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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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My husband just told me that my father-in-law and his wife are coming over in a few hours to take us out to dinner. They were supposed to be dropping by tomorrow--which I was already dreading--so now being told that it's bumped up today is making me a ball of nerves. I haven't seen them in over a year I think, and I feel like they're huge drama queens who always have a reason to be p***** with me so I don't really want to spend any time with them. Not to mention they're going to be taking us out at a time when I've been falling asleep the past few days so I'm going to be exhausted. I just hope it's not going to be as awkward as I am expecting! My stomach is already hurting just thinking about it. I hate having to spend time with people I'm not close with to begin with...gah!

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How uncomfortable, evalynn! My heart goes out to you. What helps me is picturing that I have an invisible shield all around me and what others say can't get in unless I let it. The words just bounce off my shield and fly out the window.

I'm feeling sooooo tired yet grateful I will have next week off to spend some time with family that I do get along with well. Thank God! Such a blessing. My family is not all great but these ones are.

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@BeyondWeary Thanks. Mainly I feel like they get insulted that we don't go to spend time with them more but they live over an hour away and I get severe driving anxiety and my husband doesn't drive at all. We were supposed to spend Christmas with them, but I had a car accident the week before and I didn't have a car because it was in the shop and I was secretly grateful for the excuse. The reason I started feeling weary of my father-in-law's wife to begin with is when she unexpectedly got mad at me like a week before my wedding and I had to be lectured by her husband for an hour and then told to call and apologize (for what exactly?) and she never bothered to answer her phone any of the three times I called so I gave up. Ever since then, I've been weary of them. Also they tend to make little comments here and there about either my husband and I or their own relatives (like my father-in-law telling me to watch out for his sister because "she's a snake"? She always seemed sweet to me) that make me think they're drama queens who are always finding reasons to be mad at people. Some of the things I've heard second hand from my husband kind of p***** me off too. So add that to the fact that I already have social anxiety and am halfway to becoming a hermit at this point in my life and the idea of having to spend time with them is agony. 😠

Anyway, hope you enjoy your family time. 🙂

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Todayseems ok. Not great. But ok. Very uncomfortable in the office with little to do and layoff coming on monday. Working on resumes to keep my mind off it. Sending out resumes to every job i am remotely qualified for. I feel as though i have been head messed for the last few years. Creeps me out. Trying tovfocus on building a good life and avoiding negative, hurtful people. Wish i could make some deep friendships that will truly last. 

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I will enjoy the weekend.  I barely remember yesterday and today because the constant stress is chickening me and driving me crazy!  I need to get out of this house the whole weekend.  Yes it's chickening me.  I was wearing a chicken suit the whole time.🐓

Edited by sober4life
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16 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I will enjoy the weekend.  I barely remember yesterday and today because the constant stress is chickening me and driving me crazy!  I need to get out of this house the whole weekend.  Yes it's chickening me.  I was wearing a chicken suit the whole time.🐓

You know, it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize what chickening was! I kept thinking it had some meaning that everyone here knew but I didn't. Until I used it once and it all made sense!

Makes me wanna talk about my weekend yardwork plans of chickening garden shrub. 😊

Hope you have a great weekend!!

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Feeling lonely again. Bf is doing hobby stuff tonight. We’ve spent the past two nights in a row hanging out until early morning so I’m not upset with him for wanting to work on something he’s excited about. We r also taking a break from intimate times bc its been so frequent with us. Sad bc half of it is lust n the other half is closeness. The lust is strong when he’s not around, when I see him the closeness aspect comes into play. Too tired to go out to see friends so he’s all I got rn. Busy independent people have their lives. Fantastic. I’m just not like that though. People r my hobbies

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23 hours ago, sober4life said:

I'm rooting for you too both of you.  I would do anything to make you both happy.

Let's find $100 million laying around and split it up among us! That would make me happy for sure.

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23 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Yes that's true 😞 Nobody deserves to struggle this much! Thanks hun but you all need it more than me :hugs: 

Nah...we are all in this together. We ALL need it!

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I feel like being dramatic..... I want to die right now, but not really.

Basically, I am feeling crummy because the technical aspects of my job are so freaking hard for me to grasp, I seriously struggle with them, and I am not good at it. And this is all stuff I have to understand for my work.

BUT, on the flip side, I've been very successful in my career so far without knowing much of the technical aspects, so there's that, too. As they say, ignorance is bliss! And I miss my ignorant state of living!!!!

I want to go back in time and make a different decision about accepting this job. Then again, I am learning all that I never knew and all that I must know in this field, so there's that too. It's all a mixed bag of emotions for me right now.

Dammit. I'm gonna just have a drink or two and chill out instead.

Last weekend I was at a concert and yeah, Ok, I was in an altered state, but I felt like the lead singer was singing just for me...... the lyrics were something like "just hold on and sit tight, everything is just right".... I took that to heart to mean CHILL OUT about your job, you're gonna be just fine! LOL. We have the same birthday, he and I.

Anyways, so I have to just CHILL and not freak out SO much. But it's so hard when people more junior than me are training me and seem to know so much more than I do, at least about the technical and maybe some other things too.

Be careful what you ask for I guess!!!! LOL.

 

 

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18 hours ago, velvetpuddles said:

You know, it took me an embarrassingly long time to realize what chickening was! I kept thinking it had some meaning that everyone here knew but I didn't. Until I used it once and it all made sense!

Makes me wanna talk about my weekend yardwork plans of chickening garden shrub. 😊

Hope you have a great weekend!!

Hey! Don't be chickening that garden shrub! I'll be over and take it off your hands.

 

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I have mixed feelings. I'm hating work, like usual. Had a meeting this morning in front of the boss where I was pouring sweat because of the tropical weather outside (90 and very humid).  Now I'm waiting for him to barge into my office with his notebook to rattle crap off at me.

I'm sitting in an air conditioned area right now, so that's good.

Trying to figure out what I need to do with my "life."

 

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Trying not slide back into pit of guilt. So many mistakes i have made. So much crap i put ppl thru. On the other side, so much i have been through myself. So much i have experienced, so much garbage from ppl i trusted. I feel torn in two. Half of me is trying so hard to just be good and do good. The other half wants to cry until i die. Step 1...breathe until God tells me to stop.

 

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24 minutes ago, StoicLady said:

Trying not slide back into pit of guilt. So many mistakes i have made. So much crap i put ppl thru. On the other side, so much i have been through myself. So much i have experienced, so much garbage from ppl i trusted. I feel torn in two. Half of me is trying so hard to just be good and do good. The other half wants to cry until i die. Step 1...breathe until God tells me to stop.

 

I am reasonably sure you are being extra hard on yourself.

But.  Even if you are -

Choose Step One, girl:  Do good, and forget the past.  What a wonder is transformation!  Think "A Christmas Carol."  What a story that is!  It is never too late to love!!!!!

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