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BBNo1 my brother was able to block me from searching for him on my computer on mozilla firefox.  So, I kept myself busy with other things so I wouldn't look at him.  I don't look at videos anymore...I gave it up completely but sometimes I google him and the show with other devices.  Thinking about him really messed me up.  I wish I never would have watched that show.

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4 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

BBNo1 my brother was able to block me from searching for him on my computer on mozilla firefox.  So, I kept myself busy with other things so I wouldn't look at him.  I don't look at videos anymore...I gave it up completely but sometimes I google him and the show with other devices.  Thinking about him really messed me up.  I wish I never would have watched that show.

I see. 

I can relate with you. Sometimes I wish this of ours would have never recommendet this one show. I was curious and started to watch it. It was a big mistake.

On the other hand I do NOT want to miss one second looking at him. 

By the way, I like Josh and his show too ☺️

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5 hours ago, Tauruslefty said:

Don't worry...even if by some chance we DID have the same CO, I'm no threat. And I have actually become online friends with other fans.

I know it‘s stupid to react the way I do..

I have a couple of online friends too who love him. Or maybe they just like him a lot. Idk. This one girl loves him too, but it‘s fine with me because she seems like she is the only one who gets me. 

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I just blocked some accounts on Instagram.  Why?  Because they featured some pictures of my CO with his partner.  These people did nothing wrong to me, but I blocked them.  Because seeing pics of him with her still makes me feel physically uncomfortable.  I'm officially a freak.

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6 hours ago, nikki114 said:

I just blocked some accounts on Instagram.  Why?  Because they featured some pictures of my CO with his partner.  These people did nothing wrong to me, but I blocked them.  Because seeing pics of him with her still makes me feel physically uncomfortable.  I'm officially a freak.

You are not a freak! ❤️

I think you are strong because you blocked them. I could never do that... He follows me in twitter and retweets or likes my tweets every now and then. I love the feeling, I get excited and feel like nothing can stop me

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6 hours ago, nikki114 said:

I just blocked some accounts on Instagram.  Why?  Because they featured some pictures of my CO with his partner.  These people did nothing wrong to me, but I blocked them.  Because seeing pics of him with her still makes me feel physically uncomfortable.  I'm officially a freak.

You're not a freak, you're a human being and this is called being triggered.  Most people on this site, including myself, deal with being triggered and trying to not be triggered.  You have to give yourself a break, and be gentle with yourself.  I would have done the same thing you did--blocked them.  You have a right to protect yourself, keep yourself safe and look out for YOU, okay?  When I first saw my CO had a gf, if I even saw a little of her my heart would physically hurt, like, beyond emotional, it was physical.  I get it, I think we get it.  We understand.

Let me know how you're doing, DM me anytime.  🙂

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On 9/7/2018 at 7:20 PM, 20YearsandCounting said:

Welcome to DF, BBNo1.  :hugs: I'm glad you made your way here. 

I haven't made contact with my CO, and don't plan to, but it's great that yours has responded to you sometimes.  I don't know if I would be terrified or excited if that happened for me - my CO is known for being a little wacky. 

For me, my CO helps me cycle down from anxiety attacks.  Anxiety and panic make my thinking very circular and very negative, and it becomes very hard to focus on anything.  So I let myself obsess over my CO, watch endless loops of my fave series (that he co-stars in) and it derails the anxiety.  Sort of like switching tracks so I can get the train to slow down and eventually stop. 

20Years,

How'd you make your obsession and this CO actually help you?  Did you realize it was helping, how did you find a way to make it work for you?  Usually obsession is seen as a negative word so to make it work for you is kinda extraordinary.  My CO brings the anxiety so how is it your CO calms the anxieties?  Most of us (okay I'll speak for me) find that the CO is a distraction, it hurts, it's makes us sad, there's no ups to it because we can't control the obsessing and it's not a regular crush anymore--that's why it's moved to an obsession. 

Take care.. 🙂

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10 hours ago, HeatherG said:

20Years,

How'd you make your obsession and this CO actually help you?  Did you realize it was helping, how did you find a way to make it work for you?  Usually obsession is seen as a negative word so to make it work for you is kinda extraordinary.  My CO brings the anxiety so how is it your CO calms the anxieties?  Most of us (okay I'll speak for me) find that the CO is a distraction, it hurts, it's makes us sad, there's no ups to it because we can't control the obsessing and it's not a regular crush anymore--that's why it's moved to an obsession. 

Take care.. 🙂

Would like to know too. He makes me feel hopeless and lonely most of the time. 

17 hours ago, nikki114 said:

I just blocked some accounts on Instagram.  Why?  Because they featured some pictures of my CO with his partner.  These people did nothing wrong to me, but I blocked them.  Because seeing pics of him with her still makes me feel physically uncomfortable.  I'm officially a freak.

 

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So I am watching this series again... 

He is kissing a woman, I wish I could be her. I started to cry, I know it‘s pathetic. I just need him so bad

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On 9/10/2018 at 11:13 PM, HeatherG said:

20Years,

How'd you make your obsession and this CO actually help you?  Did you realize it was helping, how did you find a way to make it work for you?  Usually obsession is seen as a negative word so to make it work for you is kinda extraordinary.  My CO brings the anxiety so how is it your CO calms the anxieties?  Most of us (okay I'll speak for me) find that the CO is a distraction, it hurts, it's makes us sad, there's no ups to it because we can't control the obsessing and it's not a regular crush anymore--that's why it's moved to an obsession. 

Take care.. 🙂

Not sure if this will be a trigger for some....

>

>

In short: Obsessing about my celebrity is pleasant compared to the relative hell of my anxiety/panic loops.

Perhaps it would help to define what I think of when I use the term obsession.  For me, it means that once a thought/idea/person/event/lyric/etc is rooted in my head, it literally does not go away.  It loops over and over in my head like an insane parrot.  I am literally incapable of concentrating on anything else except that.  It takes a superhuman act of persistence and will over an extended period of time to even try to change its course.

Anxiety/panic increase this intensity by a magnitude of thousands.  Start with feelings of terror and self doubt, add in an inability to breath, crushing chest pain, and nausea; sprinkle in the same negative thought or event looped over and over for hours on end. 

I once fought it for an entire weekend by binge watching Lie to Me as a way to keep my mind fixated on something besides the terror.  Literally all I could do was watch Lie to Me - when I tried anything else the panic swamped me.

So compared to that, my celebrity is a pleasant substitute.

Be well, dears... 😉

 

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On 9/11/2018 at 9:33 AM, BBNo1 said:

Would like to know too. He makes me feel hopeless and lonely most of the time. 

 

I think maybe our triggers are different, too.  For you, it seems your CO is an anxiety trigger, in a way?  Maybe I misunderstand things? 

I also think there might be another factor. 

I have always been able to escape into my own head, if that makes any sense.  My thoughts have always been more real to me than anything or anyone around me.  Sorry if that makes me sound nuts, but it's the truth.  I spent most of my childhood experiencing what I now know is called 'depersonalization', and sometimes even 'derealization'.  I still have moments even today (at the age of 48) when I do not recognize the person I see in the mirror.  They look familiar, but I don't feel 'attached' to what I see.  I think that makes it easier for me to get 'lost' in anxiety loops or obsessive loops (binge watching shows for my favorite character, watching their episodes over and over, findings pics and gifs of them, etc). 

I think maybe this 'disconnect' might be a factor?

One could also count my being married as a factor, but before I got married, I was stalker material, TBH.  I tended to obsess over real people in my life and not celebrities, though.

And obsession is not always a bad thing, guys.  You have the ability to focus very intensely and minutely on a subject, to the exclusion of anything else. People train for that.  

I think there is also a bit of stubbornness inherent in obsession, too.  And stubbornness is really just determination with a different name.

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On 9/14/2018 at 9:35 PM, 20YearsandCounting said:

I think maybe our triggers are different, too.  For you, it seems your CO is an anxiety trigger, in a way?  Maybe I misunderstand things? 

I also think there might be another factor. 

 

And obsession is not always a bad thing, guys.  You have the ability to focus very intensely and minutely on a subject, to the exclusion of anything else. People train for that.  

I think there is also a bit of stubbornness inherent in obsession, too.  And stubbornness is really just determination with a different name.

20Years,

Okay, now I did not agree with everything you said but I liked what you said about "Stubbornness is really just determination with a different name."  And I like you tried to turn obsession into a positive thing.  That is really cool.  When I explain my OCD to people I always tell them it's pure obsessive...I can't let go of certain thoughts...they get stuck in my head.  An elephant never forgets and neither do I.  But I hope I can remember what you said.  I just know that the feelings I had for Josh got out of control and thinking of him and the show triggered psychosis.  I was able to watch an episode of a different show with a young Allison Hannigan (sp?) in it but it was like I was getting a cavity filled.  I did not enjoy at all.  And she didn't even do anything!  I liked her!  I have only felt as strongly and been so unhealthy about one other person besides Josh Radnor in my life so far. 

I think I've only been in love real love once.  It was so hard for me for so many years because I thought the other guy was the love of my life...he was just too blind to see it.  We grew up together.  We met at 12 and we went to the same school for almost seven years.  Now I realize that I was doing all the work trying to keep our friendship alive.  Not once has he called me or emailed me out of the blue. I always take the initiative.  I am not going to give him up as a friend but I did take his number out of my phone and I am not sure if I am going to say Happy Birthday or not because ever since I left Facebook, he has never contacted me on my birthday.  My birthday is easy to remember it's one month before Christmas.  It has been so hard...I wanted to call him so many times and tell him that I loved him and I never did and I am so glad I didn't.  The closest I ever came was asking him if he'd seen Bridget Jones Diary and ever felt really strong about someone he knew practically his whole life and he said he never felt that way and I knew...he never loved me and never would.  Every time I get sick...he's still there in my mind...even when he's  not...sometimes he's rescuing me from the hospital...he's the hero or the villain just like Josh has been off and on since 2014. 

I was trying to find a reason to hate Josh and I asked my mom if when someone sues someone famous for a stupid reason and that famous person wins and the other person has to pay his legal fees...is that a normal thing?  I told her I was asking about Martin Sheen but I was really asking about Josh.  It seemed unfair to me that someone that has as much fame and money as he has could win a lawsuit and get money from someone who isn't famous.  But apparently legal fees vary all the time.  There are very few multi million dollar lawsuits.    She said something about it's a nuisance case...does that make sense or am I just out of my mind?  I miss him and I really have to stop searching for him and looking at him.  But I have an old friend that asked about him and that got me to show her a picture on my phone.  She agreed with me that he's really good looking.  Sigh...sorry I said I wasn't going to do this again but I just don't think I can keep talking to my friends about this.  They all think that I am wasting time and space in my head on him.   It was hard enough getting over my friend...Josh is harder...and I don't even know him.  SIGH....

 

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1 hour ago, starbucksjunkee said:

20Years,

Okay, now I did not agree with everything you said but I liked what you said about "Stubbornness is really just determination with a different name."  And I like you tried to turn obsession into a positive thing.  That is really cool.  When I explain my OCD to people I always tell them it's pure obsessive...I can't let go of certain thoughts...they get stuck in my head.  An elephant never forgets and neither do I.  But I hope I can remember what you said.  I just know that the feelings I had for Josh got out of control and thinking of him and the show triggered psychosis.  I was able to watch an episode of a different show with a young Allison Hannigan (sp?) in it but it was like I was getting a cavity filled.  I did not enjoy at all.  And she didn't even do anything!  I liked her!  I have only felt as strongly and been so unhealthy about one other person besides Josh Radnor in my life so far. 

I think I've only been in love real love once.  It was so hard for me for so many years because I thought the other guy was the love of my life...he was just too blind to see it.  We grew up together.  We met at 12 and we went to the same school for almost seven years.  Now I realize that I was doing all the work trying to keep our friendship alive.  Not once has he called me or emailed me out of the blue. I always take the initiative.  I am not going to give him up as a friend but I did take his number out of my phone and I am not sure if I am going to say Happy Birthday or not because ever since I left Facebook, he has never contacted me on my birthday.  My birthday is easy to remember it's one month before Christmas.  It has been so hard...I wanted to call him so many times and tell him that I loved him and I never did and I am so glad I didn't.  The closest I ever came was asking him if he'd seen Bridget Jones Diary and ever felt really strong about someone he knew practically his whole life and he said he never felt that way and I knew...he never loved me and never would.  Every time I get sick...he's still there in my mind...even when he's  not...sometimes he's rescuing me from the hospital...he's the hero or the villain just like Josh has been off and on since 2014. 

I was trying to find a reason to hate Josh and I asked my mom if when someone sues someone famous for a stupid reason and that famous person wins and the other person has to pay his legal fees...is that a normal thing?  I told her I was asking about Martin Sheen but I was really asking about Josh.  It seemed unfair to me that someone that has as much fame and money as he has could win a lawsuit and get money from someone who isn't famous.  But apparently legal fees vary all the time.  There are very few multi million dollar lawsuits.    She said something about it's a nuisance case...does that make sense or am I just out of my mind?  I miss him and I really have to stop searching for him and looking at him.  But I have an old friend that asked about him and that got me to show her a picture on my phone.  She agreed with me that he's really good looking.  Sigh...sorry I said I wasn't going to do this again but I just don't think I can keep talking to my friends about this.  They all think that I am wasting time and space in my head on him.   It was hard enough getting over my friend...Josh is harder...and I don't even know him.  SIGH....

 

Don't be afraid to embrace the positive side of obsessiveness. It gives you an attention to detail and drive to finish things that are hard to rival. 

And I'm sorry if I ended up triggering you somehow. 

I think you shouldn't be so hard on yourself about finding it hard to get over celebrities.  We only see the best of them, after all. And there's no closure and there's no way to get away from them. 

If you break up with someone in real life, you avoid the coffee shop you used to go to together, you shop at a different grocery store for a while.....  But with a celebrity, you have so little control over when and where you might see them. 

 

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You didn't trigger me at all.   I just don't agree with your signature.  We're cool.  I just really needed to vent.  I went to this event yesterday and I am kinda borderline manic and it's not your fault.  I really miss my friend a lot.  What would you do?   Let him go?   It's so hard.   I am sorry if I came off sounding mad or triggered.  I have almost sent Josh a letter a million times but what good would it do?  Unless he comes to where I am or reads my book if I ever publish it I will never see him.   I refuse to go to LA or Hollywood for any reason because of him which sucks because I'd really like to see the shops on rodeo drive someday and get a photo of Kerri Russell's star.   So it's almost like winning the lottery...could happen but unlikely and if it did happen I wouldn't be able to say anything.    It would scare him.  Before I went to the hospital last year I wanted to contact Wayne Brady and tell him everything and try to convince him to ask the entire cast and writers to give a bunch of money to non profits that help people with mental illnesses.   But that would be the only good thing I could imagine.  Or Josh saying I am so sorry thinking of me has hurt you so badly.   Sorry for misunderstanding 20 years.  Sometimes I wish this were a support group but then I'd get in trouble for talking too much.

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On 9/17/2018 at 10:17 PM, starbucksjunkee said:

You didn't trigger me at all.   I just don't agree with your signature.  We're cool.  I just really needed to vent.  I went to this event yesterday and I am kinda borderline manic and it's not your fault.  I really miss my friend a lot.  What would you do?   Let him go?   It's so hard.   I am sorry if I came off sounding mad or triggered.  I have almost sent Josh a letter a million times but what good would it do?  Unless he comes to where I am or reads my book if I ever publish it I will never see him.   I refuse to go to LA or Hollywood for any reason because of him which sucks because I'd really like to see the shops on rodeo drive someday and get a photo of Kerri Russell's star.   So it's almost like winning the lottery...could happen but unlikely and if it did happen I wouldn't be able to say anything.    It would scare him.  Before I went to the hospital last year I wanted to contact Wayne Brady and tell him everything and try to convince him to ask the entire cast and writers to give a bunch of money to non profits that help people with mental illnesses.   But that would be the only good thing I could imagine.  Or Josh saying I am so sorry thinking of me has hurt you so badly.   Sorry for misunderstanding 20 years.  Sometimes I wish this were a support group but then I'd get in trouble for talking too much.

You're no trouble at all. :hugs:  Thank you for sharing, I appreciate your viewpoint and experiences. You don't sound mad, it never crossed my mind.  I'm glad that being here gives you a place to express yourself. That can be so hard to find now.  

And I think if the signatures bother you, you can go to your profile and choose to hide them, or maybe hide them in the post. What I see on DF is different, so it's hard to remember how to do that.  😉

I hope the week has been good to you, and that you have been able to figure out a way forward with this.  Don't knock yourself too hard.  I don't think people realize how difficult it can be, how many unique difficulties there are. It sounds like you are working to find your own balance, and that's great. 

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On 9/17/2018 at 6:56 PM, starbucksjunkee said:

20Years,

Okay, now I did not agree with everything you said but I liked what you said about "Stubbornness is really just determination with a different name."  And I like you tried to turn obsession into a positive thing.  That is really cool.  When I explain my OCD to people I always tell them it's pure obsessive...I can't let go of certain thoughts...they get stuck in my head.  An elephant never forgets and neither do I.  But I hope I can remember what you said.  I just know that the feelings I had for Josh got out of control and thinking of him and the show triggered psychosis.  I was able to watch an episode of a different show with a young Allison Hannigan (sp?) in it but it was like I was getting a cavity filled.  I did not enjoy at all.  And she didn't even do anything!  I liked her!  I have only felt as strongly and been so unhealthy about one other person besides Josh Radnor in my life so far. 

I think I've only been in love real love once.  It was so hard for me for so many years because I thought the other guy was the love of my life...he was just too blind to see it.  We grew up together.  We met at 12 and we went to the same school for almost seven years.  Now I realize that I was doing all the work trying to keep our friendship alive.  Not once has he called me or emailed me out of the blue. I always take the initiative.  I am not going to give him up as a friend but I did take his number out of my phone and I am not sure if I am going to say Happy Birthday or not because ever since I left Facebook, he has never contacted me on my birthday.  My birthday is easy to remember it's one month before Christmas.  It has been so hard...I wanted to call him so many times and tell him that I loved him and I never did and I am so glad I didn't.  The closest I ever came was asking him if he'd seen Bridget Jones Diary and ever felt really strong about someone he knew practically his whole life and he said he never felt that way and I knew...he never loved me and never would.  Every time I get sick...he's still there in my mind...even when he's  not...sometimes he's rescuing me from the hospital...he's the hero or the villain just like Josh has been off and on since 2014. 

I was trying to find a reason to hate Josh and I asked my mom if when someone sues someone famous for a stupid reason and that famous person wins and the other person has to pay his legal fees...is that a normal thing?  I told her I was asking about Martin Sheen but I was really asking about Josh.  It seemed unfair to me that someone that has as much fame and money as he has could win a lawsuit and get money from someone who isn't famous.  But apparently legal fees vary all the time.  There are very few multi million dollar lawsuits.    She said something about it's a nuisance case...does that make sense or am I just out of my mind?  I miss him and I really have to stop searching for him and looking at him.  But I have an old friend that asked about him and that got me to show her a picture on my phone.  She agreed with me that he's really good looking.  Sigh...sorry I said I wasn't going to do this again but I just don't think I can keep talking to my friends about this.  They all think that I am wasting time and space in my head on him.   It was hard enough getting over my friend...Josh is harder...and I don't even know him.  SIGH....

 

Starbucksjunkee,

Actually you posting this helped me with some of my stronger feelings.  So I really thank you 🙂

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Heather G.,

Um...No problem...I guess.  It's just that I've been kinda off for a few days...I was thanking 20 for saying nice things but thank you too, Heather..I'm glad I helped you.  Sometimes I worry my posts are way too long.  Every time I think I should leave this forum people say kind things to make me want to come back.  I started a discussion on here where I was really misunderstood...I just composed a long note a few hours ago to try to explain what I'm thinking and feeling and I hope that I don't get another negative response.  If I do I'm just going to stick to celebrity obsession and never initiate anything else here unless I think it's going to help someone unless my head feels like it's going to explode if I don't say something and I have noone else to talk to about it at the moment.  I'm afraid I get too personal.  I was venting and I guess my venting made me sound like a homophobe which I am not.  I went to an event to volunteer today and it was really disappointing.  It was good to see some nice acquaintances (I can't call them friends because we rarely spend time together) but all I did was fetch things for people.  It was really boring and one of the kids was disrespectful to me.  I sometimes wonder if I'm doing the right thing being involved at all but I moved and know no one here except for people at church and my parents so I am holding on to what I had even if it's not always the best for me.  Most of the time I am helping friends that are thousands of miles away some of whom I may never see again.  But I am always very insecure and think I don't do enough.  I think I finally got through to one of my friends today and I think she's really going to get better.  I just hope that she follows through because she really needs to make a change or I'm afraid she'll get really sick.  Why is it sometimes so much easier to help others than it is to help ourselves? 

Starbucksjunkee

 

Edited by starbucksjunkee
wrong name

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Wow.  Noone has posted here for a long time.  It's a ghost land.  I hope everyone is doing okay.  I gave in and googled How  I Met Your Mother last week.   Found a great picture of Josh.  It was so hard not to download it and save it on my computer.  I found an old interview with him...he said he was a fan of the show and a fan of the finale.  So the fact that he liked the ending makes me like him less.  I wish I could find something that would make me hate him and stop looking at him.   Sigh.

 

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On 9/22/2018 at 8:05 PM, starbucksjunkee said:

Heather G.,

Um...No problem...I guess.  It's just that I've been kinda off for a few days...I was thanking 20 for saying nice things but thank you too, Heather..I'm glad I helped you.  Sometimes I worry my posts are way too long.  Every time I think I should leave this forum people say kind things to make me want to come back.  I started a discussion on here where I was really misunderstood...I just composed a long note a few hours ago to try to explain what I'm thinking and feeling and I hope that I don't get another negative response.  If I do I'm just going to stick to celebrity obsession and never initiate anything else here unless I think it's going to help someone unless my head feels like it's going to explode if I don't say something and I have noone else to talk to about it at the moment.  I'm afraid I get too personal.  I was venting and I guess my venting made me sound like a homophobe which I am not.  I went to an event to volunteer today and it was really disappointing.  It was good to see some nice acquaintances (I can't call them friends because we rarely spend time together) but all I did was fetch things for people.  It was really boring and one of the kids was disrespectful to me.  I sometimes wonder if I'm doing the right thing being involved at all but I moved and know no one here except for people at church and my parents so I am holding on to what I had even if it's not always the best for me.  Most of the time I am helping friends that are thousands of miles away some of whom I may never see again.  But I am always very insecure and think I don't do enough.  I think I finally got through to one of my friends today and I think she's really going to get better.  I just hope that she follows through because she really needs to make a change or I'm afraid she'll get really sick.  Why is it sometimes so much easier to help others than it is to help ourselves? 

Starbucksjunkee

 

I don’t know 🤔 why it’s so hard to help

ourselves sometimes maybe it’s meant 

to be that way so that we would have 

to help one another and not be so self 

center 

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19 hours ago, starbucksjunkee said:

Wow.  Noone has posted here for a long time.  It's a ghost land.  I hope everyone is doing okay.  I gave in and googled How  I Met Your Mother last week.   Found a great picture of Josh.  It was so hard not to download it and save it on my computer.  I found an old interview with him...he said he was a fan of the show and a fan of the finale.  So the fact that he liked the ending makes me like him less.  I wish I could find something that would make me hate him and stop looking at him.   Sigh.

 

Hey, I’m still around! I’m just not currently having any CO issues so I haven’t had anything to post. I’m not sure why you need to hate Josh to get over him? Hate is a strong word. I was very into an Instagram model for a few months. Not even a famous Instagram model, but just kind of a regular guy who models sometimes. I never really tried to get over him, but one day I just completely lost interest in him and didn’t understand why I was so obsessed with him in the first place. A friend of mine did tell me that he wasn’t that cute (LOL) when I initially started obsessing over him, but I just couldn’t see it for myself then. But now I feel like an idiot for how obsessed I was and the things I did to get him to notice me (like sending him a birthday gift). I was successful in getting him to notice me, but now I don’t even care and I even unfollowed him on Instagram. None of this is his fault, by the way. A switch just flipped in my brain and I was no longer interested in him just like that. Hopefully that will happen for you too instead of you ending up hating him. It takes mental energy to hate someone, so I don’t think that would be helpful.

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I tried to hide myself because I felt so bad. Did not have the energy to come here and write about him. But he was in my mind every second of the day. 

I am exhausted. Tired of myself and the situation. I had days I almost could not bare it anymore. Weird thoughts are crossing my mind every now and then. It scares me..

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Hello.

In the last months I read from time to time the old Celebrity Obsession thread here in this forum and I was glad that I'm not alone with my problem. Now I decided to write here my story.

So it happened to me also. I do not want to say who it is. I hope for understanding.

All I can say is It hit me like a bomb. His face is what captivates me. Since then I'm always thinking of him and there is this strong feeling of attraction. I have already saved a few photos and videos of him on my laptop. I can not stop looking at him. I don't want to call it Celebrity Obsession in my case because I'm not a fan or so. I'm not thrilled with everything he does in his life. I'm critical with things he does. I watch his fans (and he has many fans and girls drool over him) who have pink red glasses on and are excited about everything he does. I'm not. I see him differently. His eyes which are not happy.

It sounds crazy but I have a strong feeling of connection with him. Since he came in my life weird things happenend a few times. For example I told something and he postetd two days later  in his social media in which he mentioned what I have told. I do not really believe in anything like that, but these things that happen make me feel insecure and I often think I'm crazy now. I also dreamed about him a few times and everytime I wake up I feel so much pain because the dream left me. 

He is very active in social media and I must avoid it.

Worst of all this is the worry I'm having about him. It almost makes me crazy sometimes because I feel helpless. How can I worry about a person who doesn't know that I'm exist so much? I have never felt such a thing for a stranger. But the funny thing that I have that feeling he does not seem strange to me. That sounds crazy, right? 

 

 

 

Edited by kyandi

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