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bigtimeloser

Has anybody else wasted their life?

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RESPONSES FROM THOSE 30+ YEARS OLD PLEASE

 

I realize this might sound exclusive but I'm really sick of seeing posts by teenagers saying their lives are over and having kids in college try to give me advice or sympathy. I want to speak with older people.

I'm turning 30 soon and I have wasted my life. The long story short is that I never did anything - really - and I have nothing in my life. I feel like I'm not even a person. I might as well be a 5 year old, or have spent the last 20 or so years in prison...or not even that, because even in prison I might have gained some knowledge or skills. It's like I've been in a coma for more than two decades. By every objective measure I'm a loser and a failure. I'm an empty person with nothing to live for. I want to die. If I had more time, if I was 20 again and could spend the time learning and growing and experiencing life, then things would be ok, they might even be great. As it is, my life is an empty, barren wasteland.

At this point I don't even think living some awesome life from here on would be enough, because the pain and regret of wasting basically most of my life doing NOTHING and having nothing is so great that I see no way forward.

Please do not recommend any hotlines; they don't help and actually aggravate the situation. I have tried therapy and medications, but those did not help at all - after all, nothing can change the past, and that's my entire issue.

Is there anybody here who wasted their lives doing nothing and failing constantly? Anybody who has nothing in their life? What is the point of living like this? Does the pain ever stop? Will I ever be normal?

Edited by bigtimeloser

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I know exactly how you feel. Exactly.

But I'm here to tell you that this is part of this disease. I feel like this even having exclusively raised one child almost to adulthood with no help from anyone; holding down a full-time job for 18 years; raising special needs kids; being a noted writer. 

I still feel like I did nothing because I don't make much money, and I never actually wrote my "book" I've said I was going to write since...hmmm. 42 years ago? Every morning that I wake up I remember that I still didn't finish my book and maybe someone more committed and healthy than I am will write exactly the same thing and take it away from me. Every day. Every morning. And I fight to write and find myself crippled. I get it.

Honey, it is the disease. I'll bet the friends who love you, no matter how many or how few, or any pets you've had, if you've had them, or people you gave a smile to who felt so much better afterward, or people you've spoken to online, or anybody at all...would totally disagree with your self-assessment. I would almost guarantee it.

Now...are you able to have any drive at all right now? (I ask because often, I don't. So that's a real question.) If you do, is there ONE thing you can do today? Literally one. Buy and water and care for a plant. Call a friend, or email him or her. Or anything at all? Fold one load of laundry.

Try to find just one thing a day. And remember that there are people out there who don't even care to do that one thing. (I'm not saying actually "do," because depression CAN make those things impossible...I'm saying, you care. Some people literally don't even think about this stuff! At all.) Those people who don't care - not due to depression but due to entitlement, or just never having a serious thought, ever - are the ones wasting their lives. Those of us who think all the time, who bravely fight a mentally crippling disease every day, and who still manage somehow to reach out to one another at least once in a while, are no waste. None.

Look at the way you write. Look at how smart you are. Damn, just damn. You are bright. Bright, with deep feelings. Look around you. Aren't true feelings something of a lost art in this world? You hold up your ability to express yourself like a light in a pretty darned cold world. And it helps.

You are no waste.

Edited by Summer896

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43 minutes ago, Summer896 said:

p.s. Change your username. 🙂 Do it do it do it! (donning "Mommy" hat and looking stern)

We are only allowed to for safety concerns generally.

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I am still three years away from 30, but I have still lost many years of my life and have been fighting to get some of them back. I am 27 years old living on assistance, and applying for disability at the moment. I am a burden on my sister who is helping me out financially while I try to get well enough to return to University again, so I can actually do something with my life. Even with all the help I fear I will never be able to use my degree to work full time. Progress in treatment is too slow, yet when I do make it I can't help but feel angry that I never had it before I deteriorated. From about 2004-2015 I barely remember most of my life. I was never able to stay in high school full time after age 15 and graduated (after dropping out) two months before my 24th birthday. Yet, everyone thinks I was just being 'lazy' not realizing how ill I was. In the meantime I keep getting older and feeling even more out of place in class and life while people my age are having babies I can never have. 

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Yes I feel like I've wasted my life.  I've tried major 'things' in life and failed at, hmm,  both of them!  So I do know how you feel.  And I sure as hell don't desire to try anything else at this point because I'm old. And the sad part is that I don't even care anymore that I have absolutely nothing to show (so far) for my existence, my time here, my life.  But like Summer says, it really is a symptom of the disease.  And there is no cure so we either go down with it, or somehow find that empty puzzle we fit into.  And even tho you probably don't want to hear this, 30 is not old and you literally do have quite some time to find something worth living for.  😌

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Yes. I believe that I have wasted my life. I guess I am only 16 though, but that still doesn't mean that I haven't made any mistakes or experienced hard times. 

But I don't want you to feel sorry for me. So please don't worry and feel free to ignore what I say.

I contemplate life all the time and why we are even here. Then I think of all the bad things in the world and wonder what the point is. 

The only advice I can give you is that you only live once. You are only 30. Some people don't make it to 30. You are lucky. And when you are lucky you have to make the most of every opportunity that passes by you. Whether it's making new friends, successfully getting a job or even accomplishing a personal goal, that is what makes life so great.

Because Life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. It isn't too late to change things or start fresh. Make the most of your life while you still can.

 

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17 minutes ago, Keria said:

Yes. I believe that I have wasted my life. I guess I am only 16 though, but that still doesn't mean that I haven't made any mistakes or experienced hard times. 

But I don't want you to feel sorry for me. So please don't worry and feel free to ignore what I say.

I contemplate life all the time and why we are even here. Then I think of all the bad things in the world and wonder what the point is. 

The only advice I can give you is that you only live once. You are only 30. Some people don't make it to 30. You are lucky. And when you are lucky you have to make the most of every opportunity that passes by you. Whether it's making new friends, successfully getting a job or even accomplishing a personal goal, that is what makes life so great.

Because Life isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. It isn't too late to change things or start fresh. Make the most of your life while you still can.

 

Im sorry but replying as a 16 year old probably doesnt help. You still have many more years where you can mess up and itll be ok. it makes it harder when you get older theres less room to makes mistakes and be at certain place for example many jobs dont even like to get people at a certain age ect 

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I'm 39 and yes I wasted my life I guess but life is pointless and most of the things people strive for are pointless.  If I had "the American dream" life I would still feel like I wasted my life.

Edited by sober4life

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I feel this way too.  I'm 34 and I have basically done nothing with my life.  I spend my days thinking and thinking about this celebrity couple.  I don't even like the woman, and that's the strange part.  I'm not even sure I like the guy anymore.  I was forced out of school five years ago.  My mom and cousin are pushing me to go back.  I don't think I want to anymore because the other reason I left was repeated failures of math classes.  I don't wanna go back and fail math again.  I want to do something big with my life.....without college.   I'm in my 30s and I don't want to waste my time in a relationship.  I want kids desperately, but like I said, I'm in my 30s.  And my eggs are turning into dust.  I have nothing to look forward to most days except this damn celebrity obsession that I don't want.  I feel like I'm stuck.

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You youngsters don't know what wasting a life is! 😄 Wait until you are 58 and look back at a vast wasteland of a life. 😥

The one accomplishment I've had is raising a daughter. She's now 23.

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1 hour ago, JD4010 said:

You youngsters don't know what wasting a life is! 😄 Wait until you are 58 and look back at a vast wasteland of a life. 😥

The one accomplishment I've had is raising a daughter. She's now 23.

Not being able to have children is one of the most difficult things in my life. The constant reminder of what I won't have because I am ill and my risks are too high. This is probably the only time I wished I had a chicken so I could still have kids of my own without physical risk.

Also I have literally blacked out many years of my life as my moods fluctuated, so there are many things and people I don't remember. Which can feel "wasted" to me. The only good part is knowing I still made a difference for them even though I don't remember it all.

Edited by LouisRiel

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When I was your age, I had mostly wasted my life. All I had was a bachelor's degree to be proud of. No real professional work experience, no spouse, no kids, almost no money. I decided to pursue a master's degree and simultaneously do internships to get some real work experience. It was a grueling 3 years but after I was done, about 32 years old, I had a graduate degree and experience and I quickly got a decent job. Then I met my husband, and had a kid and got another decent job. I'm still far from successful, but considering I started with nothing 5 years ago, I'm grateful for the progress. However, like another poster stated I still feel like I wasted my life. I mourn the time I wasted (basically up to 30 years old), all the time. Start NOW getting your s**t together, because better late than never, trust me.

My husband went back to school and got his bachelor's degree at 34 years old. He also then did internships, though his were paid. Now at 38 he's pretty darn successful.

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Is it worse to feel like you've never done anything, or that you failed everything you've ever attempted? I'm divorced, a college drop out, lost custody of my kids, lost all but one friend, and have no job or money. Most days it isn't worth getting out of bed to eat. Wish I could tell you it gets better, but without the drive to do even the most basic things, it doesn't. How you find such drive, I have no idea.

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1 hour ago, Entoo said:

Is it worse to feel like you've never done anything, or that you failed everything you've ever attempted? I'm divorced, a college drop out, lost custody of my kids, lost all but one friend, and have no job or money. Most days it isn't worth getting out of bed to eat. Wish I could tell you it gets better, but without the drive to do even the most basic things, it doesn't. How you find such drive, I have no idea.

That's a good question, and I know what you mean. I feel like I avoid really trying (especially with my book) because thinking maybe I'm not good enough is awful, but KNOWING it (via rejection or criticism) would literally be soul-crushing.

I'm not trying to add fuel to the fire or be a downer, I'm just saying I can relate, and I don't know whether this is down to depression, or whether all people feel this way at least a little.

I too am a college dropout. I am so sorry about your children. I hear you on the money thing. Life can be so hard...I wonder why it has to be this hard. Anyone else ever wonder that? Just WHY does it have to be this hard, just to survive? I have never been able to understand that.

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2 hours ago, LouisRiel said:

Not being able to have children is one of the most difficult things in my life. The constant reminder of what I won't have because I am ill and my risks are too high. This is probably the only time I wished I had a chicken so I could still have kids of my own without physical risk.

Also I have literally blacked out many years of my life as my moods fluctuated, so there are many things and people I don't remember. Which can feel "wasted" to me. The only good part is knowing I still made a difference for them even though I don't remember it all.

Yikes. Wow. It is good to know that you've made a difference, indeed.

My daughter is adopted. Not that it matters...she's my daughter no matter what.

I feel horrible that she's seen me at my worst. Just one more thing to add to the massive pile of sh!t for me to be depressed about.

Edited by JD4010

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59 minutes ago, Summer896 said:

That's a good question, and I know what you mean. I feel like I avoid really trying (especially with my book) because thinking maybe I'm not good enough is awful, but KNOWING it (via rejection or criticism) would literally be soul-crushing.

I'm not trying to add fuel to the fire or be a downer, I'm just saying I can relate, and I don't know whether this is down to depression, or whether all people feel this way at least a little.

I too am a college dropout. I am so sorry about your children. I hear you on the money thing. Life can be so hard...I wonder why it has to be this hard. Anyone else ever wonder that? Just WHY does it have to be this hard, just to survive? I have never been able to understand that.

What upsets me is that there are a lot of people who don't find surviving very hard, and actually flourish. Why should it be so easy for some people, and so hard for others? 

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Because some people don't have to fight with their own minds every moment. They get to play life on easy mode. We get stuck on nightmare difficulty where just surviving another day is a challenge.

Or maybe they are just better than we are or better at hiding pain.

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I'm 31 now...

I'm with you and know exactly what you mean! Especially regarding people 10+ years younger saying that they wasted their lives or some arrogant naive crap  meanwhile I'm like "walk a mile in my shoes you overpriveledged..." nm

 

But yes everyone tells me you're still young and still have alot of life ahead of you (which the latter scares me abit nowadays...a lot of "life" ahead of me) But I feel my vitality is lost, and I feel like an elderly women living alone with a cat. I indeed do live alone with a cat but I mean, all my life I feel it would come to this, and it has. I don't look 31 but not looking 31 means nothing to me if I don't FEEL good/young/vivacious INSIDE. I feel I've wasted my life in my twenties because I was a victim of sexual predation and they HELD ME BACK and TOOK CONTROL OVER MY LIFE FOR THOSE YEARS.  21-26. Yep. Yep. Yep.

I'm so chronically lethargic, exhausted and yet keep trying to feign a normal life, with work and college and driving, I have a hard time with all three, namely work and driving though are most challenging because my depression and PTSD come out alot during those activities.

I have no real substance to my life except for the minimal very solo activities I do in a day. I definitely feel my life being wasted, on the wrong things and time spent on wrong individuals who were toxic and worsened my depression and nearly fatal low self esteem. 

I'm sick of my life, I wish I could either erase myself or go back in time and change my whole direction, but neither are viable options. So I'm constantly trying to figure out ways to cope and ways to keep bothering trying to fix my ruined life.

 

 

 

 

 

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I understand!  Although I still struggle with "downers" at times, I have learned some tricks to get myself out of them.  I had to change my thinking about myself.  I tell myself, "You are NOT a loser.  God loves you!  You can get better!"  Also, when I am thinking negatively about myself, others, or life in general, I say HALT.   I ask myself, "Are you H-hungry, A-angry, L-lonely, or T-tired?"  Then I address my answer.  If I am hungry, I eat healthily.  If I am angry, I try to figure out if it is because I am frustrated, afraid, or hurt. Then, I call a friend, journal, pray, read the Bible.  If I am lonely, I try to connect with others.  If I am tired, now I take a nap or go to bed.  Sounds pretty simplistic, but it works for me.  Hope this helps.

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the funny thing is that when this thread was started - there was a request that only people older than 30 respond because a 20yo hadn't lived life enough to be a failure.

now the 50yo's are responding back saying the same thing about the 30yo's.

i find it ironic that when people look backward they think that a younger generation hasn't lived enough - I digress.....

when I was younger I never thought I'd live past 40 - well I did.  Now I'm in my 50's looking backwards and I also feel a level of pointlessness.

From all the responses to this thread I think we can all agree - we have all lived the pointless life of depression. 

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12 hours ago, JD4010 said:

Yikes. Wow. It is good to know that you've made a difference, indeed.

My daughter is adopted. Not that it matters...she's my daughter no matter what.

I feel horrible that she's seen me at my worst. Just one more thing to add to the massive pile of sh!t for me to be depressed about.

They censored the part where I 'elegantly' said it was the only reason I wish I was a male. I am not saying none of us should have children, but in my case I have no safe options and would destroy myself worrying if I tried.

Pregnancy on (my) meds: risk to baby 

Pregnancy off meds: risk to baby and myself

Surrogacy: Hormones.. nope

Unrelated

Even though I am fairly young I do find it exhausting knowing I still have so many years to live. Especially when I know I will still be fighting my mood swings and various impairments till the day I die.

Edited by LouisRiel

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6 hours ago, LouisRiel said:

Even though I am fairly young I do find it exhausting knowing I still have so many years to live. Especially when I know I will still be fighting my mood swings and various impairments till the day I die.

Yes, this. However I feel about the first 30 years of my life pales in comparison to the dread and exhaustion I feel looking ahead to the next 30. That's what drags me down the most.

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19 hours ago, bigtimeloser said:

What upsets me is that there are a lot of people who don't find surviving very hard, and actually flourish. Why should it be so easy for some people, and so hard for others? 

this interests me actually. i brought up a good friend of mine in a counselling session. this girl is perfect and has everything going for her perfectly. kid has been in and out of childrens hospital and yet she is still so damned happy successful and perfect. coping perfectly. everything looks easy.

my counsellor brought up the possibility and probability that things are not as they seem. 

maybe we all dont hide it as well if at all or dont see the point in doing so. other people might be going more for the image where we think along the lines of screw that i havent the energy to bother.

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30 minutes ago, Natasha1 said:

my counsellor brought up the possibility and probability that things are not as they seem. 

Could be. Another reason may be that depression makes us focus much more on the negative than someone with a resilient and healthy mind. Instead of focusing on what we do have and can do we constantly obsess over our disadvantages and compare ourselves to others who have it better or easier, blaming our misery on the things we haven't achieved or don't have. Many of us have a mindset that we're not happy because we don't have the best health, an amazing job, big house, great partner, plenty of money, etc. when others in the same situation or with even less manage to be content.

If you could trade with your friend, would you truly be happy or would you find yourself in the same dark place once the novelty wears off? 

I recently saw a documentary about a young man who was born without arms and legs and was abandoned by his biological parents. My mind immediately jumped to "why would anyone want to live like that? I'd rather die" and yet, he somehow manages to keep a positive attitude despite his struggles. He managed to make friends in school rather than being singled out and bullied, he enjoys swimming with his physical therapist, loves being on the computer despite having to control it with a stick that he holds in his mouth, and even has dreams of having a career in radio and someday having a family of his own. It's like wow, how does he manage to stay positive instead of being constantly depressed and suicidal? I'm sure he has his dark moments of despair but the fact that he keeps on going whereas I would have tried everything to end my life in his position is amazing. 

It's our perception and depression that tell us our situations are impossible to overcome, that we've missed out on too much already and that it's pointless. At 18 some will think life is over because their parents are too controlling or they didn't do well on the SAT or haven't been in a relationship, at 30 year old some will think that it's over because they haven't achieved as much as their peers, and so on... We ascribe too much importance to age and the milestones that the average person has achieved by that age when in reality it's never too late to turn things around, there are people whose life's are mediocre and they go on to do amazing things after they retire. Just looking at my own family, I used to be super bitter about being single and my mind keeps telling me if it hasn't happened by now it's over when my aunt met the love of her life in her 50s after a series of failed affairs. My grandfather who's in his 80s recently fell in love with someone in his retirement home... It's obviously my perception that is flawed, there's no law that says it can't happen. 

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