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Hi. I'm a 35 years old guy, who has been obsessed with different celebrities along the past 10 years. And everytime, the same thing happened. I couldn't stop thinking about them, following them on the internet, and getting depressed by knowing that I would never be able to be part of their lives. But the more that happened, the more I started to see the pattern... These actresses were not the love of my life, they were just my current obsession. With time(and therapy), I started to know more about myself, and this lead me to notice WHY I fell in love with these women: I'm atracted to cute girls with innocent faces, pretty smiles, and full of joy. That helped me a LOT, because now I know that when I fall for another actress(like I am falling right now), it's because of these characteristics(and not because she is a perfect, angelic human being, like I thought before). Understanding that I have a type, and that she is not really special(since I know there are other people out there with these characteristics), makes it easier for me to let her go, and get over my crush/obsession.

Therapy helped me a lot. Not only with this, but with many other problems(like low self esteem). I still have these problems, but I'm working to overcome them, and little by little, succeeding.

Seriously, if you're able to, get professional help. It will change your life!

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Greetings all on this day or night depending where you live, right now it’s early morning but it looks dark so I’ll just say it’s night. 
 

today has been quite the eventful day for my obsession and in a positive way.

earlier I was reading a article about her journey to becoming an artist and something just flipped a switch in my mind, it made me realise that she’s like any of us, she’s a human who’s been through a fair share of occurrences instead of a characterisation which i usually see most of my COs in, it felt like my mind switched back into how I saw her at the beginning instead of delving deeper so it’s kind of shocking to see it progress naturally instead of force like usual. I’ve been looking at her less today and focusing more on my hobbies which is such a wonderful sensation. 

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Okay so update for those whom are active, and if you are I hope you are enjoying having a safe time during this global situation. 
So a day or so after the realisation of sorts, my mind started spiralling back into deep diving on forums about her, which I sincerely regret now since I’ve learnt some factors primarily for the worst, one being the fact she apparently romanticised  a student teacher relationship on her talk show back in the 00s, since it’s apparently take it with a grain of salt but mixed the next story I heard being about her friendly connections with a man who sexualised a 17 year old singer, stating horrible things about her pants, just for the first time shook my reputation of her once again, the first time I paid no attention when I heard of her diva like behaviour and money scandals, instead trying to ignore them, but those stories were one of the nails in the coffin per se, now another story from a audience member at their newer concert details how her diva personality has one again taken place, this time to children, she promised her fans (since they’re a family band) photos, but instead when asked she declined and got security involved which has made me honestly disappointed in her knowing these are children who want to have a moment of grace with their hero, I guess never meet your heroes in this case unfortunately. Fortunately I’m focusing a lot more on my personal life and hobbies around this time. 

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On 3/11/2021 at 3:02 PM, NightSkyLover said:

Hi all, newbie here 🙂

I am so relieved to see a thread like this, I thought I was alone with my obsessions but turns out a lot of people can probably relate and understand.

I am a hypersensitive, hopeless romantic with a vivid imagination, so I have had my fair share of crushes on celebrities, fiction characters and other unattainable people over the years, but none of them felt like what I am experiencing now. When I was young and single, I always thought that my day would come and that I would experience these kind of feelings with someone real; basically, the crushes were entertaining distractions while waiting for the real thing. Now, I have the real thing, an actual SO with whom I've even been talking of marriage, and the CO had stopped when we got together but they have been back in full force over the past few weeks.

I am going through a hard time with the isolation and loneliness due to covid; the fact that my SO and I are doing long-distance definitely doesn't help. To distract myself from all the darkness, I have been watching a lot of my favourite sport (figure skating), which was enjoyable at first but caused me to develop an overwhelming obsession with one of the top male skaters. I basically can't find any flaw, his talent is out of this world, his story is inspirational, his personality is adorable and he's insanely attractive. He displays so much sensitivity and emotion in his choreographies, and I can't help but wish I could be at the receiving end of this kind of passion; thinking that some other woman will be experiencing this with him one day, hurts me to the core and turns me into a jealous mess that I am deeply ashamed of. If this wasn't unhealthy enough, knowing that he made such an impact on me but will never know who I am is also triggering feelings of worthlessness; my achievements are nothing next to his, I'm ugly, tall and disgracious while he prefers small and delicate girls, I know I would never be good enough to be his partner and I hate myself for it.

I am no psychologist, but I suppose that I became obsessed with this athlete because he embodies all the excitement, motivation, love and passion that are missing from my life right now. As a young scientist, I am now starting to realize how cold, emotionless and stuck-up the world of academia can be, with no place for human warmth. Additionally, despite being in a relationship, I don't feel emotionally fulfilled, mainly because of the temporary long distance but also because my SO is very pragmatic and practical instead of being sensitive like I am (and like my CO is). He makes it clear that being with me "makes sense" to him because of our aligning goals, common interests, convenient timing and situation etc, but he rarely expresses intense feelings; even though his reasoning is correct, I wish I could be more than a "logical choice" to him. I wish he could be overwhelmed with emotion sometimes instead of always staying down to earth and pragmatic. I wish he could love me with the same kind of intensity that I feel for him and that my CO expresses so well on the ice...

I know this is not fair to my SO, I love him and shouldn't be comparing him to anyone else, but I don't know how to fight these thoughts. I don't know how to deal with the jealousy whenever I imagine the lucky person who will be treated amazingly by my CO one day. I don't know how to get rid of the self-loathing voice telling me I wouldn't be good enough for my CO and he wouldn't look my way even if we lived on the same continent. And I don't know how to accept the reality of my life without needing to escape into fantasies and obsessions. I'll be listening if anyone has a word of advice or comfort...

 

I just gotta say, i practically teared up reading this. Much of it rang true in my experience. Luckily, things have improved with my SO and he expresses love more again. And some things with my COs, well one just I haven't been able to see him very much lately. (Used to watch his gaming streams every week). And the other, well im still very attracted to him, but oddly, it's like not all consuming. Maybe like others have said, i see his humanness. Yet, at the same time, i still see this perfection about him and how he'd never be with someone like me cuz i dont fit his type apparently. At the same time, he's super affectionate and i can still imagine being with him and the very different personality he has to my SO...and yet they are similar too. I find similarities between me and CO, and he's somedays like a hero or role model for me, but then other days i get sad and depressed by the fact that he made it and i don't do shit or have an ounce of popularity or skill or looks or...i exaggerate, but basically i fall short, waaaay short. I'm depressed 😞

 

last thing to mention, i started a mood stabilizer for bipolar2 since i was here last and since that time, my obsessions have sorta calmed. Im not as emotionally attached or looking up eveey little detail... or am i? I still see pics daily from accounts i follow and that second CO, the role model, noticed me once or twice. Sooo...idk is the novelty wearing or am i just getting comfortable? Is it the medication? 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi, everyone! It's been a very long time since I've checked in here and I hope all is well with everyone.

I have a strange question. Have any of you ever felt sad to have CO wane? That's kind of where I am right now.

Last year I got a wild hair to find out more about an actor I'd known about for years and I absolutely loved what I found. I'm well aware that he's only human and that I only see his public image, but he's really something else. He's probably the closest approximation to the man of my dreams that will ever exist. 

Being a fan of this man has been such a wonderful experience. Last year was hell on me for so many reasons. Without going into too much detail, I went through the most painful thing I've ever had to face so far. That event caused me to completely shut down and block everyone out, including my family. Suddenly finding myself in this man's fandom was the thing that brought me out of that state of turmoil, but not in an unhealthy way like it had been with past COs. I never used him or his characters as a crutch. I wasn't using my fandom to try and make up for things in my life that were lacking as I had done in the past. Rather, the experience of being his fan was just another good thing alongside the other good things in my life that had been missing previously. My admiration for him was purely positive at its root and being part of his fandom always was too. 

My life has had so many changes for the better this year and I think I associate him with positive changes. One change this year brought was the birth of my second child. During my pregnancy, however, I reached a point where I had to stop watching the show this actor is most known for. It's a crime drama. There were too many episodes in a row that dealt with children and I had to stop watching it. I've been extremely sensitive to media involving bad things happening to kids ever since my first child was born, but adding pregnancy hormones on top of that made it even worse. 

Although I stopped watching the show, I was still part of his and the show's fandom online. Things got really busy, however. We moved houses, my first child's schedule became more hectic due to his special needs, my job became more demanding, things got increasingly dramatic with my pregnancy, and I abruptly found myself having to adjust to life with a new baby on top of all of the other changes in my life. 

There have been so many changes and even though they're good, I find myself longing for familiarity. Most would count it as a win to have a CO lessen, but I'm not ready for this one to and I don't understand why it's happening. My feelings about him haven't changed at all. He's a CO I'll never look back on and cringe with regret. I never had the slightest feeling of negativity about being a fan of his. I look back on other COs waning as victories, but I really wanted this one to last forever. Although I'm still very much a fan, things just feel different lately.

Another very recent change is the fact that I've recently developed a new CO. This one is a band, particularly two members, although I'd count the whole band as a CO. I can feel myself starting to fangirl so hard for them and I just don't want to, even if being a fangirl can be so fun sometimes. 

Additionally, I'm not really sure why or how they've become COs to me. Although I recognize their talent, they're not the kind of music I normally like. I don't really know much about them as people, especially since they aren't native English speakers and are just now gaining popularity but they seem like the opposite of my personality. I'm pretty sure I would have been all over them in my teen years, but my teen years were a very long time ago and my tastes have changed a lot since then. I don't want to be so into a band I would have loved so long ago. I'm happier now than I was back then. I don't want to return to that headspace even slightly. I don't want them to usurp that actor I love so much as my main CO of the moment. I can see their appeal but why I personally am so enthralled by them is a mystery to me. 

I'm not sure why I feel so ambivalent. Band fandom has always felt different to me than actor fandom. With actors, you can focus on the fictional characters they play and that somehow feels safer. With musicians, it's nothing but real people. Maybe I'm not ready for that kind of reality? Band fandom has always been more all consuming with me as well, and it often leads to negative feelings.

They're also getting increasingly famous very fast. The last time I was involved in the fandom of a very popular musician, it ended up being really bad for me.

There's also the fact that the people in this band are all in their early 20s. I'm 34. That kind of bothers me and I'm not sure why. People of all ages love this band. They don't market themselves for a younger demographic. If anything, they're for a more mature crowd because they try to portray a very sexual image that almost borders on sleazy. They all look (and act) older than they really are. Still, I don't want to have such young COs, even though one guy in the band said he dated a woman my age once. I'm not ready to let go of my nice, safe 41-year-old actor CO and start simping for a band of people who were born after I'd already hit puberty!

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1 hour ago, Myshka said:

Hi, everyone! It's been a very long time since I've checked in here and I hope all is well with everyone.

I have a strange question. Have any of you ever felt sad to have CO wane? That's kind of where I am right now.

Last year I got a wild hair to find out more about an actor I'd known about for years and I absolutely loved what I found. I'm well aware that he's only human and that I only see his public image, but he's really something else. He's probably the closest approximation to the man of my dreams that will ever exist. 

Being a fan of this man has been such a wonderful experience. Last year was hell on me for so many reasons. Without going into too much detail, I went through the most painful thing I've ever had to face so far. That event caused me to completely shut down and block everyone out, including my family. Suddenly finding myself in this man's fandom was the thing that brought me out of that state of turmoil, but not in an unhealthy way like it had been with past COs. I never used him or his characters as a crutch. I wasn't using my fandom to try and make up for things in my life that were lacking as I had done in the past. Rather, the experience of being his fan was just another good thing alongside the other good things in my life that had been missing previously. My admiration for him was purely positive at its root and being part of his fandom always was too. 

My life has had so many changes for the better this year and I think I associate him with positive changes. One change this year brought was the birth of my second child. During my pregnancy, however, I reached a point where I had to stop watching the show this actor is most known for. It's a crime drama. There were too many episodes in a row that dealt with children and I had to stop watching it. I've been extremely sensitive to media involving bad things happening to kids ever since my first child was born, but adding pregnancy hormones on top of that made it even worse. 

Although I stopped watching the show, I was still part of his and the show's fandom online. Things got really busy, however. We moved houses, my first child's schedule became more hectic due to his special needs, my job became more demanding, things got increasingly dramatic with my pregnancy, and I abruptly found myself having to adjust to life with a new baby on top of all of the other changes in my life. 

There have been so many changes and even though they're good, I find myself longing for familiarity. Most would count it as a win to have a CO lessen, but I'm not ready for this one to and I don't understand why it's happening. My feelings about him haven't changed at all. He's a CO I'll never look back on and cringe with regret. I never had the slightest feeling of negativity about being a fan of his. I look back on other COs waning as victories, but I really wanted this one to last forever. Although I'm still very much a fan, things just feel different lately.

Another very recent change is the fact that I've recently developed a new CO. This one is a band, particularly two members, although I'd count the whole band as a CO. I can feel myself starting to fangirl so hard for them and I just don't want to, even if being a fangirl can be so fun sometimes. 

Additionally, I'm not really sure why or how they've become COs to me. Although I recognize their talent, they're not the kind of music I normally like. I don't really know much about them as people, especially since they aren't native English speakers and are just now gaining popularity but they seem like the opposite of my personality. I'm pretty sure I would have been all over them in my teen years, but my teen years were a very long time ago and my tastes have changed a lot since then. I don't want to be so into a band I would have loved so long ago. I'm happier now than I was back then. I don't want to return to that headspace even slightly. I don't want them to usurp that actor I love so much as my main CO of the moment. I can see their appeal but why I personally am so enthralled by them is a mystery to me. 

I'm not sure why I feel so ambivalent. Band fandom has always felt different to me than actor fandom. With actors, you can focus on the fictional characters they play and that somehow feels safer. With musicians, it's nothing but real people. Maybe I'm not ready for that kind of reality? Band fandom has always been more all consuming with me as well, and it often leads to negative feelings.

They're also getting increasingly famous very fast. The last time I was involved in the fandom of a very popular musician, it ended up being really bad for me.

There's also the fact that the people in this band are all in their early 20s. I'm 34. That kind of bothers me and I'm not sure why. People of all ages love this band. They don't market themselves for a younger demographic. If anything, they're for a more mature crowd because they try to portray a very sexual image that almost borders on sleazy. They all look (and act) older than they really are. Still, I don't want to have such young COs, even though one guy in the band said he dated a woman my age once. I'm not ready to let go of my nice, safe 41-year-old actor CO and start simping for a band of people who were born after I'd already hit puberty!

Ahh. Interesting! Not your pain, but how you feel about having a band CO and losing the older CO. My suspicion is that you losing the previous one for this new one. I don't really think these things are in our control. It's also interesting to me because I'm losing my current CO. Not sure if I've a replacement though yet. Could be why im depressed though, or depression is preventing it. I'm not 100% sure, but like i said, it's all interesting from someone here trying to figure it all out like yourself. 

 

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Im going to do this separate in case people think to ignore quote tweets. 

Hello again! I need to look back and see what ive missed. Im always trying to keep up with this thread though. I will repeat this, i feel as though im losing my old CO that i had last time i was here, the band guy. I dont mean that i dont care about him or think hes super attractive, cuz i still do, but I've lost a significant desire to know EVERYTHING about him. Maybe it has to do with him getting married, although it has been a few months for that now. Or maybe ive just exhausted the interesting and new things about him. Now its pretty much same things he's saying, or at least i think that, although i did miss out on an interesting quote. I guess it's because interviews often repeat things and there is only like a single new thing in each one, so i tend to get bored. 

Its weird. I often thought i dont get over a CO till i get a new one. Maybe im currently obsessed with this tv show. Im not exactly obsessed with the cutie on there, but theres that too. I feel like this is just my apathetic depressed stage and I'll probably get another CO within the next year or so. 

 

Edit: oh. Guess i already posted before the last. This thread is so quiet now! I hope that means people are doing better. ❤️

Edited by anxiousE
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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey everyone 

It's been a very long time since I've posted here  as although my CO problem hasn't gone away it had made me more happy than sad most of the time.

It has however become much more intense over the past 2 months, funnily enough as my life has got busier after starting a job so maybe I'm more stressed than I realised. It became like an emotional fix for me to see his face or hear his voice (he's a musician and his singing does things to me).

I went to see him at a gig last night and queued up to talk to him after and get merch signed. He was perfectly fine but a bit standoffish, I could really tell I was just another random fan to him. Again, nothing wrong with that but it forced me to acknowledge that fact as reality and I feel gutted inside and a bit foolish for getting so emotionally invested in a stranger.

I want now to break the cycle of these obsessions as it's obviously not as harmless as I thought but I don't really know how.

Thanks for reading 

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  • 1 month later...

Hi everyone,

I can’t even remember how long it’s been since I last posted. I was doing really good for a while there. Last time I posted, my CO was a hockey player but that changed once I found out that he had a girlfriend. I always feel like I can’t continue to obsess over a CO if I know he’s in a relationship. Like it isn’t allowed somehow. I did manage to get over that one, though not without a fair amount of tears. The upside is I can watch him play hockey now and it doesn’t hurt anymore. Like I said, I was doing really well for a while.

Until I found a new person to obsess over. Calling him a celebrity feels like a big stretch - he has a podcast and posts videos on YouTube but he has a pretty small following. I started off just liking his content, even while finding him handsome. I didn’t expect to develop such a huge crush on him, but the more I watched him the more I liked him. Not just his looks, but everything about him. He seems to have all of the things I want in a partner and before I knew it, he had reached CO status. And my crush has mostly made me happy.

Until today. He usually posts about things related to his podcast and not about his personal life, save for some posts about his family. But today he posted a story with a girl who is apparently his girlfriend. He’d never given any indication of being in a relationship, but this story and the caption made it pretty clear that he is. And it just completely crushed me. I’ve been feeling especially lonely lately to begin with. This time of year is always hard because everyone’s posting about their families and relationships. So many engagements. And here I am, without a love of my own and it’s so painful. I feel like no one will ever want me and even though the logical part of me knows that I probably wouldn’t have had a chance with my crush, it still hurts so much. It’s brought back a lot of bad feelings too. Feeling really, really down.

Sending out hugs and comfort to anyone out there feeling the same way.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I hate my life so much right now. 

 

Why can't I be normal like all the other people?

 

Different crush, same story.

 

This one has been on-again, off-again with his girlfriend for nearly a decade.  I think they're currently off again.  I've mostly heard really bad things about this woman with receipts.  But she seems to be a loyal partner.  Every time I let myself feel sorry for her, she does some stupid and/or shady shit that makes me not like her again. 

 

I can't tell if she truly loves him and waiting for him to change his ways or if she's really in this for the money.  And all the nice things she does is just to insure the money keeps flowing.   I don't know.

 

Older psychic readings imply that they're done or close to done.  But newer ones suggest that they might be expecting.  Which makes me sick, considering what I know about them.  I hope they're just predictions but who knows?

 

That alone is mental and emotional torture.  So are the outdated, old-fashioned views of the women of Lipstick Alley, a gossip forum.  It's basically like a really bad drug, and the psychic reading about them are becoming the same way.  You know how bad it is for you, but you just keep coming back.  Just like their relationships.

 

But my grandfather has COVID and pneumonia.  Or COVID-related pneumonia.  Up until 2 days ago, he was really on the mend.  Being alert, awake, even laughing and making jokes.  But BAM, his oxygen drops, his kidneys are messed up and he has to go back to the hospital.  Before that, he was in a nursing home-type of place recovering.  Before that, he was in a regular room recovering.  Now he's in ICU.

 

I wonder why I care more about this volatile couple than I care about my grandpa right now.  A man who helped raise me and my brothers.  Plus, we get along okay.  Then we bicker over our conflicting views on life. 

 

It does scare me, what's happening to my grandpa.  I shouldn't be obsessing over this celebrity.  Whatever happens, it's going to be a train wreck.  I don't know if I'm psychic or not.  I don't know if I have good intuition.

 

Are these thoughts mine or are they intuitive insights or just wishful thinking?  I don't know!

 

Will this go away once I have a real man?  I seriously think about suicide because of how these people--fans on LSA, her and occasionally him.  But I can't do that to my brother or my parents.

 

I need to stop this!

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So I've not written on this forum for some time (5 years, oops) and thought I would give updates!

 

A little while after my last post, I met who now is my best friend. I met her online and she approached me as she liked the same celebrity as me. We had a lot in common, as well as a genuine interest for this celebrity. It's been five years as friends, and we've now met him TWICE! We have a fanpage for him which he has acknowledged on several occasions, has told us he loves us and what we do. I also draw fanart for him, which he also loves!

The first time was very sudden as he was doing a talk about a series he was doing and me and my friend spontaneously went for it and decided to go. She approached him as she had a gift for him (I didn't have time to get one as we literally decided to go the night before). I was incredibly shy and we didn't have a lot of time with him so I annoyingly didn't speak much.

The second time was about 3 months ago (October 17th to be precise) and it was very different, but in a good way. It was more planned too, so I had more time to get used to the idea, and I knew I'd be seeing my friend again! It was an event at a theatre where they were showing a load of short films, one of which he and his wife was in together. They both came to the event with one of their daughters and a few other family members. (Even though I almost had a panic attack until they walked in and it immediately stopped) I am a bit more confident now so I was able to speak to him a bit more. We spoke before, at the interval, and after the event. He's been a huge influence on dealing with my mental health and I managed to tell him that he's the reason for me doing something about it. Oh, and I gave them gifts to! 😂

So I went from being obsessed, to having a more friendship relationship with him. It's something I never imagined, because I just thought I would just be infatuated with him for the rest of my life, getting all emotional for no reason (which yes, I still do) and thought I would never meet him. No other COs have really come in these 5 years either so I think I have found the one that's gonna stick. 😊

 

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On 11/24/2021 at 12:34 PM, PapillonMariposa said:

Hey everyone 

It's been a very long time since I've posted here  as although my CO problem hasn't gone away it had made me more happy than sad most of the time.

It has however become much more intense over the past 2 months, funnily enough as my life has got busier after starting a job so maybe I'm more stressed than I realised. It became like an emotional fix for me to see his face or hear his voice (he's a musician and his singing does things to me).

I went to see him at a gig last night and queued up to talk to him after and get merch signed. He was perfectly fine but a bit standoffish, I could really tell I was just another random fan to him. Again, nothing wrong with that but it forced me to acknowledge that fact as reality and I feel gutted inside and a bit foolish for getting so emotionally invested in a stranger.

I want now to break the cycle of these obsessions as it's obviously not as harmless as I thought but I don't really know how.

Thanks for reading 

Hey there, I can understand how meeting him and talking to him may have been a bit of a letdown or reality check. I’ve met my CO 5-6 times, and most of those times happened last year. Despite that, I’m pretty sure he has no idea who I am and won’t recognize me the next time we meet. lol On one occasion, I had the opportunity to speak to him without feeling rushed because there weren’t many other fans around and he was friendly, but I did get the feeling that he was maybe a bit tired/bored. He’s also said in interviews that he’s socially awkward and not really into making small talk with people in general. So I didn’t really take it personally and I still love him, but I can understand what you mean when you said that you felt like just another fan to him. Do you still feel that way now that you’ve had more time to reflect on your meeting with him?

 

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On 1/22/2022 at 5:46 PM, SophieViolet95 said:

So I've not written on this forum for some time (5 years, oops) and thought I would give updates!

 

A little while after my last post, I met who now is my best friend. I met her online and she approached me as she liked the same celebrity as me. We had a lot in common, as well as a genuine interest for this celebrity. It's been five years as friends, and we've now met him TWICE! We have a fanpage for him which he has acknowledged on several occasions, has told us he loves us and what we do. I also draw fanart for him, which he also loves!

The first time was very sudden as he was doing a talk about a series he was doing and me and my friend spontaneously went for it and decided to go. She approached him as she had a gift for him (I didn't have time to get one as we literally decided to go the night before). I was incredibly shy and we didn't have a lot of time with him so I annoyingly didn't speak much.

The second time was about 3 months ago (October 17th to be precise) and it was very different, but in a good way. It was more planned too, so I had more time to get used to the idea, and I knew I'd be seeing my friend again! It was an event at a theatre where they were showing a load of short films, one of which he and his wife was in together. They both came to the event with one of their daughters and a few other family members. (Even though I almost had a panic attack until they walked in and it immediately stopped) I am a bit more confident now so I was able to speak to him a bit more. We spoke before, at the interval, and after the event. He's been a huge influence on dealing with my mental health and I managed to tell him that he's the reason for me doing something about it. Oh, and I gave them gifts to! 😂

So I went from being obsessed, to having a more friendship relationship with him. It's something I never imagined, because I just thought I would just be infatuated with him for the rest of my life, getting all emotional for no reason (which yes, I still do) and thought I would never meet him. No other COs have really come in these 5 years either so I think I have found the one that's gonna stick. 😊

 

That is so great to hear that your second meeting with him was better than the first and that you were able to have a genuine conversation with him. 🙂

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On 12/29/2021 at 10:17 PM, musiclover83 said:

Hi everyone,

I can’t even remember how long it’s been since I last posted. I was doing really good for a while there. Last time I posted, my CO was a hockey player but that changed once I found out that he had a girlfriend. I always feel like I can’t continue to obsess over a CO if I know he’s in a relationship. Like it isn’t allowed somehow. I did manage to get over that one, though not without a fair amount of tears. The upside is I can watch him play hockey now and it doesn’t hurt anymore. Like I said, I was doing really well for a while.

Until I found a new person to obsess over. Calling him a celebrity feels like a big stretch - he has a podcast and posts videos on YouTube but he has a pretty small following. I started off just liking his content, even while finding him handsome. I didn’t expect to develop such a huge crush on him, but the more I watched him the more I liked him. Not just his looks, but everything about him. He seems to have all of the things I want in a partner and before I knew it, he had reached CO status. And my crush has mostly made me happy.

Until today. He usually posts about things related to his podcast and not about his personal life, save for some posts about his family. But today he posted a story with a girl who is apparently his girlfriend. He’d never given any indication of being in a relationship, but this story and the caption made it pretty clear that he is. And it just completely crushed me. I’ve been feeling especially lonely lately to begin with. This time of year is always hard because everyone’s posting about their families and relationships. So many engagements. And here I am, without a love of my own and it’s so painful. I feel like no one will ever want me and even though the logical part of me knows that I probably wouldn’t have had a chance with my crush, it still hurts so much. It’s brought back a lot of bad feelings too. Feeling really, really down.

Sending out hugs and comfort to anyone out there feeling the same way.

I’m sorry that I’m just now seeing your post, but I hope you’re feeling better! It can definitely be tough to see others happily coupled up when you’re feeling lonely yourself.

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So this is an OCD thing? I got this occasionaly since being teenager till my early 20's. It was incredibly distressing and embaracing, I also got obsessed by other people IRL. I don't want to dive into the specifics, but it was bad and it was a major problem. I can't give you any better advice than forcefully stop this behavior. Don't read about them, don't follow social media, do absolutely anything to distract yourself, cry in the pillow. It will go away faster than you think and you might develop some kind of "immunity" to this in the future. 

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  • 1 month later...

I’ve been obsessed with celebrities my whole life. Some last a few months to a couple of years at a time. Once I think I’ve been “cured”, I suddenly find myself in a new obsession. I think it’s a lack of something in my life that causes these sudden obsessions. It’s not like “an interest”. It’s an “in love” sort of unrequited love situation.

I posted in the original thread years ago about a CO I was in love with for a few years. That one ended and a new one started, then a new one and now this one. It’s a never ending cycle. 
 

Like before, I am in a relationship. I thought that once I found “love”, these would go away. Nope. It’s like a “poly” situation. My bf isn’t happy about it. It’s “emotional cheating”. 
 

My CO has been dead since the early 1900’s. I try to make it seem like my obsession is mild or that it “doesn’t matter” or shouldn’t matter to my bf since being with my CO is literally at 0%. So, I just try to keep it to myself but the next minute I know, I’m talking about him and random facts I learn. 
 

this isn’t the first time I’ve been madly in love with a CO that is no longer with us. Is this just weird? It’s weird, isn’t it? Sigh. 
 

I don’t mind if you guys know my CO or figure it out but the mystery is fun. 🙂 

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On 2/2/2022 at 7:51 PM, Severian said:

So this is an OCD thing? I got this occasionaly since being teenager till my early 20's. It was incredibly distressing and embaracing, I also got obsessed by other people IRL. I don't want to dive into the specifics, but it was bad and it was a major problem. I can't give you any better advice than forcefully stop this behavior. Don't read about them, don't follow social media, do absolutely anything to distract yourself, cry in the pillow. It will go away faster than you think and you might develop some kind of "immunity" to this in the future. 

YES. I never really been “obsessed” with anyone in real life until recently. My bf and I are in this on going on-off situation, and we are both OBSESSED with one another. It’s so unhealthy but I cannot get out of it because I’m literally obsessed with him. (And my CO, of course.)

 

However, no. It doesn’t stop. Thanks for the advice but nope. That one goes away “forcefully”, another develops. It’s not that simple. 
 

EDIT: oh what the heck! I just saw your name and it’s a character in a book my CO wrote that I’m obsessed with. See? It doesn’t go away… and synchronicities, such as this, HAPPENS. 
 

EDIT AGAIN: I’m sorry, I just cannot get over the IRONY that your username is Severian. It’s close to Severin. Sigh. What the hhhhhhhhhhhhheck. Probably not a big deal to you. 

Edited by Masoch
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The POS broke up with me. He didn’t really say much about it, but it’s for the best. We’ve been through this cycle for nearly a year now (since April 2021) - breaking up (his doing) and getting back together again after several fights. It’s best he goes away for good this time. 
 

this is probably WHY I developed another obsession (subconsciously). It’s been so hard with that POS and I, the worst/best relationship I’ve ever had. 

i will get through this. I know my CO obsession will help me get through this 

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I’m obsessed with my POS. I am, I admit it. He’s admitted it. We are bound to be miserable together. He’ll be calling me up in a few days wanting to get back together, as he always does, and I’ll fall back to him. Anyone hear the song Clarity by Zedd? That’s us. 
———

I’ve been reading previous posts about CO’s spouses/SO’s, media, social media, etc and my GOD I don’t miss that at all. All my previous COs had followings, and I dealt with the same BS. I met my previous CO plenty of times but she played favorites. I haaaaated it; although, I’m glad I was amongst a few who were noticed. She would be in and out of relationships, and the jealousy would begin again. And the fans — like most fandoms these days — were vicious. 
 

I eventually left that CO and found another; an actor. Soft features, blue eyes and dark hair — like an angel. His fans were even more vicious, that it actually turned my stomach and soured my obsession. 
 

I feel so relieved that my CO is from the 1800’s because I don’t have to deal with ANY of this. I do wonder what it would be like if he were alive today. Then, I quickly wish the thoughts away. I feel comfortable here, where there’s no MASSIVE following and I can just enjoy it on my own without interference. It’s peaceful. 

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Hello everyone. 

I've joined this forum way back in 2017. I never knew term CO ever existed or figure out what's going on with me until I've read all the posts here. It's such a relief to know you're not alone in fighting this thoughts and that I can understand myself better. 

I think I have been inactive since 2019 but wanting to say hello to all participants, old and new.

Long story short, my CO is Henry Cavill which I've been following since 2016. Everything is OK until 2017 where the reality hits me in a big way when he showed up looking loved up with his then girlfriend. At the time I was dealing with health issue as well, so the pain coming from CO and my own body is too much to bear. I've had trouble sleeping for two weeks. I just want to press button DELETE to all of that. I thought the feeling was stupid and irrelevant, to love someone so much and that person is impossible for you to even imagine with. Saving his photos? Videos? It's a daily thing to do, the first thing to do in the morning is to look up his IG, hoping he won't post on the GF again. I've managed to block his IG for couple of months, only to sneaking on it again. After a while, he broke up and I was happy again. Until another GF shows up. This has happen back and forth, a lot of times.  

Somewhere in 2019-2020, I developed a new CO, Sam Heughan. Same thing. I looked up his every details, saved every photos, digged every possible GFs. During this time, I notice that what I feel towards HC is getting less intense. And around May 2021, I started to have another CO again, Ed Skrein. And it has only been him until now. Everything about CO was good until their personal life comes in, then I will be so F**** up. 

There's a trend there. The COs come and go. But I no longer sad for HC anymore. I love watching his movies, dramas, anything he put on out there. But I didn't go check his IG everyday. I no longer save his photos or videos. Safe to say that he has that spot in my heart forever, but the obsession and pain has reduced tremendously and it has been diverted to the new CO. Is this a good news? Probably not. 

Few things I learned about myself along this journey. CO is my escapism. They are the beautiful fantasy I created inside my mind for something I didn't have in my real life. It is my deepest desires that I longed to have. That is why it is so addictive. No more blaming on myself for how I feel, but instead, I'm learning everyday how to only take the good part of it. Seriously, I've been so tired putting myself in the dark corner, like what I'm supposed to do? I like movie actors, so I have to stop watching movies??? Then I'll go, "Screw it. I'm gonna feel what I want to feel". 

It has been 6 years. Wonder what's gonna happen next. But life goes on. 

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11 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

Few things I learned about myself along this journey. CO is my escapism. They are the beautiful fantasy I created inside my mind for something I didn't have in my real life. It is my deepest desires that I longed to have. That is why it is so addictive. No more blaming on myself for how I feel, but instead, I'm learning everyday how to only take the good part of it. Seriously, I've been so tired putting myself in the dark corner, like what I'm supposed to do? I like movie actors, so I have to stop watching movies??? Then I'll go, "Screw it. I'm gonna feel what I want to feel". 

That’s what I learned too. Of course, my therapist said the best thing I can do is recognize the voids that aren’t being fulfilled and find other ways to find happiness/fill the void. Simple? Naaaaw. 
 

I love having CO’s. I’ve had them my entire life and I’m now in my 30s. I don’t see it going away. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Greetings everyone, long time no see! Hope everyone’s trying their best during this time. Personally I’m at a negative standstill in my life with a plethora of somber events happening but I did finally get a debit card (here’s to saving and not spending it on records) 

Another one of these events kind of ties into how I view my CO currently. 
 

During last year I can admit I dabbled for 7 months in a certain plant, and over time It just started opening up a side of me I didn’t like at all, I understand for some it works for anxiety and issues along those lines but for me all it did was intensify it almost to the point of suicide due to how I suffered with depersonalisation long before this so it made it much more effective in making me seem like I’m not even existing which when around others at the time caused my brain to not even see them as family, after that incident on New Year’s Day of this year I decided I didn’t want any artificial happiness or be part of that stoner life, my parents are and now I look back at it through therapy which I’ve been attending for months now, they worried more about grams then their own child at times, they’re older than myself so I get that but I’m only 17, Each to their own I completely understand that but for me I want to stay the 4 month sober version of me, she’s much more free and realises she’s grounded! 
 

the problem is being around any paraphernalia or persons to do with this infamous plant, (which anyone with a ex addiction would know how this feels) you try your best to stray away but you walk a thin line, my relationship with my mother has been tarnished in my eyes seeing her do it for example. Being the only sober one in a house of enablers ain’t cool at all being a ex smoker.
 

Another person who’s a user of this happens to recently be my CO which as someone who I looked up to due to her pure happiness no drugs needed lifestyle, being a user this whole time rocked my view of her. (And I’m certain anyone else can relate to this part) her being the last CO of what I call my childhood (before I went through addictions and the like) seeing this happen is for a fragile ex user is like a childhood ending thing If that makes any sense, I’ve looked up to a lie it feels. Doesn’t help there’s a photo of her in some studio which is heavy on drug use on their page with her looking out of it, red dilated eyes and all. And it’s her life and I get that, live and let live but I don’t know if I should stick to my CO or try to step out before my brain goes back into if she’s doing it you should too mode. 

 

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  • 1 month later...
On 3/7/2022 at 11:31 PM, Masoch said:

That’s what I learned too. Of course, my therapist said the best thing I can do is recognize the voids that aren’t being fulfilled and find other ways to find happiness/fill the void. Simple? Naaaaw. 
 

I love having CO’s. I’ve had them my entire life and I’m now in my 30s. I don’t see it going away. 

Since what age you have been having CO if I may ask?

Did you experience changing of CO like I did?

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On 4/27/2022 at 2:35 AM, Honey1992 said:

Since what age you have been having CO if I may ask?

Did you experience changing of CO like I did?

My mom told me - since I was 3. 😂

 

yes, I went through many changes; a couple months, to years. 

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