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I definitely can understand where you are coming from.  But for me it’s more like I am being haunted by Josh’s ghost.  Everywhere I go I can see his face.  I have gone a few weeks without looking at him but it has been really tough.   I hope that your co isn’t so famous that you hear his songs all the time.  I gave up listening to Josh’s song that I liked but he’s not famous for his singing.  He is famous for his acting. I don’t know much about his personal life and I don’t want to know.  What made me fall for him was his newsletter and his music that he made with his friend.  I don’t know what I will do if I ever hear that song again. 

Edited by starbucksjunkee
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Hey @musiclover83 thank for for the response, i'm just really glad to know in some sense that i'm not the only person who's experiencing this although i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy either as it really isn't exactly a pleasant thing to be going through, i'm sorry that your going through this too, it definitely is mentally and psychically exhausting :( i guess one question i do have i guess is i have been diagnosed with both Autism and Pure O ocd, but what exactly causes this? i mean i would like to say to become so fixated on someone to the extent where your life literally revolves around them isn't exactly healthy or "Normal" per-say having said that what really is a definition of normal anyway 😅 

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TheeForgotten,

I have Autism and Pure OCD also like you but my primary diagnosis is Bipolar I disorder.  I also have some degree of social anxiety and driving anxiety.  I have so many issues...my mom says I shouldn't think about them so much.  I should focus on my strengths.    I would be happy to discuss it more with you if you want but I know you were addressing musiclover so maybe I should let you two work it out.  I am just bored today and it's very hard not to google Josh.

Starbucksjunkee

 

 

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On 5/27/2018 at 10:25 AM, OpalP25 said:

@starbucksjunkee Ah sorry, I misread! I see now that it was only the second guy who broke your heart. I agree with you that younger guys can definitely be immature in relationships too (my last boyfriend was a couple of years younger than me, and the type who thought it was fine and normal not to reply to my "Happy Christmas" message until the 30th December, and then afterwards tell me how much he wanted me to come and live with him 😆). So when I found out the age of this guy I'm currently dealing with, I thought "Finally, someone mature who's willing to make an effort for me." However, I was kind of surprised, because I had had the impression he was around my age. And now I can see why I thought that - the way he acts and the stage of life he's currently at are much more like someone of my age group than of his age group. He still has a lot of growing up to do...

My self esteem now is about as low as it was when I was in the worst phases of my celebrity obsession. At the heart of the problem is this feeling I have of being unlovable (probably a lot of people here can relate to that). I've had relationships (well, more or less) with three guys now, and I don't believe any of them have truly cared about me. I don't think anyone's ever been in love with me, not that I know of at least. What makes me feel worse is that I have several female friends/acquaintances who are able to find a new guy every year or two who's totally in love and committed to them. I don't want to be a serial monogamist like them! But I really believed this time was different and he was the one for me, and now I feel so so stupid...

I'm sorry that you're having such a stressful time right now. I hope you will find a new dog to love in the future, although of course it won't be the same. Your mom is right that finding someone new brings you joy, but I'm not sure the sadness of losing a loved one ever goes away. My "part-time" cat is so adorable and fun, but sometimes he disappears for months on end, and then I miss my old cat and her devotion to me even more. I love him to bits, but he's so unreliable! Reminds me of someone else in my life, lol. 😆

Yeah, it definitely sucks when it feels like everyone else around you has experienced loving someone and being loved back, but you haven't. 😞 Someone recently asked my CO whether he's been in love and he said he has a few times (of course he has! lol). So I admitted to him that I've never been in love and he said, "It's ok. It's not something you need to rush into. It happens when it happens, and you'll have no choice when it happens." He's so sweet! 😍

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I have pretty much decided that I am never getting married unless I find someone like my best friend but younger and single.  It took me forever to find him though and I'm not going to settle.  I used to wish he would set me up with his son but his son is younger and I prefer older men.  I like to dance at weddings but there have been times that I've been in a bad place mentally and not able to go.  The night before my cousin's wedding I got no sleep at all.  I was a bridesmaid twice, did a reading for my brother's wedding, and I was a maid of honor.  I caught the boquet at my brother's wedding and my brother and I are close but he's busy and has kids.  My sister got divorced and I lost touch with everyone else.  Not by choice but just because our lives went in different directions.  I don't know what I'm going to do next time I get invited to a wedding.  I am kinda hoping I'll be able to go but I sure have been to a lot of them.  Last time I was in a wedding I went on a diet and I looked really good...now I've gained so much weight I dunno.  It's funny when my cousin got married I saw a cute guy and dragged him on the dance floor with me.  I don't think he liked it much!   I'm tired of being alone but I'd rather be single my whole life than emotionally or physically abused.  I just wish I had someone to talk to and travel with besides my mother.  My best friend is a married guy who has kids and he's old enough to be my dad.  My brother is my other best friend.  I have a few other married guy friends.  I used to like this guy for a very long time and I don't know what he is...he could be gay for all I know.  But I don't want him anymore. 

Edited by starbucksjunkee
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4 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

TheeForgotten,

I have Autism and Pure OCD also like you but my primary diagnosis is Bipolar I disorder.  I also have some degree of social anxiety and driving anxiety.  I have so many issues...my mom says I shouldn't think about them so much.  I should focus on my strengths.    I would be happy to discuss it more with you if you want but I know you were addressing musiclover so maybe I should let you two work it out.  I am just bored today and it's very hard not to google Josh.

Starbucksjunkee

 

 

Hey @Starbucksjunkee  thank you for the message i can definately relate to the social anxiety, i did actually think in the beginning that i had bipolar as my Co is literally only a small fraction of what issues i have going on, but they come to the conclusion of pure o ocd, and they picked up that i had autism so.. i guess here i am 😅 i would really appreciate and like to discuss things more whenever is convenient for you i feel it will help to learn more from another persons perspective of things etc other than just what i've been experiencing if that makes sense? and i'm really sorry to hear that 😞 yup i've been trying to do the entire avoidance thing but certainly failed, i ended up googling this guy over again.. and watching more videos as well as  watching the live recording that i got from the musical event i went to where i met him, i think the worst part about it is in someway because of how much i want to be apart of his life i ended up trying to google where he lives i really dont even know why i did it i guess i just kinda felt drawn into doing so and it brough me some form of comfort, not that i'd ever dare go let alone it not being possible given i'm across the pond from america but to some extent the entire situation makes me feel a little bit creepy 😢 its such a bitter sweet feeling because i honestly just want to cuddle him so much and just have him want me urgh -_-' 

Edited by TheeForgotten93
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@HopelessRomantic2011 Aww, what your CO said to you is so sweet. I think he's definitely right that you will find love someday! :icon12:

I agree that never having experienced loving someone and being loved back totally sucks... It's strange, I never really considered the situation I'm in now as a possibility. I've been through an unrequited love for someone who wasn't interested in anything more than friendship with me, and of course there's been the COs as well. But this has hurt the most.

I remember posting here a year ago, thinking that all my problems would be solved if I could have a relationship with someone I loved. I always kind of assumed that once that happened, he would love me back. How could I have been so dumb?!

It's obvious that I have a problem where I always have this need to be obsessed with some man. And for various reasons, they are never able to give me what I'm looking for. I've switched from having a CO to something more socially acceptable, but deep down, it's probably the same issues causing both.

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11 minutes ago, OpalP25 said:

@HopelessRomantic2011 Aww, what your CO said to you is so sweet. I think he's definitely right that you will find love someday! :icon12:

I agree that never having experienced loving someone and being loved back totally sucks... It's strange, I never really considered the situation I'm in now as a possibility. I've been through an unrequited love for someone who wasn't interested in anything more than friendship with me, and of course there's been the COs as well. But this has hurt the most.

I remember posting here a year ago, thinking that all my problems would be solved if I could have a relationship with someone I loved. I always kind of assumed that once that happened, he would love me back. How could I have been so dumb?!

It’s obvious that I have a problem where I always have this need to be obsessed with some man. And for various reasons, they are never able to give me what I'm looking for. I've switched from having a CO to something more socially acceptable, but deep down, it's probably the same issues causing both.

First, don’t call yourself dumb. You may have had hopes and expectations that didn’t pan out, but that doesn’t mean you were being dumb. You don’t have control over what he does, but you can only control how you’ll allow yourself to be treated. Regarding the last part, I think I get it. Since we’re used to obsessing, we might easily fall into that behavior because it feels normal to us even though we know that it’s not what a loving and healthy relationship should look like. 

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On 5/28/2018 at 4:53 PM, TheeForgotten93 said:

Hey @Starbucksjunkee  thank you for the message i can definately relate to the social anxiety, i did actually think in the beginning that i had bipolar as my Co is literally only a small fraction of what issues i have going on, but they come to the conclusion of pure o ocd, and they picked up that i had autism so.. i guess here i am 😅 i would really appreciate and like to discuss things more whenever is convenient for you i feel it will help to learn more from another persons perspective of things etc other than just what i've been experiencing if that makes sense? and i'm really sorry to hear that 😞 yup i've been trying to do the entire avoidance thing but certainly failed, i ended up googling this guy over again.. and watching more videos as well as  watching the live recording that i got from the musical event i went to where i met him, i think the worst part about it is in someway because of how much i want to be apart of his life i ended up trying to google where he lives i really dont even know why i did it i guess i just kinda felt drawn into doing so and it brough me some form of comfort, not that i'd ever dare go let alone it not being possible given i'm across the pond from america but to some extent the entire situation makes me feel a little bit creepy 😢 its such a bitter sweet feeling because i honestly just want to cuddle him so much and just have him want me urgh -_-' 

I would be happy to read anything you have to vent about...not sure how much i can help you but I will try.  Feel free to send me private messages on here.  Take Care of yourself. 

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I was just thinking about how much easier having a CO was before Instagram. It's become it's own addiction and one I need to break. I go on there when I'm bored or can't sleep and sometimes look at the suggested ones only to find a picture of my CO that one of his friends posted. The picture itself was fine. It was just my CO with a few of his friends, all guys. The problem is that I then went and looked at his friend's page to see if he had another other pictures with my CO. I hate that I do things like that. It makes me feel like such a creeper, but I can't help myself. It's different if it's one of my CO's teammates - one of them was in that first picture I saw - because I follow most of them anyway because I like them. It feels less creepy. But this felt like such an invasion of privacy, even though the friend's page is public. It also makes me feel crazy because I can't resist the impulse, even knowing that it could lead me to something I don't want to see. That and seeing new pictures of my CO makes me equal parts happy and sad. Happy, because I like looking at him. Sad, because I know I'll never be with him. I hate this feeling.

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@HopelessRomantic2011 Thank you for saying I'm not dumb, but I'm definitely feeling like I am right now (sigh).... We talked things through tonight. It went about as badly as it possibly could. 😞

It's true that my behaviour ever since we first met has been far from sensible or intelligent. But his has been a lot worse than mine.

Well, at least I have a few things to distract myself with over the coming days (including being a fan of my former CO, lol). Things will get better eventually, I hope.

@musiclover83 Oh I can totally relate to your problem with Instagram. When I was obsessed with my CO, I was exactly the same (and recently I've become the same way over my real-life obsession's social media). He has a best friend who's just a normal non-celebrity, and I used to check this guy's Instagram fairly regularly, because occasionally he'd post pictures with my CO or my CO would comment on his posts. You're not alone in doing this sort of thing!

I suppose the best thing to do is to ask yourself: "Is this going to make me feel better or will it make me feel worse?" whenever you feel that urge to check. Sometimes I find that works for me.

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Thank you @starbucksjunkee i really appreciate that 🙂 and i'll definitely send you a private message over at some point, @musiclover83 social media really does make things much more difficult and easier to fall into these traps of despair in certain senses, because information is so readily and easily available nowadays photos status updates etc etc, i know very much what you mean by the feeling like invasion of someones privacy but like you said it is a public page with information they're happy to share with the world so i guess in a lot of respects there is nothing wrong with it, i guess just because we know how deeply we feel towards these people it makes our brains react in different ways, i can defiantly relate to the impulsive feeling like you feel draw towards doing it and even trying to fight the temptation and urges just doesn't leave you feeling in a good way but although looking at the photos gives you some form of happiness & high it's still a bittersweet emotion happy to see them but distraught that you cant be apart of their lives so i guess its really quite a vicious cycle 😞  

i do want to break this cycle in some senses and to be free from the claws of this obsession to some extent but then the other part of me doesn't want to stop either i love the happiness it brings me, however i very much hate the lows from this experience it's such a confusing situation to be in that's for sure, it would almost feel in some way like mourning a loss when/if i am able to stop feeling like this? because it would be like my brain is finally making peace and acceptance that things will never progress or happen between me and my Co, and i feel right now that's just too much of a bitter pill to swallow for me emotionally and mentally *sigh*

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Hi Everyone, I hope your all doing ok? 

I’m struggling with major anxiety and have been for the past week since a magazine confirmed that my CO’s band is definitely doing a M&G at the festival next weekend.

It kinda felt like a fairytale for a while (I know how crazy that sounds)  But Since seeing it in black and white, and now the band members are posting stuff about them coming over here, I’m freaking out big time. 

Sorry for venting, I’ve got now where else to turn. My biggest fear is how he will react to me. I personally would prefer not to do the M&G, but my friend really wants to. I’m so confused and stress right now, I don’t know what to do.

Any advice would be gratefully recieved xx

 

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7 minutes ago, decado said:

Hi Everyone, I hope your all doing ok? 

I’m struggling with major anxiety and have been for the past week since a magazine confirmed that my CO’s band is definitely doing a M&G at the festival next weekend.

It kinda felt like a fairytale for a while (I know how crazy that sounds)  But Since seeing it in black and white, and now the band members are posting stuff about them coming over here, I’m freaking out big time. 

Sorry for venting, I’ve got now where else to turn. My biggest fear is how he will react to me. I personally would prefer not to do the M&G, but my friend really wants to. I’m so confused and stress right now, I don’t know what to do.

Any advice would be gratefully recieved xx

 

Hi @decado, no need to apologize for venting. That’s why we’re here! I can understand that you’re nervous about the meet and greet, but do you think you might someday regret it more if you didn’t go? I think you should go with your friend, try to relax and have fun, and don’t overthink things. Easier said than done, I know! As I mentioned in the previous thread, I met one of my former COs three years in a row and I could barely speak until the third time I met him (and even then it was just like one sentence. lol). But I had fun and I don’t regret meeting him. I love the pictures we have together too! 💕

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@musiclover83 like opal said, you're not alone. I myself have stumbled on friends of friends. But then I end up liking them for themselves so it doesn't become weird. But you're right, it's absolutely too easy.

 

Well I'm back today because I went for it and followed my CO. I know! I know! I wasnt going to, but i just had to. I'm still half curious if he will meet this other celebrity one day because they are now in the same field. Maybe when that happens (ha! Its still a long shot, but who knows), maybe ill finally feel ok about everything. ?? I dunno. But it's mostly this addiction. I think I'm still in denial that I was blocked/rejected on another media and I'm back to feeling like things were as they were in a way. It's a public account...still, I wish I could let go. It was pretty s***ty reason why I got blocked in the first place. Ugh...i wish they didn't turn me into this creeper. I think I'm missing something in my life that this gives me. Now that he's actually in magazines and doing cons and stuff, he really is like a celebrity and I feel I really understand folks here. It's just a shame I couldn't say, "oh I know that celeb" and instead I say "oh I knew him when". Oh, maybe that's why I can't let go. I wanna be the first to know when he makes it really big...no, it's the addiction. It's comforting to read his posts. It's like the daily thing I do. I just wish circumstances were different. 

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Hello friends! Long time, no see!

Just thought I'd update y'all on me. I've had some serious fights with depression lately, unrelated to my COs. Just dealing with life as a 400 lb woman who'd rather stay in bed than live.

I've been writing a lot more fanfiction lately. Working on 3 epics and churning out at least one oneshot a month.

My obsessions with Steven and Constantine are under control. I still follow Steven without following him...if that makes any sense. I look at Constantine as my muse these days for my erotic fanfiction.

So there I am. TTYL

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1 hour ago, fabulousrockstar said:

Hello friends! Long time, no see!

Just thought I'd update y'all on me. I've had some serious fights with depression lately, unrelated to my COs. Just dealing with life as a 400 lb woman who'd rather stay in bed than live.

I've been writing a lot more fanfiction lately. Working on 3 epics and churning out at least one oneshot a month.

My obsessions with Steven and Constantine are under control. I still follow Steven without following him...if that makes any sense. I look at Constantine as my muse these days for my erotic fanfiction.

So there I am. TTYL

Hi @fabulousrockstar, glad to hear that your writing is going well and that your obsessions are under control! I haven't written anything lately. I would like to because I do have some story ideas, but I just never seem to get around to it. I should take an hour or two right now just to do some writing. Maybe I will!

 

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So I was doing ok. I've been challenging myself to go a whole day without checking his Twitter or watching any old videos. I made it to a week, and then I lurked on the Patreon forum and saw that he'd released a new sketch. Sent me down a whole youtube rabbit hole for nearly 4 hours.  It's 2:30 am now and I'm just sitting here feeling so ashamed of myself. Why do I do this? Because I like his dimples? I mean. What good is any of this doing for me? And then there was some chatter on the forum about his apparently rocky relationship with his girlfriend, and that made me happy for some twisted reason. Why would I want him to be unhappy? Even if it wasn't a horrible attitude to have, it's still not like he's going to come knocking on my door next. And even if he did, I'm married, for pete's sake!  I'm just disappointed in myself for my weakness and my spitefulness. I try really hard to be a decent person, and sometimes I just feel like deep down, and I'm just a terrible person, and it's little things like this that really show the truth.  All this misery and self recrimination, because I couldn't stop myself from reading a forum that i'm too scared to actually post to!  It's so pathetic I make myself cry with shame. 

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@nosleep,

I don't think you're a terrible person because a terrible person wouldn't worry about being a terrible person. 🙂  I think all humans have thoughts like that sometimes, but you feel like the only one because no one else is going to tell you about their own unwholesome thoughts. I'm sure that when it comes down to it, you care for you CO and you don't really wish him unhappiness, but maybe there is some small part of you that hopes you and he are long, lost soulmates and if he is unhappy with his partner, then that somehow proves that he is somehow missing you in his life, even if he never met you. Or, maybe it proves that IF he ever met you, he might like you instead of his partner, so him being unhappy with her gives you some sense of hope. Even if that's irrational, you're human, and it's okay if some irrational thoughts and feelings come up sometimes. Give yourself a break. I hope you're not losing sleep over this because having a CO is bad enough without condemning yourself on top of it. As for being married, marriage isn't some kind of magical talisman that stops all thoughts and desires about other people. It's ideal if married people never think about anyone else, but it's not a realistic expectation for most people, whether they admit it or not.

Edited by BlueStarr
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I am having a hard time today.  I find myself missing him.  How can you miss someone you've never met and never were with?  I really want to listen to the song I got rid of but I'm fighting the urge.  I am going to a movie this afternoon and getting my hair cut.  I will do anything I can to distract myself from googling him or looking at videos on youtube.  I have a file with quotes from his movie, Liberal Arts.  I'm reading them now because that way I won't give in and re sign up for his newsletter.   I liked the movie the first two times I saw it but the third it triggered me and I can never watch it again.

“Grace is neither time nor place dependent.  All we need is the right soundtrack,” Jesse (Josh Radnor, Liberal Arts)

“Don’t be a genius that dies young, be one that dies old,” Jesse (Josh Radnor, Liberal Arts)

“If my heart is gooey you’re at least partially responsible for that,” Jesse (Josh Radnor, Liberal Arts)

“Some days are like a gift and some days s-u-c-k but all of that is okay,” Jesse (Josh Radnor, Liberal Arts)

 

 

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18 hours ago, BlueStarr said:

maybe there is some small part of you that hopes you and he are long, lost soulmates and if he is unhappy with his partner, then that somehow proves that he is somehow missing you in his life, even if he never met you. Or, maybe it proves that IF he ever met you, he might like you instead of his partner, so him being unhappy with her gives you some sense of hope.

Yes, this is definitely part of it. I daydream about us meeting and just clicking instantly. Just listening to him talk about his interests in art and film and music, I feel like he would "get" me in a way that nobody has in a very, very long time.  And it's kind of hilarious, because I know for a fact I'm not alone in this feeling - there are a lot of women, and a few men, on the chat forum who are clearly trying to get his attention by talking about things that he's expressed interest in, or even a few people straight out saying that they're in love with him and want to steal him from his girlfriend!  It actually makes me feel bad to see that, to think of his girlfriend reading things like that. Even though want to steal him away for myself!  So not only am I unoriginal in my fantasy that we could be meant for each other, I'm also a total hypocrite! It really doesn't make me feel good about myself. 

Not too long ago he was talking about quitting comedy and moving on to something more private, and at the time I was heartbroken at the thought, but now I kind of wish that he would. If he just went away then maybe I could forget him! 

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This has been a terrible day. It seems like it takes less to trigger me these days and I don't know why that is. For some reason I made the mistake of going on the instagram of that clothing line my CO has become affliated with. I knew it was a bad idea. I knew it would somehow make me feel worse, but I'm me so I did it anyway. They posted another of his pictures again, this one with his teammate and another guy. Not a problem. Not what triggered me. No, what triggered me was a comment someone made. Why I looked at the comments, I have no idea, but this was by some dude saying "CO's name looking for her".

That's it. That's what upset me. I keep wondering who is this her he's looking for? A girlfriend, a girl he likes, what? Or is there even a specific girl like did he mean it in a looking for love kind of way? That's what I've been obsessing over since I saw it. Of all the things. So I guess I'm back to seeing if I can avoid that page from here on out. I say that knowing that I'm going to slip again because I'm too weak not to. I just hate that something so small could bother me so much. Granted, it's been a rough few days in general and my vertigo is acting up today and I'm just not feeling great. Everything always seems worse when I'm not feeling well. But I'm so depressed and it's getting worse. I miss him and kind of hate him at the same time for making me feel the way he does. Then I feel bad for kind of hating him for someone he doesn't even know he's doing. It's not his fault and hate is a strong word. I don't hate him, I hate this feeling. He makes me feel so awful and so wonderful at the same time. Ugh.

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@musiclover83

Try not to worry about who he is "looking" for. I know it's hard not to worry, but since you don't know what the comment means, you may as well not imagine your worst fear. Maybe he is just looking for someone in a business transaction, or looking for a friend whose profile is missing. It might mean something important about a girlfriend, but it could also be something very, very trivial. (Also, you don't know how much the guy knows who posted the comment.) So, until you hear some news about your CO getting serious with a girlfriend, you may as well try not to torture yourself over that one comment and lose sleep over what it might mean.

Edited by BlueStarr
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I keep obsessing over this CO, his family and his partner.  I can't stop these thoughts no matter what I do.  I distract myself and it only works for a short time.  I had my computer taken away--my idea--but thoughts of him and them still run rampant in my brain.  It's like my whole obsessive brain is a trigger.  NO social media or technology needed.  I visit this fansite of his on Tumblr.  That's trigger-central because she's a fan of his relationship.  It makes me feel like I just ran thru a snowstorm without a coat on.  NO matter what, it's relentless and I can't stop!  Now there's this trailer of his next movie coming out in October.  More interviews.  They mention her and that's more triggering.  Now after having a fairly good week and I feel like crap again.  Thanks, CO & partner and kids.  😞

Edited by nikki114
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