Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
ffar

Why you are lying, when you are giving advices to lonely, single people? PART 2

Recommended Posts

Part 1:

 

With hope I am aswering now, to preople who resopnd to me. Thank you very much for respond. And also "special" thanks to you admin, who close subject of mine, not for even my mistake… But because someone else. Instead of took action and deal with person who he/she had problem with, decided to close whole discussion. Thank you very much for that. Your action were as much usless as advices you are probably giving people who asking for help. Your behavior was disgusting and disrespectful, you proof my point that most people don’t care. You did not like insulting? Well your action insulted me. Be aware of that and shame on you. 

 


@nirah007

Thank you for respond. I must say i like this post. You know what is sad? That people who did give that kind of advice somehow are gone now. They don't even want to respond for arguments against. Where are this wise people now, huh? What is also sad, that there was no people around like your, when i needed them.

QUOTE:
Would you have been able to achive almost everything u wanted, and still keep going if you had start escort at 18? Would u hav gotten a Decend car on your own, a motorcyle, a second citzenship
if u had taken PUA lessons? Would u hav made so much and gotten your apartment if u had listened to other advice? Would u hav known CBT will not work for u, when it had worked for many other people before u and after u?

You are very right, I would probably not be in the same place, where I am now, if I start escort at 18, or did other things, like PUA schools. What i was trying to say, that it was not what i truly wanted. 

QUOTE:
"
You have a friend who is happy person after he found his love of life. I have a friend who is divorced after he thought he found his love of his life. Life balances out, it's not always 100% you can find the love of your life. It is perseverance to get through life"
Well it was argument against idea, that you need to be happy first or otherwise you will never find relationship or relationship is not going to make you happy person. Because of this example, i prove it is not truth statement.
 

@June322

Perhaps I did not make myself clear. Let me specify 

1) When they said be yourself they said stay where you are, because every single action was automaticlly made for reason of wanting find a girl, feel more atractive etc, and that was already FAKE for them. I heard a lot of times, "there is a lot of girls who like shy men, I am one of them" and other bla bla blass... like "I would not mind inexpirience men".

2)  No.You got my whole point wrong. What I am saying, that there are cases where people won't find partner/love of their life no matter what. Advice was to wait, don't change, stay where you are because, because every one will find someone no matter what.

3) Thank you for admiting that. Finally we agree on something. Of course you can find someone at the age 70. But that was not really my point. And of course I am not happy with idea of having first relationship at age of 80... And saying stuff like: "You did not miss anything" is LIE LIE AND AGAIN LIE. I point out things that i miss out, and all you said is "I dont think its all that like others make it out to be". This is lazy answer, and can be said to blind person "It is not big deal, to not being able to see". So basicly if you can't have it, lie yourself that it is not big deal. Thank you very much.

4) Agree on one part. But there is other side of the coin on this statement. What for, you need realtionship, girlfriend, sex, love... be happy with youtself. Do you know where I am getting up?

5) That was not my attitude from the begining. It is a conclusion after years of fail on therapy. But this advice "go for CBT" is thouing like candy to every single problem person have. So you are wrong.

6) I achived a lot of material goods. 2 apartments, soon mayby third, great motorcycle, and in next year second citizenship.... And pleace, don't tell me now that i focus on it to much...

7) That's truth.

QUOTE:
This is 100% not true . Reading all this it honestly sounds like you have various end of deep rooted issues that have prevented you from being open to relationship and being  so negative and close minded about everything does not help. But I understand your frustattion and many of us are on the same boat with you. A lot of people dont experience young love or have sexual encounters at a young age and honestly I dont think its all that like others make it out to be. Dont let years of rejection and lack of experience hold you back from being open to it and remember that letting the anger built up usually keeps us from experiencing any of those things you desire because were get too filled with resentment 

It is very true. And you are dishonest. I am on of that person, who advices like that, lead to be destroyed and sucidle. So your 100% is already gone. 

 

Edited by ffar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi ffar,

I am sorry to hear of your frustrations - I appreciate you sharing your candid thoughts and feelings, as these are not always the easiest things to articulate.  You are certainly free to feel and think however you would like and should never be invalidated.  You have surely been heard here on DF and it is my hope that you continue to share your personal experiences with the community.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you. I hope I will have chance and good heart admin, won't block my topic. I wish to hear some feedbacks, shame not many answered. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I read your original post, and it's 100% true.

 

People give bad advice about relationships, especially to the chronically single. 

 

I will give you actual advice, though keep in mind that I haven't met you so this may not all apply.

1. Dress nice, everywhere you go.  You may not have natural charm, but you can chose how you dress.

2. Strongly Agree about the therapy/medication/hypnotist thing.  It's all BS as there's no money in cures.  And people wear it like a club membership.  Like it's something to talk about with people when drawing attention to themselves.

3. Hit the gym.  This is the only point that I disagree with you on.  Humans are superficial, so the more muscles you have, the sexier you are to women.

4. The first girl you have sex with is going to be ugly and probably loose. Use a condom.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On ‎7‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 10:56 AM, Pharaoh said:

4. The first girl you have sex with is going to be ugly and probably loose. Use a condom.

Loose ?  You mean the woman ( I hope it is a woman, and not a girl ) will have had sex with at least one other man ?  What does that make the men.  You are telling him to pretty much prey on women, especially those you deem as nothing but some holes.  This is the kind of garbage that perpetuates the attitudes that women are categories, and should be used accordingly.
 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Maybe there wouldn't be so many depressed single people if others didn't treat us as if we're some sort of disease. I'm 52, a college graduate with a successful career. I've supported myself my entire life. I've helped out friends and family members with money and other assistance. But still, all I hear is "You need a man." "When are you getting married?" "If you had a man, you wouldn't have to work." My married friends won't socialize with me because I'm not part of a couple, so I'd create an odd number of people at dinner/movies/BBQs/whatever. One of the reasons I'm so depressed right now is because I don't feel like I'm good enough by myself. Since I don't have--as one aunt puts it--"no man and no babies," I'm pretty much worthless. (Well, at least until they need money.) Screw everything else I've done with my life. Yeah, that makes me feel real good about myself ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, whatchagonnado said:

Loose ?  You mean the woman ( I hope it is a woman, and not a girl ) will have had sex with at least one other man ?  What does that make the men.  You are telling him to pretty much prey on women, especially those you deem as nothing but some holes.  This is the kind of garbage that perpetuates the attitudes that women are categories, and should be used accordingly.

Wow, really? Where does he state that a woman who slept with more than one guy is loose? Where does he say only women can be loose? All he's saying is to use protection if his first partner is promiscuous. Nowhere does it imply that he should prey on women... 

I don't agree with his ugly and loose statement but sheesh, you're reading way too much into it. But what do I know, I'm just a misogynistic POS with rapist chromosomes. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you Pharaoh. I like your respond. I was bit dishonest about point nr 3 you made. Of course it is good to do physical activity, be in shape etc. It is not solution for situation I was talking about, but at least it is not “stay were you are, all is good”. I do karate, taekwondo and boxing. So I do sport, I don’t have athletic shape but I am fit.

I don’t think also I bad looking, actually I think I am quite handsome. I am not the virgin, but I am very inexperience as well. My confidence as a lover is close to 0. I also could have some “one night stands” or have sex with someone I was not attracted to, but it is not about sex. I was told, and I truly hoped that it is right thing, to wait for “right person” is right thing to do. All I can say that in my case it was mistake. My knowledge, experience about relationship and sex is on level of 15 years old… And I don’t buy this lie anymore that women would love to be my teacher. Some kind of extra points for “being able to refuse have sex in past”. It is crap and lie.

At work, in my department, there was a girl, who slept with almost all men. Sometime later I was told, that during one party(I was not on it), she admitted that she slept with all men but me. It is not about sleeping but about being so ******** in communication with girls, reading sings, being able to flirt, that can transform into something more. It may be cute and nice, but not when you are 30! She said to me once, that I am good person. I think she was honest with her opinion. But so what? How worth is saying that if there is nothing more behind it?  I even did not come close to have chance to sleep with her and being able to refuse? Btw. She is now in happy married relationship with one of this “bad boy”.

I always wanted loving relationship, but this is not for everyone. And it disgust me that people say “wait for right person” HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS PERSON WILL EVER SHOW UP IN YOUR LIFE!?? HOW?? HOW?? HOW??? 

Or how fun is to start having sex life late in life... No fun, and a lot of experience is missed and you will never be able to catch up things. 

How you can possible say that “you did not miss anything”?

How about holding hands during school parties, celebrate new years together,
How about sex life, when you were young and beautiful, when both of you were inexperience and you were together discovering sex life with each other,
How about the fact that men libido gets lower with age and some men even have ED at some point because of age,

Having 30 on your shoulder and almost no experience IS not attractive and not fine. And missed the boat is not fine and not alright like CBT psychologists try to lie you and other people who lie themselves.

 

Edited by ffar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@ffar, why are you so worried about the sex part though? Yeah being a virgin or very inexperienced would creep some women out but that's more so because it raises the question what's wrong with you rather than a serious concern about your ability to perform. Honestly, I have yet to have a female friend tell me that she broke up with her boyfriend because he wasn't good enough in bed... The number one complaint about sex is that the guy doesn't care or listen to what she wants. A woman who has a decent self-esteem and some degree of maturity will tell you what she likes so as long as you listen you'll be fine even if the first few times are going to be awkward. Sex isn't some kind of art form that you need to practice for 10 years before you're any good at it. Plenty of guys have a TON of experience and still suck at it and vice versa. Unless you meet a woman who is totally obsessed with sex other aspects of the relationship will carry much more weight.

Granted it sucks that you missed out on some things such as school parties and what not but you can't change that so no point in obsessing over it... Accept your past (doesn't mean you have to like it) and move on. The real question is what are you going to do differently starting today? Don't get trapped in the whole "if only"-mindset, it won't get you anywhere. Take inventory of where you stand today, figure out where you want to be in X years from now, figure out what you need to improve and then formulate a plan to reach that goal. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, whatchagonnado said:

Loose ?  You mean the woman ( I hope it is a woman, and not a girl ) will have had sex with at least one other man ?  What does that make the men.  You are telling him to pretty much prey on women, especially those you deem as nothing but some holes.  This is the kind of garbage that perpetuates the attitudes that women are categories, and should be used accordingly.
 

Did I say anything about the men not being loose or to prey on women?

You apparently have a chip on your shoulder.  Everyone knows that the women most likely to have sex with men are more promiscuous than average.  Obviously, since they're having more sex.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, ffar said:

Thank you Pharaoh. I like your respond. I was bit dishonest about point nr 3 you made. Of course it is good to do physical activity, be in shape etc. It is not solution for situation I was talking about, but at least it is not “stay were you are, all is good”. I do karate, taekwondo and boxing. So I do sport, I don’t have athletic shape but I am fit.

I don’t think also I bad looking, actually I think I am quite handsome. I am not the virgin, but I am very inexperience as well. My confidence as a lover is close to 0. I also could have some “one night stands” or have sex with someone I was not attracted to, but it is not about sex. I was told, and I truly hoped that it is right thing, to wait for “right person” is right thing to do. All I can say that in my case it was mistake. My knowledge, experience about relationship and sex is on level of 15 years old… And I don’t buy this lie anymore that women would love to be my teacher. Some kind of extra points for “being able to refuse have sex in past”. It is crap and lie. 

At work, in my department, there was a girl, who slept with almost all men. Sometime later I was told, that during one party(I was not on it), she admitted that she slept with all men but me. It is not about sleeping but about being so ******** in communication with girls, reading sings, being able to flirt, that can transform into something more. It may be cute and nice, but not when you are 30! She said to me once, that I am good person. I think she was honest with her opinion. But so what? How worth is saying that if there is nothing more behind it?  I even did not come close to have chance to sleep with her and being able to refuse? Btw. She is now in happy married relationship with one of this “bad boy”.

I always wanted loving relationship, but this is not for everyone. And it disgust me that people say “wait for right person” HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT THIS PERSON WILL EVER SHOW UP IN YOUR LIFE!?? HOW?? HOW?? HOW??? 

Or how fun is to start having sex life late in life... No fun, and a lot of experience is missed and you will never be able to catch up things. 

How you can possible say that “you did not miss anything”?

How about holding hands during school parties, celebrate new years together,
How about sex life, when you were young and beautiful, when both of you were inexperience and you were together discovering sex life with each other,
How about the fact that men libido gets lower with age and some men even have ED at some point because of age,

Having 30 on your shoulder and almost no experience IS not attractive and not fine. And missed the boat is not fine and not alright like CBT psychologists try to lie you and other people who lie themselves.

 

Is your primary concern is that you're not sexually experienced enough for a person? 

Because in the real world, most men suck at sex. Terribly.  So don't even worry about this if you think it will turn away a girl.  Of course, no man will ever tell you that, but it's true.   As long as you don't bring it up and fake confidence, it's not going to be an issue (you need to fake confidence more for your sake than hers. It sounds odd, but trust me on this. It's not about the confidence as much as blocking out the feelings insecurty).

And women older than 30 tend to have different things they look for in a mate than those under 30.   In other words, the odds tipped more in your favor but you've got like a 5 year window tops. Particularly appealing is your work success.  But yeah, you gotta get out there.  What steps are you taking to meet people?
 

A lot of your post you seem to be romanticizing love, just like society has programmed you to do.   Oh yeah, you mention a lot of positive things there, but you neglect all the negative:

How about getting dumped because she liked someone taller?
How about pregnancy scare that means you may have to drop out of college?

How about an STD burning  you urethra every time you pee because she cheated on you?

How about a divorce where you lose half of everything and then you can't see your kids everyday and she raises them to hate you?


So yeah. You missed some good times of life, but you also missed the worst times.  Love almost always ends in disaster, and nearly all happy couples are faking it. Just look at all the threads here on this site about spouses.

 

 

 



 

Edited by Pharaoh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...