Celebrity Obsession - Help or Support #2

[BlueStarr]

@Nikki,

If you got rid of your computer, how are you still seeing these things? Are you seeing them on another person's  computer?

[nikki114]

18 minutes ago, BlueStarr said:

@Nikki,

If you got rid of your computer, how are you still seeing these things? Are you seeing them on another person's  computer?

I went on an Internet detox almost 2 months ago.  It lasted for about a week.  I meant even with the Internet and Wi-Fi taken away, I still thought about them a lot.  My brain has the tendency to be repetitive and retain a lot of information.  I go over the same thoughts and images in my head over and over again.  Thinking about them together makes me feel crazy and depressed.

[20YearsandCounting]

Restarted this thread in mid April, and we're already 5 pages in.  I think I've found my people. 

When anxiety and stress overwhelm me, I hit critical mass, and I obsess.  Still haven't figured out what the critical mass point is.  

Previous obsessions have been 

(and here is a trigger warning, just in case reading about someone else's obsession is something that might get you started again, sorry):

>

>

5-6 years ago: Connor Trinneer (Trip Tucker, Star Trek Enterprise series: OTP-T'Pol & Tucker)

2-3 years ago: Martin Freeman (John Watson, Sherlock BBC: OTP-Sherlock & John)

Current obsession:

Misha Collins (Castiel, Supernatural: OTP-Dean & Castiel)

I am most of the way through Season 8

Pause for spoiler alert, in case I'm not the only human being on earth who hasn't watched beyond Season 8 yet, LOL.

>

>

Current issues: When I hit critical mass and obsess, it becomes a 'pressure release valve'.  But when 'my character' hits rough waters, it's unbearable. 😥   And right now, Castiel is definitely in the 'lion's den', and the worst part is, he thinks Metatron is his friend.  😥

Right now, Metatron is tricking Castiel, I know he is. 😕  I've seen the Castiel memes about his grace being ripped out. 😥  I know what's coming, and I don't think I can watch it. 😞  Castiel is on the second of three 'trials' and I just know it will end with his grace being ripped out by Metatron. 😥  If there is any hope, I could use a life line, BTW. If there's no hope, please by all that's holy, don't tell me.

Oh, and Castiel won't trust Dean, why won't he trust Dean? Was it tortured out of him by Naomi? 😥 Dean is a 'True Servant of God'.  Dean was right about the whole Leviathan/Purgatory Souls/Castiel-is-a-god thing being a gigantic mistake - so why doesn't he talk to Dean about Metatron?  Metatron is hurting my Castiel, and I can't handle it.  😥 😥 💔

On the plus side, Misha Collins is amazing.  The scene where he goes from being Emmanuel to Castiel.... wow. 

Misha, Misha, Misha, Misha, to paraphrase the Brady Bunch quote from Jan Brady.  And the best part is, Misha is happily married dad.  He's just amazing. 

Anyway, thanks for letting me gush and complain about Misha and Castiel. 

[nosleep]

@20YearsandCounting I think Misha Collins is amazing, as both an actor and an activist, and I love Castiel as a character, so I don't blame you for your feelings at all! I won't spoil Supernatural for you, but I will say that there's SOOOOO much more story to come!   Also, I have to say, speaking of Sherlock, that a couple of years ago, my CO was Benedict Cumberbatch. I am now over him completely, to the point where I can barely tolerate him onscreen! It's so weird how someone who I spent over a year obsessing over and fantasising about having a mad, passionate love affair with leaves me completely cold now. 

13 hours ago, nikki114 said:

I went on an Internet detox almost 2 months ago.  It lasted for about a week.  I meant even with the Internet and Wi-Fi taken away, I still thought about them a lot.  My brain has the tendency to be repetitive and retain a lot of information.  I go over the same thoughts and images in my head over and over again.  Thinking about them together makes me feel crazy and depressed.

I've been there with attempting to stay away from the internet and social media. And I also do the thing where even if I manage to stay away from the computer, I still have my imagination and about a thousand pictures and videos and Twitter updates and god knows whatall that run through my head.  It's exhausting. I don't have any advice for you, I'm sorry, but I can tell you that you're not alone. 

[musiclover83]

@BlueStarrI'm going to try to take your advice because I know you're right. That comment really could mean anything or nothing. I don't know anything about the guy who posted it and who knows how well he even knows my CO in the first place. It's hard not to worry though, but I'm going to do my best. 

On a happier note, things seemed a tiny bit better today. I'm still not feeling great physically speaking, but yesterday was worse. I know I'm not alone in how my depression makes it hard to do even the basic things, especially in regards to self care. I've been putting off doing my laundry, but made myself do it and that helped. Plus I've been on a musicals kick lately and have realized that listening to new (or new to me, anyway) cast recordings of shows is a great distraction for me. I get caught up listening to the lyrics and following along on a plot synopsis and it takes my mind off everything else, at least for a while. It helped last night when I was worrying, so I might pick another new show and try it again tonight.

Edited June 10, 2018 by musiclover83

[20YearsandCounting]

@nosleep  Thanks!  I haven't figured out how I break out of an obsession yet - at some point I just get to where it's not all-consuming.  I  haven't figured out how to engineer that moment yet.  Have you found a way to do that?  For me, it's almost like my anxiety has to 'run its course', and when the stress leaves, so does the obsession. Sometimes I can preempt that by enforcing a 'no indulging the obsessive topic' ban, but it causes a whale of a lot of stress to do that. 

@musiclover83 I'm glad you are feeling better. Take your victories where you can!  I've heard Hamilton is a pretty great musical, but hard to get to see. What do you prefer?

@nikki114  I have the same problem with my anxiety - one of my 'tells' is that I literally have the same thought over and over again.  My husband has learned to quietly let me know when I have expressed the same thought more than twice in the same convo or even sentence. I'm sorry you have to struggle with this too, but it's a relief I'm not the only one. Have you found a way to break the cycle? 

[nikki114]

2 minutes ago, 20YearsandCounting said:

@nosleep  Thanks!  I haven't figured out how I break out of an obsession yet - at some point I just get to where it's not all-consuming.  I  haven't figured out how to engineer that moment yet.  Have you found a way to do that?  For me, it's almost like my anxiety has to 'run its course', and when the stress leaves, so does the obsession. Sometimes I can preempt that by enforcing a 'no indulging the obsessive topic' ban, but it causes a whale of a lot of stress to do that. 

@musiclover83 I'm glad you are feeling better. Take your victories where you can!  I've heard Hamilton is a pretty great musical, but hard to get to see. What do you prefer?

@nikki114  I have the same problem with my anxiety - one of my 'tells' is that I literally have the same thought over and over again.  My husband has learned to quietly let me know when I have expressed the same thought more than twice in the same convo or even sentence. I'm sorry you have to struggle with this too, but it's a relief I'm not the only one. Have you found a way to break the cycle? 

Sadly, no.  The repetition only bothers me when I have unpleasant thoughts.  Like with my CO and...her.  I've gotten over other COs by focusing on their negative qualities and with activity.  But this one is so much harder that the others.  Because this guy has a perfect image, perfect family image, perfect everything.  People are already predicting that he'll win an Oscar for his upcoming movie, which he probably will.  I don't know if I'll ever get over him.  😞

[20YearsandCounting]

@nikki114       I haven't figured out how to break obsessions yet, but my thought cycles I've figured out.  Sometimes I have intrusive thoughts, or cycling thoughts (same thought over and over).  Don't laugh, but I made a scream track from several different Linkin Park songs and put them together. I made it a habit to listen to that anytime the thought occurred to me (not feasible at work, granted).  It got to the point that anytime the thought occurred to me, I automatically heard that track too, drowning it out.  It was really hard, though, it took a lot of focused effort and persistence. 

[starbucksjunkee]

I am really frustrated.  I have been googling Josh Radnor but not looking at the content.  I keep reading about shows having poor reunions or revivals.  What if How I Met Your Mother does that?  What am I going to do?  I have kept myself from listening to his music and watching interviews for almost a month but it has been the hardest thing.   I hated Gilmore Girls A Year In The Life.  3 Spoilers alert: The only part of it that I liked was Lorelai and Luke's wedding.  I felt they left too many things hanging and Rory became a terrible person.  She would be an awful mother in the state she is in now...she has a lot of growing up to do before she can healthily raise her child. 

Sorry back to my normal post, I am pretty healthy right now mentally just some occasional anxiety.  I am supposed to be getting some money coming and I'm afraid it will never come.  I don't know what I am going to do.  I guess I'll have to start looking for a job again.  I wish I had a purpose.  I am working on my book and I want to publish it someday but I probably don't have a chance without self publishing.  I saw an article and read just a short part of it.  Apparently Josh was inspired by a poem called Wait and he made a song based on it and he can now play the guitar some.  Man I wish I could see that.  He lost two people he cared about to suicide and that made me want him more...just reading about that.  If there was ever an article where he was talking and encouraging people with mental illness I would be so sad because sometimes I think that is my life mission.  I found out that the two lead guys from Supernatural volunteered once with a mental health hotline.  I guess one of them (Jared Padalecki (sp?)) has a history of depression and has made his own t-shirts with different sayings on them. 

When I was sick in 2017, I wanted to sue the writers of How I Met Your Mother for emotional distress and I wanted the cast to all give a ton of money to different non profits that serve the mentally ill like DBSA, NAMI, etc.  I know how crazy that was now but I remember so many of the delusions I had when I was psychotic.  My dreams about Josh were at first really good...he was helping me we were making up songs together to reduce stigma but the more sleep I got the worse the dreams got...he hurt me and did terrible things...but he's never known me and probably never will and after he messed me up so bad I don't want to know him.   But when I am lonely I find myself wondering what if...I haven't dated a good guy in a really long time.  I am trying to my hardest to forget him.  Maybe I should go a week without the internet because that's what causes most of my problems...

 

[musiclover83]

@starbucksjunkeeI couldn't bring myself to watch the Gilmore Girls revival. I've heard so many awful things about it. 

On June 9, 2018 at 11:32 PM, 20YearsandCounting said:

@musiclover83 I'm glad you are feeling better. Take your victories where you can!  I've heard Hamilton is a pretty great musical, but hard to get to see. What do you prefer?

Thanks! I like a variety. Out of the musicals I've seen, my favorites are Les Mis, Phantom, Wicked, Lion King and Something Rotten. Some of my favorite cast recordings of shows I haven't seen are Waitress, Hamilton, Next to Normal and now The Band's Visit. 

I'm having an odd day. I'm doing pretty good on the self-care front. Last night I made myself take a shower and do a thorough hair washing, since I've been neglecting my hair. But now it's nice and clean and soft. It feels so much better! Then I found the energy to change my sheets and even flossed before trying to sleep and felt good about that.

But then I couldn't sleep, as is usually the case. So I started to fall down the rabbit hole of worrying about that comment I'm trying not to worry about and imagining my CO meeting all kinds of women. A few of his teammates are getting married and I worry about stumbling across pictures and seeing him with a date. Granted, I don't when any of them are getting married and whose to say that my CO will be at any of them. I know nothing good can come from worrying about it, but I do. 

That's what made me listen to The Band's Visit last night. I'd been curious about the show and then it did really well at the Tony's, so I decided to get the cast recording and absolutely loved it. It completely pulled me in and, more importantly, out of the rabbit hole.

Of course, when I tried to sleep again I still couldn't. This time is was because I just could not get comfortable for the life of me. I started thinking about my CO again, but not like earlier. More missing him than anything. I got to thinking about how nice it would be to fall asleep in his arms. I've never fallen asleep in anyone's arms before. Maybe when I was little, but certainly not as an adult. I think that must be so wonderful, especially during those nights when I can't sleep because of my anxiety or pain. And I've decided that my CO looks like he'd be a comfortable pillow. He'd make me feel so safe and I need that. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'd feel better if I tried to date, but it's hard to meet anyone when I rarely leave the house. And I don't know if I'm in a good place to try dating anyway. But sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to meet a nice guy and maybe have an actual relationship. I've never been in one which is pretty embarrassing for a person of my age. That's been bothering me lately. My birthday is coming up in about three weeks and I'm dreading it. One more year spent alone. I'm tired of being alone, but I don't see that changing anytime soon. Besides the only guy I want is my CO.

[HopelessRomantic2011]

13 hours ago, musiclover83 said:

@starbucksjunkeeI couldn't bring myself to watch the Gilmore Girls revival. I've heard so many awful things about it. 

Thanks! I like a variety. Out of the musicals I've seen, my favorites are Les Mis, Phantom, Wicked, Lion King and Something Rotten. Some of my favorite cast recordings of shows I haven't seen are Waitress, Hamilton, Next to Normal and now The Band's Visit. 

I'm having an odd day. I'm doing pretty good on the self-care front. Last night I made myself take a shower and do a thorough hair washing, since I've been neglecting my hair. But now it's nice and clean and soft. It feels so much better! Then I found the energy to change my sheets and even flossed before trying to sleep and felt good about that.

But then I couldn't sleep, as is usually the case. So I started to fall down the rabbit hole of worrying about that comment I'm trying not to worry about and imagining my CO meeting all kinds of women. A few of his teammates are getting married and I worry about stumbling across pictures and seeing him with a date. Granted, I don't when any of them are getting married and whose to say that my CO will be at any of them. I know nothing good can come from worrying about it, but I do. 

That's what made me listen to The Band's Visit last night. I'd been curious about the show and then it did really well at the Tony's, so I decided to get the cast recording and absolutely loved it. It completely pulled me in and, more importantly, out of the rabbit hole.

Of course, when I tried to sleep again I still couldn't. This time is was because I just could not get comfortable for the life of me. I started thinking about my CO again, but not like earlier. More missing him than anything. I got to thinking about how nice it would be to fall asleep in his arms. I've never fallen asleep in anyone's arms before. Maybe when I was little, but certainly not as an adult. I think that must be so wonderful, especially during those nights when I can't sleep because of my anxiety or pain. And I've decided that my CO looks like he'd be a comfortable pillow. He'd make me feel so safe and I need that. 

Sometimes I wonder if I'd feel better if I tried to date, but it's hard to meet anyone when I rarely leave the house. And I don't know if I'm in a good place to try dating anyway. But sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to meet a nice guy and maybe have an actual relationship. I've never been in one which is pretty embarrassing for a person of my age. That's been bothering me lately. My birthday is coming up in about three weeks and I'm dreading it. One more year spent alone. I'm tired of being alone, but I don't see that changing anytime soon. Besides the only guy I want is my CO.

I can definitely relate to what you’re saying here. My birthday is coming up next month and I never look forward to mine either. Just a reminder that I’m getting older and still very single. My CO’s birthday is this month and I’m thinking about doing something nice for him. In this case, I know if I send him something, he’ll actually get it since he’s not particularly famous or wealthy. I do think it’s a little pathetic that I want to send him something (he’s not my boyfriend), but I don’t have anyone else who I feel motivated to do anything special for, so why not him?

[anxiousE]

Scrolled through my social media this morning but not far enough, I guess. Didn't see my CO post anything and I flipped out. Had to scroll down more just to find the recent post. That's a little obsessive. I am so worried about getting blocked even though they don't know it's me. I would have gladly admitted it in the past, I mean I even offered. It hurts knowing someone you care so much for could think so less of you. Sigh. Sorry to keep bringing this thread down. Clearly with an obsession, the seeing of them everyday gives me comfort though. Thats the good part. But I hope one day I can let go though. 

[nikki114]

I think I might be crazy.

[HopelessRomantic2011]

1 hour ago, nikki114 said:

I think I might be crazy.

It’s not just you. Now I’m thinking of NOT giving my CO a birthday gift because I wouldn’t want to make him feel weird. lol

[BlueStarr]

16 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

It’s not just you. Now I’m thinking of NOT giving my CO a birthday gift because I wouldn’t want to make him feel weird. lol

I don't see the problem with sending him a little gift. Fans send gifts all the time, so it's not that unusual. Whether it's weird or not would depend on the gift. Is it really expensive? Is it too personal, like underwear, lol? 😄 You don't have to say what you're giving him here in public, but I think you can examine whether it's appropriate or not. But a little, thoughtful gift is okay to send, imo. A birthday card that just says "Best wishes for a Happy Birthday" (or something similar) would also be okay.

Edited June 15, 2018 by BlueStarr

[musiclover83]

19 hours ago, nikki114 said:

I think I might be crazy.

If it makes you feel any better, I think all of us think that about ourselves at some point. I know I certainly do! 

@anxiousE You're not bringing the thread down. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. 

And @HopelessRomantic2011I don't know of this'll help you or not, but I've sent birthday gifts/cards to celebrities before. In fact, I've been a part of a fan group that sends the members of a music group we all like birthday cards. They always seem to appreciate it, for whatever that's worth. 

As for me, my CO is going to be at an event on Saturday and I'm torn between hoping to see new pictures of him and not wanting to see anything at all. It's that constant fear of seeing him with another woman. Even in saying that, a part of me almost wishes I knew for sure what his relationship status was so I could know instead of constantly waiting for the other show to drop. Is that crazy? Especially since I know that when the day comes that he does have a serious girlfriend it's going to break my heart. I just wish I could enjoy my daydreams about him, about us, without worrying about all this other stuff that I can't do anything about.

[HopelessRomantic2011]

5 hours ago, BlueStarr said:

I don't see the problem with sending him a little gift. Fans send gifts all the time, so it's not that unusual. Whether it's weird or not would depend on the gift. Is it really expensive? Is it too personal, like underwear, lol? 😄 You don't have to say what you're giving him here in public, but I think you can examine whether it's appropriate or not. But a little, thoughtful gift is okay to send, imo. A birthday card that just says "Best wishes for a Happy Birthday" (or something similar) would also be okay.

Thanks for your input, @BlueStarr and @musiclover83! I definitely didn't have intentions to send him anything too personal, mushy, over the top, or just plain creepy. lol I basically just wanted to say Happy Birthday and let him know that I appreciate him. So yeah, I guess I'll do that! 😄

 

 

[BlueStarr]

3 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

Thanks for your input, @BlueStarr and @musiclover83! I definitely didn't have intentions to send him anything too personal, mushy, over the top, or just plain creepy. lol I basically just wanted to say Happy Birthday and let him know that I appreciate him. So yeah, I guess I'll do that! 😄

 

 

I was just kidding about the underwear, lol! 😄

[starbucksjunkee]

I do not understand how you guys are sending your co gifts.  How do you get their address?  I used to know the name of the city where Josh lives but I have no idea what his address is.  I don’t want to know! 

 

[HopelessRomantic2011]

10 minutes ago, starbucksjunkee said:

I do not understand how you guys are sending your co gifts.  How do you get their address?  I used to know the name of the city where Josh lives but I have no idea what his address is.  I don’t want to know! 

 

Maybe people have sent things to a publicized address for fan mail? I definitely wouldn't send anything to anyone's home address.

[starbucksjunkee]

Yeah that would make sense.  I just read the scariest piece of fan fiction yesterday.  I have got to stop reading that stuff.  It was about Ted (Josh’s character in How I Met Your Mother) being diagnosed with a delusional disorder and being in a psychiatric unit.  He was an abusive alcoholic and Tracy (the mother his wife) leaves him for Barney (Neil Patrick Harris’s character).   I hope I don’t have bad dreams because of it.  I guess it helps some of us to write fan fiction.  But that hit a little too close to home for me since I have been in a psychiatric unit before.  I don’t normally mind fan fiction but I would never put tv characters through stuff I went through.  If I do ever publish a book I will refuse to let a movie be made based on it.

Edited June 15, 2018 by starbucksjunkee

[BlueStarr]

12 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

I do not understand how you guys are sending your co gifts.  How do you get their address?  I used to know the name of the city where Josh lives but I have no idea what his address is.  I don’t want to know! 

 

For crying out loud! Do you really think I was suggesting hunting down their private home address in order to mail a gift?!?!? Every celebrity has an office or public address of some sort for fans to write to. I am assuming that we are talking about sending it to an appropriate address. What's wrong with sending a little gift or birthday card to their office? Sometimes they really do read fan mail, and they might appreciate some little gifts or cards from fans.

[musiclover83]

Yeah, celebrities usually have some sort of public address for this kind of thing. I know some people who have sent things to someone's talent agency or record label to be passed on to the act, depending on what kind of celebrity you're sending it to. Sometimes a gift could be sent to a venue a celebrity is performing at too.

If it's a musician, several offer official meet and greets through their fan clubs that you can enter to win. Some have VIP meet and greets that people can pay for and then some will sign at their merchandise table after their concert. So you could hand it to them directly in any of those scenarios. That's how I've done it. When the group of us have done it, we all just sent our cards to someone who had a meet and greet at a show close to the recipient's birthday and they would give them the bundle then. 

[littlegirllost28]

Hi,

So glad to have found these threads. Need to vent too. And so glad to see I’m not alone with this (because this is something I would never dare admit to any of my relatives or friends) I have had celeb obsessions for a long time too. But the past decade in a bit different way. It’s more about celeb-couples. I fantasize about their lives together, usually I’ll pretend in my mind I’m the female part. Not in love with them, but more in love with their relationship. Probably because I have not been in a relationship myself in ages.

But anyway, I was pretty happy with it until about three years ago. When the couple I was fantasizing about suddenly broke up and I was just devastated, as if it happened to me for real. Ridiculous of course but it felt that way anyway, cried for days, it took weeks for the worst to be over. Then I let the fantasy take over that they would get back together. DIdn’t happen of course, but somehow after about a year I started fantasizing about another celebrity couple and felt soooo happy fantasizing about their relationship.

But earlier this year they too broke up and I felt heartbroken all over again, for weeks. Then slipped into the fantasy that they too would get back together which made it a bit easier (a mechanism I guess to keep things bearable). Until last weekend when I found out the male celeb is now in a relationship with someone else, a really stupid too young girl. And yes, I feel heartbroken all over again. Cried so much this week when I’m alone at home, because my hopes of my favorite celeb-couple getting back together is not happening. I can’t keep up the ‘they may get back together fantasy’ anymore so I feel so empty right now. One friend even noticed my eyes were all read and watery and I lied that I have had irritated eyes all week. I try to keep busy, but it’s hard. I force myself out of the house on days that I’m off work, to find distraction. For some reason mornings and afternoons are much worse than evenings. Weird. I know the really really down feelings and crying will become less over the next weeks and I will probably replace it with some other fantasy ‘to protect’ myself, but it won’t be like it felt before and the thought of seeing the male celeb with this other girl in the media again is an awful one. I’m afraid this way I will keep feeling heartbroken every time I see pics of them. I wish I could ‘shift’ my attention to another celeb(couple) again, but it doesn’t work that way 😞 I know falling into another fantasy is not the answer of course, it will just bring more of the same, but right now - due to some things going on in my personal life - it’s better for me than not having this possibility to fantasize at all. 😞

PS, the really stupid thing is I should not want my fav. celeb couple to get back together because I found out he was not a good husband to her. But I’m selfish enough to want them to be together anyway so I can have my fantasy back. How STUPID is that???

Edited June 16, 2018 by littlegirllost28

[littlegirllost28]

On 4/25/2018 at 5:32 PM, nikki114 said:

Possible epiphany last night:  I get screwed over more by private celebs/people than more open ones.  What I mean is at least one of my past COs was very open at first.  Then he started dating someone new and became very private.  The same with other COs.  People seem to like private celebs for some reason.  I never understood why.  I don't like private and/or secretive celebs.  Maybe just those kinds of people in general.  Maybe because I feel like they're cheating me.  IDK.

 

 

I apologize if I offended anyone.  This is very random and I just felt the need to share.

Interesting! I tend to like private celebs & celeb couples more. I had one celeb couple obsession (my 'obsession' problem) where after they broke up one of them suddenly went from being very private to very public, flaunting everything to the paparazzi, IG and it made me dislike him because I feel he is being fake. So it's sort of reverse for me.