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bigtimeloser

Has anybody else wasted their life?

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Well, I just want to say guys you are not a loser because you are hear on this forum

inspiring one another to hang on and to continue to share your stories with one another.

This alone proves that you are contributing to the general population.  I feel that I'm only

good at one thing and that is trying to help others by what I can do to make this world a

better place just by being happy and smiling and caring enough to listen to other people

problems.  I really don't have any skills that dazzle people other than my personally. But just

this one skill alone makes me a contributor to society.  So, I say keep on sharing your experiences

and it will encourage others to try to become stronger and not to give upon life because you matters

to this world even though you might not be able to see it.  Hang in there my friends.

 

 

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49 minutes ago, Asta said:

@lonelyforeigner I think people with physical problems get much more support and are more accepted by society.

I am not so sure about that. Much of the support they get is superficial and short-term, i.e. if someone becomes disabled people will rally around that person for a few months but sooner or later many of them withdraw because the disability makes them uncomfortable. But yes, there definitely is more compassion for people with physical disabilities and animals, with mental illness the public perception is that we're at fault. It's hard to differentiate between mental illness and bad character traits...

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Still, I'd much rather have a mental illness than a physical disability. 

I guess it stems from the fact that I still have high hopes that this will all go away sometime.

Anyway.. as @Natasha1 mentioned.. it comes to mind that I've got several friends who are (or were) in a much better situation than me now. They had a girlfriend, a house, a good income, steady job. Yet they mentioned they also had their (mental) struggles and it occurs to me that everyone has, no matter how well you do in life. I'm talking relational issues, or the stress and commute that comes with a high paying job. 

Yet me, and probably many long for everything that gives us more to worry about. Why I'm not sure, but I'll bet it has something do with humans always wanting more.

 

Also. When I was around 19, I was so happy. I was in college, still living at home, had a handful of good friends, loved to play games on PC. I didn't have more than I have now. But I was really content. I don't know why I am unable to get back to that. To being content. Maybe it has to do with expectations of adult life and the struggles that come with it. Live on your own -> need much money -> need to work -> crappy job -> terrible work conditions -> depression -> unemployment... Or.. adult -> expectations of you & others -> but unemployed -> no money -> no woman -> no children -> depression... story of my life.

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In my case it’s more that life is wasted on me. I’ve failed at being me, if that makes any sense. I don’t know who I am or what I want. Even as a kid I drifted from one thing to another, sucking pretty much at everything I did. 

Now at 52, nothing has changed. 

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On 6/2/2018 at 4:53 PM, Natasha1 said:

this interests me actually. i brought up a good friend of mine in a counselling session. this girl is perfect and has everything going for her perfectly. kid has been in and out of childrens hospital and yet she is still so damned happy successful and perfect. coping perfectly. everything looks easy.

my counsellor brought up the possibility and probability that things are not as they seem. 

maybe we all dont hide it as well if at all or dont see the point in doing so. other people might be going more for the image where we think along the lines of screw that i havent the energy to bother.

True. We haven’t a clue what goes on behind the scenes. I believe keeping up appearances is more common than we realize.

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Yes I've become the master at keeping up appearances.  The better I seem the worse and more out of control I really am.  If I seem perfect I'm obsessed with perfection to get there which means I'm usually one bad moment away from unraveling.

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My brother is 30. In the last 10 years he hasn't left the house more than 20 times. Severe depression, anxiety and horrifying OCD. It started when he was 10 and he accomplished nothing. Doesn't have driver's license. He is just living because he doesn't wanna hurt our mother if he kills himself.

 

I am 39. Aging is one of my biggest fears. When I was 29 I thought I was too old. Now I wish I was in early 30's. I also have wasted most of my life due to mental illness. I have had some good time, a kid, was married......but the mental horror I went through since I was 12 is a killer. I cannot feel life because I have constant severe depersonalization on top with depression and many other crippling symptoms that come out from anxiety and depression.

 

I have nothing to look forward. I just have a tremendous fear of future. Fear of losing my mother and fear of aging. If I cannot feel the life or any pleasure what is the point? I have so called"chronic pelvic pain syndrome" which makes me, with the help of medications, 100% impotent. I do not have a single friend nor do I want any.

 

People in their early 20 who complain that their life is over are partially right. If they lost their childhood or early adulthood that will haunt them. The good thing is that they can, if they heal, make up for the most part of it.

A question for those 50+. Does 39 or 40 seem too old to YOU? What would you do or give (if anything) to be that age? Sorry the question is weird but IMO being 40 is like being 60.

 

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9 hours ago, Zagor said:

My brother is 30. In the last 10 years he hasn't left the house more than 20 times. Severe depression, anxiety and horrifying OCD. It started when he was 10 and he accomplished nothing. Doesn't have driver's license. He is just living because he doesn't wanna hurt our mother if he kills himself.

 

I am 39. Aging is one of my biggest fears. When I was 29 I thought I was too old. Now I wish I was in early 30's. I also have wasted most of my life due to mental illness. I have had some good time, a kid, was married......but the mental horror I went through since I was 12 is a killer. I cannot feel life because I have constant severe depersonalization on top with depression and many other crippling symptoms that come out from anxiety and depression.

 

I have nothing to look forward. I just have a tremendous fear of future. Fear of losing my mother and fear of aging. If I cannot feel the life or any pleasure what is the point? I have so called"chronic pelvic pain syndrome" which makes me, with the help of medications, 100% impotent. I do not have a single friend nor do I want any.

 

People in their early 20 who complain that their life is over are partially right. If they lost their childhood or early adulthood that will haunt them. The good thing is that they can, if they heal, make up for the most part of it.

A question for those 50+. Does 39 or 40 seem too old to YOU? What would you do or give (if anything) to be that age? Sorry the question is weird but IMO being 40 is like being 60.

 

No, 39/40 definetely not too old for anything, Unless you want to be a proffessional gymnast(though I could be wrong here, go and figure). Haha.

Age..it's mostly in our heads, methinks. Of course we experience ageing in our physiques inevitably at some point, But other than that I believe it's up to ourselves as to how "old" we consider ourselves.

As to regretting stuff done/undone in life though..whole different can of worms. No age limit for that. The only thing we can do is acknowledge our past and move on. Not something I know how to do though. Haha.

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Sounds like you're floundering in life. I have floundered plenty, but was a busy flounderer. I know you don't feel young at 30, and feel that you're already far behind, but trust me, you have your whole life ahead of you. And if you're healthy, you have many years to start making new choices for yourself so that you feel you're actually living a purposeful life.

I have worn many hats. Some hats I chose because I was lazy (my first BA, in English). Some hats I chose because I was infatuated (I joined the Peace Corps because I liked a dude and he joined. I literally thought I could chase him to Bolivia. I wound up in Ecuador. Not close enough...). Some I chose because I was too impatient (got a teaching certificate for high school Spanish because it was the fastest route to a job at the time). I chose to marry a man I didn't have desire for because I wanted to have kids. We had two kids and got divorced after 15 years (my kids didn't deserve that). I went back to school AGAIN... and became an allied health technologist -not a job I chose out of love or passion, but out of necessity (job). It's a decent job, but I'm already feeling antsy about it, and it's only been 2 years! I am going to take classes again, and study something that I think I will actually really enjoy (IT stuff). I am going to be 52 this year, and figure I'll always be learning... something... striving for .... something better. I am floundering in a different way - I keep myself distracted...

My brother is a successful pilot and is ready to retire in comfort. My sister is a successful science professor. I compare myself to them often and feel very inadequate. But they love me. I won't be able to retire until I'm well into my 60s, if I'm lucky. I can look at my life and think "I am one of the have nots" or I can look at it and think "I've been blessed to have so many opportunities - just wish I could make up my ****** mind." I haven't found my niche... yet. I keep trying. I fall, I get up. I keep trying. I cry a lot sometimes. I have plenty of pity parties for myself. I also have good days. My kids sometimes don't know what to think of me, but I know they are proud of me when they see that I am working so hard, and their dad has been unemployed for over a year and a half. I am disappointed that I didn't believe in myself more when I was a young adult. I was afraid. I feared growing up and having to be responsible for myself. I just thought I'd "get there" (life, a good life) somehow. It has taken me years and years to accept that I am in control of my life, and really no one else is. I can either blame me, or credit me. It's about making choices. Are they hard to make? Yes. But they are not impossible to make. You just have to start making them, and living by them. You are 30. I am going to be 52. Do you know I envy you? What I would give to close my eyes and be 30 again! I would make so many different choices for myself. First and foremost, i would choose to believe in myself. Second, I would decide to be patient and trust that I could take things slowly if I needed to (I would work part-time and go to school part-time, and choose my classes wisely - based not on requirements but on interests). Third, I would decide who my real friends were, and also with whom I could be a real friend (and I would be a real friend - not a drag), and stick with those people until I was ready to expand my circle. I would create small goals and tackle them, day by day - not big, grandiose, unrealistic goals where I kept setting myself up for failure. I would give myself credit for trying instead of berating myself for not being good enough or far enough along in life like I thought I should be. Some of us are late bloomers, period. So what. Just keep moving. Just keep swimming. 

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I have this attitude towards life - "Is there anything to win?" Did anyone get alive out of this thing?" 

No. 

So, no failure, nothing to win, nothing to gain, we all end up the same. Dead.

It is a journey, an adventure, exploration. Depression sucks the joy of doing it, though...

But - you are not a failure... past is the past, move on... do things... it is never too late to change... Really, not some cliche - until we are dead we can DO things...

I like to remember that the author of Harry Potter was broke and a "failure" and wanted to **** herself and then she wrote the first book... in her 40s... a millionaire "failure" is she now... giving her wealth away to good causes... 

About JK Rowling - from wikipedia:  "Seven years after graduating from university, Rowling saw herself as a failure.[52] Her marriage had failed, and she was jobless with a dependent child, but she described her failure as liberating and allowing her to focus on writing.[52] During this period, Rowling was diagnosed with clinical depression and contemplated suicide.[53] Her illness inspired the characters known as Dementors, soul-sucking creatures introduced in the third book.[54] Rowling signed up for welfare benefits, describing her economic status as being "poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless.""

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On 6/2/2018 at 1:18 PM, ladysmurf said:

oh yeah!!! I wish I was never born .

Interestingly, I almost wasn't. I came out very early and was within one breath of croaking. But some lunkhead doctor was able to save me at the last second.

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55 minutes ago, Asta said:

This is why I feel like things are pointless. 

Do also read the next sentence about it being an adventure... there are so many ways how to look at things... not just the pointless one... 

Edited by Arsen

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4 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Interestingly, I almost wasn't. I came out very early and was within one breath of croaking. But some lunkhead doctor was able to save me at the last second.

Funny..  Something similar happened to me..only I was 3 or so at the time. 

One of my first memories was not being able to breathe(don’t know what happened then.have to find out) and been whisked away to hospital. It would have been a grotesque turn of events indeed if my first memory would have turned out to be also my last. 

Though the way my life has turned out..might have been for the best.

1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

For me, life is an adventure in the same way that swallowing battery acid would be an adventure.

This, my friend,  is pretty gruesome. But believe me, I get it.

Edited by samadhiSheol

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I'm about to turn 40 and already feel like my life is over. I depend on my parents right now. Everything I've ever done has gone wrong. My life feels like it's beyond repair. Deep down, I know I was dealt a bad hand with the depression and anxiety that influences everything I do, but despite that, I still very often just feel like a loser. You are not alone.

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18 hours ago, standup said:

I'm about to turn 40 and already feel like my life is over. I depend on my parents right now. Everything I've ever done has gone wrong. My life feels like it's beyond repair. Deep down, I know I was dealt a bad hand with the depression and anxiety that influences everything I do, but despite that, I still very often just feel like a loser. You are not alone.

Same here. Impractically dead. Cannot feel happiness. cannot feel life due to dp/dr. I thought is I don't feel happy by 40 which is 11 months, I should plan my funeral

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I'm 33 years old and still live with my family.  I finished college yet have not landed a job of my calling. I've been unemployed since Nov.   I always contemplate when this curse of failure will end and to finally have a life of my own will come. I have thoughts it will never happen. Being turned down after many application submissions and failed interviews makes me go through an endless cycle of giving up and keep applying anyway.  Before I turned 30 , I had thoughts of suicide. Now, I contemplate that I'm still a failure.  I don't  have anyone to talk about this. 

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On 6/1/2018 at 2:02 AM, bigtimeloser said:

RESPONSES FROM THOSE 30+ YEARS OLD PLEASE

 

I realize this might sound exclusive but I'm really sick of seeing posts by teenagers saying their lives are over and having kids in college try to give me advice or sympathy. I want to speak with older people.

I'm turning 30 soon and I have wasted my life. The long story short is that I never did anything - really - and I have nothing in my life. I feel like I'm not even a person. I might as well be a 5 year old, or have spent the last 20 or so years in prison...or not even that, because even in prison I might have gained some knowledge or skills. It's like I've been in a coma for more than two decades. By every objective measure I'm a loser and a failure. I'm an empty person with nothing to live for. I want to die. If I had more time, if I was 20 again and could spend the time learning and growing and experiencing life, then things would be ok, they might even be great. As it is, my life is an empty, barren wasteland.

At this point I don't even think living some awesome life from here on would be enough, because the pain and regret of wasting basically most of my life doing NOTHING and having nothing is so great that I see no way forward.

Please do not recommend any hotlines; they don't help and actually aggravate the situation. I have tried therapy and medications, but those did not help at all - after all, nothing can change the past, and that's my entire issue.

Is there anybody here who wasted their lives doing nothing and failing constantly? Anybody who has nothing in their life? What is the point of living like this? Does the pain ever stop? Will I ever be normal?

I want to focus on the bits in bold, "By every objective measure I'm a loser and a failure" - there is no objective measure. Success and failure mean different things to different people. All over the world you'll find people some of society consider a failure who are content, and people that society considers successful who are unhappy. Anything inbetween. I'm not sure how differently I'd feel about myself if I had a promotion, some savings, a big house or whatever people consider signs of success. I'm guessing not much, whatever my circumstances I'm still me. 

"An empty person with nothing to live for" - anything can change, and there's always something to live for. Yeah, we might suspect we know what tomorrow, next week, next month, next year will bring but we can't knowNeedn't even be anything massive, could be anything. A new TV series or film, book, game, album. A restaurant or bar that's opening near you that you'd like to try. Somewhere you'd like to visit, something you'd like to do. There's always something.

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2 hours ago, RichW said:

I'm guessing not much, whatever my circumstances I'm still me. 

That'd be my guess too. As soon as you get used to the new standard of living you're back to square one which is why so many successful people feel like they have to continue reaching higher. Material things don't make people happier once their basic expenses are covered and they usually just end up comparing themselves to richer people anyway. You can have millions in your bank account and all of the sudden you'll be envying the guy who can afford a yacht and think once you have that you'll be happy. 

Although, it would be nice to have more money to distract ourselves. While not genuine happiness it sure is easier to keep yourself busy with fun things when you have plenty of money. 

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I turn 44 and I feel that way a lot.  I feel like I wasted my 20's and 30's.  Never established a career or was responsible with money. Just getting by.  Drinking.  I constantly play the "I wish I could go back game"  but I can't and I would advise you not to as well.  it is wasted energy and you are 14 years younger than me.  You have plenty of time to get your life back on track to where you want it.  Chalk up your 20's as a learning experience (most of us do).  Also please change your username.  You use that name enough and your brain convinces you that it is true.  It isn't.   Stay strong,  try to get some therapy to help you see better.  Depression fogs up your life glasses and convinces you that the world is always dark and grey.  you need someone to help you wipe the fog off and see more clearly. 

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1 hour ago, jsop4 said:

I constantly play the "I wish I could go back game"  but I can't and I would advise you not to as well.

Yeah, it's a pointless exercise. When I catch myself thinking along those lines I try to ask myself, would I really do things any differently if I had those years back or would I fall into the same traps and just live day-by-day instead of working on my future? As much as I like to think I'd do things differently I'd still be the same person and would make many of the same mistakes all over again. If we're really motivated to change then we can change at any age... 

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3 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

That'd be my guess too. As soon as you get used to the new standard of living you're back to square one which is why so many successful people feel like they have to continue reaching higher. Material things don't make people happier once their basic expenses are covered and they usually just end up comparing themselves to richer people anyway. You can have millions in your bank account and all of the sudden you'll be envying the guy who can afford a yacht and think once you have that you'll be happy. 

Although, it would be nice to have more money to distract ourselves. While not genuine happiness it sure is easier to keep yourself busy with fun things when you have plenty of money. 

Yeah, exactly. I've been single and in relationships, employed and unemployed, healthy weight and obese, living alone and living in house shares or with family and I'm yet to experience a change in circumstance that positively affects how I feel about myself. 

Course there are no guarantees at all, you can't buy happiness. Yeah, I'd like to be more comfortable financially, who wouldn't? Not that I'll ever find out, but I don't think I'd be the sort of person who'd be envying the guy with the yacht. I just don't understand the insatiable pursuit for wealth, surely it becomes meaningless? Even millionaires suffer from depression eh.

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Thanks. I highly doubt if anyone on this site is "normal" (myself included) so you may not find a perfect answer to your question. For whatever reason, my mind too can go to  dark places where I feel like a failure, that I am worthless, that I should never have been born, that I am an awful person ... and I continue to tune out all of the people who tell me that I am not any of those things. By modern society's standards, my life is really good, good career, good wife, beautiful children, lovely home, etc., yet my mind is not filled with samples from the average person in modern society's commentary, it is filled with me, the good, the bad, and certainly the ugly. I will keep searching for meaning, I doubt that I will find a satisfactory explanation of the meaning of life, but in short: "I feel your pain" (not exactly though probably, but maybe something like it).

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I'm 30 exactly and I have barely travelled through my 20's which I regret. But I started my 30's by going to a Volcano in the Canary Islands  for my birthday (March). I will be travelling often through my 30s so I can be content with that. I kind of know what you mean but to move forward I think you have to accept where you are and not dwell.

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