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Natasha1

How Do You Feel Right Now #6

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Anxious.  I know I'm pushing my limits.

Another intake with AHF today, this one for medical/mental health.  It went better than I expected.  He was a refugee, if you will, from my old dysfunctional agency and understood my problems with them.

BUT, a new monthly Alzheimer's support group with a bunch of strangers on Saturday.  I need help dealing with Mom.  The organization, though supposedly secular, tends to attract religious types and, frankly, I'm prepared to walk out if we're asked to pray.

Monday, my monthly shots (one is usually painful).  After five years, get along well with the NP, however.  Side effects sideline me for 24-36 hours.

Thursday, a new ID doc.  I'll probably get at least one specialist referral.  Like I want another dam doctor in the mix, and it would be a painful procedure with the specialist.

Friday, a new therapist, but one who at least isn't an intern.  That's the one that keeps me awake.  I dread having to interview yet ANOTHER therapist.  Nor am I particularly comfortable that it's a woman.  Nor do I have any idea of how much experience, if any, she has addressing my considerable issues.  I don't want to have to educate HER.

Ugh.

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1 hour ago, lonelyforeigner said:

Now if only you could see that this also applies to you 😉 

I do see it sometimes.  I just let my emotions get the best of me sometimes.  I'm convinced my emotions will even out if I stay sober long enough.  I think I'm a lot better than I used to be here and everywhere.  I still need some work though.  Thank you for being so nice to me.😥

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@MarkintheDark you got this! Just focus on one thing at a time. No need to worry about all those appointments down the line yet - just one thing at a time. It must feel so good to be working through everything, though!

Keep your head up! You'll be just fine!

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23 minutes ago, velvetpuddles said:

@MarkintheDark you got this! Just focus on one thing at a time. No need to worry about all those appointments down the line yet - just one thing at a time. It must feel so good to be working through everything, though!

Keep your head up! You'll be just fine!

Yes @MarkintheDark. You do!

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1 hour ago, salparadise6132 said:
1 hour ago, velvetpuddles said:

@MarkintheDark you got this! Just focus on one thing at a time. No need to worry about all those appointments down the line yet - just one thing at a time. It must feel so good to be working through everything, though!

Keep your head up! You'll be just fine!

Yes @MarkintheDark. You do!

I'm glad y'all are feeling more confident about all this than I am.  I'm all for one day at a time - as even my case manager reminded me - and I'm often pretty good at it.  This may be a rough patch.  Physically, I really have to watch what stress does to me.  I'll be posting a lot.

I'm thinking that my way of dealing may simply be to shut down otherwise.  Not an option I prefer, but if it gets me through, I'll take it.

Edited by MarkintheDark

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9 minutes ago, surfcaster said:

major sinus pressure, can't breathe, headache, sour stomach, knee pain, neck pain, depressed, other than that ok

Well, that would put me in the pits, for sure.  Hope your self-care is ok.

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2 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

I'm glad y'all are feeling more confident about all this than I am.  I'm all for one day at a time - as even my case manager reminded me - and I'm often pretty good at it.  This may be a rough patch.  Physically, I really have to watch what stress does to me.  I'll be posting a lot.

I'm thinking that my way of dealing may simply be to shut down otherwise.  Not an option I prefer, but if it gets me through, I'll take it.

I totally understand the shutting down. I do it, too. But it's helpful to remember that it doesn't really help! It just prolongs the inevitable. You still have to deal with the same things.

Post as much as you need! We're all here for you and care for you! You can do this! Just keep reminding yourself, one thing at a time!

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I'm feeling so okay right now. I just spent about 3-4 hours sitting with B outside talking about absolutely everything. I feel worlds better (funny how just talking sometimes can do that) and I'm trying to be a good friend to him (even though I don't honestly know how to be a friend anymore). 

I feel like I'm on a whole different plane right now. A somewhat tipsy, relieved plane, but a good place nonetheless. I wish to stay here forever... just press pause on time and live in this place always. It's one of those good, satisfied moments when anything feels possible.

Alas, I must sleep soon and wake up to a different world entirely.

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8 hours ago, MarkintheDark said:

Well, that would put me in the pits, for sure.  Hope your self-care is ok.

well the knee  pain ive been dealing with for a while, there is no meniscus left between the bones, neck has arthritis degenerating the cartilage in the spine, the rest is allergy related and kind of my fault it got out of hand, i skip taking allergy meds because im already a walking drug store for the depression stuff

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I'm feeling okay so far. ...aside from double filling the coffee maker with water and giving myself a huge mess to clean up first thing in the morning. And just now watching a cat tip over a water bowl I JUST filled, spilling it everywhere. Water is not my friend today.

Having a lot of trouble getting into gear for work, though!

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How do I feel right now?

I feel sad, and I don't have peace of mind.  I'm not seeking giddy happiness, just a calm mind and a calm heart.

I want to fix the world, and fix myself.

I've had recent success with eating healthier, then faltered with bad food choices, now trying again.  When I eat healthy, it improves my peace of mind.

I'm lucky that Lexapro and Klonopin generally keep me stable, and I've been taking them faithfully for years, and would never consider stopping them.  I wish I could approach healthy eating in the same way, because eating certain good foods and losing a little weight is like medicine for me, the cause and effect is so direct, yet I turn to emotional eating of foods that don't promote my peace of mind.

I've been isolating myself, and although I don't (yet) have agoraphobia, I seldom leave the house, and I don't want to see any one.

I feel that I want to be part of this daily thread, because you guys and gals seem to know each other and support each other, you're very good Internet friends to each other.  But right now I feel like more of a taker than a giver, so I don't feel that I have the right attitude to post here frequently.

I feel like DF is a big source of comfort to me in many different way.  I feel that I've helped some people here.

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47 minutes ago, LonelyHiker said:

I feel like I don't have long to live

Oh, I don't like the sound of that one bit. What's happening?

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19 minutes ago, Lynn1954 said:

I've been isolating myself, and although I don't (yet) have agoraphobia, I seldom leave the house, and I don't want to see any one.

I feel that I want to be part of this daily thread, because you guys and gals seem to know each other and support each other, you're very good Internet friends to each other.  But right now I feel like more of a taker than a giver, so I don't feel that I have the right attitude to post here frequently.

I feel like DF is a big source of comfort to me in many different way.  I feel that I've helped some people here.

Hey, we are all in this together! And yes, you have helped people here.

I've been isolating more and more too. My daughter works at the mall and I will sometimes force myself to hang out in the middle of it to "people watch" before driving her home. Or I'll walk around inside the mall for a little exercise. Unfortunately, the mall appears to be going belly-up. Both Sears and The Boston Store have pulled the plug entirely.

Amazon has sucked local retail dry for the most part. Lots of people out of a job as a result. My daughter works in Barnes and Noble so I'm sure her time is short there.

 

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7 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Oh, I don't like the sound of that one bit. What's happening?

I'm not planning on anything suicidal. I  still having symptoms, afraid it might be something serious. Going back to the doctor for more tests, I guess (I suspect bladder/prostate )

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4 minutes ago, LonelyHiker said:

I'm not planning on anything suicidal. I  still having symptoms, afraid it might be something serious. Going back to the doctor for more tests, I guess (I suspect bladder/prostate )

Oh wow. Best wishes, my friend.

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2 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Oh wow. Best wishes, my friend.

Thanks...I am trying not to get overly worried.

Just wish I wasn't having to face this alone..

Edited by LonelyHiker

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I feel... OK! I have some confidence building for the first time since I started my new job. I had a very positive meeting with my boss, who is presenting my new strategies to a client on Monday. He loved my strategies and felt they were the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that they needed. He also presented my strategies to the internal team on the account, who also loved my ideas. YAY! So I feel pretty happy about that. And it's Friday, we had a half day today, so I am thrilled to be home and done for the week. Of course, I have lots of studying to do, but I can at least relax this afternoon and tomorrow.

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