Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Cass87

BPD, depression: 30 and I am so lost.

Recommended Posts

So the last couple of years I've been battling chronic neuropathic pain which has meant I cannot work. Im only 30 and I feel I have wasted my life jumping from job to job and never finding the right fit. Studying and completing degrees which meant nothing.

I've never been happy in any job, ever. Finally I couldn't work anymore because of migraines and back pain. 

With work, I always found people always bully me or that I get frustrated with how the place is run, and i get bored quickly. No job has ever meant anything important to me. I don't believe in my own abilities or talents in anything, and I feel incapable with this world. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere and I don't have many friends at all. 

I don't know what I'm good at...or who I am....how can you make a life when you don't know who you are?? 

I went on a holiday recently....and even in paradise I felt empty. Nothing means much to me anymore. I need some meaning in my life...but I never seem to find it. I don't know what to life for anymore. i'm tired battling this pain and each day... and im tired of being a ghost. It's like I'm here but I'm not, I'm just recording memories. 

 

Edited by Cass87

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess I need to count my blessings. I'm physicially fine, it's more of a mental thing for me. Well you know.. I'm on this forum for that reason.

Anyway, sounds like you're in a deep depression. Emotional numbness is what seems to happen to you.

Keep expressing yourself like you do now.. venting is step #1 to begin feeling better.

I've never been happy in any job either. I always worked crappy simplistic jobs, you know, the low wage high pressure ones. 

So, you're not able to work anymore? I noticed my depression went down when I kept busy and met people in time.

Social isolation, nothing to do, wanting to do.. --> depression. 

You're worth more than you think. You've got degrees. You've got friends. Heck, you managed to keep up work for many years? Some people have been depressed since their youth and never managed to work a day in their life because of it.

You've posted this a week ago I just noticed, hopefully you're doing better by now. 

Regards and a hug! :hugs:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry about your chronic neuropathic pain and I'm sorry that I can't find the right words to comfort you in that regards but ******* if you don't see the accomplishments you've made despite such a huge obstacle. Just based off of what you've said, you've done so much and succeeded at so much despite having so many things holding you back, despite not having the odds in your favor. You've cross so many barriers, broken down so many walls, and overcome so many challenges on a regular basis that you no longer realize that everything you've done is a huge huge accomplishment that is never nor should ever be considered as wasted. 

I agree with HL05 about the points he's made and about how you shouldn't isolate yourself. I'd like to add to that that this notion that going on a vacation will help or give you a new lease or perspective on life isn't true for everyone. Instead I think you should be working on yourself. Like you said, to discover yourself. Try and find a new hobby or New interest that is within the confines of your chronic neuropathic pain. I hope you have some friends you could try the new hobbies with as I find that encouraging and it pushes me to try new things. 

I'm sorry if I didn't address everything you spoke about but I guess I really wanted to focus on how you've accomplished so much and it hurt reading that you didn't recognize any of them. But, we're going to take it one thing at a time. I think its high time you searched for things that you enjoy and I hoping through that, you'll be able to discover yourself. 

So ya, take care and keep us posted. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/5/2018 at 4:51 AM, Cass87 said:
Advertisement

So the last couple of years I've been battling chronic neuropathic pain which has meant I cannot work. Im only 30 and I feel I have wasted my life jumping from job to job and never finding the right fit. Studying and completing degrees which meant nothing.

I've never been happy in any job, ever. Finally I couldn't work anymore because of migraines and back pain. 

With work, I always found people always bully me or that I get frustrated with how the place is run, and i get bored quickly. No job has ever meant anything important to me. I don't believe in my own abilities or talents in anything, and I feel incapable with this world. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere and I don't have many friends at all. 

I don't know what I'm good at...or who I am....how can you make a life when you don't know who you are?? 

I went on a holiday recently....and even in paradise I felt empty. Nothing means much to me anymore. I need some meaning in my life...but I never seem to find it. I don't know what to life for anymore. i'm tired battling this pain and each day... and im tired of being a ghost. It's like I'm here but I'm not, I'm just recording memories. 

 

This is so spot on for me. I feel EXACTLY the same in every way you described. I have nothing to offer except to let you know you aren't alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/17/2018 at 8:43 AM, CourtneyRae26 said:

This is so spot on for me. I feel EXACTLY the same in every way you described. I have nothing to offer except to let you know you aren't alone.

THANK YOU XXXX it means alot xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...