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At this point I just want this week to end. I've developed such an irrational hatred of that tennis player who I had never heard of until Sunday. I don't even know if my CO and her have ever actually met, but I get so jealous at the thought of her with him. If I never thought about her again, I'd be happy. It's not just her possible connection to him that annoys me, though that's a lot of it. She strikes me as being very full of herself and vain. She's a pretty girl, I'll give her that, but I have little patience for people who seem arrogant about their looks. Maybe that's hypocritical considering how much time I spend dwelling on what I hate about my own looks. Either way it's obsessing over your looks. Ugh. Whatever. I just don't like her and hate the thought of him being with someone like her. Which he may not even be.

Blocking her on twitter hasn't kept me from going to his or her pages on instagram and seeing if they're following each other. Repeatedly. They aren't. I've been checking his twitter likes obsessively - her tweets don't show up when I look on my own account, but I can see the number of likes he has and see if it's changed. I hate that I do these things. I need to figure out a way to harness all the energy and focus I'm giving them and channel in into something positive. Instead of something that only hurts me.

I used to have a music blog I enjoyed writing and it was doing pretty well for a while, but it's been months since I've written anything for it. I also had a couple of stories I was working on that I haven't worked on in a while. I used to love writing so much. I get ideas, but I can't seem to muster up the energy to write them out. It makes me wonder how much writing I could get done if I used the time I spent obsessing to write instead. Maybe in addition to looking for ways/places to volunteer, I should make an effort to write whenever I start obsessing.

Meanwhile it seems like members of the team are slowly starting to return to the city. Rookie camp will be starting around the 13th and after that comes training camp with all the current members of the roster. So my CO will be back in the city sometime in the next month. I'm very curious to see how I do once the season starts and I can watch him play again. Will it help? Or will seeing him more often make it harder? 

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I had to share this.  I use tumblr and have found out there are some really nasty mean people on there. I posted a goofy picture of my CO on there and of course I thought he was as gorgeous as always and I got this anonymous reply about the photo:

"Hello there! I’m a fellow (CO) fan myself but seriously... the thing of (CO) you posted recently was tagged “good lookin” “sexy af” and “such sexy lips” or whatever crap. That picture is probably the ugliest picture of him I have ever seen. Like really? I would understand it if you said he was cute and funny but “sexy”????😖"

This hurt me right in the feels and I cried. How could someone even say that?! Maybe I'm being irrational.  I then posted how my CO really wasn't that great looking anyway and I felt horrible for even saying that. I spent a whole hour deleting all the captions and tags on all my CO's photos.  I won't even post him anymore in fear someone will say something nasty again.  I'm still upset about this and not just because the person insinuated my CO was ugly, but because I felt like they were calling me stupid for even saying stuff like that. This has made me feel worthless.  I can't bear to read or see anything mean and negative about my CO.  He is no Chris Hemsworth.  He's short and on the goofy side but I find him so wonderful and beautiful and perfect.  

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13 minutes ago, ViceCityKitty said:

I had to share this.  I use tumblr and have found out there are some really nasty mean people on there. I posted a goofy picture of my CO on there and of course I thought he was as gorgeous as always and I got this anonymous reply about the photo:

"Hello there! I’m a fellow (CO) fan myself but seriously... the thing of (CO) you posted recently was tagged “good lookin” “sexy af” and “such sexy lips” or whatever crap. That picture is probably the ugliest picture of him I have ever seen. Like really? I would understand it if you said he was cute and funny but “sexy”????😖"

This hurt me right in the feels and I cried. How could someone even say that?! Maybe I'm being irrational.  I then posted how my CO really wasn't that great looking anyway and I felt horrible for even saying that. I spent a whole hour deleting all the captions and tags on all my CO's photos.  I won't even post him anymore in fear someone will say something nasty again.  I'm still upset about this and not just because the person insinuated my CO was ugly, but because I felt like they were calling me stupid for even saying stuff like that. This has made me feel worthless.  I can't bear to read or see anything mean and negative about my CO.  He is no Chris Hemsworth.  He's short and on the goofy side but I find him so wonderful and beautiful and perfect.  

I’m sorry to hear that you let this person bring you down. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about your CO. If it makes you happy to post pics of him with “sexy” tags, keep doing that! I’m definitely not the most confident person, but I’m very confident when it comes to my taste in COs. They appeal to ME so it doesn’t matter if other people don’t see it. My opinion is the only one that matters! 🙂

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@ViceCityCity,

Well, it was anonymous, so who knows the gender of the poster, but it was probably a guy. If he's a guy, he probably doesn't see your CO from a woman's point of view. 🙂 He's probably straight, so how can he judge another man's sexiness, lol? 😄 Also, men are competitive. When you say your CO is sexy, it probably makes the guy feel threatened because maybe he doesn't feel very sexy himself. So he's like, "I never get called sexy, but her CO isn't better looking than me! What's he got that I haven't got?!?!?" So he lashes out at your CO because it make his "ego" feel better. (Of course, I can't see into his head, but I am pretty sure there is something like that going on.) Just don't take it seriously, or let a comment about your CO make you feel bad, especially from a guy. (Whoever it was doesn't sound much like a fan. When you're a fan of somebody, you can see what other people would see in them, right?)

Also, why don't say on your tumblr posts just what you said here? "He is no Chris Hemsworth.  He's short and on the goofy side but I find him so wonderful and beautiful and perfect." Or say, "He wasn't that great looking in a standard sort of way, but I still think he's sexy." Plenty of other women will see what you mean and agree with you. They may not all agree, but that's okay. It's okay to have different tastes.  "Sexy" isn't always about looking like a cookie-cutter model. Sometimes people who look different can be sexier precisely *because* they are different. Frank Sinatra was too thin, and his face wasn't really that gorgeous, but women went crazy over him. So, tell that guy (or whoever it was) to take a hike. 😄

Edited by BlueStarr

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Thank you for your replies.  I do feel better.  I guess all that matters is how I feel about my CO. And I think he's the bees knees.

However I am going to take a break from posting him for awhile. Just let things blow over and just fawn over him in private. 

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Well, Josh Radnor is definitely no sex symbol.  I like the expression the bee's knees.  I heard it in a movie or tv show once but I can't remember which one.  🙂  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  I'm trying to forget what he looks like but it is very hard even though it's been about a month since I googled him.  I did look up his show Rise  to see if it succeeded and found out it has been cancelled.  Zach Braff's new show Alex was cancelled after only nine episodes.  Did anyone watch it?  I was curious about it but I never watch cable t.v. anymore.  Just watch stuff on youtube, prime, and netflix.  Josh is the only guy I have ever been attracted to with facial hair.  I am taking some papers to  my new therapist and it was very therapeutic cutting his picture out of one of his articles and tearing it into pieces.  It was always my least favorite picture of him.  So intense and brooding and almost angry-like.  Everybody thinks I should get rid of all of my files about him now but I don't want to completely forget him...even though feelings for him really messed me up.  I know I should but I can't right now.

I found another song that I listen to when I'm trying to push him out of my head besides I Hope You're Happy By Blue October which will always be #1 and Ordinary World which will always be #2.  My bff likes weird music with sometimes disturbing lyrics but one of his favorites is Florence and The Machine.  When I found that out, I decided to buy Shake It Out.  It was part of one of the How I Met Your Mother episodes.  I think it was the one where Robin tells Ted she doesn't love him.  I didn't want to buy it but it's exactly the right song.  I have a respect for her art and everything her voice just is grating.  I push myself really hard on the stationary bike when I hear I Hope You're Happy and Shake It Out and I shake him off my shoulders when it comes to that part in the song.  It makes me sad because I don't know if I'll ever have a normal healthy relationship but oh well.  As long as I have good friends and family, I will be okay.  A lot of my friends are older than me and I'm working on that.

 

 

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1 hour ago, starbucksjunkee said:

Well, Josh Radnor is definitely no sex symbol.  I like the expression the bee's knees.  I heard it in a movie or tv show once but I can't remember which one.  🙂  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

It makes me sad because I don't know if I'll ever have a normal healthy relationship but oh well.  As long as I have good friends and family, I will be okay.  A lot of my friends are older than me and I'm working on that.

 

 

I always wonder that too. All my relationships have failed miserably. And I don't think I can give up my CO for one. I am thankful for family and especially my best friend. I can talk to her about my CO and gush about him and show off his pictures and she does not judge me.  There have been several times I thought of giving him up but my CO is too therapeutic for me to give up.

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You're lucky ViceCityKitty.  You have only positive things to say about your CO and he doesn't seem to be harming you emotionally.  Thinking about Josh did major some damage--some of it seems like it will be permanent.  I had one great short term relationship and one that lasted almost a year and was good but I was too young to make a major commitment.  The rest of the guys I dated messed me up like Josh did.  What if you met someone who was kind and good to you and made you feel special, would you give up your CO then?  I know I would be able to drop Josh like a bad habit if that ever happens to me.  My bff is an older married man with kids and I finally got to meet his son.  I hoped we could have a chance and when I met him I realized he wasn't my type but I could never tell my bff that.  He was really cute and in good shape but he was just too goofy for me.  He told a couple inappropriate stories.  He's too young for me anyway and I feel like they are my second family so I would never take the risk.  Not like he's going to move here to be with me anyway.  I promised myself I'd never date a younger guy again unless it was only one or two years.  He was nice but my standards are pretty high.  If only I could find another guy like my bff who is younger and single.  He is really good to me...like the big brother I never had.  Some day maybe...I've pretty much given up looking.  Not that I don't look at nice friendly guys fingers for wedding rings once in a while...I'm embarrassed to admit!

 

 

Edited by starbucksjunkee

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@starbucksjunkee:  Sometimes, I wonder if the only way these obsessions would fully end if I got a man.  My history with men is...not so great.  I fell in love once, but he didn't love me back.  He once said in front of our classmates that he wanted nothing to do with me.  And I still clung onto him like a piece of lint on a shirt.  I went on only one date ever with a different guy, but it took all of 5 minutes to realize we were wrong for each other.  Even though the crush linger for a short while after.  After that, I really liked someone and the feeling was mutual for once.  I was so excited when he finally asked for my number.  I didn't get his, and he never called me back.  Months later, I saw him hand in hand with another girl.  I was crushed, but I got over it pretty fast.  After that, it was one failed attempt after another.  One unattainable person after another.  But it rarely progressed beyond flirting and talking.  I ruined things before they could even get started.  Then there was another guys a few years that I met on some site.  I had Aspergers too.  I liked him, but he wanted more than I could offer.  I guess I got scared.  I wasn't ready for a commitment, even with someone over the Internet.  Very few people know about Internet guy.  Somewhere across the line, I went from going after unavailable live guys to having imaginary relationships with celebrities.  For the most part, it's worked for me.  I could imagine exactly the type of relationship I'd want with a live person, enjoy it, get bored, move on.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  I've given up too, for the most part.  I think the only man that could handle me is my brother, LOL.

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Nikki114,

I can relate to what you said about "I think the only man that could handle me is my brother."  I sort of feel that way.  My brother did a lot of growing up though and we're still close but not as close as we were.  He has a family now and a job that keeps him busy.  One thing good I can say about him is that he has never made me feel like a loser.  He's always validated me unless he's in a bad mood about something then I know I have to give him space and can't take it too personally.  Now I have a bff that is just like him but older and married with kids.  We are as close as my brother and I used to be.  He's like family to me and my parents love him.  I want to find someone like that someday...but someone who is closer to my age and single.  I want to be friends for a few months then bam romance and taking things really slow.  I settled for two guys that were completely wrong for me and they are the biggest regrets of my life and I haven't dated since.  Guys have asked me out but I would have settled again which I will never do again. 

The thing with Josh has me so scared that I'll never date again.  If someone I don't even know and will probably never meet could mess me up that much, how would I ever be able to be with someone I do know?  Even though I am learning not to punish myself for my past mistakes anymore.  Those two are the only doovers I would do if  I could go back and change what happened...I read this book once called The Five Love  Languages For Singles and I realized my love language is words.  I feel good about myself except for my looks sometimes but I need to know someone really cares about me and really means what they say and doesn't put me down.  The only man I ever truly loved stopped calling me and spending time with me and it took me a long time to get over him.  He never said why.  Now I know that it was the right thing that we ended it because he has a kid and I was so much younger than him I wasn't ready for that.  I was in a wedding and he was in the wedding to me but he didn't speak to me once.  His wife was with him and she was pregnant.  I thought it was so stupid that he didn't say anything.  I didn't say anything to him because I knew it would be too tough for me and I didn't know what to say.  But I was obviously single and I looked my best so it's his loss.  I would have felt like I had to give him kids right away and that would have been wrong.  Plus the fact that he was too different from me politically and otherwise.  It is so hard because I'm a 4 a romantic on the enneagram.  You should take that test some time and find out what you are.  I think the site is called simlarminds.

 

Edited by starbucksjunkee

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@starbucksjunkee:  It's like I ping-pong between feeling bad about myself and feeling good about myself.  Pessimism with occasional and recently more frequent bouts of optimism. 

 

I took the test and got a type 6.  I read the description and it is pretty accurate.  I also got strong Individualism and Thinker scores.  Type 6 is barely in the lead.

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On 8/23/2018 at 5:42 PM, ViceCityKitty said:

I had to share this.  I use tumblr and have found out there are some really nasty mean people on there. I posted a goofy picture of my CO on there and of course I thought he was as gorgeous as always and I got this anonymous reply about the photo:

"Hello there! I’m a fellow (CO) fan myself but seriously... the thing of (CO) you posted recently was tagged “good lookin” “sexy af” and “such sexy lips” or whatever crap. That picture is probably the ugliest picture of him I have ever seen. Like really? I would understand it if you said he was cute and funny but “sexy”????😖"

This hurt me right in the feels and I cried. How could someone even say that?! Maybe I'm being irrational.  I then posted how my CO really wasn't that great looking anyway and I felt horrible for even saying that. I spent a whole hour deleting all the captions and tags on all my CO's photos.  I won't even post him anymore in fear someone will say something nasty again.  I'm still upset about this and not just because the person insinuated my CO was ugly, but because I felt like they were calling me stupid for even saying stuff like that. This has made me feel worthless.  I can't bear to read or see anything mean and negative about my CO.  He is no Chris Hemsworth.  He's short and on the goofy side but I find him so wonderful and beautiful and perfect.  

Is it possible to keep ppl from posting on your tumblr page?  Tumblr is a tricky place.  I totally get how you're feeling.  :console:

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Oh, man....I'm glad I found this so I feel less alone but, oh man. This is a doozy.

I don't know if I would call this an obsession because I am very mindful. I've always been a fangirl my entire life...but my latest fave is significantly younger than me and I'm honestly so unsure how to feel about this. He's a teenager and I'm 31. A youthful, exuberant 31 who often gets pegged as a decade younger, but still, 31 is 31!

I don't and can't think of him sexually but I still feel weird for liking somebody 15 and a half years younger than me so much. It's about finding him really talented and cool as opposed to wanting to sleep with him but still....what the hell is wrong with me? 

Also, even though it's not a sexual attraction, I do find him to be so incredibly good looking. It's like looking at art or something. You don't want to have sex with it but, God, it's just so great to look at. I didn't think that about him until recently now that he's older. There are physical characteristics I've always admired in guys and he has them. Even if it's just aesthetic attraction, I feel like I am not right.

He reminds me a lot of a boyfriend I had when I was around his age. That boy was a bright spot in my horrible teenage years. He was the first person I did consensual acts with and he made me feel safe, loved and free. I'm sure this boy's physical resemblance to that person from my past has something to do with my desire to pay attention to him, but I admire him in his own right also.

I've been told by my husband and several therapists that I'm emotionally young due to undergoing intense trauma at a young age. It's as if I'm always trying to vicariously correct my teen years or wishing to redo them differently.

I'm also a new mother. It was a massive adjustment and my pregnancy was very unplanned. Also, although I love my husband, I don't really feel in love with him anymore and I (as well as others) believe that he got me pregnant on purpose. I feel deep down that this is not the way things should have happened. I love my son more than anything but I don't think my husband and I were supposed to end up together.

This isn't the first time I've regressed to fandom as a coping mechanism in response to difficult, devastating changes, but it is the first time I've so ardently admired one so much younger than me. 

I don't follow him on social media but I see stuff about him on Tumblr. I use Tumblr to be part of fandoms, several of which are related to various projects of his I love but, naturally, content related to the guy himself slips through at times.

Even though I'm a respectful fan, I still just feel so weird. Most of his fans are so much younger than me. Like, his age and younger. I know he has older fans too, but people really dump on older people who fangirl out over him. I was snotty about women my age as a teenager, so I'm sure some of that is just the cattiness of young girls who don't know any better, but still. This guy himself once called it gross when a 27 year old model made a comment about him. Granted, her comment was a bit sexually suggestive and odd but still. I may not say sexual stuff about him but I can't help but wonder if I am in the wrong.

I don't even think I could even go to a show of his band even though they're awesome as hell because I would feel creepy and out of place because they're always crawling with teenage girls. My therapist said that would not be out of line but I would just feel like an oddball. Older than all the kids but younger than the parents that took them! 😛

I am an intelligent, sensitive, attractive, compassionate, talented, academic, career driven 31 year old wife and mother. I should not be this way and I feel broken.

 

Edited by Myshka

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@Myshka,

It's not weird for adults to be fans of child celebrities, (as long as it's not a sexual thing). Look at Shirley Temple, the most famous child actress of all time! She had millions of adult fans who adored her. Adults love child actors, child performers, and teenage talents. It probably feels weird for you to be surrounded by gushing, young fangirls who are sexually attracted to this teen. (It's just their young hormones waking up, lol!) However, it's fine for a teenage heartthrob to have adult fans who aren't sexually attracted.

My question for you is why does it bother you so much?  Personally, I think your YOUNG GIRL SELF is attracted to him because he reminds HER of the boyfriend she felt safe and comfortable with. I think it's really the boyfriend you're remembering, (and of course the memories are from the perspective of your young teenage self). You've latched on to the kid because he reminds you of him, and that in turn reminds you of a time when you felt safe and happy. You're subconsciously going back to being a teenager again, which can be quite a normal thing, especially if you're unhappy with your life now. You're probably just trying to get back to feeling "safe" again because you don't feel safe now. (I'm not a therapist, but that's my unprofessional theory, lol!)

So, there is nothing to feel weird about, as long as you don't let it get out of hand. The thing to watch out for is that you don't start to REALLY feel attracted to the boy as a 31 year old woman. That would be dangerous ground, and it's a slippery slope you're on, imho. There must be some reason that being a fan of his makes you THAT uncomfortable, so you need to be completely honest with yourself about how you really feel about this kid. You might be a little young to be the teen's mom, but it would be better to imagine him as your own child, or as your kid brother, rather than some ambiguous feeling connected to your first boyfriend. It could balloon into something you don't want if you're not careful. My two cents. I hope it's helpful.

Edited by BlueStarr

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1 hour ago, Myshka said:

Oh, man....I'm glad I found this so I feel less alone but, oh man. This is a doozy.

I don't know if I would call this an obsession because I am very mindful. I've always been a fangirl my entire life...but my latest fave is significantly younger than me and I'm honestly so unsure how to feel about this. He's a teenager and I'm 31. A youthful, exuberant 31 who often gets pegged as a decade younger, but still, 31 is 31!

I don't and can't think of him sexually but I still feel weird for liking somebody 15 and a half years younger than me so much. It's about finding him really talented and cool as opposed to wanting to sleep with him but still....what the hell is wrong with me? 

Also, even though it's not a sexual attraction, I do find him to be so incredibly good looking. It's like looking at art or something. You don't want to have sex with it but, God, it's just so great to look at. I didn't think that about him until recently now that he's older. There are physical characteristics I've always admired in guys and he has them. Even if it's just aesthetic attraction, I feel like I am not right.

He reminds me a lot of a boyfriend I had when I was around his age. That boy was a bright spot in my horrible teenage years. He was the first person I did consensual acts with and he made me feel safe, loved and free. I'm sure this boy's physical resemblance to that person from my past has something to do with my desire to pay attention to him, but I admire him in his own right also.

I've been told by my husband and several therapists that I'm emotionally young due to undergoing intense trauma at a young age. It's as if I'm always trying to vicariously correct my teen years or wishing to redo them differently.

I'm also a new mother. It was a massive adjustment and my pregnancy was very unplanned. Also, although I love my husband, I don't really feel in love with him anymore and I (as well as others) believe that he got me pregnant on purpose. I feel deep down that this is not the way things should have happened. I love my son more than anything but I don't think my husband and I were supposed to end up together.

This isn't the first time I've regressed to fandom as a coping mechanism in response to difficult, devastating changes, but it is the first time I've so ardently admired one so much younger than me. 

I don't follow him on social media but I see stuff about him on Tumblr. I use Tumblr to be part of fandoms, several of which are related to various projects of his I love but, naturally, content related to the guy himself slips through at times.

Even though I'm a respectful fan, I still just feel so weird. Most of his fans are so much younger than me. Like, his age and younger. I know he has older fans too, but people really dump on older people who fangirl out over him. I was snotty about women my age as a teenager, so I'm sure some of that is just the cattiness of young girls who don't know any better, but still. This guy himself once called it gross when a 27 year old model made a comment about him. Granted, her comment was a bit sexually suggestive and odd but still. I may not say sexual stuff about him but I can't help but wonder if I am in the wrong.

I don't even think I could even go to a show of his band even though they're awesome as hell because I would feel creepy and out of place because they're always crawling with teenage girls. My therapist said that would not be out of line but I would just feel like an oddball. Older than all the kids but younger than the parents that took them! 😛

I am an intelligent, sensitive, attractive, compassionate, talented, academic, career driven 31 year old wife and mother. I should not be this way and I feel broken.

 

Welcome! I’m very glad you posted this. I’m in my 30s too (older than you) and I know exactly who you’re talking about because I have similar feelings about him, and it was very weird for me too considering the age difference. I do follow him on social media and I’ve seen how vicious his fans can be. His band hasn’t come to my city yet, but I also wondered if it would be too weird for me to go see him. You are not alone! 🙂

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10 hours ago, BlueStarr said:

@Myshka,

It's not weird for adults to be fans of child celebrities, (as long as it's not a sexual thing). Look at Shirley Temple, the most famous child actress of all time! She had millions of adult fans who adored her. Adults love child actors, child performers, and teenage talents. It probably feels weird for you to be surrounded by gushing, young fangirls who are sexually attracted to this teen. (It's just their young hormones waking up, lol!) However, it's fine for a teenage heartthrob to have adult fans who aren't sexually attracted.

My question for you is why does it bother you so much?  Personally, I think your YOUNG GIRL SELF is attracted to him because he reminds HER of the boyfriend she felt safe and comfortable with. I think it's really the boyfriend you're remembering, (and of course the memories are from the perspective of your young teenage self). You've latched on to the kid because he reminds you of him, and that in turn reminds you of a time when you felt safe and happy. You're subconsciously going back to being a teenager again, which can be quite a normal thing, especially if you're unhappy with your life now. You're probably just trying to get back to feeling "safe" again because you don't feel safe now. (I'm not a therapist, but that's my unprofessional theory, lol!)

So, there is nothing to feel weird about, as long as you don't let it get out of hand. The thing to watch out for is that you don't start to REALLY feel attracted to the boy as a 31 year old woman. That would be dangerous ground, and it's a slippery slope you're on, imho. There must be some reason that being a fan of his makes you THAT uncomfortable, so you need to be completely honest with yourself about how you really feel about this kid. You might be a little young to be the teen's mom, but it would be better to imagine him as your own child, or as your kid brother, rather than some ambiguous feeling connected to your first boyfriend. It could balloon into something you don't want if you're not careful. My two cents. I hope it's helpful.

This boy ain't no Shirley Temple, that's for sure! He's almost 16 and he's got quite the mouth on him sometimes. I'm a lifelong trashmouth myself and even I've blushed on occasion at some of the things he's said. But I do see what you're saying and agree that it's okay for adults to be fans of underage stars as long as they maintain respectful boundaries.

Your theory is spot on, honestly. My young self never really went away; she's always been very much alive and present. That part of me still being so prevalent coupled with a vast majority of his other fans being teenage girls who go on about him in a way that my 31 year old real world self cannot does make for a lot of strangeness and confusion. Throw in his resemblance to the first boy I loved sexually (and one of the only ex's I wouldn't take back) and you've really got a Molotov cocktail of confusion.

You're right that I'm trying to recapture a more youthful time (and rare moments of happiness from that time). Besides my current dissatisfaction, motherhood is limiting in ways I've never experienced or even fully comprehended before and it's been a difficult pill to swallow.

Still, although there is a resemblance to my young love, I cannot, in all honesty, say that that's why I like him so much. It is a factor but I love him in his own right, completely separate from my memories of that boy. I know how I can be and I know what I like. I know this would have been a struggle for me even if I had never had that young love. 

Being completely honest, I feel so weird about being such a fan because, as you said, I am on a very slippery slope.

Sure, I don't have conscious sexual thoughts about him. I would never want to be involved with him romantically because even a cool, kind, mature for his age teenage boy is still a teenage boy and, honestly, he can be as much of a dip as the rest of them at times. I felt general negativity about teenage boys even when I was a teenager myself!

The fact that I find him so aesthetically pleasing is just a bit worrisome to me. I love looking at the guy. He is, in my opinion, so interesting to look at. I'm talking, put that mf'er in a museum gorgeous. Physically, the dude's like a masterpiece and he doesn't even try. Living art. I guess the fact that I didn't start feeling that way until he became older makes me question if there's something subconsciously inappropriate about my admiration.

I don't, as a 31 year old woman, want him in a mature sense, but the fact that he's starting to look like my "type," I guess you could say, is just confusing to me. I'm told there's nothing wrong with appreciating beauty but when is it not okay? I have no idea.

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14 minutes ago, Myshka said:

This boy ain't no Shirley Temple, that's for sure! He's almost 16 and he's got quite the mouth on him sometimes. I'm a lifelong trashmouth myself and even I've blushed on occasion at some of the things he's said. But I do see what you're saying and agree that it's okay for adults to be fans of underage stars as long as they maintain respectful boundaries.

Your theory is spot on, honestly. My young self never really went away; she's always been very much alive and present. That part of me still being so prevalent coupled with a vast majority of his other fans being teenage girls who go on about him in a way that my 31 year old real world self cannot does make for a lot of strangeness and confusion. Throw in his resemblance to the first boy I loved sexually (and one of the only ex's I wouldn't take back) and you've really got a Molotov cocktail of confusion.

You're right that I'm trying to recapture a more youthful time (and rare moments of happiness from that time). Besides my current dissatisfaction, motherhood is limiting in ways I've never experienced or even fully comprehended before and it's been a difficult pill to swallow.

Still, although there is a resemblance to my young love, I cannot, in all honesty, say that that's why I like him so much. It is a factor but I love him in his own right, completely separate from my memories of that boy. I know how I can be and I know what I like. I know this would have been a struggle for me even if I had never had that young love. 

Being completely honest, I feel so weird about being such a fan because, as you said, I am on a very slippery slope.

Sure, I don't have conscious sexual thoughts about him. I would never want to be involved with him romantically because even a cool, kind, mature for his age teenage boy is still a teenage boy and, honestly, he can be as much of a dip as the rest of them at times. I felt general negativity about teenage boys even when I was a teenager myself!

The fact that I find him so aesthetically pleasing is just a bit worrisome to me. I love looking at the guy. He is, in my opinion, so interesting to look at. I'm talking, put that mf'er in a museum gorgeous. Physically, the dude's like a masterpiece and he doesn't even try. Living art. I guess the fact that I didn't start feeling that way until he became older makes me question if there's something subconsciously inappropriate about my admiration.

I don't, as a 31 year old woman, want him in a mature sense, but the fact that he's starting to look like my "type," I guess you could say, is just confusing to me. I'm told there's nothing wrong with appreciating beauty but when is it not okay? I have no idea.

It’s not wrong to be a fan or find him attractive (despite what people on the Internet will tell you). You and I definitely aren’t the only ones who think that he is. I do understand your concern because I was worried about whether something was wrong with me too at first, but I know that I have no ill intentions toward him or anyone else. I’m not sure how long this has been going on for you, but the intensity of my feelings for him did mellow out after a few months after another celebrity (who happens to be 22) caught my interest. So I was a bit relieved that I had found someone else who I could publicly fangirl over and not be shamed for it. Not that there was anything wrong with me being a fan of the guy you’re talking about (and I still am a fan), but there are definitely people who just won’t get it and will try to make you feel bad about it.

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3 hours ago, Myshka said:

Sure, I don't have conscious sexual thoughts about him.

Did you notice how you worded that? You don't have conscious sexual thoughts about him. What about your subconscious? This is something you should take very seriously.

 

3 hours ago, Myshka said:

The fact that I find him so aesthetically pleasing is just a bit worrisome to me.

Did you notice how you are bothered by this? Ask yourself WHY are you bothered by this?

 

3 hours ago, Myshka said:

I love looking at the guy. He is, in my opinion, so interesting to look at. I'm talking, put that mf'er in a museum gorgeous. Physically, the dude's like a masterpiece and he doesn't even try. Living art. I guess the fact that I didn't start feeling that way until he became older makes me question if there's something subconsciously inappropriate about my admiration.

Listen to yourself. It is obvious that you find him sexually attractive, whether you admit this openly to yourself or not. I know you can't shut it off with a button, but you need to do whatever you can to discourage this obsession. You know it's unhealthy. The more you dwell on him and stare at him, the worse this is going to get. I don't want to make you feel bad or guilty, (humans sometimes find underage people attractive), but you really need to get a handle on this ASAP.

 

3 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

It’s not wrong to be a fan or find him attractive (despite what people on the Internet will tell you). You and I definitely aren’t the only ones who think that he is.

It wouldn't be wrong to be a fan of his IF it was really just a platonic admiration, but I suspect it really isn't. Therefore, I think it's *wrong* to dwell on it and not fight an obsession with an underage teenager, even if it means going to therapy. NOTHING good can come from this whatsoever. I realize that you can't turn an obsession off with a button, so the only advice I can give you girls is to STOP being involved with his fandom, STOP "fangirling" about this guy on social media, (it is totally inappropriate for grown women to act this way about a teenager, regardless of the intention), and try thinking about older guys you find attractive to distract yourselves from this. This is not healthy in any way.

Also, the LAST thing you should be doing is validating each other and telling each other that this isn't unhealthy. I'm sorry if I can't be more sympathetic. If you weren't spending time staring at him and admiring him, allowing the obsession to grow bigger and bigger, I would understand it better.

Edited by BlueStarr

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15 minutes ago, BlueStarr said:

Did you notice how you worded that? You don't have conscious sexual thoughts about him. What about your subconscious? This is something you should take very seriously.

 

Did you notice how you are bothered by this? Ask yourself WHY are you bothered by this?

 

Listen to yourself. It is obvious that you find him sexually attractive, whether you admit this openly to yourself or not. I know you can't shut it off with a button, but you need to do whatever you can to discourage this obsession. You know it's unhealthy. The more you dwell on him and stare at him, the worse this is going to get. I don't want to make you feel bad or guilty, (humans sometimes find underage people attractive), but you really need to get a handle on this ASAP.

 

It wouldn't be wrong to be a fan of his IF it was really just a platonic admiration, but I suspect it really isn't. Therefore, I think it's *wrong* to dwell on it and not fight an obsession with an underage teenager, even if it means going to therapy. NOTHING good can come from this whatsoever. I realize that you can't turn an obsession off with a button, so the only advice I can give you girls is to STOP being involved with his fandom, STOP "fangirling" about this guy on social media, (it is totally inappropriate for grown women to act this way about a teenager, regardless of the intention), and try thinking about older guys you find attractive to distract yourselves from this. This is not healthy in any way.

Also, the LAST thing you should be doing is validating each other and telling each other that this isn't unhealthy. I'm sorry if I can't be more sympathetic. If you weren't spending time staring at him and admiring him, allowing the obsession to grow bigger and bigger, I would understand it better.

@BlueStarr, thanks for your input. I’m not surprised that you’re responding the way you are because I’m sure all of this sounds weird to other people. But I know what my intentions are and I know that I’m not sexually motivated in general, so it’s not about that for me. Nor would I try to read between the lines and assume that @Myshka meant anything other than what she’s told us.

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12 minutes ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

@BlueStarr, thanks for your input. I’m not surprised that you’re responding the way you are because I’m sure all of this sounds weird to other people. But I know what my intentions are and I know that I’m not sexually motivated in general, so it’s not about that for me. Nor would I try to read between the lines and assume that @Myshka meant anything other than what she’s told us.

I am totally going by everything she said in her post, which to me is very revealing, and I am not "reading between the lines," as you say. If I have misunderstood her, I am sure she can explain.

I personally think that a therapist might be able to help you get in touch with your own feelings better. Sometimes we aren't even aware of how we feel about things, but it often comes out in subtle ways, like in how we word things. I am going by the wording of your posts, (especially hers), so I think a therapist might be able to help you figure it all out.

My advice for you in particular is to focus on the 22 year old adult, since you mentioned finding him attractive. He's still quite young, but he is 22. 🙂

Edited by BlueStarr

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1 minute ago, BlueStarr said:

I am totally going by everything she said in her post, which to me is very revealing. If I have misunderstood her, I am sure she can explain.

I personally think that a therapist might be able to help you get in touch with your own feelings better. Sometimes we aren't even aware of how we feel about things, but it often comes out in subtle ways, like in how we word things. I am going by the wording of your posts, (especially hers), so I think a therapist might be able to help you figure it all out.

My advice for you in particular is to focus on the 22 year old adult, since you mentioned finding him attractive. He's still quite young, but he is 22. 🙂

Oh don’t worry, I’m already over the 22 year old (although I’m still a fan). My current main obsession is in his 40s, so this one teenage boy didn’t send me down a path of obsessing over more teenagers.

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1 minute ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Oh don’t worry, I’m already over the 22 year old (although I’m still a fan). My current main obsession is in his 40s, so this one teenage boy didn’t send me down a path of obsessing over more teenagers.

I'm glad to hear that. 😄

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@ @Myshka ,

I didn't mean to be harsh. I don't know if I misunderstood what you really meant or not, but IF I did misunderstand, then I do apologize. You're welcome to clarify anything for me, and I'll try to understand.

Edited by BlueStarr

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26 minutes ago, BlueStarr said:

Did you notice how you worded that? You don't have conscious sexual thoughts about him. What about your subconscious? This is something you should take very seriously.

 

Did you notice how you are bothered by this? Ask yourself WHY are you bothered by this?

 

Listen to yourself. It is obvious that you find him sexually attractive, whether you admit this openly to yourself or not. I know you can't shut it off with a button, but you need to do whatever you can to discourage this obsession. You know it's unhealthy. The more you dwell on him and stare at him, the worse this is going to get. I don't want to make you feel bad or guilty, (humans sometimes find underage people attractive), but you really need to get a handle on this ASAP.

 

It wouldn't be wrong to be a fan of his IF it was really just a platonic admiration, but I suspect it really isn't. Therefore, I think it's *wrong* to dwell on it and not fight an obsession with an underage teenager, even if it means going to therapy. NOTHING good can come from this whatsoever. I realize that you can't turn an obsession off with a button, so the only advice I can give you girls is to STOP being involved with his fandom, STOP "fangirling" about this guy on social media, (it is totally inappropriate for grown women to act this way about a teenager, regardless of the intention), and try thinking about older guys you find attractive to distract yourselves from this. This is not healthy in any way.

Also, the LAST thing you should be doing is validating each other and telling each other that this isn't unhealthy. I'm sorry if I can't be more sympathetic. If you weren't spending time staring at him and admiring him, allowing the obsession to grow bigger and bigger, I would understand it better.

@BlueStarr, I appreciate your feedback but I really don't think I'm sexually attracted to him. The idea repulses me because of his age. I've thought long and hard about this over a few weeks and discussed it with my husband and my therapist because older fans of this person are often shamed mercilessly and I took that very deeply to heart. 

I wouldn't consider myself obsessed with him. I keep up with his work but I have chosen not to follow his social media and I don't spend large amounts of time looking at photos of him even though I do find him very good looking.

He reminds me of somebody from my past but I can very clearly differentiate. I have a job, a family and a life. I don't think my fandom has crossed any lines. I just feel alone in being a fan of his due to my age. 

 

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