  My heart goes out to you!!!   - epictetus

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6 minutes ago, Epictetus said:

Hi GAJ123,

     Its awful that you have suffered so many misfortunes in your life and still are.  Its even more awful that the situation is so unrelenting and unending.  The word "awful" cannot begin to do justice to what you have suffered.    I wish I knew what to say to help.  My heart goes out to you!!!   - epictetus

It just gets very tiring waking up every single day with dealing with the same problems. My life is just going to waste due to not having my health.

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6 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Do you have any pets? Can you have any?

Some days, my cats are the only things that keep me going.

 

I have a dog. He can make my day better but my life in general never improves due to my situation. 

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2 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

I have a dog. He can make my day better but my life in general never improves due to my situation. 

Pretty much the same here. The only way mine could "improve" is if I quit work and became a bum.

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3 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Pretty much the same here. The only way mine could "improve" is if I quit work and became a bum.

Yeah, not having to rely on work for money would be a big burden off my shoulders. That’s another thing as well where at almost 33 I never even held an actual career job. Pretty much every job I’ve had have been low paying retail type of jobs. I’m not good at anything so I’m screwed. I was close to going back to school about a year ago but couldn’t decide on what to take since I’m not interested or good at anything  that I can maybe have a career in. Life just really sucks for a certain group of people & I happen to be one of them. I guess it’s not realistic for every person to be successful in life though & I just fall into the group that isn’t.

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38 minutes ago, GAJ123 said:

I’m a damn loser. Why do I keep going on only just to keep having to live an awful quality of life?

you pretty much have to decide to change something even if its something small. you seem to know what you don't want in life, which means you inadvertently know what you do want; a change. but to make a change, you need to change something. if you go back to school, you could get a degree, meet people (possibly your significant other), go out with people and make friends.. and then get that career job you want.

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We understand how miserable life can be.

You can and must turn your precious life around.

The good folks on this forum are here for you as best we can be.

Sure you have a tough road ahead but you have already been through the hellish portion of your life so now it's time to change course.

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It is a awe full feeling to always be feeling bad physically and emotionally I don’t have anything to cure that but I suggest you try to make the most of every day you can by just trying something a little bit different everyday and eventually something in your life will begin to change for the best.  Also maybe you can join a dating site to be able to find similar people like you to go out with anything is almost better than doing nothing and being bored 😐.  Hang in there my friend and just try to take it one ☝️ day at a time.

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Posted (edited)

I feel your post so much. I had jobs helping people that I guess felt like my identity until I got real sick with severe gastroparesis and it turns out orthostatic hypotension autoimmune disorder as well. I couldn't;t concentrate at work, was in the bathroom more than at my desk and they would send me home afraid I would faint in the office. I was miserable and feeling terrible every day and I'm sure my work showed it as well. 

So I had to sell my house and move back in with my parents for safety reasons. I'm doing well on the cocktail of meds I'm on now, but I'm 43, and I know if my mom goes first my dad will take me off my meds. And I can't be in that place again. I know if it gets to that point what will happen.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, I relate and I care. You're important. 

Just noticed the part about wanting to go back to school but not knowing what to go into. I graduated college way back when there was a need for those kind of jobs, but a lot of people now are looking for those who know a trade. You may want to look at a school might help you with that. Are you interested in any trades>

 

Edited by AnxietyGirl74
had more things to add

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On 7/16/2018 at 7:44 PM, Floor2017 said:

It is a awe full feeling to always be feeling bad physically and emotionally I don’t have anything to cure that but I suggest you try to make the most of every day you can by just trying something a little bit different everyday and eventually something in your life will begin to change for the best.  Also maybe you can join a dating site to be able to find similar people like you to go out with anything is almost better than doing nothing and being bored 😐.  Hang in there my friend and just try to take it one ☝️ day at a time.

It just gets very frustrating going from day to day never feeling well. It’s just annoying knowing that for instance tomorrow I’m going to wake up & all my problems will still be there physically & mentally. How much am I supposed to take at this point if nothing improves & it’s out of my control on whether I get better or not?

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Posted (edited)
23 hours ago, AnxietyGirl74 said:

I feel your post so much. I had jobs helping people that I guess felt like my identity until I got real sick with severe gastroparesis and it turns out orthostatic hypotension autoimmune disorder as well. I couldn't;t concentrate at work, was in the bathroom more than at my desk and they would send me home afraid I would faint in the office. I was miserable and feeling terrible every day and I'm sure my work showed it as well. 

So I had to sell my house and move back in with my parents for safety reasons. I'm doing well on the cocktail of meds I'm on now, but I'm 43, and I know if my mom goes first my dad will take me off my meds. And I can't be in that place again. I know if it gets to that point what will happen.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know, I relate and I care. You're important. 

Just noticed the part about wanting to go back to school but not knowing what to go into. I graduated college way back when there was a need for those kind of jobs, but a lot of people now are looking for those who know a trade. You may want to look at a school might help you with that. Are you interested in any trades>

 

Thanks. I don’t know if a trade is for me. I just feel I have no interest in any of that or what I’m even interested in at this point. I just dislike the grind of working a job I’m not that into. Anytime I go into work these days I pretty much just think about the days ahead when I’m off. I just have a feeling of like I just want to get the day over with whenever I’m working. I don’t want to feel like that at a career job that I’d be at for decades. I would want to actually enjoy going into work than dreading it since 40+ hours a week at a job I don’t like wouldn’t even be healthy within itself. I just don’t know what to do anymore about anything. It gets beyond tiring waking up day to day having no direction & basically just going through the motions due to my situation. I’m just not good at anything & never feel well most of the time. 

Edited by GAJ123

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Hi GAJ123,

Your situation certainly sounds difficult and I appreciate you sharing all of these thoughts and concerns.  Job satisfaction plays a huge role in well-being, meaning that waking up to a job that you dislike - awaiting the end of the day before it even begins - has the potential to cause the feelings you're experiencing.  Having a dog is definitely a bonus - pets can be such a benefit to people who spend a significant amount of their off-time at home.

I want to point out that you must be good at something - even if that is video games, as you mentioned as one of your hobbies.  You are also clearly good at your job otherwise you wouldn't have held onto it.  Your view of your work performance may be different but the mere fact that you have sustained it every day in spite of your distaste for it suggests that you do it, at minimum, well enough.  You also possess the insight to recognize the sources of your stress, frustrations, and mood.  These are not small things - I personally believe these are qualities of which to be proud.

Thank you for continuing to share your thoughts - I hope to continue reading updates on your situation.

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I read in this day in age Milleneals tends to change jobs multiple times. I guess for that generation, we are picky and look into something that is finally totally ideal. I’m in a low paying job , better than nothing. I am still looking for something better.

I agree with what above is- maybe find a trade- or try something that you like to do. 

I’m in your situation. I live w/ my parents and I know i’m on borrowed time before I am to live on my own. What sucks is I dont have a car of my own and I had one till a family member wrecked it.

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I really don’t think I’m going to make it at this point. My whole existence is one big problem. I just don’t ever feel right. I can’t keep doing this. 

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GAJ123,

I hope you start feeling better and am sorry that you don't feel right.  I'm generally not one for clichés, but things will certainly get better.  It is truly a day-by-day process, as you are well aware, and the time will come when you will benefit from having the knowledge of what it is like to go through these difficulties.  I am hoping the very best for you - please continue to keep us posted on how you're feeling!

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1 hour ago, PoeticProse said:

GAJ123,

I hope you start feeling better and am sorry that you don't feel right.  I'm generally not one for clichés, but things will certainly get better.  It is truly a day-by-day process, as you are well aware, and the time will come when you will benefit from having the knowledge of what it is like to go through these difficulties.  I am hoping the very best for you - please continue to keep us posted on how you're feeling!

The thing is I’ve heard that so many times now about how things will get better but they never do. Day to day it’s just pretty much the same problems bothering me. 

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I completely agree with you - once one hears something over and over with no results, the meaning and any belief that it is true slowly fades away.  I have no doubt that this is the case with you and many others.  One thing that can be helpful, but is often incredibly difficult, is recognizing what we can and cannot predict.  It is true that we cannot predict that everything will be fine in x days or weeks.  However, we also cannot predict that nothing will change over that time either.  Predicting the future can lead to a downward spiral and is often very easy to do when feeling depressed, anxious, angry, etc.  It can be short-lived or can continue every day.  The reality is that on a day-to-day basis, nothing may seem to change - nothing, in fact, may be changing.  At the same time, things can change all of a sudden, just one random day during which something happens.  If anything is to change at all, in any way, there has to be a specific day when it does.  Nothing changes until it does.

The same problems may continue to bother you, but we cannot predict when this will change, even though it would be great if we could. It is my hope that this change occurs very soon for you.  You certainly deserve it.

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On 7/20/2018 at 10:57 PM, GAJ123 said:

The thing is I’ve heard that so many times now about how things will get better but they never do. Day to day it’s just pretty much the same problems bothering me. 

Story of my life...

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