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abusive relationship help

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Hello, so I've been really struggling recently with a past abusive relationship. I met him when I was 15 and we were together for 3 years, which I know isn't that long, but it feels that way at such a young age. It was a really big part of my life and it was really really bad. A year later, I still struggle with severe depression/anxiety/PTSD which were kinda triggered by these events, and I still find myself experiencing episodes where I miss him really bad. It makes me feel weak and pathetic. I tried to confide in friends but they told me to stop being "obsessive" and move on, which made me feel stupid. Is it wrong to still struggle a year later? Or to miss him? Does anyone have any similar experiences? How long did it take for you to move past him/her? There are still places I can't go, songs I can't hear, etc without having an emotional breakdown. I feel like there's something wrong with me. I try to heal, I really do. I try really hard to move past it and stop letting it affect me but it's not working, especially since he's still a part of my life through family and friends and there's really nothing I can do about that. I wonder if it's because it happened at such an impressionable age? In a messed up way I felt happiest when I was with him even tho he was horrible, and I want that back SO bad. I'm hurting a lot now, and combined with some other things I'm struggling with, I feel I'm reaching the end of my rope. Thank you so so much for any help. 

Edited by sage_1912
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I was in an abusive relationship for seven years, and I do have too many memories tied up in this person. However I have grown callous and indifferent to all feelings and memories of him. I can understand why you are feeling the way you are but your friends are right. You need to move on. The thought of being with your abuser or the desire is not healthy. 

I am not really sure how to “fix” it, but do know it will take time. You grew and intertwined lives together during some of the most defining years of your life and when hormones and emotions are at a high.

Know that you are better than that and worth so much more than he offered. When you have a happy memory, cap it with the thought of a bad one with him. This is what worked for me. Also, I think it would be beneficial to seek professional help in order to assure you will not be repeating these issues in future relationships.


best of luck!

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@sage_1912, sorry you're having a hard time. I also, suffer with PTSD so I know how you feel.

You said that you try to heal.  What does that mean?  What exactly have you done?

I think for me, the best thing that helped was to invest my time, brain, energy etc. into a new chapter of my life.  Instead of trying not to think about the past or trying in my own strength to get over, I just replaced my past with my new present.

Are you out of high school?  If so, what are your hopes, dreams and goals for the future?  If you don't know, get a blank journal and start dreaming.  What do you like to do?  What are your hobbies?  Sometimes hobbies can turn into careers?  What are you gifted at?  What have people told you that you are good at?  Is there any training or volunteer work you can do to prepare? Picture yourself in a year, 2 years, 5 years.  What kind of person do you want to be?  Start today working toward that person.

If you continue to dwell on the past you will get stuck there.  Focus your attention on the future. 

If you like to read, try Happiness is a Choice by Frank Minirth, M.D.

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  • 3 weeks later...

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