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Not sure if it's sad or a good thing that it has been quiet here. Well, I'm going to break the silence.

Had a dream about one of my "celebrity" obsessions. I had pretty much moved on from him up till this point.  I suppose it could be in part to the fact that I do have a newish celebrity crush or current mini obsession, with an actual celeb who looks very much like the "celebrity" obsession...and maybe also do to the fact that I have been on the subject of "favorite persons" again, but never has that affected me emotionally until this dream. I mean, I think I'm ok upon waking...but in the dream I was so sad and so very longing to be back in the life of this person. As it turns out, I had stumbled across him and our mutual girl friend while I was on vacation. Well, I watched them for the longest time from a distance. They were dancing and it was very intense...

Anyway, i don't really want to dwell on this too much and I also have a doctor's appointment in less than 30 minutes (eek!) so, I'm going to leave it at that.

Hope everyone is ok and hanging in there in these tough times! ❤️

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10 hours ago, anxiousE said:

Not sure if it's sad or a good thing that it has been quiet here. Well, I'm going to break the silence.

Had a dream about one of my "celebrity" obsessions. I had pretty much moved on from him up till this point.  I suppose it could be in part to the fact that I do have a newish celebrity crush or current mini obsession, with an actual celeb who looks very much like the "celebrity" obsession...and maybe also do to the fact that I have been on the subject of "favorite persons" again, but never has that affected me emotionally until this dream. I mean, I think I'm ok upon waking...but in the dream I was so sad and so very longing to be back in the life of this person. As it turns out, I had stumbled across him and our mutual girl friend while I was on vacation. Well, I watched them for the longest time from a distance. They were dancing and it was very intense...

Anyway, i don't really want to dwell on this too much and I also have a doctor's appointment in less than 30 minutes (eek!) so, I'm going to leave it at that.

Hope everyone is ok and hanging in there in these tough times! ❤️

So you had a dream about a former CO which has now renewed your interest in him a bit? Or you’re just questioning why you had the emotional reaction that you felt in the dream? It’s easy to get caught up in a dream because it feels so real when it’s happening. You could have a dream that you’re in a romantic situation with someone who you never even thought about in that way, but the dream might lead you to see the person in a new light.

But yes, it’s been way too quiet here so hopefully that means that everyone is healthy and as happy as can be under the current circumstances. I’ve been well. I’ve had the opportunity to communicate with other fans of my current CO and they seem equally obsessed if not more obsessed with him, so I definitely don’t feel alone. Of course most of them are a lot younger than me, so I’m more understanding of their fangirl behavior than my own. But it is what it is and I have to have SOME kind of entertainment during this pandemic situation! 😄

 

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On 5/28/2020 at 8:09 PM, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

So you had a dream about a former CO which has now renewed your interest in him a bit? Or you’re just questioning why you had the emotional reaction that you felt in the dream? It’s easy to get caught up in a dream because it feels so real when it’s happening. You could have a dream that you’re in a romantic situation with someone who you never even thought about in that way, but the dream might lead you to see the person in a new light.

But yes, it’s been way too quiet here so hopefully that means that everyone is healthy and as happy as can be under the current circumstances. I’ve been well. I’ve had the opportunity to communicate with other fans of my current CO and they seem equally obsessed if not more obsessed with him, so I definitely don’t feel alone. Of course most of them are a lot younger than me, so I’m more understanding of their fangirl behavior than my own. But it is what it is and I have to have SOME kind of entertainment during this pandemic situation! 😄

 

No, no renewed interest. Not even questioning it because it's probably from another "CO" that reminds me of him. Lol I'm not really obsessing about this celebrity. Just think he's cute. Lol and obviously looks like my old friend. I think I was just experiencing this like when you or I get invested in a story character. They aren't even real in our world, it's fiction, but it still invokes real feelings within us. I mean, even if it was "me" in the dream, it was more like a first person type of video game. I didn't even feel like I was completely in control...although I suppose sometimes I can feel that way in real life too. Ha!

Well yea, I hope everyone is well! Good to hear you are, HR! And your fandom sounds like one of my fandoms (or maybe a couple even)...lots of young folks, and some very extreme ones too. I mean, literally today there were a good few posts by "leaders" in the community saying how rude and oh, I can't think of the other word, that some fans were being and how these "leaders" almost want to leave the scene! Tsk tsk. When will people learn to have more respect?! Probably never. There always seems to be someone who ruins things for the rest of us. Well, luckily I manage to keep away from most of that drama.  

 

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*oh! "entitled" was the word I was looking for...

and I also remembered that one such "leaders", but of a different fandom than the one I was thinking of above, DID actually deactivate their account. Fortunately, I was hiding them for awhile before so it didn't hurt me AS much, but still, it's very sad that those few folks have to ruin things. ya know?? 

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Hey folks!

So today's anecdote is about a a more healthy obsession. It was another Twitter thing. My CO had retweeted a flattering post with a blushing response. Basically it was like "I adored you then and I still adore you". Not my tweet or anything, but I share the sentiment. It's funny though, I thought he was so dreamy physically back then, but now it's a more intellectual and emotional admiration. And, get this. He's a twin. And ironic how I actually liked his twin more, knew more of his twin (although they were identical so didn't even know they were twins) back in the day, but the one I'm talking of has the better Twitter personality. To further my amusement of this, I used to fancy some twins irl, but thought the ever so slightly less attractive one (although they looked very close and were "identical") had the better personality/was so much more friendly. Hehe Anyway, I just had a swoon moment this afternoon, but again, this is a healthier obsession. :)

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Posted (edited)

Greetings everyone, First off, I’m so grateful that theres a community of people who are going through the same experiences as I am, always thought I would be helpless in this obsession ground but I feel here’s a welcoming place to vent, which is pretty refreshing and of course get some advice from y’all. 
 

I’ve had many celebrity crushes in my life, and usually they were normal run of the mil crushes, posters, fan account followings, etc. until I’d say around mid November last year. At the time my main OC was a Latin boy band who disbanded around the mid 00s or somewhere around that time. Anyways I started to notice I really only paid attention to the younger versions of their selves, i was aware they have grown up, and have respectable lives that I congratulate them for having, problem was I had a thought which is hard to explain I guess, but when I thought about them, it was like in the sense they were still their younger ages (When they were in the media), currently. Additionally top of that only starting to read too much into lives and or scandals at the time of their prime. I kind of tried to dismiss the thoughts as me just being a natural over thinker, which did seem effective until one night i experienced my first anxiety attack around it thinking if I was being a horrible person by only seeing a idol in this frozen in time state, instead of focusing on them currently. Even though I’m a adolescent myself, I kinda felt like a creep because they aren’t the same people as they were back in 2002 or so. After that I tried to stray away from any interaction to do with them, slowly, until all I had was some pictures and that was basically it to remind me. I did phase out of them. Then some months go past and another CO comes around that’s still continuing to this moment, unlike the last one I had who were I guess b list musicians in Latin countries, this one was pretty much a blip, staring in only one Educational mini series from the mid 90s, which he looked ideal in my taste, blue eyes, brown hair, etc and kinda reminded me of real ex crush when it came to interests which he discussed on the show (kinda like zoom but with only 10 eps), I was completely tranced by him. Then he left the industry as a whole,(which kind of sucks due to the material from the series being educational and scarce, there’s less to feast on content wise then a boy band) and becoming a IT for some huge tech company in Germany at the moment. Which kind of irritates me that he’s probably the most private celebrity if you can call him that crush I’ve had, and him not even having any social media, instead residing for a LinkedIn, is quite the shift. I guess that’s one of the reasons I’m still into him is for that reason, I’m so used to finding out more then the basics. But I can’t. So it adds some mystery. I thought i was fine once again then recently the thoughts of the younger him started to take my mind over, I swear I can’t go a minute without thinking about his younger self with the dashing blue eyes. Guy is like Ken to me when he was my age in the 90s.
but I’m aware he’s pretty much done a 360 since those days, and that’s fine, but again my mind only sees him as that pretty teen from Germany who’s an actor. which made my doubts come back and cause another attack some nights ago, this time the thoughts were turning suicidal I’m not sure why exactly, I guess the thought of the perfect guy I found not existing in that form anymore kind of setting me off. And the guy he reminds of has someone who’s my enemy. The show has a fandom though that does share some fans of the actors as well. Thus and still liking him I don’t want to depart just yet, but at the same time I feel I need some sort of distraction. I hope y’all can give me some advice. 
 

Best wishes💕

 

Edited by Smophie

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^not sure about advice, but I can say I understand it to some degree. While I have started following my adolescent years celebrity crushes on social media, some did peak at a certain time, and I can't help but think of those former times more...but, some of my COs, like the one I'm going to mention now, have remained attractive to this day.

Except, maybe I can relate. I dunno. Well, here's my sitch. So I stumbled across some old music I used to be a great fan of (the music and the band, in particular one member), and I saw an old video of a song I love but had never seen the video before. I was sucked right back in to my love for this CO. So good looking it hurts!! So I guess for a day or so, I was stuck in the past (oh and the weeks leading up to this with the music/his voice), but now I find myself digging up more current things and still see the beauty in those eyes, especially. Maybe the weirdest thing is how he reminds me of a guy I knew...well, it's weirder because he was a little younger than me, more fit for someone else I knew, and on top of all that, I was dating his brother at the time. But I couldn't shake this feeling for him. I still can't! He was cute AND shared many interests with me, including the band of that guy who looks like him. Lol Crazy right? So, maybe in that sense, I'm stuck in the past...at the same time, I've seen recent photos of the real life guy and he looks just the same (except grown up, but still nice). What if? Right? I dunno! I shake off the real life guy, but still pursue the celeb, because I know I'll never even meet him to be any trouble, right? Sigh! It's just...those eyes! Like, such love and innocence there...yeah, maybe I'm thinking of that "kid" again. My goodness! I call him a kid because he's the same age as a younger I know, but it's not THAT much a difference. 4 years?? Anyway, its just all stupid...but now I'm stuck in it! And I don't want to stop per se. I dunno! Bleh! 

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Anxious,

If it doesn't hurt you or make you mentally unbalanced or physically ill to think about him and fantasize about him, then don't worry.  You can have feelings for whoever you want.  I have feelings for one of my former professors.  If he lived near me, was a few years younger, and single I'd want to date him and that grosses me out because he's old enough to be my dad.  He would probably be really uncomfortable if he knew.  So I just pretend like he' a big brother just like I do with another one of my other bffs.  Just don't act on your feelings if it doesn't feel right.  You remember that I told you about the friend I had to block?  It's been a month and I still miss him every day.  Sigh...oh well.  My mom hates Josh I can never talk about him around her but I still say it was safer fantasizing about him than someone I really know.

Starbucksjunkee

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Starbucks,

It kinda sucked a bit last night, but I had a good cry and might be a bit better now (??) I dunno. Not totally though. I am not sure what to do! I want to pursue the celebrity to forget about the guy, but for all the celebs' flaws, that guy seemed to be better (??) Bleh i dunno! I mean, yeah, I just don't know the whole story on either of them and I shouldn't be caring so much anyway, so, will try not to think so much.

As far as your friend, I thought that WAS the professor (??) No, now I don't remember. Sigh! Sorry about it all though. That's what worries me, that even if I "block" someone, I'll still have thoughts! Then again, I stopped listening and looking at pics of that band guy for many years and only now am thinking stuff again, so, maybe it works...but it still sucks! And I feel I'll always be stuck in that time if I don't go through this and move on...but that doesn't seem like it's really happening either since I can't find anyone else who's like more obsessed than me to see the ridiculousness of it! ha! I dunno if that makes any sense. I'm just frustrated that I don't know what to do...and yes, it feels safer with a celeb than someone I know...but now I can't help thinking, what if I bump into that one I know??! I mean, I haven't so far, so it's probably stupid. Bleh! It's just...there were some good memories...I wish I could talk about them again is all, maybe. :/

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oh, and for the record, my current CO is Tom Delonge, former singer/guitarist of Blink182 and currently in Angels and Airwaves...just had to say it! 😛

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Starbucks,

I also meant to say this, but forgot. Im sure your fella would be flattered to know you liked him. Age or not, I don't think they care that much to not be flattered, and a younger girl at that! I mean, it's not like you're illegal or anything, right? :) And still, it'd be a compliment to them! :)

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I have decided not to open the door again.  I even figured out how to delete all of his old LinkedIn messages so I don’t have access to his phone number anymore.  But if I see him at a conference in the future I will tell him.  He has two pictures I sent and if he bookmarked my blog he can still have access to it.  It’s been a little over a month since I blocked him.   I feel bad that I didn’t say anything to explain why I blocked him.  I am in the process of moving right now and I think a fresh start somewhere new will be good for me.  I really think he was hiding something from me because he said he got into trouble when he was in California.  He couldn’t have gotten into too much trouble though or he would have lost his job as a counselor!  He also said he likes orange is the new black because it reminds him of his prison days.  Now on his resume it shows that he worked at a prison but why would that be a fond memory for a guy who claims to have ptsd?  So much about him I didn’t know.  I am just a lonely nice single gal and attention from a man unless he’s married or gay or in a serious relationship always gets me too excited.  I hate to admit that but it’s the truth.  My guy was far from perfect but he got me over Josh Radnor.  Granted I always still have Josh in the back of my mind.  I can’t talk about him in front of my mom.  She hates him.   I had a dream a couple months ago that he and I both published our books at the same time and I saw them for sale at Barnes and Noble on the same shelf.  I won’t buy his but it would be so ironic.  Sigh, a girl can dream can’t she?

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No the professor is just a friend I was just saying if he was single and younger I would be interested.  I know he would be flattered but he doesn’t need to know because he’s too old.  I Met another guy a few years back and he’s the one I am struggling to get over right now.   The guy I am talking about is in a similar job to what I want.  Check your private messages and private message me if you want to know more.   

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On 7/7/2020 at 7:30 AM, anxiousE said:

Starbucks,

It kinda sucked a bit last night, but I had a good cry and might be a bit better now (??) I dunno. Not totally though. I am not sure what to do! I want to pursue the celebrity to forget about the guy, but for all the celebs' flaws, that guy seemed to be better (??) Bleh i dunno! I mean, yeah, I just don't know the whole story on either of them and I shouldn't be caring so much anyway, so, will try not to think so much.

As far as your friend, I thought that WAS the professor (??) No, now I don't remember. Sigh! Sorry about it all though. That's what worries me, that even if I "block" someone, I'll still have thoughts! Then again, I stopped listening and looking at pics of that band guy for many years and only now am thinking stuff again, so, maybe it works...but it still sucks! And I feel I'll always be stuck in that time if I don't go through this and move on...but that doesn't seem like it's really happening either since I can't find anyone else who's like more obsessed than me to see the ridiculousness of it! ha! I dunno if that makes any sense. I'm just frustrated that I don't know what to do...and yes, it feels safer with a celeb than someone I know...but now I can't help thinking, what if I bump into that one I know??! I mean, I haven't so far, so it's probably stupid. Bleh! It's just...there were some good memories...I wish I could talk about them again is all, maybe. 😕

I completely understand your points, I understand a subject like COs depending on the situation can be hard to advise for, but the reminiscent of a person you know thing is exactly on the spot. I’m no expert but I guess the feeling of obsessing over the similarities than the actual person they remind you of is due to knowing the celeb is out of your reach, like a fantasy so the mind takes over, supposed to real people that you know and don’t have that connection with in that way because it would be considered basically creepy, also they’re people you care about so that doesn’t come into effect or if it does not on the same level as a CO who shares those traits or looks. That’s just a guess though. I’m not sure if any of y’all have experienced the feeling of shifting the love from the real crush to the closest CO version per se. That’s what I basically did. I had this mentality that the real crush found someone, but this frozen in time version of my CO hasn’t. But then the thought of knowing, he has also found someone, he isn’t the same guy he was during that time, you’ll never get the chance gives me this sense of hopelessness that I’ll never meet that frozen in time younger version I guess if you get my jist. 
 

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oh @Smophie

I relate to that completely. My CO now took the place of the irl guy. But I'm like REALLY obsessed right now! And while I'm catching up on "newer" stuff, a lot is not actually very new and he looks amazingly beautiful in the music vids and live vids and of course I somehow find these or get recs for them and can't tear myself away. It's that frozen in time younger version, although he's still good looking now, but most so about 13 or 14 years ago. (he would have been slightly younger than I am now, so yeah, that's usually when men peak. ha!) Anyway, I meant to come on here and express my need to try to cool it with him...and well, I DID stop listening to the old stuff that was triggering me most. I stopped everything actually, until about an hour ago. I thought I was clicking on an album version (with no visual), but this was a live performance that sounded good and he was just memorizing in it. And so now I'm wondering, isn't it ok to find someone beautiful and just smile when they look so cute??!! But then I read your comment about the hopelessness that I'll never meet (and also be available) that frozen in time younger version...as if I'd ever even have a chance with someone like that. ha! ahh! As other fangirls I know say, celebs like this one set the bar too high. lol God he's beautiful!! I mean, he's beautiful, and then when he puts it on, he's sexy too (that's the troublesome part hehe). But, I mean, can't I just be happy and enjoy the beauty of the world?? ;) 

Maybe I need to schedule my viewing time though, since lately it's been getting into other areas of my life. That's the other problem. Sigh!

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Be assured You aren’t alone in this, I’m struggling through the same withdrawal experience. even though I no longer watch his material, and or look at pictures. The memory of his almost divine looks linger on in my head. No offence if I come off in the wrong manner. But it honestly feels like a lost friend or something along those lines which I haven’t felt before. The other COs I’ve had just felt like what they were celebrities so the process was much more easier I guess. 
 

As for the current one (let’s call him Dan) 

I still get intense urges to check out his material daily, which I’ve been quite successful blocking off by focusing on hobbies but I don’t know why it didn’t effect me this time to stop, but last week, feeling bored I decided to check my old gallery on google photos (basically a backup tool) and even though everything with him was deleted from my phone, on the google cloud or storage whatever you call it, it was all there in its glory and the feeling was too strong, I couldn’t stop myself this time, I just had to look at his amazing self one more final time. And felt exactly what you felt when looking at yours, how could someone be so outstandingly adorable, it felt like for a hour or so, I was completely smitten again, like he was new again. But he wasn’t and I knew that. After I had my last I hope view of him the feeling came back much more intense this time and thoughts of him started rushing through again, I felt like I failed myself just as I thought they were going they came back as prevalent as before. And I’m starting to think, maybe I should go back but at the time I know what I’ll do, and want to feel I guess free from this obsession of sorts, which I have in the past and it’s one of the most liberating feelings, but that time my thoughts around the COs were different. 

plus that’s not the Dan that exists today, he’s an IT and and top of that a father himself, which I just found out some days before I tried to limit my consumption of him with the thought that’s someone’s own father out there, and I don’t know but that changed my perspective of him quite drastically, Before knowing I guess I thought I wasn’t doing anything that bad by crushing on the younger version of someone, but finding out they had children made me do a full 180, the thought of intensely crushing on someone’s father now is one of the reasons I’ve been trying to move on, I guess it just feels uncomfortable to me. Like I wouldn’t go up to a random persons father on the street per se and talk about how attracted I am to them as a teenager. Which I didn’t think of before.
 

Also I made the mistake of checking his LinkedIn, which in order to see their whole profile you need to sign up, which I did because I thought a little social media stalking wouldn’t hurt due to being used to that with the other ones, unbeknownst to me LinkedIn actually alerts the person whose profile you’re checking, which caused me to be reported twice, which at the time I was confused by, then I found out and I felt extremely disappointed in myself by the fact that this action was normal to me, and most of my other COs didn’t mind but the difference was notoriety, the last ones were famous for a while so the members were used to attention, as for Dan. He was in one mini series, then left the industry as a whole. Moved on with his life, which is fine, I congratulate him on living a content life with his family and himself !.

 

So reasonably he would be on some level of discomfort or even fear, considering I checked the profile fortnightly or so for 6 months, god knows how many alerts he got. But that was normal to me checking out the profile, thinking I wasn’t doing anything wrong, but for him I was.
 

It felt like I was harming him in a way, the reporting’s were definitely a sign from him that he felt some negativity. Which I didn’t intend but the thought has stuck to me to this day that I made my CO and someone’s own father scared. which has been playing in my mind, the teenage him didn’t share that problem.
 

To combat the strong thoughts I’ve tried to move back to the latin boy band members, even though it’s comforting and quite refreshing to come back to a old fandom that still has fans, (the fandom for the series dan was on basically died out.) It just doesn’t feel the same anymore, it’s like a spark that faded out. Don’t get me wrong, I still have respect for the group and it’s members, they had a positive influence on my life during horrible times and the same for others. So props to them. But they just don’t have the same effect on me anymore, there’s really no fulfilment. The only redeeming part I missed was the community. Everything else I could care less. 
 

I’ve tried finding other celebrity crushes to get my mind off. but I swear that blue eyed wonder changed something In me because even though my interests are shifting slowly to a slightly higher named celebrity, from Germany as well. (Actually toured with westlife for a while during the early 00s) and he’s quite handsome, even in his teenage and adult years. And I’m attracted but it just feels like that. Like some guy that’s kinda cute. Not on the same level as dan was. Despite sharing similarities appearance wise, blue eyes, brunette hair. I just don’t feel the same attraction or connection as with dan. I know that sounds weird but I hope y’all get what I mean.
 

So at the moment I’m stuck in this dilemma of what to do with the never disappearing thought of dan. Should I move to the other German guy? But still have the lingering thoughts of dan. 
 

 

 


 

 


   

4 hours ago, anxiousE said:

oh @Smophie

I relate to that completely. My CO now took the place of the irl guy. But I'm like REALLY obsessed right now! And while I'm catching up on "newer" stuff, a lot is not actually very new and he looks amazingly beautiful in the music vids and live vids and of course I somehow find these or get recs for them and can't tear myself away. It's that frozen in time younger version, although he's still good looking now, but most so about 13 or 14 years ago. (he would have been slightly younger than I am now, so yeah, that's usually when men peak. ha!) Anyway, I meant to come on here and express my need to try to cool it with him...and well, I DID stop listening to the old stuff that was triggering me most. I stopped everything actually, until about an hour ago. I thought I was clicking on an album version (with no visual), but this was a live performance that sounded good and he was just memorizing in it. And so now I'm wondering, isn't it ok to find someone beautiful and just smile when they look so cute??!! But then I read your comment about the hopelessness that I'll never meet (and also be available) that frozen in time younger version...as if I'd ever even have a chance with someone like that. ha! ahh! As other fangirls I know say, celebs like this one set the bar too high. lol God he's beautiful!! I mean, he's beautiful, and then when he puts it on, he's sexy too (that's the troublesome part hehe). But, I mean, can't I just be happy and enjoy the beauty of the world?? 😉

Maybe I need to schedule my viewing time though, since lately it's been getting into other areas of my life. That's the other problem. Sigh!

 

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@Smophie I want to write more, but my hands are quite aching right now. :( ButBut I'm thinking that the most effective way I've ever gotten over anyone or anything was oddly by submersing myself. After long enough, the like mystery wears off. When I block them out, I'm just depressed and still think of them. :/ But if it was a situation where they got spooked by me, that would totally suck. So i know what that might be like for you as a very similar thing happened to me with my non celeb "CO". But I try to avoid acting similarly as I did with that one, so I dunno. Ok, well, it's time to rest so ttfn! 

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20 hours ago, anxiousE said:

@Smophie I want to write more, but my hands are quite aching right now. :( ButBut I'm thinking that the most effective way I've ever gotten over anyone or anything was oddly by submersing myself. After long enough, the like mystery wears off. When I block them out, I'm just depressed and still think of them. :/ But if it was a situation where they got spooked by me, that would totally suck. So i know what that might be like for you as a very similar thing happened to me with my non celeb "CO". But I try to avoid acting similarly as I did with that one, so I dunno. Ok, well, it's time to rest so ttfn! 

That’s horrible, I hope the best for your hands. What happened to them? 
 

you should get a job as psychic because that’s exactly how I’m feeling at the moment, the “mystery” aspect actually started to fade away some weeks ago when I found out more about his life and the fact he’s a father himself, again no offence to that, I hope his family’s going great especially with the current situation, but the whole crushing on someone’s basically father thing kinda you know made the mystery wear off.  Also the fact everything I wanted to find out, I found out to the point there was nothing left, probably due to the fact he isn’t famous compared to my past ones who all had levels of notoriety thus finding information can be quite extensive. I’m sure some of y’all can relate with finding out every little thing about your CO and you don’t feel complete I guess per se until you find everything. Thus the “mystery” still lingers on I guess.

 

also I’m not sure if anyone else relates but does anyone else feel finding out about a CO before you knew everything with that mystery aspect going strong felt more I guess enjoyable in a sense, like having a crush on someone in real life before finding out this or that about them. It’s  like a sense of naivety.
Which I wish I could go back to those days when all I saw him for was that pretty face with the shining eyes and beautiful smile. before my obsession side kicks in and has the need to find out every little thing about the guy, which feels great at first but when you know it goes too far/ or you have some epiphany it’s not as fun. And you know your emotions change after. 
 

Im in that I’d say depression phase, but I’m slowly getting out, the thought of him still occupies most of my mind most of the time, but without the submersion but I’m wondering if I should but at the same time if I do submerge myself in blue eyed ocean again the feelings will cause me to have stronger thoughts once again and ultimately It might cause me to go in circles again which is hell. we can relate to that one. 
 

actually at the moment I’m thinking of reverting to the Latin boy band fandom because I’m starting to feel that spark but then again I know I’m going to repeat my old mistakes of focusing on their dramas and scandals. And after that finding out that you can’t really see some members the same. I’m thinking I could go back for now but limit reading anything about them and watching videos of them performing or something instead and focusing on the fan account I have for them. 
 

Also i don’t know why but the miley Cyrus song slide away reminds me of the situation, don’t why I bring this up 😂.
 

 

 


 


 

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Posted (edited)

@smophie

Hands are sore from typing/using the muse so much for fun stuff online as well as typing and editing my novel in progress. I have no elf control. Sigh

I'm sad today. 😕 Here are my thoughts

I don't know that my H would be as ok with this if he knew the full extent of my crush and how much time I spend with it. That's the only reason I feel I need to tone it down some. 😕 But I keep joining groups and meeting other fans...well, that's not the problem, but the fact that they share these old pics and vids...especially the ones from "his prime peak hotness" days, remind me of my deep crush back then and the heartbreak of knowing he was a tad too old for me (well, not to mention it would've been illegal as I was under 18 at the time) AND that he was married (Although teen me wouldn't have cared. 😕 ) for us to ever be. That's just such a sad thought. I dunno why! I dunno why I have to crush on someone so out of reach! It sucks! Well, it sucks to think of him then. Now he's Dad Tom and like he's still cute, but he's not as seducing as he once was in his 20s. It's more love than intense desire. Know what I mean?? But then that all still comes back when I see old pics/vids. I dunno!! Lol except the last vid/interview I watched (yes, last night after I said to myself I was going to bed :P), well, he seemed so young to me! I mean, he was in his 20s, but he looked and acted like he was 16 or something. So, I'm not at all surprised now why I was so into him back then! He LOOKED like a suitable mate. (Lol that last phrase sounds so silly, but it's true!) AND, i guess that was just another reminder of me feeling rejected by the guys i fancied. 😕 Ironic in that he used to write songs back then about having insecurities with girls. I highly doubted it was true though, or maybe he was just fancying models or something. 

Edited by anxiousE

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Sorry for the tedious delay, many issues have been taking place in my personal life so my time has been limited with schooling getting serious and such. 
 

Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this, I know exactly what you are feeling.

The pressure of hiding your CO per se is quite a highly difficult task considering how long you’ve been into them or the level your on, and having to hide basically what is addiction is one of the most gut wrenching feelings people can have. 
At least your husband understands you like the guy and respects that. I’ve known many a man who’ve broken up with people over having celebrity crushes because somehow that relates to preferring them over their partner?) 

As for the toning down, completely understand, if it’s a positive driving force go ahead and pursue it! 

Recently, I’ve decided to enter the Latin boy band fandom again just to test the waters again additionally, trying to lessen down the memories of Daniel, which has worked on the boy band part, i was hesitant that’d I’d focus on the scandals like previously, instead i see them now like a old crush per se. Which is quite the  strange sensation, I have more to write but at the moment I’m going out. 

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Smophie,

I am glad you posted.  I thought this forum was going to die out.  This is the only place where I can safely write that I am still obsessed with Josh.  I am not looking him up any more and I am not following his mailing list but I still think about him a lot.  I just googled him once in the last few months to see what he looks like.  I think he looked better before.  All of the facial hair makes him look so old.  But it’s probably giving him some extra privacy since I very rarely see his picture in people magazine. He looks like a different person. I found a guy irl that helped me forget him for a while but now that guy isn’t in my life anymore so Josh returned.  My mom would be pissed if she knew.  My dad was teasing me about going to Hollywood but I said I don’t want to be that close to Josh and my mom said I don’t want to hear that name.  It’s like Josh is Voldemort.  Lol.  

I don’t have a therapist right now because we just moved.  Wow.  I can’t believe some relationships actually end because of cos.  Maybe I better not tell my future husband or boyfriend about Josh then!  I would take a nice guy with a stable job over him any day of the week.  I couldn’t stand the paparazzi and the acting.  There is no way he would give it up for me.  Even though I used to have dreams that he did.  He has done so many good things and his values are very similar to mine.  He probably does drugs...that would be a deal breaker.  But maybe not.  I like that he gave up drinking and hates pornography.  I like that he’s Jewish.  I am not but I am really fascinated by the history and faith of the Jewish people.

 

 

 

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Posted (edited)

It’s fine! Also Don’t worry about the status of this, forms like this one per se aren’t going to shut down as soon as we may think mainly due to the fact it’s a safe place to confide in a issue that’s often overlooked and or displayed incorrectly mainstream wise with a community of sympathetic people who have experienced the same situation one way or another to varying levels. Kind of like asking a older  relative for advice. That i appreciate deeply 

 

as for josh trust me I’ve been there as well, and limiting your intake can be quite beneficial so reward yourself for that gradually, even though its struggling at most times when you’re so used to it.
 

Don’t know why but when I stopped typing up anything about Dan I felt like all this information i had served no purpose and or finding interest in someone/anything was tiresome when being so used to him. Currently facing that as we speak, for a few months or so i was going well on my track to recovery, looking at the Latin band, until one night i couldn’t resist and went through my photos on google photos well you know the rest,

I started looking at him again and slowly I’ve been relapsing into his younger self again. The night I saw the pics of him again and I’m sure some of you can relate, a sense of euphoria leapt through me for quite a while, it brung me back to a time when I wasn’t so involved with him, when there was a community for the series he participated in etc, where i could speak to like minded fans of his, unfortunately that didn’t last as long as I hoped, so when that left doubt started kicking in because being so used to a popular CO thus strong fandoms existing.

I felt like I had nowhere to go to discuss this or that anymore. Also one night i let my snooping instincts go a little too far to the point i found out he had a LinkedIn you know... being a IT and all, despite being shocked seeing him today and yes in a bad way. 


just like josh per se the rule of face hair can really age up ones looks drastically, also he almost looked like a completely different man, maybe it’s being so used to the younger him but now he just looks worn out I guess. like something changed in him from the carefree boy in the series and that showed in his features too. Still has those ocean eyes though. 
 

Unbeknownst to me when checking his profile for his interests, even if they were all the same IT content or something along those lines, even if it was still fun to look, LinkedIn alerts the user of who’s checking their profile, some days after my account got banned and honestly being deep into him at that point i thought it was probably due to the fact i used a throwaway meme name which goes against everything LinkedIn is based on.

 

so of course i made another one with a toned down name that sounded more appropriate this time, which lasted even longer, until yet again some months ago it gets banned, that’s when it came to me that it wasn’t my name being the issue, it was the fact i basically stalked in a way my idol of sorts, someone’s husband, someone’s own son, father etc

(this is going to sound quite out there additionally he was born into a country, (pre unification) that spied on its own citizens for years so that probably doesn’t make it better,) and i still feel deeply regretful for harming him in a way that made him feel uncomfortable, to my mind it wasn’t since my former ones had reputations I didn’t think i was doing anyone any wrong.
 

I still abide but seeing it from his eyes i can see it probably wasn’t a report for a innocent joke name, but for his safety. Plus finding out about his family life pushed me away knowing that I can’t crush on someone’s own father. Morally it can variate depending on person though. 

 

I haven’t really discussed to my peers about him directly due to them not understanding and probably poking obscene jokes about “liking a nazi” unfortunately that’s what being in a group with teenage males is like, another thing we can relate to. I think the one time i told my best friend (who’s a guy) about him when i initially found out about him to him it was a joke and to be honest he took it too far but i had to laugh along, he stated that hes a “nazi twink with eye bags” due to the fact daniel at the time had strong bags underneath his eyes during the series probably due to acting be a tiresome job, especially for someone at his age at the time which was around 14/15.

 

Side note I don’t know why but guys with eye bags is pretty much a turn on for me, I guess it gives them a vampy look of sorts lol. 
 

Thus whenever i spoke about him my friend adopted the name “bags” so from there I guess i made sure not to mention him to any others in real life worried they might criticise me for not finding tastes in newer, current idols instead of a one time actor.

 

Online friends thought he was a stunner though. But that’s as far as it went due to them being in different fandoms than the show one. 
 

Same here, focusing on your life instead of others is key here, even though the thoughts never fade so easily, venturing for personal successes can improve that. One thing that I’ve learned from him is that he didn’t become a successful IT in a second.

 

Recently i found out his mother has a semi successful practitioners practise in Germany, curious i decided to delve into it, finding a website in which his mother states the whole backstory of her and her children, dans mentioned like once age wise which kind of disappointed me, but hey it’s about her not him. Interestingly i did find out maybe the reason he didn’t go back into the acting field and that’s due to his mother going through financial struggles around the time of the series being filmed, so maybe he did it to gain some money for his mother which is extremely sweet.

(Considering the series was from a huge British television company the cast probably got paid in loads) And never returned seriously into the industry.

Also stumbled upon reviews for her practise which vary from heartwarming to cold

But man she claps back in the most Karen sort of way I’ve ever seen. Whether she deserved it or not I don’t honestly know not being in their patients shoes. 
 

 She does seem quite Karen like in her personality from reading her bio which goes on for 14 pages, where she ranges from being quite reserved to self assertive about her practises and or legacy.
 

Which I hope to god didn’t translate to dan, from what I’ve seen though he seems like a pretty courteous and genuine guy. Despite the series having less consistency than a 1st grader story. I still got a warm vibe from him. And like everyone else here if i met him back in his teenage years language barriers would exist. 

 

 After finding out i felt this strong urge to comment something nice about her business but she’ll probably be spooked and alert dan considering it’s the same gmail as the LinkedIn. And maybe mentioning  her child was part of a meme series (the series itself wasn’t meant to intended for that but the pure 90s of it kind of skyrocketed it to that infamy) Don’t know if she’d see that as respectable or sheer harassment towards him. 
 

 

 

Edited by Smophie

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I'm gonna keep this short since I don't have a lot of time. I'm REALLY suffering right now! The desires are too strong and I'm just left in complete sadness that I can't have...things. A new component is here-children. I don't have them, but I always wanted them...he has them...

sigh!

anyway, I've gotta run. Will check back later.

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Also no matter how much time you have i hope you had something exciting on your plate. 
 

same problem here, that’s the thing with desires especially in this situation no matter how long you stand by the fact you’ll try to move on it’s nearly impossible at times. This may seem far fetched but have you considered adoption of some children or being a babysitter? 

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I’m just checking in to say hi to everyone and that I hope everyone is doing well for the most part. I currently have three COs. More than that really, but at least three. I’ve been entertaining myself by playing “Fantasy Bachelorette” in my head where I imagine that I’m on the show “The Bachelorette” and I have to choose between all of my COs. I run through the whole show in my head from the moment they step out of the limo, the rose ceremonies, the hometown visits...all of it. I haven’t gotten to the end yet to pick the “winner” because I’m not ready for the show to be over, but I think I know who I’m choosing in the end. It’s sad that I’ll have to break my other COs’ hearts though. 😢 Anyway, I REALLY hope that I’m not the only one who does this bachelorette fantasy thing...😂

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