Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Continuation from our first thread. Last 3 posts are here:

nosleep     0

Posted Saturday at 12:38 PM · 

  On 14/04/2018 at 8:25 AM, decado said:

Well I’ve just done something incredibly stupid, I just came across a new interview with my CO thats really upset me. I really wished I hadn’t pressed play. By the title of the interview I should have known that it wasn’t going to be something I wanted to hear, I’m so stupid 😬

Sorry everyone I just needed to vent, I feel so silly right now. 

Just like you told me, don't beat yourself up about it!  It's so easy to give into temptation. That's the thing with celebrities - their personal lives are out there, and it can be really hard to keep them in a little box where they only do and say things that make you happy. When they start talking about things in their real lives that don't fit into what you want from them, it can be painful, almost like they're doing it to hurt you intentionally.  It's not logical to feel that way, but since when are emotions logical, right? Maybe this will be a good thing, and it will help you to move on from them? 

BlueStarr     89

Posted Saturday at 06:11 PM · 

  On 14/04/2018 at 8:25 AM, decado said:

Well I’ve just done something incredibly stupid, I just came across a new interview with my CO thats really upset me. I really wished I hadn’t pressed play. By the title of the interview I should have known that it wasn’t going to be something I wanted to hear, I’m so stupid 😬

Sorry everyone I just needed to vent, I feel so silly right now. 

I don't think you're stupid. I would have looked at the interview too, if I were in your place. It's too much to resist the temptation, especially if the title was something I really wanted to know about. I'm sorry to hear it was upsetting. Vent some more here if you like. We'll understand.

decado     284

Posted Sunday at 03:07 AM · 

@nosleep & @BlueStar I hope you are both ok? 

Thank you so much for your kind words. I just felt so stupid yesterday. I’m sorry for coming and venting on the forum, I just didn’t know where else to turn. 
I knew from the title that nothing good was going to come out of watching it. On reflection though, it wasn’t like he said anything that I didn’t already know, he’s fully admitted that he is a womaniser many times in other interviews and never hides the fact. It’s just this interview was a lot more detailed, than I guess I was expecting. My lifelong CO used to be the exact same way and I’ve heard him also say similar things in interviews.  I guess I forgot how that stuff can hurt hearing it. 

On the plus side, the interview did help me find out the reason I fell so hard and fast for this CO, he is literally a younger version of my lifelong CO in so many ways. Both my COs have a vulnerability about them, underneath all the confidence, which makes me love them all the more. 

 Even after the interview, I thought I’d be able to go and delete all his photos but nope, the first photo I saw was my favourite, the devil got me again and I ended keeping them and felling back in love with him all over again.

Thank you again for your understanding and support xx 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is really difficult and kind of embarrassing, but I figured I would see if there's anyone who has any input, and perhaps my story can help the above posters if it resonates? I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through, because I've been there, I have.

Two years ago my major depressive symptoms started in graduate school. It was everything you're all probably familiar with: weight loss, insomnia, anhedonia, bouts of suicidal ideation. As a coping mechanism, I became very invested in a TV series, specifically in a romantic relationship between two of the characters. I started to even write fanfiction stories and publish them and it was and still is a very enjoyable and a creative release for me, not to mention it was a source of productivity during a time when getting out of bed was difficult. This isn't unusual for me because I've had fangirlish tendencies before, however it was always at a normal level that could be balanced with my other responsibilities and my relationships. 

Anyways, because I was incredibly depressed, this investment became the only happy sphere I had. That's not an exaggeration: the only time I ever felt excited was when I was either watching or writing. I started to follow the cast of this show closely on social media as well, which was also new for me to do. That caused me to develop a very unhealthy attachment to the actors that play the characters I love, particularly the main lead.

What started as a celebrity crush has escalated into something beyond my control. During this time, he started a new relationship with someone and I just can't help feeling upset about this. Yes, it sounds like a classic projection and jealousy problem, but he was in a relationship before and I had no problem with his partner then. I still love and follow his ex and she seems like a hardworking, talented, and socially aware person. Meanwhile his current partner mocks his fans and his work and has posted some ignorant and racist things, so that could be part of the reason why it bothers me so much that he's with her.

Then again, if I'm admitting this to myself, I think the real reason is that I can't separate him from his character who I guess I fell in love with during an incredibly painful time and depended on as an escape. But the even deeper reason is that his current partner isn't even in the industry, she's just a regular old person who works as a healthcare professional, and since that is what I aspired to be before I fell apart, it's like this stings even more. I compare myself to this woman I've never met, as if I could have that. And it hurts because everything she has, a healthy family, an incredible career, a relationship, etc is all stuff I don't have, and she's not even a celebrity so I see what she has as achievable and as something I should have achieved, and I think that's the true culprit behind my discomfort with all of this, is that I'm not happy with myself or my family or my situation. 

My depression initially emerged because I started to tie my worth to whether or not I could achieve my goal of becoming a healthcare professional, and I was self-sabotaging and avoiding actually applying and taking the proper steps I needed to do and working to the best of my abilities. I come from a large immediate family with a lot of siblings that's pretty dysfunctional and abusive and I'm sure there's a genetic component to all of this because my brother also has a mental health problem and both my parents show signs of depression and anxiety, especially in light of war in their home country.

I did manage to finish graduate school on a strong note (for a separate but related degree), even though that's when my depression was at its worst. I still don't really know how I graduated, but I did. When I moved back home, I started seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication and working part-time for my dad just to give me something to do where the pressure and anxiety of a "real" job were off my shoulders. I did this while trying to muster the courage to begin preparation for the admissions test I need to take.  

Some things improved during this time, sure. I do think the SSRIs helped in certain areas, while in others not so much, but like what I can't stand is that ultimately I still am so bothered by this infatuation and still cannot let it go. I figured after medication, things would be better, but that's not the case. When I found out this person was getting engaged, I legit vomited. Yes, I know that's insane and crazy, but I obviously couldn't help that. And the easy and logical thing to do would be to put distance between myself and him, but I am still very much dependent on this for a shroud of happiness, even after medication. I can't help it: the household is just too turbulent, and I'm stuck here for now, and unfortunately the identity of the scapegoat/punching bag always seem to find me in all my relationships, with my parents, with my siblings, with my best friends, so I still retreat into my world of fiction and writing and that is always going to be tied to this actor. He's getting married soon and I don't even know if I'm going to be able to handle that.

I am too humiliated by this that I can't even bring it up to my psychiatrist. I don't know, she thinks too highly of me and sees too much potential in me that I shudder to think of her learning I let something so shallow and silly and mortifying be eating me up on the inside. Plus I know her solution will be to just keep my head down and throw myself into my preparation for this admissions exam, which I have been doing, but it's just all so messy and inconsistent and my destructive mindset is starting to take over again. 

I don't know. I guess I'm curious to know what anyone has to offer. Dating isn't really an option because I have a really small comfort zone and I just can't imagine being in a relationship right now when I need to get my own act together first. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Nikki,

Oh, please no! Don't consider ending it all. You are a worthwhile person, so give life a chance. Things could change and get better, and you never know what great surprises the future will hold, so hang in there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ladies, I found a loophole.  You don't have to give up Googling entirely.  But you do have to give Google your COs and their partners, for your own sake, right?  So you just type in the names.  You copy, paste in the blocker's list and hit "Enter".   Voila!  Now you can Google and not be tempted to look up your COs.  Well, you will, but nothing will show up.  Just remember to not to disable the blockers.

 

 

Maybe you've already figured this out, but I wanted to help anyway.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ugh, God I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm 32 & I've had celeb crushes all m y life yet none have bothered me as much as this, truly! I've become obsessed with an actor who was in his prime in the eighties, just so hot, sexy , scary, crazy, good looking and just my type. I watch a certain movie he was in nearly every night on YouTube. I just can't get enough. He has the most gorgeous blue eyes I've ever seen and his handsomeness scares me to death yet I just can't take my eyes off him. I've never had any mental health worries ever before & my other crushes were just fun and fooling round. I'm married & my crush has been married years now and is getting old he's like 73 now! I don't fancy the old man he is now but I still think he's lovely. As a child I remember being quite afraid of him when I saw him in movies.  Now , not so! He's addictive. Its just weird that I'm feeling like this! Just wanted to share. I feel like I'm going mad, lol 😮

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@TotallyBatty,

Welcome. :smile:

You aren't the only one going batty here, lol! My CO is also an old man now, and unfortunately, I am still attracted to him, even as an old man. But when he was younger, he was really HOT. (He knows it too, which is even more annoying.)

If you feel addicted, is there any way you could cut down on watching him every day? (I'm not judging, I am just wondering.)

You say that he scared you when you were a child and now you find him hot? I'm not a psychologist, so just take what I say as a suggestion, but could it be that you feel so deeply about this man now because of something related to childhood? Even if you feel the opposite about him now, could it be related to some past issue you're trying to work through? Just a thought. There doesn't have to be a reason for liking him now, but since you say it never happened before with such intensity, I just wondered.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Hi guys, it's me again. Another year another obsession lol. 

Most of you probably don't remember me, I wrote only a few posts about 2 years ago. I was obsessed with this very famous singer, mostly cuz I was and still am very impressed by his talent, but also cuz I felt this weird connecton with him, as if we have lived similar lives or have similar minds, if that makes sense. Which is what all my CO's have in common, similar mentality and personal traits as my own. My obsession with him has died down a little bit even though I'm still a big fan of him. I used to reffer to him as my main CO after I developed a crush on an actor from this tv show I love, and I will continue to do so as my feelings for him have gone and returned in the past and might still return again, especially cuz I'm gonna see him perform live this year.

The actor I had fallen for was only a temporary crush as it turned out. I have had crushes on celebrities all my life. Some were storger and some lasted only for a few weeks. The scary part about this whole CO thing is not knowing if and when it's gonna get out of hand. 

The reason I came back to this thread is cuz I'm developing a new obsession and I'm scared it's gonna consume my life and make me miserable again. I had a CO in my teens (@hopelessromantic2011 knows who I'm talking about) that nearly ruined my life, and I can't say either of the following ones had a possitive impact on me either lol. Learning English and German has been the only useful thing to come out of these obsessions lol.

I just don't wanna end up in that dark place again. I took the laptop in my hands with the intention to watch a certain movie but instead I turned to this forum, that's a good sign, right? 

 

Here's what's been happening with me lately, if anyone cares to read it, I'll keep it very short. 

I've had a few crushes/CO's throughout the last few months and with each one I felt like I was walking on thin ice. I could have sworn this guy I was obsessed with two weeks ago would end up being my nighmare but now I have a new one! Some might say it's all good as long as it's not as strong as we all know it can get but why does my brain have the need to develop feelings for famous people in the first place? Is it just that I like a certain type of people that I can't find in my surroundings or does it have to do with the fact that I'll probably never meet them and get to be disappointed or something? Not that I think meeting any of them would make me disappointed in them, no, I feel like it would make me realise I could never get a guy like that and all my incecurities would suddenly surface and I would then have to deal with them in a painful way.

I've had a few (very few may I say) romantic interests in my real life and non od them worked out well. Not even my relationship of 7 years. It was destructive from the day one. My low selfrespect and god knows what else kept me in it for way too long. Ironically celebs I usually fall for are also 'damaged' in a way, just like my ex. Just like me. 

I don't feel fit for a relationship with a normal, healthy person, even though from the outside I probably look like one. Bottom line, I find them boring. I don't think they can understand me and I don't wanna understand them.

I get approached by regular guys and every time it happens all I can think about is 'what in the h/ell do you think we have in common?' Is it possible I fall for celebs because their lives are public and they express their suffering through art whereas regular ppl can hide it and therefore often fail to attract someone who can relate to them?

 I thought I could relate to my ex, it turned out I stayed with him for way too long cuz I thought I was just like him when actually I was not. Not where it really matered.

Now I know I want someone who would motivate me to be better, but still, every CO I have is kind of a complicated person. In real life it would probably never work out anyways lol, but at least I'll never get to be dissapointed the way I was irl, right?

 Don't get me wrong, I've had CO way before I had ever met my ex,the only difference is now I know that that kind of relationships are doomed to fail. Two sick people can't have a healthy relationship. I don't need a soulmate, I need to get better without loosing myself, you know? Which brings us to the ultimate question, whether to give in to these feelings or not. I'm still thinking abuot that movie I was gonna watch. Should I resist or just enjoy this with the hope of him fading away from my mind in no time like all these other guys did?

He just makes me so happy rn. He's so damn hot lol.

It started maybe two weeks ago (which means I'm in a honemoon phase rn lol). I've been following some fan pages of him for years now though and I knew in the back of my head this could happen but I hoped I wouldn't have another obsession (or even a crush) again. Idk why lol. I guess my life had just started to get better and I was silly enough to think that I had it all figured out. 

 

Anyways, sorry for ranting. I hope you guys are doing well. I've been reading the old thread lately but I'll try to catch up asap.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by CrazyinLove
errors

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

I started watching the movie I mentioned. I know I probably shouldn't have but I also knew I would eventually. It's really good tho, even too good lol. He's amazing. And that's only one movie lol.

It's depressing, both the movie and my situation.I wish I wasn't like this. With my main CO I handeled the obsession better cuz I love his music. It was more 'normal' to have a crush on him. This new guy is very talented and all but tbh I fell for his personality, for some reason. I've seen his pics and watched the interviews before even liking his work. I've seen him in movies before, yes, but you don't fall in love out of the blue just cuz someone is a good actor. Now I realise that the last actor I had a crush on faded away so quickly cuz I had actually fallen for the character he played more than I had for him. 

This one is different. I feel ridiculous. I feel depressed too, not because I can't be with him, but because this is happening to me again. Maybe it will disappear just as fast as it appeared but right now I feel really low. 

 

I know it looks like I only come here to vent and talk about myself, I'm sorry, I'm usually not that type of person. It's just that this is really the only place where I can shere my feelings. I'll try to be of help to all of you as much as I can and as much as you guys helped me as soon as I get my sh.t together.

 

found this pic online the other day and thought it was relatable lol30430148_1736912253035950_2066093170_n.jpg.af4109cd5d8cf2c251bbf87b448cfbfd.jpg

Edited by CrazyinLove
errors

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi all, it's me again, just thought I'd come back 😄 thanks for replying to me, BlueStarr, yes, maybe it is something to do with my childhood. I kind of miss being little and innocent & my CO, he's so tall. Overpowering, big (broad) and manly, he makes me feel really little again I guess. If I stood next to him when he was in his prime in the eighties, as I am now, he'd tower above me I'm only 5'5" & he's about 6'3 or so.

Again this morning I watched the same scary movie he was in that I'm addicted to. He's so darn sexy in it, he's so horrible in the movie yet so hot. IRL though, fortunately he seems a really nice man, but tbh little is known about him besides his beautiful name (yeah I am crazy about his name too) his age, marital status and country of birth, he's a mystery which adds to the addiction to him. He's very nice to fans, but I'd never wanna meet him IRL, he'd laugh at me because I'd act like a complete klutz around him even now ..he's old but he's still sharp as a tack, strong,  still acting and tbh still pretty good looking not many 73 year olds look like that -he still has tons of hair!

ok, before I just ramble complete rubbish and bore you all I'm gonna check out for now, but I'll check in every week or so maybe, it's good to have a place to talk. Bye for now.

 

Totally Batty.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@CrazyinLove,

That picture is depressing and I find it triggering. (Of course, it's not your fault and you're not responsible for my triggers.)

Please don't feel bad about your feelings. Just let them be what they are. My advice is that if you want to get over him, it would be better not to "feed" the obsession by watching him a lot. This would apply IF you want to get rid of those feelings. If you enjoy them, then enjoy watching him.

"Is it possible I fall for celebs because their lives are public and they express their suffering through art whereas regular ppl can hide it and therefore often fail to attract someone who can relate to them?"

You might be on to something there. I often feel like I know celebrities better than a lot of "real life" people because they reveal so much more of themselves.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

@Totally Batty,

Is it a vampire movie, lol?

Well, I hope he doesn't drive you *too* batty, lol! You can always vent, or express yourself here, here if you need to.

I had a crush on an actor, (not quite an obsession), but I know what you mean about bad boys being sexy sometimes. In real life, you'd run, but they can be sexy if they are played by the right person on screen.

Edited by BlueStarr

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Possible epiphany last night:  I get screwed over more by private celebs/people than more open ones.  What I mean is at least one of my past COs was very open at first.  Then he started dating someone new and became very private.  The same with other COs.  People seem to like private celebs for some reason.  I never understood why.  I don't like private and/or secretive celebs.  Maybe just those kinds of people in general.  Maybe because I feel like they're cheating me.  IDK.

 

 

I apologize if I offended anyone.  This is very random and I just felt the need to share.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)
On 4/24/2018 at 3:47 PM, CrazyinLove said:

I started watching the movie I mentioned. I know I probably shouldn't have but I also knew I would eventually. It's really good tho, even too good lol. He's amazing. And that's only one movie lol.

It's depressing, both the movie and my situation.I wish I wasn't like this. With my main CO I handeled the obsession better cuz I love his music. It was more 'normal' to have a crush on him. This new guy is very talented and all but tbh I fell for his personality, for some reason. I've seen his pics and watched the interviews before even liking his work. I've seen him in movies before, yes, but you don't fall in love out of the blue just cuz someone is a good actor. Now I realise that the last actor I had a crush on faded away so quickly cuz I had actually fallen for the character he played more than I had for him. 

This one is different. I feel ridiculous. I feel depressed too, not because I can't be with him, but because this is happening to me again. Maybe it will disappear just as fast as it appeared but right now I feel really low. 

I know it looks like I only come here to vent and talk about myself, I'm sorry, I'm usually not that type of person. It's just that this is really the only place where I can shere my feelings. I'll try to be of help to all of you as much as I can and as much as you guys helped me as soon as I get my sh.t together.

Hey everyone! We made it to a new thread! Good to hear from you, @CrazyinLove I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling down about this new guy, but I hope you won’t be too hard on yourself. I’ve gone through several crushes/obsessions/etc since we last spoke. I was certain that I had found the ultimate CO in June, then I fell for someone else in September, then I fell even harder for someone else in December but I got over him when someone else caught my attention in February. I wasn’t dating during that entire period and I was fine with that because I was focused on other things, but I started dating again in March which kind of took my attention away from my COs. But unfortunately none of my dates worked out so now I can go back to devoting mental energy to my COs. lol Speaking of the German ones that we both used to like, I was pretty sad when they canceled their concert that was scheduled for February in my city. I had a VIP pass to meet them and now I don’t think I’ll ever see them in concert at all. :( I do still like them though. I recently heard that the one who was my CO (well, they both were) is now dating a famous supermodel but I didn’t feel any jealousy about it. More like I want to give her a high five for landing him, so I guess that’s an improvement! 😄

Edited by HopelessRomantic2011

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi all - I'm new to this forum and I'm so glad I've found it because wow, all of the sudden I am not alone.

 

I have been plagued by these obsessions since I was a kid. The first one was with a young actress about my age, when I was about 12. She was in a big blockbuster movie, and I became obsessed. Not sexually or romantically, I just wanted to *be* her, or at least be her best friend. I was struggling in my life (as pretty much all 12 year olds do!), being ugly and awkward, my parents divorcing, doing badly in school, having no friends. I had wanted to be an actress before this, but seeing someone my age doing it for real, who was everything I wanted to be, just sparked some kind of obsession. It was before the internet, so I would immediately go to the magazine aisle whenever grocery shopping with my mom and comb through the magazines for photos of her. I would stare at photos of her for hours and scrutinize every aspect of her appearance. I tried to get my mom to buy me clothes that resembled hers. I fantasized about ways I could possibly meet her and we would be best friends and she would help me get into movies too. When reality intruded and I had moments when I realized that this was all completely ridiculous and would never happen, I would fall into a terrible depression.

 

I eventually grew out of it and as I got older, I would get new obsessions, which became more romantic or sexual in nature. An actor from a particular movie would occupy my mind for a year or so, during which time I would fall into the same pattern - spending hours and hours searching the internet for any photos or news or anything I could get my hands on about this person. I'd fantasize about meeting him, how I could make it happen, and get deeply depressed when I realized it would never happen. Then eventually the obsession would fade away, and I would be free for a time, until seeing another movie or TV show suddenly sparked a new one. At one point, in my early 20s, I got a job that could possibly (not likely, but still possible) put me into the path of famous people, and all I could think about was whether today I might run across my current obsession and whether he would be interested in me (my obsessions were always lesser-known actors, not big names, usually older, and at the time, I was young and rather beautiful so it wouldn't have been utterly impossible - I hope this doesn't sound too incredibly egotistical!).

 

During all this time, I got a degree from a famous university, studied in another country, had a few boyfriends, and I worked hard to keep these obsessions secret. I would be absolutely mortified if anyone had a clue what was going on in my mind. To this day, not a soul knows about any of it. But it took a mental toll, because I'd get irritable when distracted from thinking about Current Obsession, and I'd get terribly depressed when I came down from the high and crashed into the reality of This Will Never Happen, your real life and real self is boring, dull, ugly and always will be.

 

As I got older, I started to become more self-aware and understanding of the patterns. I could see and tell myself "OK, this is not going to last, you know how this goes, just get through it until it fades." I got married and then finally got onto medication for my depression. After going on Zoloft, these obsessions basically stopped, or would become 95% less intense, more like trivial interests than obsessions.

But....I've now gone off the Zoloft and all of the sudden, I've been hit with another one. It is intruding terribly into my life. I have a husband and children and my own business, but all I can think about is this absurd obsession. For the first time, I'm wondering how deeply these are connected to depression and medication. Has anyone had a similar experience?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry for how long and self-centered that post is. I have never in my life told a single person, not even therapists, any of that. I feel such an unbelievable sense of relief getting it out and reading some of your posts here, knowing that I am not the only one out there who has this. Thank you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Hi, @CrazyinLove welcome back to the forum, sorry it’s not under better circumstances. just reading your post, I can relate to you so much. Ive often asked myself why do I develop crushes on famous people too. I’m still looking for a answer. I’m just like you I get short term crushes that disappear as fast as they started. I do have one CO I’ve had for 25 years now, who I love dearly. I developed a new crush on the 12th January I fell hard and fast for this one! I was hoping he would be a pasting phase but it’s now going into the forth month and the rascal still has me.
If your CO is making you happy right now, then I say enjoy it. When the happiness starts to fade, it’s time to make cut backs to save your self from being hurt. You actually helped me understand why I’m able to not over obsess with my CO, when you said that you still enjoy your main COs music even though you have strong feelings for him. So thank you for that.
Wow the picture you posted is incredible. I’ve had to save, (hope that’s ok?) it describes me perfectly. Good luck with your journey and your with to pm me anytime. 
 
Hi @TotallyBatty  I think Bluestarr gave you some really good advice. I just wanted to say Hello and your definitely not alone here. 
 
Hello @pervenche Welcome to forum, never apologise for your posts. If we can’t vent here then where can we? Everyone here is lovely and we’re not here to judge you at all. I can relate to you as well. I think (just my opinion) depression and COs are linked in a way. Do you think your COs are helping you feel the things that are missing from your real life? I only ask as I know this is my case. I know how you feel about being interrupted and never meeting them and then getting depressed. I wish I had a magic wand for you, I feel the exact same thing. Have you tried reducing the amount of time you spend thinking of him? Believe I know this is hard, but it might help you a little. Just remember we are all here for you, no judgement, vent as much as you like. Pm me if you want to talk further. You can get there this. Xx 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

Hey everyone. I have a bad habit of posting in here, well in the old thread, a couple of times here and there and then disappearing for a while. Reading through the posts here always makes me feel less alone in this, but I'm sorry to see people struggling with it too. It hurts so much sometimes! @decado I agree that depression and COs are linked. I struggle with depression and when that's bad, I tend to cling more to the fantasy. I don't really have friends, at least none that live where I do and can't remember the last time I did anything fun. I usually tend to go for guys in music groups and more recently part of a sports team. At first I thought it was just how it's worked out, but in thinking about it I think there's more to it.  I have two older siblings, but we've never been close. I've always been jealous of people with big families where they all love and support each other. I love my parents, but I always wanted to be part of a big family like that. In the fantasies I create, the other members of the group/team end up becoming friends or like siblings. So I definitely use my COs to fill a void.

I have a new CO, one who is a teammate of my last CO. I found out the last one had a girlfriend and I tried to hang on to the dream at first, but it's hard for me to do that when I know they're in a relationship. So I started paying more attention to said teammate to have something to hold onto. This one seems more intense than the last. I feel like I have way more in common with this new one, so maybe that's it. The last couple of COs I've had had all been pretty private and this one is no exception. They've also been guys who aren't terribly well known. The team these last two are on is getting a ton of attention lately since they've been doing so well, but they don't get the attention other players do. In some ways I like it since it makes it easier to think they're actually single which helps me keep the dream going.

The problem is when I get blindsided by something - like a picture of them with a woman - it feels like more of a betrayal. This CO stuff is so weird sometimes! I've never met these last two and logically know that it really isn't a betrayal, but it still feels like that. Earlier tonight I was looking at instagram stories, not even any in particular, I was just bored and letting them play. It came to a photographer I follow who apparently did a photoshoot for a clothing company with my CO, one of his teammates and two women. There were a couple of short videos of the shoot. One of the women is his teammates fiancée. Then there's the other one. Now I've been upset at the thought that the other woman might be my CO's girlfriend.

Here's the thing. My current CO doesn't post much on social media. His last tweet was last fall. He has an instagram, but can go months between posting anything. On the rare occasion that he does post, it usually has something to do with the team. If not, its likely to be a picture of him with his family or some friends. I actually went and scrolled through his instagram after seeing those videos, going way back and have never seen any pictures of him and a girlfriend. If he's had one sometime over the last few years, you'd never know it. Last year, he was included in a list of the city's most eligible singles. Then the team did a fashion show to raise money for charity in February and the guys walked the runway with the significant others, if they have one. Along with a kid from a local charity. This was how I found out about my last CO's girlfriend. From everything I've seen, my current CO just walked the runway with the kid he was paired with. So there's been no indication of him having a girlfriend.

Basically, those two little 10 second or so videos are the first possible hint that maybe he isn't single after all. I guess I feel like if the one girl is his teammate's fiancée, then there's a chance the other is my CO's girlfriend. Worth mentioning that my CO doesn't even interact with this girl in either of the videos. In one, he's standing next to his teammate and some other guy for pictures. In the other one, he was sitting next to his teammate. Everyone involved in the shoot was tagged in the video and the girl in questions's instagram is private. I actually looked because that's what this obsession does to me. It all sounds so much nuttier now that I'm typing it out. That's the extent of my "evidence". 

I really hate this. Now I'm dreading seeing pictures from the photoshoot, even though I know they won't prove anything one way or the other. It's a photoshoot to promote a clothing line, after all. And who's to say that they'll even be any pictures of them together. Maybe there'll be some group shots with everyone, but who knows? It seems like the only way I would know for sure is if my CO says something about her specifically. But that seems unlikely given his posting history. I hate that I'm stressed out about something like this. This girl could just as easily be dating whoever the other guy is or maybe she was just brought in for the shoot. But the thought that she could be my CO's girlfriend makes me feel sick. :(

Sorry for the novel, but thank you so much to anyone who took the time to read it. Sending out hugs to those of you who need them.

Edited by musiclover83
To fix the tag

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

 

Quote

 I have a bad habit of posting in here, well in the old thread, a couple of times here and there and then disappearing for a while. Reading through the posts here always makes me feel less alone in this, but I'm sorry to see people struggling with it too. It hurts so much sometimes! @decado I agree that depression and COs are linked. I struggle with depression and when that's bad, I tend to cling more to the fantasy.

Hello all- @musiclover83 I feel the same as you in this! I was here before and disappeared for a long time. I used to follow the old thread, but I forgot my password and decided make an account all over again. I stopped reading and posting a long time ago because of of other posters who behaved kind of creepily. They acted as if they were getting unhinged, expressing death wishes to their CO's husbands and boyfriends, (They were male.) But now they are gone or banned, so this place feels healthy and healing once again. 

I've had CO's on and off for a long, long time now. I've been trying to get over the latest guy, an actor, so I've been strictly avoiding everything to do with him. It's been working- I don't think about him or dream about him as much. It's been 5 months since I've watched anything he's in. I have a husband and family of my own, but still have celebrity obsessions. I know there is nothing wrong with that and it should be fun and normal, but I feel like I cheat on my significant other when I look at photos of my CO's and swoon for them! I read online that it can be okay, but it makes me sad and unfulfilled when I have this CO stuck in my mind. It is an obsession.

Social media affected me again last night. I forgot to unfollow a fellow fan of his and she posted his IG photo. It was a photo of when my CO was younger, in his early 20's and was just getting started in acting. He was so gorgeous! Just the sight of him with his black hair and alluring dark eyes, made my heart thump to the point of physical pain. A lot of IG posters were saying gushy things about the picture and even though they were complimentary, some of them were implying that he isn't attractive now that he's older and a bit pudgy. I think he is just as handsome today! I am in in love with a character he played in a role from 3 years back.

I just wanted to vent about how I wish I had unfollowed this fan because that account was still on my IG feed and I had to see that heartwrenching photo. The guy is happily married. I never daydream about dating him or being with him romantically, because if I did it would be guilt inducing. He also sounds like he would be the perfect friend. He's funny and has that self-depreciating sense of humor. His comment on his old audition photo was that 'you can see how I didn't get much work' As if he didn't like it! It annoyed me in a way, because it sounded like humble-bragging. As if he doesn't KNOW he was cute as hell and still is! Right...

I'm here for support if any of you want to talk. I have no one in my life to talk about this to. Sure I have friends, a decent loving husband, a family, but this sounds silly. I can't tell them! Celebrity crushes are okay if you're a teenager, but there must be something wrong with me, a grown woman and mother, I let it bother me so much and it causes such negative and sad feelings. I long to be his wife- but that's so, so wrong!! I need to be happy about my own life, and husband, and find joy.

Celebrities make it seem like the grass is greener, you know? But if I were his wife I would have to cope with paparazzi trying to take pictures of his young children and have every move scrutinized even though his wife isn't a celebrity. I know nothing about her and don't want to find out anything about her because it would only make it worse.

Edited by alliryann18

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi @musiclover83

Firstly, hugs to you too and thank you for sharing your story with us. I completely get how you are feeling and I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I am going through a similar thing with my new CO only Tuesday there was a photo circulated of him with these two beautiful women. Like you I felt betrayed and hurt. When my logical mind says it has nothing to do with me. My CO like yours doesn’t post much either. So like you I don’t know for sure if he has a new girl. So I feel how your feeling and I’m sending you lots of love and hugs. You can get though this.

Social media is certainly not our friend when we have COs. All I can suggest is to limit the amount of time you look at Instagram. Only follow pages where you know it’s less likely for you to see something that hurts. Silly question, forgive me, but have you got a few favourite photos on your phone that you could look at to when you feel the need to go to Instagram. Look at your safe photos instead. That why you still can look at you beautiful CO but without the fear of something hurtful. I alsofound that if I googled my COs band, group photos, I came across just them with no girls in sight. Ok they do have the rest of the band but no girls to have to worry about.

I do the same as you also when you said about bringing other band mates or favourites into you daydreams. Do you find it helps make the fantasy more a reality? 

I don’t have any friends either, I thought I did but they take what they want from me and ditch me just as fast. I let my guard down recently after a long time. I thought I’d made a couple of lovely friends but no. They didn’t want me it was just for free childcare. My COs are are helping through this real life heartbreak.

Perhaps, don’t look up this new photo shoot until your in a happier place. What I do and this is going to really sound crazy. When I get a notification that my CO posted on Instagram is I will perhaps go outside in the garden or make a drink. Something where I can have a quick look then busy myself with something else, like making the drink or picking up some leaves. Just incase it isn’t something I really want to see. Crazy I know but it has helped. Especially with the photo from Tuesday.

Sorry for going on at you, I just hope you are ok and we understand how you feel. 

I wish you the best of luck! Xx 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi @alliryann18

Sorry to hear you going through a tough time right now.

Well done though for achieving 5 months with searching for new content. That’s amazing! I wish I had your strength, I’m still in the new CO phase at the moment, although it’s now going into the fourth month I can’t see it ending yet. 

We are all here if you want to talk, I’m happy to talk privately if you prefer. 

Good luck with your journey xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 25/04/2018 at 2:17 AM, TotallyBatty said:

Hi all, it's me again, just thought I'd come back 😄 thanks for replying to me, BlueStarr, yes, maybe it is something to do with my childhood. I kind of miss being little and innocent & my CO, he's so tall. Overpowering, big (broad) and manly, he makes me feel really little again I guess. If I stood next to him when he was in his prime in the eighties, as I am now, he'd tower above me I'm only 5'5" & he's about 6'3 or so.

 

 

Funny, I have the same feeling about my CO. He's a big guy, 6'3 and kind of chubby, too. Has a big beard these days. There's just something so big and gruff and comforting about him. Like a giant, wonderful teddy bear. I'm only 5 feet fall and the thought of just being wrapped up in his arms and snuggling up next to him just makes me so happy.  Not much else makes me happy these days so I cling to my fantasies because without them, I'd be left with just...emptiness, and I can't handle that. 

I started to tell my therapist about him, but chickened out at the last minute. I can see she's already concerned for me and I don't want to give her anything that might think I'm in danger of becoming a crazed stalker or anything like that. 

I appreciate everyone's advice and tips on how to avoid fixating on their CO.  I'm not quite strong enough to try that yet, but I hope to get there soon. Right now, I feel like if I don't check his twitter and his youtube channel or soundcloud at least once or twice a day, I'll miss something more important than anything that's happening in my own, actual, real life. 

Sorry to be such a downer!  It hasn't been a very good day for me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
18 hours ago, alliryann18 said:

I stopped reading and posting a long time ago because of of other posters who behaved kind of creepily. They acted as if they were getting unhinged, expressing death wishes to their CO's husbands and boyfriends, (They were male.) But now they are gone or banned, so this place feels healthy and healing once again. 

That was part of the reason why I stopped posting too. It was making me uncomfortable to read. I'm so relieved that they're gone. It definitely feels healthy here again. 

I'm sorry you're having a tough time right now, though good for you for going 5 months without watching him. Social media has such a nasty way of backfiring on us. Sometimes going on twitter or instagram feels like stepping out into a potential minefield. 

17 hours ago, decado said:

Hi @musiclover83

Firstly, hugs to you too and thank you for sharing your story with us. I completely get how you are feeling and I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I am going through a similar thing with my new CO only Tuesday there was a photo circulated of him with these two beautiful women. Like you I felt betrayed and hurt. When my logical mind says it has nothing to do with me. My CO like yours doesn’t post much either. So like you I don’t know for sure if he has a new girl. So I feel how your feeling and I’m sending you lots of love and hugs. You can get though this.

Social media is certainly not our friend when we have COs. All I can suggest is to limit the amount of time you look at Instagram. Only follow pages where you know it’s less likely for you to see something that hurts. Silly question, forgive me, but have you got a few favourite photos on your phone that you could look at to when you feel the need to go to Instagram. Look at your safe photos instead. That why you still can look at you beautiful CO but without the fear of something hurtful. I alsofound that if I googled my COs band, group photos, I came across just them with no girls in sight. Ok they do have the rest of the band but no girls to have to worry about.

I do the same as you also when you said about bringing other band mates or favourites into you daydreams. Do you find it helps make the fantasy more a reality? 

Thank you! Today I went and unfollowed the clothing line and the photographer who took the pictures. A part of me feels bad since I do like the photographer, especially since I like taking pictures myself and like his. None of this is his fault, but I just don't think it's good for me to follow him right now. Maybe I'll refollow him once I can get myself in a better place. My resolve only goes so far though, since I'm still following my CO and can't bring myself to unfollow him. Though I have resisted the urge to turn on notifications for when he posts. Granted, I still end up looking on his page to see if he's posted anything, but I think not having the notifications on helps a little. 

Not a silly question. I do have a few pictures of him saved on my phone, I just need to be better about looking at them when I have the urge to check out his Instagram. Sometimes I'll watch some of the videos he's in on the team's page, but those are either just him or him and his teammates so they don't cause problems for me. What's weird is there's one video of him playing that heads up game with one of the team's broadcasters who is a pretty woman, but that one doesn't bug me. It's frustrating how I can be okay with that and have a meltdown over something like a photoshoot. But then this broadcaster has been with the team for a few years and I liked her before my CO became my CO so that probably explains it.

I do think bringing others into my daydreams grounds them in a way and makes them feel more real.

8 hours ago, nosleep said:

I'm only 5 feet fall and the thought of just being wrapped up in his arms and snuggling up next to him just makes me so happy.  Not much else makes me happy these days so I cling to my fantasies because without them, I'd be left with just...emptiness, and I can't handle that. 

Oh my gosh, I relate to this so much. Especially since, as it happens, I'm also only 5 feet tall. My CO is 6'1", so not quite as tall as yours but I so love the idea of snuggling up next to him. I always think about how safe I would probably feel in his arms and that makes me happy.

But that part about being left with emptiness without the fantasties...that's exactly how I feel. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. If it helps, you're not alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I really dislike Instagram so much right now! Why do we get this overwhelming need to check this sites when they only ever bring heartbreak? 😢

Sorry for venting I’m just feeling so very sad right now. I hope everyone else is doing ok though 😘

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Posted (edited)

I gave into temptation and googled Josh yesterday.  I won't look at videos but it's hard not to read the interviews and look at pictures sometimes.  I haven't rebought the song but it's hard.  I found out that I can play a sample of it on Alexa.  I didn't do it I told it to stop before it played but it was really tempting.  Josh's role as Ted Mosby was really unpopular.  Some people think that was the worst television character ever.  He says he wants people to move on from that role but that was the role that made him famous so I don't know why he thinks people are just going to forget about it.  Sometimes I wish I could write him and tell him how crazy he made me but it would just really freak him out.  I used to want to sue the people who wrote the show for inflicting emotional distress with the last episodes.  I used to want the whole cast to give money to organizations who help the mentally ill.  I have started a draft of a story about a college guy with Schizophrenia who has feelings for a rabbi.  I think Josh would have been a really good rabbi.  He is very kind and compassionate.  That's how I fell for him his words about kindness. He wrote an article for LA Times.  I think it's called Kind over Matter.  The first time I read that and his newsletter I fell for him hard.  Now I wish I never would have known he existed because I got so messed up because of one of his movies.

 

 

 

 

Edited by starbucksjunkee

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×