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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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6 hours ago, velvetpuddles said:

Superficially good. Does that count? I had a great weekend, but I have this sense of doom and gloom still lurking under the surface. But, ya know, I'm good.

You sound like me.  You can't enjoy good times because you constantly expect something bad to happen.  

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

You sound like me.  You can't enjoy good times because you constantly expect something bad to happen.  

Yep. Though I do accept that not everything in life can be perfect all the time. I don't worry about the next bad thing; I worry about what it'll do to me. I'm way too fragile still. The littlest things can knock me out.

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On 7/21/2018 at 11:02 AM, babyxgothxx said:

Still blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ❤️ 😊 ❤️ 🤗 

I'm afraid I'd get soooooo manic tonight because I'll be drinking! It's a weekly habit 😕 I love being manic (weird as that sounds) but sometimes it gets out of control! I don't want this feeling to end - at all.

(What's up with these emojis lol I just love expressing myself I guess 💙💙💙)

I wouldn't drink if I was you ......you gave me the same advice a few weeks /months ago remember? It only turns me into another person that I don't like. I get violent. yet it does make the pain go away..not how i imagined my life. but whatever.....

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Nervously awaiting the mail today. B's now ex girlfriend told me on Saturday that she put a couple things in the mail for him and something for me, that we should get them today.

No clue what to expect from someone that turned out to be somewhat... erratic. 😬

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20 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

@sober4life and @lonelyforeigner were right... I binge drank last night and feel like death today! I think the alcohol doesn't agree with me anymore. I'm also beginning hate the taste of alcohol... It's kinda gross to me! What's going on??? I didn't feel like this last week. Then again, I have been feeling more positive lately!!! ❤️  Goodbye weekly binge drinking! I should learn to control my intake or just avoid alcohol altogether (the latter would be better)

Remember! Alcohol is actually poison. That's why you feel so horrible the next day. Your body has been poisoned and is trying to detoxify. Your liver is thinking, "what is this sh!t?" and works overtime to get rid of it.

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Heading over for an MRI on my remaining kidney. It has a tumor on it and they need to keep a close watch on it. My other kidney was removed because of a massive tumor back in 2008. I can't afford to lose this one. I'm nervous, not for the procedure itself, but for what they might find. If it's grown much since the last MRI, they will want to do surgery...yikes!

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Today I feel not to bad soon I will start my job under a new boss, (boss found another job) it's a real blessing for she was simply awful and had her favorite.  I know a little bit about the new boss that is going to replace her,  he is fair and do not believe in friend at work which is good so no favoritism under him you do your job and get noted and awarded for what you do.  His starting in a month cannot wait we desperately need someone fair with everyone.  

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really annoyed. I hate when people tell me I haven't tried enough or done enough to feel better. Really? I went off on someone today and told them you try living for decades like this without doctors being able to help you find some relief, or answers, with all the physical and mental symptoms I have and come back to me, and tell me I haven't tried enough. I got so mad that I told that person if it was possible we could switch lives, do you want to? I doubt it. No one chooses to feel this way, and unfortunately the mind is a very complicated thing that not enough research has gone into it to help us feel better. For those who are lucky and benefit from medications or other forms of therapy great, but others aren't so lucky.

It's a shame that we constantly have to explain in 2018 about this illness bothering you both mentally and physically..... I don't mean to make fun of other people suffering from other health issues, but I never heard in my life others say to people I knew who were battling cancer "You don't try hard enough" or "push yourself" . Yet in my case I've heard it a few times and it hurt. I'm done with people. No one gets this unless they've lived it....... It's no wonder people  like us isolate and turn to other options for closure (which always don't have a good ending)  ...

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4 hours ago, velvetpuddles said:

Nervously awaiting the mail today. B's now ex girlfriend told me on Saturday that she put a couple things in the mail for him and something for me, that we should get them today.

No clue what to expect from someone that turned out to be somewhat... erratic. 😬

It was jewelry. She sent us both jewelry.

This girl is seriously breaking my heart. This whole situation. To top it all off, apparently she might be pregnant. I feel so sad for her that it's really bumming me out and making me anxious. I wish I didn't let other people affect me so strongly. I'm a freaking emotional sponge and it's awful.

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11 minutes ago, goincrazy said:

I feel sad , lost, empty . A loved one passed away this morning . It's hard to let go. 

I understand how that feels try not to mourn their death or the loss of them in your life.. But celebrate their life and the time you had with them.. And know they are with you in your heart forever and always..

 

A song that helped me when my grandmother passed away was dancing in the sky by lizzy and danny.. Hope it helps you as well!! If you need to talk im here for you!

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Tired and don’t feel like working but I made it to the office on time! Now to finish up my 5 hours with a nice smoke break in between. Love the flexibility here. Then off to the gym tonight, another thing I don’t wanna do. Oh well, gotta lose the three lbs I gain over the week. 

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10 hours ago, ladysmurf said:

really annoyed. I hate when people tell me I haven't tried enough or done enough to feel better. Really?

I totally get this.  For me, much of it is internalized.  Had a narcissistic adopted mother for whom nothing was ever good enough.  And that's the environment in which my brain developed.

I've carried that voice with me to this day.  Often it makes me hypervigilant and defensive.  And, yeah, my fist inclination is to go off on anyone who pulls that "you're not trying hard enough" sh#t on me.  I mean, good lord, do they have any idea how hard it is for me DAILY?  I haven't decided if my reaction's helpful or not, or if it matters.  Yeah, I know I'm reacting to my baggage, on one hand.  On the other, I feel like I'm standing up against passive-aggressive BS.  Either way, it's what I do.

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