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@kyandi,

I don't know you, so of course I can't judge your sanity, but you don't sound  so crazy to me. For one thing, crazy people never question their sanity, so the fact that you wonder if you're crazy means you have enough self introspection to check yourself.

I feel really strongly about my CO too. I do like what he does, so I am a fan, but at the same time, I feel like I have a strong personal connection with him. I don't know if it's true. I don't think it's so unusual to feel like one has a personal connection with a CO, (whether it's really true or not).

(Also, a CO can still be a CO whether you are a fan of what they do or not. If you love the person a lot, they can still be a CO.)

Edited by BlueStarr

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@BlueStarr

Thank you so much for your reply! I truly appreciate it!

I read a lot in the old closed CO Thread and it comforts me to know that I'm not alone with this problem. I wonder what has become of all the others who wrote in the closed Thread.

My feelings vary very much from time to time. I love my CO really much but there is this hopeless feeling inside me to know that I will never be with him. It's a terrible feeling but I can't stop at the moment. I can't give my CO up because he means a lot to me. Even if I don't look at him anymore he is still in my thoughts and my heart 😕.

It's interesting that you also feel a strong personal connection to your CO.  

 

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On 10/30/2018 at 3:44 AM, kyandi said:

Even if I don't look at him anymore he is still in my thoughts and my heart 😕.

I'm the same way. Even if I don't look at him much at all, I always think about my CO too.

 

On 10/30/2018 at 3:44 AM, kyandi said:

It's interesting that you also feel a strong personal connection to your CO.  

I guess I should say that I feel what one could call a "soul" connection or "spiritual" connection with my CO. It feels personal, although I realize that it's just a feeling. (I have met him, but I can't say I *know* him. Also, I don't know if he feels a connection with me, although I suspect he might, judging by the strange way he acts with me sometimes.) In fact, I don't really know much about his personal life at all. In a way, I prefer not to know too much. I wouldn't want to be hearing about his love life all the time, for example. I think that would drive me crazy.

Edited by BlueStarr

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HopelessRomantic2011

I guess you're right.  I shouldn't hate Josh.  That is just as unhealthy as being obsessed with him. Yesterday I watched a video talking about the last episode of How I Met Your Mother.  It had a few clips of him with Cristin Milioti.  First time I've watched him in a video since Lent when I accidentally saw him on t.v.  I have wanted so badly to listen to Hello Beloved and Wait songs.  I wonder if the Wait song just copied from the poem it inspired.  He performs it by himself and he plays guitar.  I still am unable to search for him on my computer, even on you tube things are blocked.  I wish my brother had blocked him from every web browser on every device.  Sometimes I just wish that he had the music career and had never been on television and done lots of social media because then I could just appreciate the music and wouldn't know anything about the real him.  In another life, if he were a rabbi and I met him then it would be perfect if he was okay being married to a Christian woman who respects the Jewish faith and is very fascinated by it.  But he is very allergic to dogs and I can't imagine my life without dogs so I guess there are good things that keep us apart.  I really miss when I just admired him and he didn't trigger me.  I miss being able to watch him on television interviews and being happy to see him now I have to avoid him all the time and it's so hard.  I wish I could get someone to listen to the songs and write down their lyrics.   But that might make me just want to listen to them even more.  Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think thirty pounds ago I was very attractive and had a nice figure he might have even thought I was beautiful but now who's going to be attracted to me?   I know I'm a valuable person and I'm smart and I am compassionate and kind and generous but I'm not sure about my looks at all.  I don't know if I should tell any guy what happened with Josh because it might scare him away.  I remember one guy I dated was a really bad guy but even he said he couldn't break up with me when I told him about my bipolar and other mental illnesses.  I broke up with him and a couple years later he got arrested in a sting operation.  That scared me so bad when I found out about it.  I couldn't believe he did that because even though I knew he was the wrong guy and had gotten into trouble and done other things before he was always kind to me.  I am volunteering now at a school once a week and at my church once or twice a week but I am having trouble finding a therapist and noone at my gym is friendly.  There's a guy I'd love to talk to because he helped me once but I'm too shy.  I love my church but I don't have any friends yet...just a couple potentials.   Sometimes I wonder who my true friends really are.  One of my friends has been bothering me a lot and I didn't respond to her texts and she freaked out.  I wish that she would just give me some space and leave me alone sometimes.  I wonder if others think that way about me.  I don't want to give her up but I need some space and I tell her that a lot but then two days pass and she's texting again.   I made anonymous accounts on twitter and facebook to promote my book but my brother said it was a bad idea so I got rid of them.  I signed up for one more year in this service club I was involved in but since I moved here it's like most of the people are non communicado and it's frustrating.  Once I leave probably none of them will be friends with me anymore.  I am sorry guys but I really needed to vent.  Thanks for putting up with my ramblings.

 

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Hey, I'm going to start a new discussion on here called Hypersensitivity and Blow Ups: Any ideas on how to prevent them?
I am just letting you guys know because I need all the support I can get right now.  It's under Therapy.

Thanks in advance and Happy Thanksgiving if I forget to say it later.

Starbucksjunkee

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Oh thank the lord I found this! I had a mental breakdown a few hours ago and I did a quick google search and found this so sorry in advance that I don’t really know anything about this site... or discussions. I don’t really know if people are still on here but I really hope so!

Okay. So I’ve read through what other people have posted on here and I would just like to say that I am so happy that people are actually talking about this sort of thing. For the last 5 or 7 years (I don’t remember now!), I’ve always been too scared to see if there were group-like discussions about this and I’ve always been too scared to start one because people might try to make fun of me. So I’d just like to say hi! I’ve been going crazy over a british actor for like 5-7 years!! And my life since then has not been the greatest. See, throughout all of my middle school years I was like in love with this dude and thought that he couldn’t hurt a soul and was just perfect in every way. But during my 8th grade year, I found out some horrible things about him and my love-like obsession quickly turned to me being obsessed with hating him. Around my 10th grade year, I realized that just because I hated him didn’t mean I thought about him any less than I did before (because I really didn’t) so I tried doing what I noticed many people on here mentioned: trying to cut them out from your life. But that in itself presented a whole new problem for me.

It’s so strange and I have no idea how to handle it. Last New Years marked I believe an entire year since I had seen his face or anything much about him. I’m at my sisters house and she decides to turn on said TV show. I was too scared to object because I didn’t want to say why, so I let her. I thought “well it’s been a year! Surely I’m over him by now!” And I didn’t even see him. I heard his voice and I had the longest panic attack I have ever had in my life. I’ve had quite a few during the years too and this one still scares me to think about. So after that spill, I noticed something: Even during the time I kept cut off from him- I was still thinking about him 8 days a week. So why hearing his voice tripped me up? I have no idea, frankly. After that, I’ve been doing exposure therapy to see if I can curve the panic attacks (three other incidents have happened since then. Two at Barnes and Nobles funnily enough but I love that store too much!) but the only problem with the exposure therapy is that I’m starting the cycle all over again with liking him! Even though i remember good and well what he did, it seems I’m right back at square one! But I’m afraid if I don’t look at him over a period of time I’ll get panic attacks again! I know this is a lot but I seriously need help because I’ve never been able to talk about this before and I just don’t know what to do. If anyone on here has any advice please please please let me know!! 

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Hi Varga,

Welcome to the forum!

It sounds like you're in the process of "getting over the ex" even though in this case, your "ex" is your CO. It sounds like you never really got over him, but you repressed it consciously, since you were ashamed of being in love with a jerk, right?

My advice is to just acknowledge that you wouldn't have "hated" him so much if you didn't still have feelings for him. It doesn't make you stupid just because of having this very human reaction. (People often feel that way about their exes too, lol!) Also, if you don't want to become re-obsessed with him, it might be a good idea not to watch him a lot, just the same as seeing an ex again too soon will bring up old feelings. Your feelings might become more manageable if you just accept them for what they are and not try to fight them or beat yourself up over it. Focus on new people and new things, and these feelings will probably fade over time. But a year isn't that long to get over an "ex" who has been a part of your life for seven years. Give yourself some more time.

I hope this helps. Feel free to post here if you need to talk. We're all more or less in the same boat with COs.

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@Varga,

Could another option be forgiveness? Would it help if you tried to allow yourself to love him and forgive him in spite of his flaws? Of course, it depends on how bad his behavior was. Is it something forgivable? Is it a mistake any silly guy could make?

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@BlueStarr

sorry it took so long for me to type back. After I read what you sent I took a few days thinking about it. Ngl, that kind of hit me like a hammer and thank you for that. You’re absolutely right- that was exactly what i was doing. And now I feel ridiculous for that but hey: it is what it is. I think my problem was (putting this in past tense because I’m hopeful) that I really didn’t understand how I got there in the first place. And after you sent that back I got to thinking about it. Long story short, my parents were going through a divorce when I first saw him and I was quite young(er) when all of this happened so I think I ended up obsessing over him because he’s quite a happy fellow? And for a few years there, no one else around me was. I got to thinking about it a little further and when you mentioned forgiveness and all of that stuff- the things he did really weren’t all t h a t b a d. You’re right, he just did stuff literally every guy on the planet does. But in all honesty, I think i did a trick on myself! I started looking back and around the time I started getting mad at him for the dumbest things ever was around the same time he wasn’t as happy as he usually was. Idk if I’m making sense rn but i think I subconsciously got angry at him for not being happy. Which is strange in hindsight 20/20- but I think that’s exactly what happened. And for the past few years, my “getting over the ex” is just me realizing that he- like every other human being- has other emotions besides being happy and makes mistakes. And it was just me not wanting to confront that fact because for a while there I was convinced he was invincible. 

I think that now since I know what happened in me psychologically for all of this to have taken place, I’ll be able to progress and hopefully fix myself. I know I prolly should have given myself longer than a year because these things do take time but in all reality, these past few weeks have been more progress than I think I’ve ever made before. Still hard, though, still crying 24/7. Fortunately, my mother noticed me acting different and I am now on medication and gonna start seeing a counselor soon! (a lot has happened since I last wrote if you couldn’t tell lol)

so yeah. I think I got this. It’ll take time but I think I’m getting somewhere. Of course, only time will tell but i think with this knowledge in mind I can handle the whole situation better. I know that was prolly a lot to take in- like I said, past month has been ROUGH- but thank you. I don’t really know how to describe how much you’ve helped me out.

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@BlueStarr

oh yeah i forgot to mention: I am going to not see anything about him for a while just in case because I am still constantly dreaming about him. It is prolly for the best I don’t see him. But should the occasion rise where I unexpectedly see him on a poster or something- i think I’ll handle it better ✨

again, tysm. If anybody on this discussion ever wants to talk, I’m free.

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@Varga,

If it helps, I get pretty mad at my CO too, lol! While I can't say I am mad at him specifically because he's unhappy, I can say that he can be a grump when he's unhappy, so that kind of grumpy behavior really makes me mad at him. I have to keep reminding myself that he wouldn't be a grump if he was truly happy, so he is probably miserable. Instead of being mad I should be sorry for him. That's hard to do sometimes because when he's grumpy he is really unpleasant. Right now I am mad at him for reminding me of the Grinch, lol! 😄

I'm glad if anything I said really helped you. Feel free to write more too if you need to talk. We don't judge here, so you can be as weird as you want to be, lol! 😄 As long as you don't sound dangerous, (which you don't, but there have been a few who came on here and scared everybody, lol), you can say pretty much anything and it's okay. 🙂

Edited by BlueStarr

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