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mnml

Running out of rope

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I've lost so much that I thought I wouldn't make it past New Years. My wife and I split up. My parents and family pretty much abandoned me (I am 40). My grandparents raised me, but 3 out of 4 of them have passed away. 4th one is too old to give any type of emotional support. Friends are there, but friends can't do much. I am OK with all those things and I understand that life goes on, but there is one other problem that's making me sink lower than ever. I've never been so depressed. I've never had suicidal thoughts, but the very thought of not being alive brings relief ( I am NOT suicidal at all )

I owe about $50K in Credit Card debt and $10K in Student Loan debt. I have a very good job and make good money. I will make more money next year. I will find evening and weekend job soon. But I live in LA and cost of living here in insane. Pus I have a car lease for a relatively expensive car. I don't want to ruin my credit so I am paying all my bills. Not a SINGLE late payment for anything. I would work 24/7 to pay off the debt, but I have a dog who is basically my child. I can't leave him alone all day. 

I know it's not the end of the world and if I was 25 or 30 years old, I would be laughing right now. But at 40, it will take me about 5 years to pay off this debt ( or longer ). That means for the next 5 years I can't spend a penny on anything besides living expenses. No dating, no clothes, no going out, no eating out, no movies, no birthday parties, no nothing. It's overwhelming and is sucking the life out of me. I don't know how to cope. I don't know what to do. If it was just the finances, that would be hard, but OK. If it would be just the divorce, that would be painful, but I would manage. If it was just my parents and family betraying me, it would be horrible, but I would go on. But it's everything at the same time. I don't know how to go on =(

Edited by mnml

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Because they don't care. That's the simple answer. I don't even want to go into the not so simple answer

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What if you took 20 years to pay it off? You’ll still be young enough to work at 60, and by spreading the debt out 15 more years, you’ll still have money to live between then and now. 

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You need to accept certain realities, put belt tightening procedures in place. You have to go back so that you don’t make the same mistakes again. How did you end up with a $50 K credit card? What is going good for you is that you have a good job and you make good money. So, plug the drain so you can pay the debt and start saving.

I would make the hard choice of getting rid of the dog, and the expensive car. Be practical. Do you live a high maint lifestyle? Expensive clothes, jewelry, cool gadgets. If you tighten your belt, things will turn around otherwise you will be spending money on therapy and medicine. And if you haven’t done so, start reading up on financial self-help books regarding putting your finances in order, dealing with debt, how you might refinance or restructure them, how to control spending and how to start saving. There are many resources in the library, not only books but magazines as well.

Heres a quote from Warren Buffet: “If you buy things you do not need, soon you will have to sell things you need.”

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Wow... This some offensive stuff... Def not the right forum for me.

Get rid of the dog? Would you get rid of your child? That's truly one of the most offensive things I've ever heard. And you need to grow a f$cking. heart. I am out of here.

 

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Hi mnml,
I am sorry about what I said and for being insensitive.

I was just caught up in what you painted as a dire financial situation and ended up suggesting mainly financial advice. I was simply reminded of some people who fell into hard times and have to give up their pets which they said could have done sooner. One case is a family whose only daughter had neuroblastoma and while it was sad for them to give up their pets, move to smaller house, cheaper cars, they knew they had to do it.

I forgot about the other emotional things going on in your life. I apologize for my bad reply and please don’t take that against the other people here who do give great advice.

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it's rough that you're going through this. I have my woes too. I'm from L.A. and I struggle with bills.

hope things get better for you. try to have a positive aspect, do things you enjoy.

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I’m sure mnml won’t see this, but I am sickened by the reply from Here2help2 to get rid of his dog! Not only did he say it was like his child, but a dog is a living creature who has feelings and unconditional love.

I can attest to the fact that a pet can definitely help with depression.  Without my dogs, I wouldn’t want to get out of bed on days I don’t work. A mindset like that is why so many dogs get killed in shelters every day.

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On 5/1/2018 at 10:12 PM, mnml said:

Wow... This some offensive stuff... Def not the right forum for me.

Get rid of the dog? Would you get rid of your child? That's truly one of the most offensive things I've ever heard. And you need to grow a f$cking. heart. I am out of here.

 

I totally agree.  That was very offensive.

You are probably not around anymore, but I just wanted to say that I am so very sorry you are suffering. I am in a similar boat financially (and I'm 57) and I know how desperately hopeless that feels, even when you are doing everything you can to make ends meet. 

16 minutes ago, 1966michigan said:

I’m sure mnml won’t see this, but I am sickened by the reply from Here2help2 to get rid of his dog! Not only did he say it was like his child, but a dog is a living creature who has feelings and unconditional love.

I can attest to the fact that a pet can definitely help with depression.  Without my dogs, I wouldn’t want to get out of bed on days I don’t work. A mindset like that is why so many dogs get killed in shelters every day.

DItto here.

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1996michigan and rhyl,
Please accept my apologies as well. And I apologize to anyone else who was offended by my words. English is not my first language and I was too hasty in doing my reply. I should have been more extra careful with my words and I regret how I said it.

I do have seen some cases where the family eventually needs to give up their pets because of hardship. Just look at the epidemic of homelessness in LA today. I’m sure that many of these homeless people used to have pets that they truly love. Where are they now? Read up on the epidemic of stray and homeless animals in LA, Dallas and New Orleans. I don’t think it is because of this mindset that you are accusing me of that caused this but the sad reality of poverty and homelessness.

And what about the rescue of 30 plus animals being kept by a loving old woman. Should we praise her for her stubbornness to keep the animals she loved while they lounge in their own urine and feces and helpless against lice, ticks and other vermin?

Again I apologize for the harsh way I said it but we have a moral duty to these animals to plan for a future home for them when there is an impending financial disaster. I did volunteer work at a homeless center and many people get thrown out on the street overnight and their pets have nowhere to go so they just leave the poor animals somewhere.

I didn’t come here to offend anyone or make enemies but I guess my fault is that my advice was too direct on his financial situation. I will say no more. Thanks for understanding.
 

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Thank you for your reply.  Thank was good of you to follow up.  I’m sure you were trying to help. I know that giving up my dogs would be the worst thing I could ever imagine.

It is a tragedy for the poor homeless dogs left behind in the storms or from financial hardships.  The hoarders aren’t helping them either. I’m quite sure the lady with 30 dogs suffers from some severe mental illness. 

The original poster sounded like he had other things he could change to get out of debt, so hopefully he’ll consider his budget very carefully and get rid of the expensive car and any other unnecessary items. Some people don’t realize they’re living beyond their means. They eat out almost every day and buy coffees every morning, along with other expenses they can’t afford. Brand name everything, expensive haircuts and other luxuries.  These are easy ways to pay off debts quicker.

Luckily I’ve always been good with money and try not to buy things I don’t need.  I’ve still got horrible depression, but no debt. 😊

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Thanks for understanding. I want to apologize to let people here know that it really was a regrettable mistake. Sometimes I do say things verbally that come out differently from what I was thinking or I don’t put it clearly enough. It has something to do with the fact that at times I still have to translate in my mind what I want to express from my original language to English. It’s a good thing my wife knows me enough and would ask me to explain what I meant.

This was a big mess for me and I feel guilty over how it affected mnml. I will be more careful next time. Thanks again. Need to get some rest, I think I am coming down with something.

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