Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Keeponfightin

Unstable mind

Recommended Posts

I’ve had depression and anxiety for the past 10 years it use to be to the point where I couldn’t perform basic functions like eating showering sleeping or being able to leave the house because I would have a huge panic attack. The crazy thing is my depression and anxiety started a year after I left the gang/criminal life even though I was a complete head spending years on probation and doing a year in jails/prisons I never had a depression or anxiety problem I think because it always gave me something to do somewhere to go something to worry about constant adrenaline rushes and a social life where i was always surrounded by people 24/7. Geting sick and tired of being in trouble with law I decided to leave and a year after a new demon depression/anxiety ruined my life and still haunts me. I’m now on pills and things have gotten a lot better I have finally gotten all my basic functions back but there’s still a emptiness inside of me that I think will never go away I’ve tried everything to fill this void inside my self I’ve joined countless activities/programs I’ve tried ****ing chicks lol I spent a few years doing the Christian thing ive traveled to different country’s I’ve made good junks of money I focus my attention on my relationship with my girlfriend and my children and yet I still feel the sadness lingering nothing works. everyday I have a thought or 20 about chickening my self it’s not like I’m writing a note and preparing a rope it’s more of wow that would be nice to just end it kind of thing.  Suicide is one of the top ten causes of death in the us your more likely to **** your self then be killed by someone else.  It makes me wonder how are we all not trying to get out quickly most of us just go to work and run over the same old ground year after year doing he same thing. To me it’s insanity maybe we’re not the crazy ones as i get older my life is just a basket of responsibilities and each year that basket gets bigger and bigger and I feel like the way we have structured our society creates isolation and cuts off true social interactions because we simply don’t have time for it even when I travel or I go to my classes I’m around people but there’s not really any meaningful connection. Idk I feel like a normal life is just to hard for me sometimes it’s to repeatitive and boring. Lots of people wish for a family a good paying job to me it’s like is this it. I don’t know why I wrote this it’s just a rant really with a wild direction and no true purpose but it’s my first day on the forum so I guess this a hello from another unstable mind. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi !  welcome to the forum. this might sound weird to say but I really enjoyed reading your story. You wrote it really well and I think a lot of us can relate. You said it well the gang and its activity probably helped you be distracted from your truly feelings and from really analyzing what you wanted to do with your life. I think as human beings its important to fin purpose in life and just find something we personally want to pursue.  Being out of the lifestyle you were in I think you might one have some trauma that you are unaware of and two I think that for the first time you were truly faced with the question of what exactly you want to do with your life and you probably never really had the time to think about it when you were in the gang you know. I think maybe you should take some time to figure out what you want to do and what you life. Some people are super into fitness and make a life out of it others video games, others life being charge of a business ect . All these people can have stable jobs and families but they all pursue their passions differently. Maybe you just need to find your personal passion and not think about what society or others expects you to be satisfied with. Of course as long as it doesn't hurt anyone including yourself lol 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey! Sorry this is going on and glad you are talking about this. Not to long ago, I was in the same boat as you. My son, was diagnosed with a rare auto immune/ liver disease. It shook me. I was in the such a deep depression, that all I did was sleep. I woke up scared and went to sleep scared. My anxiety was beyond my control. But things got better! My sons health started to increase and he is as normal as any other kid. I was only focusing on the darkness around me and I was missing all the beautiful. Hang in there! Things will get better! Have you considered talking to someone, such as a counselor or a pastor? It helped me. I will be praying for you and hope to hear from you soon! I also found some articles that might be a benefit. https://bit.ly/2hcTFzT

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...