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Having to go to a person’s wedding this week that doesn’t even care about me


GAJ123

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So I’m supposed to be going to a Wedding this Saturday of someone I’ve known since I was like 10 years old, but I feel I don’t even want to go at this point. The last like 4 times I messaged him through text he would just ignore my texts & never reply back. Now all of a sudden he wants me to go to his wedding when it’s clear he doesn’t give a damn about me at all. My parents were invited too since he knows them & he’s a good friend of my brothers. But I just feel disrespected & now I’m forced to have to go to his wedding now. I wish I could back out but feel it’s too late now I’m stuck going to a wedding I don’t even want to go to. Not sure what to do at this point. 

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Weddings are one of those social gatherings almost everybody hates unless it's their own. Having a large wedding makes the couple feel more special and somehow seems to validate the special occasion in their mind despite the fact that they won't even talk to the vast majority of guests. Always seemed pointless to me too but it is what it is and if it's someone you and your family have known for a long time you're kinda obligated to go since they would be offended if you don't. 

Just try to view it as an opportunity to leave the house and hone your social skills. You'll get through it. Be happy it's an American wedding, some other cultures have huge weddings that can last days 🙈 

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3 minutes ago, BeyondWeary said:

Can you take your own car and leave early? Maybe find something good about it like connecting with someone you do like. 

Eh, I just don’t really want to go at all. I just don’t like the idea that I get invited yet they don’t even talk to me at all anymore. I don’t bother texting him anymore since he never responds. I know after this I’ll never even see him again outside of when there’s another wedding of people we both know. Besides that it’s like we don’t exist to each other anymore. So it’s just kind of annoying that I’m forced into a corner into going to this. There’s also a few other people that are going to this that I don’t particularly like. I don’t want to talk to them or even see them. 

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I'll qualify the slant of my comment that I'm the type that if I don't want to go, familial pressure or not, they know I won't go and I'll be honest enough to make a good case for it, as you have here.  If their not happy with my decision - cold as it might sound - that's their problem.  Stated another way, put the problem back in their laps where it belongs.  Meanwhile, I've demonstrated I care enough about my own emotional health that I'll take whatever steps necessary to care for myself.

People who know me also know I'll hold my ground.  For me, that's been a huge part of regaining my often fractured sense of self.  If necessary, I've sometimes even punctuated my objection with, "This is BS.  I don't even like this guy."

I'm wondering what kind of familial pressure or even community pressure you're feeling.  Would there be blowback?  Would there be a problem in standing up for yourself?  Are you concerned you'll be labeled as a "bad person"?  So what?

I guess the point I'm making is that, imo, you don't need to let others run your life, especially when you're obviously so uncomfortable and, imo, with good reason.  Even a week out, I"d be the one saying, "No.  This doesn't work for me.  I'm uncomfortable with this person and the situation.  It's a waste of my energy."  Again, however, I want to respect you may have factors of which I'm unaware that make you feel obligated to participate.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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Then don’t go. You have a right to chose what is healthy for you in spite of what people think - personal boundaries, personal power. You are in charge of that. No one can take that away from you unless you let them. You have been hurt and it’s good that you are expressing it. Yet you are going to need to forgive (not excuse) them for the sake of your freedom. The choice is yours. 

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35 minutes ago, MarkintheDark said:

I'll qualify the slant of my comment that I'm the type that if I don't want to go, familial pressure or not, they know I won't go and I'll be honest enough to make a good case for it, as you have here.  If their not happy with my decision - cold as it might sound - that's their problem.  Stated another way, put the problem back in their laps where it belongs.  Meanwhile, I've demonstrated I care enough about my own emotional health that I'll take whatever steps necessary to care for myself.

People who know me also know I'll hold my ground.  For me, that's been a huge part of regaining my often fractured sense of self.  If necessary, I've sometimes even punctuated my objection with, "This is BS.  I don't even like this guy."

I'm wondering what kind of familial pressure or even community pressure you're feeling.  Would there be blowback?  Would there be a problem in standing up for yourself?  Are you concerned you'll be labeled as a "bad person"?  So what?

I guess the point I'm making is that, imo, you don't need to let others run your life, especially when you're obviously so uncomfortable and, imo, with good reason.  Even a week out, I"d be the one saying, "No.  This doesn't work for me.  I'm uncomfortable with this person and the situation.  It's a waste of my energy."  Again, however, I want to respect you may have factors of which I'm unaware that make you feel obligated to participate.

True, it’s just I’m invited to another wedding in January & he might think that I won’t go to this wedding either which I plan on going to since I still talk to him from time to time. I don’t really want things to get awkward. I might just have to suck it up & go to this now. I guess I’ll be able to get free food & maybe have a few drinks. 

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Coming back from the wedding now & there were some awkward moments. My one friend & his fiance are moving down this way & it happened to be me & her at the table alone & she asked me what good spots are in my area to go & I couldn’t even answer since I never go anywhere. I was sweating afterwards a bit since I felt like such an *****. I don’t understand what the hell is wrong with me. I wish I could just function normally. I just never felt that comfortable & it was awkward seeing almost all couples together while I was one of the only ones by myself. Just need to get out of this s***ty existence somehow. I don’t want to do this much longer. 

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1 hour ago, MarkintheDark said:

I'm glad to hear you survived relatively intact.  Can you take some kind of break to decompress?

I’m back at work now but I’m just so overwhelmed with everything. It made me feel horrific to know everyone else is doing better than me. Everyone had good looking girlfriends/wives, have good jobs & just enjoy life having friends & social lives. I have absolutely nothing. I was having really bad thoughts last night & today when I woke up. Just horrific suicidal thoughts of not wanting to live anymore. I don’t know how much longer I can do this at this point. I’m mad tired & nothing is getting better. I have like 4 health issues at once & no end in sight & I’m only getting older. I keep asking myself like what do I do? I really don’t know anymore but I can’t accept being like this. 

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I understand how you feel hun. I don't think you should have gone.

Stick to your guns next time, I reckon. You knew that it would be massively awkward and uncomfortable for you.

I don't think it's fair to expect yourself to be in a difficult situation with no support or friends there with you. Everyone else had someone fighting their corner and if they didn't, I can sure as hell bet they wouldn't have gone. Look after you first.

The 'normals' don't understand and will put pressure on you to conform to their normal. You don't have their normal.  Stick with people who care for you and sod the rest.

Hope you feel better soon.

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1 hour ago, jeremiah said:

I understand how you feel hun. I don't think you should have gone.

Stick to your guns next time, I reckon. You knew that it would be massively awkward and uncomfortable for you.

I don't think it's fair to expect yourself to be in a difficult situation with no support or friends there with you. Everyone else had someone fighting their corner and if they didn't, I can sure as hell bet they wouldn't have gone. Look after you first.

The 'normals' don't understand and will put pressure on you to conform to their normal. You don't have their normal.  Stick with people who care for you and sod the rest.

Hope you feel better soon.

I knew some people there, some I consider friends, but it’s just the whole situation was awkward for me since I was surrounded by people doing better than me. Most of the people I know from the wedding have good jobs, girlfriends/wives & just an overall better quality of life. I just don’t feel normal at all compared to them. They can just talk to people easily as well with one of them even giving a speech in front of like over 200 people. I wouldn’t be able to do that without sounding extremely awkward unless I had some alcohol in me. I just am tired of being this way. I have too many health obstacles to be able to be normal again. My quality of life is complete garbage. I just don’t understand how something as simple as functionally normally feels so far out of reach for me. I’m just beyond sick of it. 

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I hear ya. My life sucks too. I'm in a cage of anxiety I can't seem to get out of.

I have social anxiety, plus no job, no relationship. 

All we can do I think is look for ways to make our lives meaningful... Do our best to make a difference somehow.

Normal folks wouldn't give a damn about our stuttering, awkward selves I'm sure and wouldn't care much for our advice but you know we can help others who are suffering....

We can also help animals and the environment. If I can do something to help an animal I am happy. 

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I wouldn't have gone after you felt like he was ignoring you why should you pretend to give a crap about someone who ignores you. You don't have to go if you don't care that they are getting married why should you care if they never care about what you are doing. Society is filled with so much superficial BS they'll probably end up divorced anyway.

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10 hours ago, scienceguy said:

I wouldn't have gone after you felt like he was ignoring you why should you pretend to give a crap about someone who ignores you. You don't have to go if you don't care that they are getting married why should you care if they never care about what you are doing. Society is filled with so much superficial BS they'll probably end up divorced anyway.

Well, it’s too late now. I wish I didn’t go due to the fact it made me feel horrible about myself. It sucks when I saw everyone else having close friends having a good time along with having girlfriends/wives. I knew people at the wedding but I’m nowhere near close to them as other people. It just sucks that my life turned out to be a horrific disaster. I don’t see any end in sight. 

 

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