Jump to content

Recommended Posts

On 12/19/2018 at 7:10 PM, Myshka said:

As for having a "full life"....that can look like different things to different people. A job, marriage and children aren't necessarily a guarantee of a full life. I have all three and I still feel lonely as hell and unfulfilled. My son is a smart, loving, hilarious, almost hauntingly beautiful child and I wouldn't change him for the world but my current job is unfilfilling and my marriage, though usually stable, is passionless and leaves much to be desired in several aspects. I'm still a work in progress and where I'm at right now isn't where I'll be forever but it does get a bit blue at times. Indulging in various forms of entertainment- numerous examples of which happen to be projects of this very talented guy- helps with that. 

 

Thank you Myshka for sharing your story.  I really needed to hear that a full life can look like different things to different people.  All of those things can't guarantee a full life.  You're right...I always forget that.  I always used to look at people like you with envy because I don't think I'll ever get married or have children.  Not sure I'll ever work again since it's been so long.  It's nice to escape the woes of life with other things...I have pretty much given up on the husband and children but not the job thing.  Now  I just try to be a good kind person and help others as much as I can.  Not sure what else to say.  I know that I yearn for something permanent with benefits to do that I'm passionate about too.    Just haven't found the right thing yet. 

Good luck with everything.

Starbucksjunkee 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

Dear HelpMe,
Thank you so much for your holiday greeting.  Ditto.
I am not in the exact same situation as you but I completely understand how you feel.  When we first started living on the west coast, I found out Josh Radnor was going to be performing with Ben Lee in a concert not too far away from where we were moving to.  I don’t drive at night and my parents both hate him now that he has become part of my psych issues.   They would never have let me go to a concert at night in a big city alone even though I am an adult.  I knew it would sell out in three days once enough people knew about it and I was right.  It hurt so badly it was kind of like finding out a friend was in town and they didn’t want to see me.  That was when I knew I had to stop looking at Josh videos but unfortunately I haven’t been able to stop completely looking at photos and articles.  My brother blocked access to his stuff on my Firefox on my computer and I have given up twitter but I still google him once in a while on other devices. 
 I loved one of his songs but I had to delete it because the last time I heard it I cried like a baby.  I said he wrote it for me but he did not.  I really hope that you get to enjoy learning about directing for other reasons besides just the chance but you never know you might really get to meet him someday.  I don’t want to meet Josh anymore but I still care about him and that will never change.  I hope you had a nice holiday too.  You’re not alone.

 

Starbucksjunkee

 

What’s always great about this thread is just knowing that we’re not alone in this. Thanks so much for your response. I hope you had some great days throughout the holidays! 

I’m just glad I can come here and get things off my chest. It’s weird how I a year ago thought I was the only one who ever suffered from these weird obsession thoughts. But now I know it’s apparently more common than you would think. 

Sorry to hear you’re going through that! It’s a tough time. I find my CO being especially intrusive in my head during the holidays. Went to a Christmas lunch with my family yesterday and all they could talk about was my cousins new little baby, and I kept feeling like I was being overlooked. Because I’m the only one who’s still single, and I just wish I was with my CO so bad, and that I could bring him to next years Christmas lunch. I feel so lonely and I just wish I was with him. Darn it all! 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am single too so I can totally understand.  All of my closest friends are in relationships or have been married or have kids.  Before I got sick I had feelings for Josh because I fell in love with the kind compassionate religious person with good values.  My therapist said He might not be like that at all.   Celebrities only present the best parts of themselves.  That’s the kind of man I want to marry someday but I quit looking.  I haven’t been on a date since 2011 because the last two guys I dated were so awful.  I got asked out twice but I said no.  I don’t know how to flirt bc I have Aspergers I just talk to everyone and treat everyone the same. The really cute ones I just talk then they say I have a girlfriend.  And it’s like I was just talking darn it.  

I have a big crush right now but I am sure he’s married and much older.   One time I told a friend about him and had a giggle fit.  It was the first time in twenty years.   Since I moved I gave up on him as a romantic prospect.  I didn’t move far but I don’t drive so that makes it too hard.    My best friend is an older guy and he taught me to respect myself and never settle.  Maybe I am too picky but I dunno.  I have only fallen in love and had a normal relationship once.   It was very short term and it took me a long time to get over.  My first boyfriend was just puppy love because I was too young to understand how to be a girlfriend.  I might be sharing too much but oh well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I just found out that a celebrity I had a years-long crush on is taken.  For years, he was a single man.  For some reason, I feel very hurt.   I have kind of a burn in my chest.  2018 has screwed me over one final time.  I don't wanna spend one more second obsessing over someone I'll never have.  That ends right now and I'll try my hardest to keep it from happening again.

Edited by nikki114

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, BBNo1 said:

Very sorry to hear you feel bad! I really hope you have the strength and the willpower to stop this! 

I just unfollowed him on social media, mostly fansites.  Small steps, hopefully big results.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish I could do that too! But I am not ready yet! I was just thinking of him again. I am very unhappy with my life and I can not get out of this so I think about him all the time

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Happy New Year everyone.   I will try to make this short.   I screwed up.  I got personal on YouTube.   I was wondering if people can follow you on there?  Man I hope not.  I ranted my feelings about the end of how I met your mother.   Didn’t tell them josh triggered me but told them everything else.  How the only modern show I like is death and paradise and I don’t want watch cable tv.  I have respect for the actors but I can’t watch any of them anymore because the last episode made me crazy.   My YouTube name is part of my real name too.  I guess I could set up a new more anonymous account but it would be a pain to have to start all over with liked videos and favorites.   Mz mojo had this thing on toxic relationships.   I said Ted was obsessed with Robin he didn’t love her.  I am so embarrassed.  What should I do?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, starbucksjunkee said:

Happy New Year everyone.   I will try to make this short.   I screwed up.  I got personal on YouTube.   I was wondering if people can follow you on there?  Man I hope not.  I ranted my feelings about the end of how I met your mother.   Didn’t tell them josh triggered me but told them everything else.  How the only modern show I like is death and paradise and I don’t want watch cable tv.  I have respect for the actors but I can’t watch any of them anymore because the last episode made me crazy.   My YouTube name is part of my real name too.  I guess I could set up a new more anonymous account but it would be a pain to have to start all over with liked videos and favorites.   Mz mojo had this thing on toxic relationships.   I said Ted was obsessed with Robin he didn’t love her.  I am so embarrassed.  What should I do?

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a big deal, but you can delete your YouTube comments. I’ve changed my username too without having to start a new account.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

Happy New Year everyone.   I will try to make this short.   I screwed up.  I got personal on YouTube.   I was wondering if people can follow you on there?  Man I hope not.  I ranted my feelings about the end of how I met your mother.   Didn’t tell them josh triggered me but told them everything else.  How the only modern show I like is death and paradise and I don’t want watch cable tv.  I have respect for the actors but I can’t watch any of them anymore because the last episode made me crazy.   My YouTube name is part of my real name too.  I guess I could set up a new more anonymous account but it would be a pain to have to start all over with liked videos and favorites.  Mz mojo had this thing on toxic relationships.   I said Ted was obsessed with Robin he didn’t love her.  I am so embarrassed.  What should I do?

Are you worried that your CO saw your comments? Even if he did, it's probably not a big deal to him. He sees comments from hundreds of people every day, and even if he found some of your comments offensive, in his mind you're just one of many, many commentators he reads. I doubt that he would remember your name unless you're posting all over the internet about him and you have a real prominent web presence. Not only that, but if you delete your comments, he will forget all about it. If he ever met you in person, I don't think he would know that YOU are the same person who posted on YouTube, (if you don't tell him, lol!)

That said, I made a few comments on YouTube and wondered if my CO ever saw them. It was embarrassing because I made comments about how cute he was, and stuff like that. Since he seems to be really sensitive about women having feelings toward him, I decided it would be better not to leave those particular comments there. I realized he might actually look at his videos (and read the comments) on YouTube, especially after he posted one of his YouTube videos on his own Facebook page. Yikes! I logged into my YouTube account and deleted all of my comments that I wouldn't want him to see. I don't worry about it now. Even if he saw them, I am sure it's not a big deal in his mind. (He's probably annoyed enough with me anyway, so I probably can't make it that much worse with my silly YouTube comments.)

Edited by BlueStarr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, BlueStarr said:

Even if he saw them, I am sure it's not a big deal in his mind.

Pretty sure it isn't a big deal. Given how many really nasty comments (including death threats and the like) celebrities get on social media something innocent isn't going to stand out in any way. Also, most celebrities simply do not have the time to check comments, maybe they'll read a few of the top-voted ones out of curiosity but in most cases they'll have a social media manager who handles all that stuff for them. 

My bigger worry with posting under a real name would be some online trolls or militant fans trying to harass you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 minutes ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Pretty sure it isn't a big deal. Given how many really nasty comments (including death threats and the like) celebrities get on social media something innocent isn't going to stand out in any way. Also, most celebrities simply do not have the time to check comments, maybe they'll read a few of the top-voted ones out of curiosity but in most cases they'll have a social media manager who handles all that stuff for them. 

My bigger worry with posting under a real name would be some online trolls or militant fans trying to harass you. 

In my case, my CO isn't that huge a celebrity and he might actually look at comments.

But I think you're right that in most cases, the most one would have to worry about is militant fans, lol! Even then, I am sure they have worse things to be up in arms about. Starbucksjunkee's comments don't sound that bad to me. Still, if it would make Starbucks feel better, it might be a good idea to delete the comments.

Edited by BlueStarr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not worried that Josh saw the comments I am worrying someone else did.  I posted to this Rami Malek video that I thought he was cute but I didn’t want another celebrity crush because the last one really messed me up and made me crazy.  Someone teased me and said who was it Justin Bieber and I said ew no this guy was six years older than me.  I am 38.   I just worry that the person that teased me can follow me and will find out but I guess it’s not the end of the world if he does.  Last night I had a dream that I stumbled into an event where Josh was and there was this long line of people wanting to meet him.  There was this little girl about 10 or so ahead of me and I said go ahead of me.   I saw him hug someone like he hugged the mother on the first date and I was so jealous.   He finally shaved off his stupid facial hair.   My mom had gone back to the hotel where my brother and his family were waiting.   We had dinner with them and mom and I were getting back from a shopping trip.   I almost got to meet him but didn’t because I had to go to the bathroom.  Fortunately I went back to sleep!   I hate having dreams about him.  The only good ones I ever had: I interpreted what he said for hearing impaired and he couldn’t see my face and he said hey she’s pretty good.   I’d like to meet her.  He comes back to meet me but I am gone and he cries.   The other good one was that somehow he and I got married without anyone knowing and he told his audience yeah I am married but my wife is really shy.   And I was his wife.   The rest of the dreams were nightmares or didn’t make any sense at all.   Sigh...will I ever get over him?   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

I am not worried that Josh saw the comments I am worrying someone else did.  I posted to this Rami Malek video that I thought he was cute but I didn’t want another celebrity crush because the last one really messed me up and made me crazy.  Someone teased me and said who was it Justin Bieber and I said ew no this guy was six years older than me.  I am 38.   I just worry that the person that teased me can follow me and will find out but I guess it’s not the end of the world if he does.

Don't worry, I'm sure that person has already forgotten about it and is not going to stalk you on YouTube. I think Rami is cute too, by the way! I have a little crush on him, but it's not at obsession level. 🙂

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hopeless,

You are probably right.  I always forget that people aren’t ocd like me.  I remember all kinds of stuff.   I always say an elephant never forgets and neither do I.  This one guy and I have been writing back and forth on YouTube.  He has aspergers like me.  He is an actor but he has decided he doesn’t want to be a Hollywood actor and prefers theater and doing behind the scenes background stuff like camera work.      He is way too young for me but it’s flattering to get so much attention from someone semi famous.  You can check him out if you want I am sure he won’t mind.    I am not going to look at his videos because they look pretty strange but his profile picture is cute.   He and I were talking about how people with autism are portrayed on television.   Anthony James Rummel is his name.  I am just sharing because I won’t see my therapist for another two weeks so I have no one to talk to about this and all of my friends would worry that I am obsessed.  I still haven’t seen Joshs latest video.  I wish I could get someone to watch it for me and tell me if it’s any good.  I am sure it’s amazing though.   I am just so glad he and Ben Lee are still relatively unknown musicians.   I hope it stays that way because I know I will cry if I ever hear Hello My Beloved again.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sorry to hear you feel terrible again starbucksjunkee..! I can relate to that. Since my CO‘s new series got launchedI feel even worse. I felt bad bofore, searching for him on the net for hours every day. But now I just want to jump out of a ****ing high building (I am not gonna do it off course but I feel so damn hopeless)

I know he knows me, it comforts me a little actually. When I met him I said my name and he was like „oh is this you? How are you girl?“

Anyway I am drifting away in my thoughts again.. I hope you feel better soon starbucksjunkee! You are not alone ❤️

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

BBNo1,

I don’t understand.  Did you send him a fan letter?  How does he know you?  How did you meet him?  If you’re not comfortable sharing it with everyone you can send me a private message.  And of course you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.   Yeah the only thing that really helps is playing songs on the playlists I made when he made me crazy.   The best two songs are Go Your Own Way By Fleetwood Mac and I Hope You’re Happy by Blue October.  I do have some dbt emotional regulation worksheets that I do sometimes and mindfulness.  My therapist got the sheets for me.   Yoga helps a lot too.

Hang in there.   I think everyone feels like giving up from time to time...it’s tough times for everyone.  I hope you are getting some treatment though because you sound depressed.  I care...please don’t get mad at me for saying so.   I have bipolar 1.  I mostly have problems with mania but I do feel depressed sometimes.   You’re definitely not alone in thinking that way.   I had an argument with my mom yesterday and I thought about taking all of my pills with one of their open wine bottles.  The thing that keeps me from doing it besides the fact that it would really hurt my parents is trying to think of one thing everyday that I am thankful for.   Even if it’s something small like decaf Coca Cola.  I just discovered it and now I am totally addicted.   I just wish I could get it cheaper because it is pretty expensive.

Edited by starbucksjunkee

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

The thing that keeps me from doing it besides the fact that it would really hurt my parents is trying to think of one thing everyday that I am thankful for.  

Thank you for this excellent advice. Maybe you actually saved my life by saying this because I may think of this in the future when I am feeling like ending it all. Maybe if I can remember to find one thing to be thankful for, especially to find one thing every day, it might be just enough to keep me going.

10 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

Even if it’s something small like decaf Coca Cola.  I just discovered it and now I am totally addicted.   I just wish I could get it cheaper because it is pretty expensive.

With your screen name, I thought you were addicted to coffee. 🙂

Edited by BlueStarr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey my dudes this is completely random and has nothing to do w/ the previous conversation above but turns out I know someone who is also having problems with his CO. And I kind of want to help him out but at the same time he’s, not to put too fine a point on it, a terrible human being. 

Like okay i’m sure this is the same in all areas of the world but where I’m from, CO and CWS and all that good stuff just never gets talked about. In all honesty I prolly know dozens of people suffering the same but I managed to find out this guy specifically has CO problems because his ex was talking about it to me while we were both absolutely wasted. And she was making fun of him the whole time and talking about how creepy and how wierd it was and I was, naturally, extremely insulted. Mainly because she knew that I too had that problem and was doing MANY of the same things her ex was doing! But that aside, i don’t really want to get into detail about him as a person because it’s not the greatest story, but I kind of want to help him. Idk if he knows that there are so many people just like him- including me- and i guess i just want to tell him that at the least. But i still don’t know tho because i honest to god can’t stand the man.

all of that being said, what are ya’lls inputs?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Varga,

It's nice of you to want to help somebody, especially if you don't like him personally. I guess whether to help him depends on what the consequences for YOU would be. Would helping him make him a better person? Would he latch onto you out of gratitude and you'd have trouble shaking him off? Could he start stalking you, lol? Just because he is obsessed with a CO now, that doesn't mean he couldn't change obsessions and start obsessing on you because you may be the only person who wants to help him, (if he's so awful, lol!)

It might be better to just inform his ex, (since you and she already seem to know each other), about the CO issue, and how common it is, etc. On the other hand, maybe she was just being insulting because she is jealous of her ex's obsession with his CO. Maybe that's one reason they broke up, so naturally she would have a bad attitude about COs. That has nothing to do with you personally, but an issue in their (former) relationship. If she was wasted, she was probably just revealing her negativity about his CO problem, and forgetting that she was indirectly insulting you too. But it really has nothing to do with you at all.

My advice is to stay away from creepy people, unless you have the skills to really be able to help them. If you are a therapist, or a social worker type, then maybe helping him (and maybe her too) would be a good idea. On the other hand, if you are just somebody (without the skills) who means well, it might be better not to involve yourself with a  creepy guy because he might start latching onto you (stalking you). Unfortunately, when you are dealing with a "terrible" person, you don't know how he might be capable of ruining your life in the future, so maybe it's better to steer clear of him, but keep him in your prayers, (if you pray, and if you don't you can always just send good energy and thoughts his way). If you can find a way to help him that won't hurt YOU in the long run, then go for it. Maybe direct him (and her too) to this forum, but just keep in mind that if they become regulars here, they might cause trouble for all of us, lol! 😄

Edited by BlueStarr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Blue Star I used to be a coffee addict but unfortunately in 2016 I started having problems with my blood pressure so now I can only do decaf.   I found out that nesspresso decaf coffee the caffeine is so low even people with heart problems can drink it safely.   I can have a decaf macchiato or a latte before 2pm at Starbucks or Pete’s but only when I am at optimal health mentally and physically and got a good nights sleep the night before.   They are mostly milk anyway.  I like coconut milk or coconut almond milk best.  I used to drink caffeinated soda but the last time I had it it made my heart race.  I miss iced tea most of all.  But fortunately there are a lot of great decaf teas. I can have caffeinated but only let it brew for a minute and a half. Coffees are harder find.   I am glad I helped you.  Last night I had a bad fight with my mom so when I took my meds I was thinking about giving up again.

 I volunteer once a week and am helping someone at church twice a month but I have a masters degree and I am scared I will never work again.  The only things I really like to do are research and write.  I wish I could get a job with bipolar Hope magazine but until I publish my book they probably won’t give me a chance.  But it wouldn’t be enough to live on either.  I live on ssi and I would lose my benefits so it scares me to think about that since he who must not be named might screw everything up for people who get Medicare or Medicaid.  They have already had cutbacks in funding for one of the two. 

 Have you ever considered volunteer work?  Might help get you out of the depression...just a thought.  I always feel like I don’t do enough.   I’ll probably never marry or have kids.   So all I can do is try to be a good person and be kind to others.  My mom always says that’s the only thing that is really important.   You can send me a message on here if you ever need to vent about something.  My degree was in rehab counseling so I am not a specialist in mental health but I have a lot of great self help and other books.  The thing that I am most thankful for is my family but my sister triggers me a lot.  So when I say family I mean my parents and brother.  I tend to lean on my friends too much and I am constantly afraid that I am going to lose them.   I lost one really good friend because I made a mistake when I was psychotic I sent her an apology email and never heard from her.   I thought she would forgive me because she has been through it but it didn’t happen.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh.  I have dreamt about Josh Radnor for the last three nights.  I guess I have to stop looking up How I Met Your Mother fan fiction and stuff for lent again.  1st night someone and I were talking about him and she said I could set up a meeting.  Do you want to meet him?  And I said no thinking of him messed me up too badly.  2nd night I thought I saw him somewhere and 3rd night I was talking to him and said, "I never wanted meet you but now that I have I want to tell you something."  But then I don't get to see the rest of our chat.  He was clean shaven (no more beard yay!  He's the only guy I have ever thought looked good with a beard though.) and he looked like the guy I fell for when he was interviewed by Ellen and talked about his article Kindness Matters several years ago.  I watched one 1.5 minute video clip of Robin telling Ted not to marry Stella.  I had to do it though because I miss the song he wrote something awful and I've been hearing other songs that remind me of him in stores and places.  I hope I never hear any of their stuff in a store because if I do I might run out of the store crying.   My mom had to sign up for unlimited music on Amazon so now the temptation to get Alexa to play Hello My Beloved Or Be Like The Being by Radnor and Lee is so strong.  I wanted to tell mom please don't do it but it makes her so happy.  She said when she gets old all she will need is alexa to entertain her all the time.  If I thought about it long enough I could probably remember almost all of the lyrics to Hello My Beloved.  I still have not given into watching his video where he did the song trying to prevent suicide.  I wish I knew if it was exactly the same words as the poem that inspired it.  It's called Wait By Gallway Kinnell.  I hope by sharing this I can help someone who is contemplating suicide.  I have been down that road before too...2014 and 2017 and 2002 were the worst years of my life.

Here's the poem:
 

Wait, for now.
Distrust everything, if you have to.
But trust the hours. Haven’t they
carried you everywhere, up to now?
Personal events will become interesting again.
Hair will become interesting.
Pain will become interesting.
Buds that open out of season will become lovely again.
Second-hand gloves will become lovely again,
their memories are what give them
the need for other hands. And the desolation
of lovers is the same: that enormous emptiness
carved out of such tiny beings as we are
asks to be filled; the need
for the new love is faithfulness to the old.

Wait.
Don’t go too early.
You’re tired. But everyone’s tired.
But no one is tired enough.
Only wait a while and listen.
Music of hair,
Music of pain,
music of looms weaving all our loves again.
Be there to hear it, it will be the only time,
most of all to hear,
the flute of your whole existence,
rehearsed by the sorrows, play itself into total exhaustion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, nikki114 said:

Bleep my life.  Bleep this stupid celebrity obsession.  Bleep him, her and them. Bleep my boredom.  Bleep dependence.  Bleep everything, I want my life back!

Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. 😞 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

Announcements

×
×
  • Create New...