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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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15 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

Been crying for 4 hours straight but no one cares haha

I care.  I'm always here for you.❤️ I accidentally pushed like.  I don't like it at all.  I'm an *****!

Edited by sober4life
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13 hours ago, bellerose said:

I hate how unreasonable my loneliness is. Sometimes I feel lonely when I’m around people I know but cannot interact. Example, the bf doing work at night when I feel like interacting with him. I feel lonely but he’s sitting next to me so we can be together. Feel stupid for still feeling lonely and sad about it. 

I know what you mean, bellerose!

The one thing I miss about my ex (long ago ex, now) girlfriend was that I never felt lonely with her. (In my previous marriage, I felt alone with her, at the end, all the time.)  With my GF It was all presence, warmth and comfort, even when we didn't speak.  I felt we could be the only two people in the world and I would not care!  I would say that being comfortable in silence with someone is the height of connection.  I would say that, but I can't, really, because it turned out she wasn't in love with me, at least at the end, and all my feelings of contentment, of "being home," were delusions, or something approaching same. 

I guess that all of that is to say that I don't really know much.

Nevertheless, in the spirit of those who don't know much still offering their thoughts, I would say that,  with trust and true love, being silent with the other (provided, of course, that verbal communication is healthy and forthcoming) is a sign of relationship health.   I mean, no one can talk all the time.   And words are faulty, inaccurate, and a lesser form of communication than a loving spiritual connection.  In my case, it turned out that the woman I loved (love - for I always will) probably never felt as comfortable in those moments as I.  Yet  I still cling to the belief that, with the right woman (for me) this comfort in silence will be mutually felt.

One question:  Do you feel you get enough verbal connection with your BF?  You need that, and if he is not willing to talk, that is an issue.

On the other side, if you are getting reasonable verbal support and empathy from your BF, are you open to try to let the non-verbal moments bloom into a beautiful, unstated, comfortable, present connection - like the connection the mute fire or the fluffy blanket gives on a cold night?

 

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27 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I made the mistake of saying this.  I should be smarter than this by now.

Yes. The "other shoe" is always hovering about 6 inches above our heads, ready to drop at a second's notice when things seem to be going half way good. So right now, I'm doing "horribly".

Sorry about your mom. How is she doing now?

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1 minute ago, JD4010 said:

Yes. The "other shoe" is always hovering about 6 inches above our heads, ready to drop at a second's notice when things seem to be going half way good. So right now, I'm doing "horribly".

Sorry about your mom. How is she doing now?

She was coming out of the seizure when the ambulance took her to the emergency room.  So far they haven't told us anything.  They just let us sit out here in the waiting room worrying.

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47 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

I know what you mean, bellerose!

The one thing I miss about my ex (long ago ex, now) girlfriend was that I never felt lonely with her. (In my previous marriage, I felt alone with her, at the end, all the time.)  With my GF It was all presence, warmth and comfort, even when we didn't speak.  I felt we could be the only two people in the world and I would not care!  I would say that being comfortable in silence with someone is the height of connection.  I would say that, but I can't, really, because it turned out she wasn't in love with me, at least at the end, and all my feelings of contentment, of "being home," were delusions, or something approaching same. 

I guess that all of that is to say that I don't really know much.

Nevertheless, in the spirit of those who don't know much still offering their thoughts, I would say that,  with trust and true love, being silent with the other (provided, of course, that verbal communication is healthy and forthcoming) is a sign of relationship health.   I mean, no one can talk all the time.   And words are faulty, inaccurate, and a lesser form of communication than a loving spiritual connection.  In my case, it turned out that the woman I loved (love - for I always will) probably never felt as comfortable in those moments as I.  Yet  I still cling to the belief that, with the right woman (for me) this comfort in silence will be mutually felt.

One question:  Do you feel you get enough verbal connection with your BF?  You need that, and if he is not willing to talk, that is an issue.

On the other side, if you are getting reasonable verbal support and empathy from your BF, are you open to try to let the non-verbal moments bloom into a beautiful, unstated, comfortable, present connection - like the connection the mute fire or the fluffy blanket gives on a cold night?

 

We have very open communication. He’s just the type of person who enjoys personal time. Sometimes it’s just work other times it’s hobbies. Sometimes I don’t feel lonely but other times I do. He very comforting and understanding, he just doesn’t pay attention to me all the time which is what I want. It’s impossible to expect anybody to spend all of their free time with me. I would go to other people like my best friend, but she has a night job and the scheduling doesn’t always work out. I think I just have trouble being ok by myself, in my head, with no conversation to distract me. He’s genuinely amazing, he’s the man I will marry, I just wish he wasn’t so independent sometimes, then maybe he’s spend more time with me. But that’s not very fair of me to ask of him. 

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I feel kind of low and lost. Ive been in college  for over 2 years and im thinking about quitting but that would make my mom so disappointed and I wouldn't even know what to do with myself or life if I quit and I already wasted so much time 😞  

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4 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

Been crying for 4 hours straight but no one cares haha

I hope you feel better by now. I care. Make sure you have something nice to eat for dinner too, food kind of makes me happy a little.

 

So the last 2 days I have been at work all day long from around 11am-10pm. I run a bed and breakfast with my brother and Monday/Tuesday's im there all day. Its not that busy a job, just some administration which doesn't take too long and a few checkins so I have plenty of time to plan things and stuff. So I kind of put a plan together to save money for holidays and stuff which is positive and also a girl I was talking to on facebook who randomly added me (which was weird because I haven't seen her before) but she seems nice and is pretty asked if I wanted to go for food with her on the weekend. I'm feeling pretty positive today. 

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3 hours ago, bellerose said:

We have very open communication. He’s just the type of person who enjoys personal time. Sometimes it’s just work other times it’s hobbies. Sometimes I don’t feel lonely but other times I do. He very comforting and understanding, he just doesn’t pay attention to me all the time which is what I want. It’s impossible to expect anybody to spend all of their free time with me. I would go to other people like my best friend, but she has a night job and the scheduling doesn’t always work out. I think I just have trouble being ok by myself, in my head, with no conversation to distract me. He’s genuinely amazing, he’s the man I will marry, I just wish he wasn’t so independent sometimes, then maybe he’s spend more time with me. But that’s not very fair of me to ask of him. 

Yeah, belle, it is a tough, but not impossible edge to walk.  I am a firm believer that a healthy relationship involves two people who are, first and foremost, OK on their own - in other words, two independent people for whom the other is a lovely bonus, not a crutch-like need.

But, that said, in a relationship there has to be conversation, connection and love from each other, enough that both people can feel empowered to be independent and thrive on their own.

I know, this is a tough balance.  And I also so know that I may be full of crap! lol.

 

 

 

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3 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

Yeah, belle, it is a tough, but not impossible edge to walk.  I am a firm believer that a healthy relationship involves two people who are, first and foremost, OK on their own - in other words, two independent people for whom the other is a lovely bonus, not a crutch-like need.

But, that said, in a relationship there has to be conversation, connection and love from each other, enough that both people can feel empowered to be independent and thrive on their own.

I know, this is a tough balance.  And I also so know that I may be full of crap! lol.

 

 

 

Not full of crap!! I totally agree. Regardless of my relationship, I need to be an independent person too. I’ve been trying really hard, investing more time into friendships and activities to make myself feel good. It’s hard but the rewards are great. It’s all about balance. I’m terrible at that bc I generally have all or nothing thinking. I forget that imperfect solutions are sometimes the best solutions for everyone. I should’ve done one of my activities last night. I should’ve studied sitting next to him, but I just felt the urge to constantly bother him. So I just sat with that feeling. Always room for improvement though. Gonna try not to let it happen again. 

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Tired of the roller coaster!

For the most part, I'm doing well. But some days the stupidest things can set me off and either send me into a panic or a depression. Yesterday I had some bizarre hysterical panic attack, I don't even remember why! Today I sank into despair after my ex and an old highschool buddy both texted to ask how I was doing and neither responded (for about 10 hours) when I asked them. Stupid, stupid, stupid petty bs.

Anyway, I'm hoping this will pass soon. I need stability, not constantly feeling like I have no idea what to expect from my mind. I have no clue how to verbalize all this to my psychiatrist tomorrow, or how to explain why I stopped taking Wellbutrin. I hate talking. Please let this all be done. I'm tired.

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Still averaging a C on my exams. I studied more this time around but it didn’t help. I have to not procrastinate as much if I want an A. I’m at a 86.99 rn. If I do continue to do well on all of my assignments, do extra credit, and do well on my noncummulative final I think I can achieve this. The only thing I’m worried about is the final. Everything else, I got under control. 

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Mom is doing ok right now.  I'm just so angry right now.  I'm a different person now though.  Anger used to force me to make rash stupid decisions but now it makes me focus and make the right decisions.  Nothing matters more than helping mom and making sure she gets justice for everything she is going through!

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At this point I want to go to bed and never wake up. Even when I sleep I get nightmares so that's not helpful. Therapy seems like a waste. And I don't want to do anything but lie in bed for the rest of my life...I want to quit therapy and everything...Nothing helps and everything is useless. I feel really bad for those who have it as bad as me, and for all of us in general dealing with this. Very cruel and inhumane..

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1 hour ago, ladysmurf said:

At this point I want to go to bed and never wake up. Even when I sleep I get nightmares so that's not helpful. Therapy seems like a waste. And I don't want to do anything but lie in bed for the rest of my life...I want to quit therapy and everything...Nothing helps and everything is useless. I feel really bad for those who have it as bad as me, and for all of us in general dealing with this. Very cruel and inhumane..

There are times when I actually wish for a long "vacation" at the hospital, where I get pumped full of sedatives to the point I don't feel anything. That's precisely what I was doing when I was still drinking. I didn't want to feel anything...just exist in the darkness without having life interfere.

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