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Yeah yeah, edgy title I know but, it fits
WARNING! Swear words why be ahead!

Hey there who ever is reading this! Im back with some venting and ranting and stuff.

    Recently I've just felt sad an empty inside. Like nothing can make me really smile, not food, not shows, and even a youtuber that always makes me smile, can make me smile. Its horrible. Im guessing its because of the lack of communication with the most important person in my life not talking to me. she's been doing alot recently, leaving me alone in the dark for a day or two. Its honestly awful, and i've tried socializing with my family but, its just no use. I, of course, put on a fake smile, an happy persona. It still doesnt work. I just cant be happy around them, I constantly feel like they're ashamed of me. I try to sleep it off, but I cannot sleep. I try to distract myself with my laptop, but I cant shake it off.

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Really sorry to hear about this. Has this kind of thing happened before? Have you had any professional help or diagnosis? These behaviours linked into relationships and being unable to control emotions and feeling 'empty' sounds very familiar to me. I'll refrain from bringing in terms at this point but my advice would be to try and balance your relationships rather than solely focus on the one that is currently absent. I completely understand that is no small feat and the whole emptiness and feeling like faking things... I find - sometimes at least - that I do that subconsciously in order to protect myself / others from exploding from the emotions bubbling under the surface. You may actually be feeling like you want to yell at your family or break down crying (and maybe you even have) so when it comes to 'acting normal' you can only do so by wearing a mask. [my chest tattoo 'and this is not my face, and this is not my life' echoes this]. Of course this may not be how you feel but that's what I can go through at times and your situation reminds me of it. Try to take things one step at a time for now but you may find talking about it to people very helpful in the long run.

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