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nomorecreative

Destined to be single forever

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Why do some people have it all? They are under their 30's with a big wedding, have no mental illness, go on big vacations, easy for them to date each other with their impressive social skills, were very popular in high school, live life like there's no tomorrow, etc. While people like me who are 30 years old and are ridiculed by outgoing and normal people for being socially ********. 

I asked a girl at work for her text message number the other day which she provided. Now the next day, she disrespects me and gives me angry stares. I never even texted her yet.

Why is dating so difficult for me?

Makes me upset that people like me have to take 6 different medications to stay alive, while that girl brags that she never had to work a clerical job in her life and was instantly hired for a high position after graduating from college. She also looked down on me for still living with my parents. She says I'm embarrassing the Asian race.

 

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Trust me, relationships are NOT worth it; if anything, they give nothing but trouble, additional expenses and drama for no reason. Especially now where women are so entitled they see men as disposable utilities and walking ATMs with no life or soul of their own. (Don't even try to convince me otherwise because it's NOT the case and its an act to lure us to sign the contract that is marriage.)  

See, coping with this is knowing yourself better AND look at the other side; how many miserable people (mostly guys) are in a relationship, using up perfectly good prayers and wishes to get out. Loneliness comes from not knowing yourself so to fix that, you should sit down and think about your strengths and weaknesses.

Exercising is a good start because you would know your physical limits AND get your testosterone pumping; after a hard workout, there is no better feeling of accomplishment. Instead of looking externally, look inside yourself because external things don't make you happy; never will. 

That girl whom you mentioned, she is a classic example of the modern woman; making you feel bad because she feels like it. Ask yourself: "What gives her the right to talk like that?!" Try to focus on independent thought, exercise, bettering and knowing yourself.

No motivation? Ask yourself "Do I want to be vulnerable all my life or do I want to improve?!"

It takes genuine hard work but its worth it.

 

 

Edited by BrokenHorse228

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Nothing is wrong with you, hon. It's the girl's attitude that's wrong. Judging from what you say, she sounds like a snob. Even if she dated you, she would be looking down at you and criticizing you. Find a sweet girl who likes you. There are nice girls out there, even in these modern times.

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I thought of one other possibility. Are there rules against dating co-workers in your office? Could that be why she glared?

Edited by BlueStarr

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Are your standards realistic? Dating in your 30s is hard since many women around that age are thinking about starting a family which requires a financially and mentally stable guy. Living with your parents also tends to be a major turn-off to many... Most women want an equal partner, not someone they have to take care of emotionally or financially.

I'm not saying that it's impossible to date but I suspect you may be aiming a bit too high. Just about everybody can date but unless you change your situation the pool of interested women is going to be rather small. 

Edited by lonelyforeigner

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3 hours ago, duck said:

Happiness is not meant for everyone.  I am trying to accept that.

"If you weren't happy before, then no point in starting now." Russian saying.

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I feel the same way. I've never had a gf in my whole life. I've dated a couple but none have ever worked out. I guess women can sense the despondency in me. Plus it's really hard to keep up communicating too. Sometimes i genuinely believe that I will be single forever so I'm with you on that. 

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I wouldn't say that people in relationships are happy 100% of the time.. Don't be fooled by what they pretend to show on social media or whatever you see in..(In their house it's a different story).. Everyone is fighting a struggle. A relationship when it goes towards marriage and children it gets harder and tougher. Work, school, daycare, bills (kids are very expensive) and a HUGE commitment. It's not like you can just wake up one day and say "I don't feel like feeding my kids today, or taking them to school, or to a Birthday party, etc..." so don't be fooled. Plus there's a lot of drama involved, there can be abuse, that most people won't talk about ..and pretend like everything is WONDERFUL!

I have met people who got married and once the honeymoon phase passed and the children came along, life got MUCH HARDER!  Plus I don't think people realize what a huge commitment it is, it's not like the Hollywood movies with happy ends.

I don't judge those who don't want to get married or have kids. It's their choice. Surely, I don't think certain people are ready to have kids and then the kids end up paying for their mistakes (many old high school and college friends of mine got married because of a child (the girl got pregnant) and now they regret it but they had no choice because of their cultures, and are afraid of what people will say).

Surely, loneliness is not a great way to live. I'm afraid that if something happens to my family I will suffer since I have no friends, and I'm always running to doctors. It scares me. However, my last relationship, it was fine and great at first, but after we got more serious things got out of control. He was lying, using me, etc...so I'm glad he is out of my life.

As far as you being single forever. You are 30. Many guys nowadays are getting married in their late 30s and early 40s.. I don't see why the world judges men more than women when it comes to mental illness. And unless you are making a big amount of money (and I know some people who do that still live with their parents and are close to 40) it's hard to move out on your own in this day of age.

I would not let what that girl told you get to you. Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't choose this illness, none of us did. If she can't appreciate you for who you are, then you don't want her in your life. Just be yourself, and whoever wants to be by your side will accept you and respect you for that. If not forget about them. I think a great way to meet someone is through volunteering, or being active in similar hobbies you both enjoy. For instance, I met an old boyfriend of mine at a soccer club. A friend of mine met her husband at the hospital she volunteered at.

 

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9 hours ago, BrokenHorse228 said:

"If you weren't happy before, then no point in starting now." Russian saying.

I guess I'll never be happy then huh? :(

Makes sense, all my life has been a drama filled with misery from mental illness from a young age..

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15 hours ago, BrokenHorse228 said:

Trust me, relationships are NOT worth it; if anything, they give nothing but trouble, additional expenses and drama for no reason. Especially now where women are so entitled they see men as disposable utilities and walking ATMs with no life or soul of their own. (Don't even try to convince me otherwise because it's NOT the case and its an act to lure us to sign the contract that is marriage.)  

See, coping with this is knowing yourself better AND look at the other side; how many miserable people (mostly guys) are in a relationship, using up perfectly good prayers and wishes to get out. Loneliness comes from not knowing yourself so to fix that, you should sit down and think about your strengths and weaknesses.

Exercising is a good start because you would know your physical limits AND get your testosterone pumping; after a hard workout, there is no better feeling of accomplishment. Instead of looking externally, look inside yourself because external things don't make you happy; never will. 

That girl whom you mentioned, she is a classic example of the modern woman; making you feel bad because she feels like it. Ask yourself: "What gives her the right to talk like that?!" Try to focus on independent thought, exercise, bettering and knowing yourself.

No motivation? Ask yourself "Do I want to be vulnerable all my life or do I want to improve?!"

It takes genuine hard work but its worth it.

 

 

I disagree. I don't think its fair that you are generalizing that all women choose a man because of his ATM (and the amount of money he can offer them). I never wanted to depend on a guy, and I never did.

Both genders can be miserable in a relationship.. in my case I was the ATM for my ex-boyfriend because he was always broke.

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12 hours ago, BrokenHorse228 said:

"If you weren't happy before, then no point in starting now." Russian saying.

Nobody borns happy, moreover the act of birth is painful, our lives begin with a pain. But in no way your past determines your future.

"Where there is a will there is a way" an old English saying.

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22 hours ago, BrokenHorse228 said:

"If you weren't happy before, then no point in starting now." Russian saying.

I like the above quote.

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On 5/1/2018 at 0:23 AM, BrokenHorse228 said:

Trust me, relationships are NOT worth it; if anything, they give nothing but trouble, additional expenses and drama for no reason. Especially now where women are so entitled they see men as disposable utilities and walking ATMs with no life or soul of their own. (Don't even try to convince me otherwise because it's NOT the case and its an act to lure us to sign the contract that is marriage.)  

See, coping with this is knowing yourself better AND look at the other side; how many miserable people (mostly guys) are in a relationship, using up perfectly good prayers and wishes to get out. Loneliness comes from not knowing yourself so to fix that, you should sit down and think about your strengths and weaknesses.

Exercising is a good start because you would know your physical limits AND get your testosterone pumping; after a hard workout, there is no better feeling of accomplishment. Instead of looking externally, look inside yourself because external things don't make you happy; never will. 

That girl whom you mentioned, she is a classic example of the modern woman; making you feel bad because she feels like it. Ask yourself: "What gives her the right to talk like that?!" Try to focus on independent thought, exercise, bettering and knowing yourself.

No motivation? Ask yourself "Do I want to be vulnerable all my life or do I want to improve?!"

It takes genuine hard work but its worth it.

 

 

I couldn’t disagree with you more. I have always been the one in relationships that has worked up to four jobs at one time just to make ends meet while my ex pretended to be disabled when really he was behind my back sleeping with women while I worked. I paid for my “wedding” to my husband which only cost us the paper license., $80. I was the only one of us working for 4 years out of our almost 10 years together. Me, a woman was the breadwinner from teenage years until age 30 when my husband decided he was ready to work again.  You couldn’t be further from the truth and any more sexist. If this is the type of attitude you have towards women it is no wonder you have issues and will continue to. That is a unhealthy and unrealistic image you have.

 

OP. Don’t sell yourself short. Livable wages are harder to come by and you seem like a great a sensitive soul. If you continue to seek and you’re willing to be vulnerable you may find that person you desire in your life. However you cannot depend on them for your happiness. As for the woman, maybe she was upset because you hadn’t texted or made the effort. It’s really hard to know unless you ask flat out why she has given you that reaction. As for your age, dating and marriage is being pushed further and further back. Your age is not uncommon in the dating world. I wish you the best in your endeavors.

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19 hours ago, SpeSalvi said:

Nobody borns happy, moreover the act of birth is painful, our lives begin with a pain. But in no way your past determines your future.

"Where there is a will there is a way" an old English saying.

Do you really believe that? I've tried for years to believe there is a will, and be positive. Regardless of how many doctors I saw and therapists, they all label my problems as "Treatment-Resistant" depression, anxiety, ocd, etc, and nothing ever helps ...and I'm talking about decades here...I've tried it all, and nothing seems to help. I think some people are just unlucky no matter what.

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Remember that you don’t always know what goes on behind closed doors. Sure, many people are happy with their lives and don’t have to deal with depression, but these people you see as “perfect” could have all sorts of bad things going on. Like / Alcoholic in private, hits each other, are in debt for more than you could imagine, been abandoned by family, been abused, etc... No ones life is perfect.  We have to find what makes us happy and make the most of it.

Whoever this girl is, why does her opinion matter so much to you? She’s not perfect. No one is. If she has to brag, then she’s obviously insecure about something as well. She’s also not good friend or relationship material for you, so stay away and find someone who is worthy of your time.

I know I’m guilty of spending too much time on people that weren’t worth it, but live and learn.

i also have terrible depression and have been divorced.  My life is far from perfect but I’m trying to live one day at a time.  The people in my life are ones that deserve my time, not selfish, condescending jerks.

Good luck to you.

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