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Waiting and waiting


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Since i turned 18 i have sought for help with my depression but three years later im still at the same place. Time goes fast and im 21 now already. Getting help has been lots of paperwork. It has taken a large toll on me.

I keep being told that this is not how it's suppose to be. That i should get help and support. All lies and empty promises. When i try to take a step forward i get back to sqaure one. Nothing ever changes and im just waiting for something.

There's one thing that is different and that is a puppy i got talked into getting. I felt that it wasn't the right time. Many times i think to myself fine with friends and such. Even though i have no energy to spend time with them. However i love my puppy we come a long way the first month i had her.

I got no complaints on her wonderful puppy but it pains my heart when i lost lots of energy trying to deal with problems that siphons energy. I try my very best to train her and care for her but it ends up feeling like a chore. Also i have done less training i don't leave her alone. Just less of what's fun for her and i don't want her to be bored and sad. 

I live for other people because they like having me around and my puppy. I want to commit suicide in the future i had no life lust for years. Trying my best to hold out but it doesn't matter. No help or support. Yeah they do care if you try commiting suicide give you little help and then nothing more as they want me to suffer.

I do hope my puppy would be well taken care of when im gone. I talked about it being a mistake but i can't get rid of her so im stuck with her.

Sorry for wall of text it's a mess just wanted to talk out.

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Hi, Zarztok!

I can relate to your situation. I have dealt with mental health issues for many years, and I believed that it wouldn't get better. Some days I still struggle, but most days I am able to overcome it. I have learned healthier ways to cope with my depression and anxiety, so there is some hope.

I'm sure you know how much you mean to your puppy. Our pets rely on us and we're their world. She would be devastated if you were gone. I have a dog too, and I think it's great you got a pet. They motivate us to keep going.

I'm glad you joined the site, and hope you find it helpful! If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to message anytime!

-Jules19

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Welcome, Zarztok! Glad you are here. I also have struggled with therapy only helping so much and medications that only help for a short time. I'm burnt out with it all! We need a miracle. I'll pray for one for you. Hang in there.

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Hey Zarztok.  Welcome to the forum!  I am sorry you feel this way.  Just to let you know I started feeling depressed at around age 17.  It went undiagnosed until I was 23.  I have struggled off and on with it.  I am 44 and I still struggle at times but I have learned so much about what works and what doesn't.  I am glad I didn't take my life.  I would have missed out on so much.  I wish I was your age again, you have so much life ahead of you.  Not sure what the systems are in your country in terms of getting help/meds or whatever but I have learned meds and therapy only go so far.   Lifestyle change is key.  The Depression Cure by Stephen Ilardi is a great book that can show you some ways to fight depression besides just meds/therapy.  Stay strong.  Please don't give up. 

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