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SailingSoul

How do I forgive myself/ move on?

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Posted (edited)

I cheated. I cheated on my bf...we had a very Rocky start and middle....but now it's gotten better. It seems the worst is over..

 

But I still feel he deserves better than me. He forgave me...even called me a good person but I don't feel like I am.

I wish I never did that because the pain you cause is horrendous...and I never wanted to hurt him but I did...

 

We've moved past that... To the point he wants me to move in and sees himsf marrying me ( alot of time has past... A years worth) but I still feel unworthy.

 

Please don't go easy on me because I'm female and don't take my side.... Just need advice.   .

It literally gives me anxiety.

Edited by SailingSoul

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Posted (edited)

He's forgiven you, it doesn't matter what anyone else says or would do in his situation, all that matters is that he still wants to be with you. 

Some questions that you should think about are:

  • Would you really feel worthy if you hadn't cheated on him?
  • Is the fact that he wants to get more serious scaring you? Are you really ready for it?
  • Are you so used to bad things happening and hating yourself that you're unable to accept that someone else doesn't feel that way about you? As ridiculous as is sounds, being loved it scary to some... 
Edited by lonelyforeigner

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One of the hardest things in the world sometime is to forgive yourself even when

others have moved passed it.  You deserve to be free regardless of what you have

done, take (It) and appreciate that this guy still loves you and want to have a future

with you.  It is not always easy finding someone that wants to love you especially

after the pain and hurt you have caused him.  If you love this guy than it might be a good

ideal to at least see what becomes of the two of you.  

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SailingSoul,

It sounds like the main issue isn't necessarily your cheating but the fact that you feel unworthy and insecure. You need to find out the root cause of this and try to improve it.

I struggle with insecurity, too. It used to be much worse for me, and I would often say really bad things about myself to my partner like "I'm worthless" and how he "deserves so much better than me." But then I decided to stop saying these negative thoughts out loud to him, and it actually helped make these thoughts weaken. The more you say negative things out loud, the stronger these thoughts will get, at least it did for me.

Your boyfriend obviously loves you very much if he truly forgave you and is talking about marriage. Are you still feeling guilty about the cheating because you fear it might happen again?

I hope you're able to move past this. If the cheating was a one time thing, it was just a really bad mistake, but it doesn't make you a horrible person. However if the cheating has been a pattern for you in previous relationships as well, you need to figure out why you keep doing this so you don't continue hurting other people and yourself.

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