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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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Scared, terrified out of my mind. Having a panic attack in a room full of people. But no one knows because i am quiet, and smile and nod. In between work orders, i am sending out resumes on indeed. I have 1 week to find a job. Lay off...ugh. took my medicine and keep flashing back to convo with oldest friend who it appears may be insensitive, etc. I have to keep telling myself its not about me...drowning quietly.

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12 hours ago, StoicLady said:

Scared, terrified out of my mind. Having a panic attack in a room full of people. But no one knows because i am quiet, and smile and nod. In between work orders, i am sending out resumes on indeed. I have 1 week to find a job. Lay off...ugh. took my medicine and keep flashing back to convo with oldest friend who it appears may be insensitive, etc. I have to keep telling myself its not about me...drowning quietly.

I had some sort of panic attack when I was at a festival with a bunch of my friends recently. It was so strange, I was cooking on a bbq and I just sat by myself kind of turned away from them while eating and I was tearing up and I didn't know what was happening to me. I didn't want to say anything to them because I didn't want focus on me. It passed after about 10 mintes but it was pretty intense.

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I hate how unreasonable my loneliness is. Sometimes I feel lonely when I’m around people I know but cannot interact. Example, the bf doing work at night when I feel like interacting with him. I feel lonely but he’s sitting next to me so we can be together. Feel stupid for still feeling lonely and sad about it. 

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25 minutes ago, bellerose said:

I hate how unreasonable my loneliness is. Sometimes I feel lonely when I’m around people I know but cannot interact. Example, the bf doing work at night when I feel like interacting with him. I feel lonely but he’s sitting next to me so we can be together. Feel stupid for still feeling lonely and sad about it. 

I used to feel like this with my ex sometimes. She would sit almost on her side with her head towards the far side of the sofa and her butt pointing at me.. it was like her body language was away from me. So sometimes i'd ask her if she could sit straight up to come closer and she would say "I'm comfortable". I just wanted some affection. Also she would sleep on this sofa most nights rather than come to bed. She had always slept like this even before we met though so I guess it was just normal to her. But it definitely made me feel lonely.

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4 hours ago, bellerose said:

I hate how unreasonable my loneliness is. Sometimes I feel lonely when I’m around people I know but cannot interact. Example, the bf doing work at night when I feel like interacting with him. I feel lonely but he’s sitting next to me so we can be together. Feel stupid for still feeling lonely and sad about it. 

My loneliness feeling never goes away.  Sometimes I'm more lonely in a room full of people than I am when I'm alone.  Knowing that there is a whole room of people you don't fit in with is miserable.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

My loneliness feeling never goes away.  Sometimes I'm more lonely in a room full of people than I am when I'm alone.  Knowing that there is a whole room of people you don't fit in with is miserable.

This is exactly how I feel. Everyone else seems so 'normal' and though I try to fit in for appearances I know I don't. 

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11 minutes ago, Lorax said:

This is exactly how I feel. Everyone else seems so 'normal' and though I try to fit in for appearances I know I don't. 

It's exactly like Kurt Cobain said I'm not like them but I can pretend.  It's been a lifetime of appearing to fit in but I never do.  Every day is like an acting performance in a theater for me.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

My loneliness feeling never goes away.  Sometimes I'm more lonely in a room full of people than I am when I'm alone.  Knowing that there is a whole room of people you don't fit in with is miserable.

God, I can relate to this. There's nothing worse than being with a group of people and feeling no connection with them.

Right now I feel really angry and pessimistic and trapped and unsatisfied with my life. I feel like there's no point to expect things to ever get better. I'm in physical and emotional pain but I don't have anyone in real life I feel like I can talk to about it. 

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6 hours ago, Beagle said:

I’m just so sick of feeling so depressed. Nothing is good about my life. I’m now on depressants which seem like they are doing nothing except making me so tired 

Welcome to DF Beagle - sorry you are struggling.  I think most of us can relate to being sick and tired of feeling so badly. Things can turn around. I hope the tiredness side-effect of the anti-depressants goes away (this at least sometimes happens). If not, perhaps your doctor can either switch you or add another prescription to help. As you probably know, it can take weeks for the meds to kick-in, which is so frustrating. You may want to search the meds forums here for some help. Best wishes.  

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57 minutes ago, evalynn said:

God, I can relate to this. There's nothing worse than being with a group of people and feeling no connection with them.

Right now I feel really angry and pessimistic and trapped and unsatisfied with my life. I feel like there's no point to expect things to ever get better. I'm in physical and emotional pain but I don't have anyone in real life I feel like I can talk to about it. 

This place is the only place on earth I seem to fit in with people.  This place feels like home to me.  I feel the same way you do.  I'm always miserable in some way and I have nobody to talk to in real life.

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6 hours ago, sober4life said:

My loneliness feeling never goes away.  Sometimes I'm more lonely in a room full of people than I am when I'm alone.  Knowing that there is a whole room of people you don't fit in with is miserable.

Yes! I used to get invited to parties now and then. I'd show up and generally stand in the corner somewhere. People would be talking about sports or whatever and I had nothing to add. I felt invisible. Eventually I stopped going. Why put myself through it repeatedly?

I get much more from being around my cats.

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11 hours ago, Chris27_ said:

I had some sort of panic attack when I was at a festival with a bunch of my friends recently. It was so strange, I was cooking on a bbq and I just sat by myself kind of turned away from them while eating and I was tearing up and I didn't know what was happening to me. I didn't want to say anything to them because I didn't want focus on me. It passed after about 10 mintes but it was pretty intense.

Hi...yes, it is different for everyone. It can be really scary, especially when it is happening outside of home, doctors office etc...i.e. a place where help is not avail at the moment or you dont feel in control of the environment etc...just have to breathe until it passes. Tai chi and walking helps me but everyone is different and needs different things.

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3 hours ago, sober4life said:

This place is the only place on earth I seem to fit in with people.  This place feels like home to me. 

Guess these forums is the only place left in the universe where people don't backstab/cheat/betray you?

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Annoyed, but calm.

Took Mom to her doc appt this morning.  Apparently they'd changed it to yesterday afternoon instead of this morning...and Mom didn't get the message or pick up her voicemail or something (early dementia).  Nice girls in front actually tried to fit her in.  As usual, I eventually had to ask what was going on before I got the whole story from them.  (They now have MY number listed as the primary contact).  I'm slowly getting the hang of this dementia business, but some days it's like friggin' Whack-A-Mole.

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2 minutes ago, iWantRope said:

Guess these forums is the only place left in the universe where people don't backstab/cheat/betray you?

I can tell you from experience with another forum in particular (not depression-related), DF seems like the gold standard.  🤩

Administratively, these mods really have it together and are quick to respond to problems. They rock, imo.

From an IT standpoint, it loads quickly, is well-formatted, and user features (profiles, PMs, blocking, etc.) are absolutely top notch.

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I continue to have anxiety and I still have not gotten started getting started.

Everyday I have a list of things I need to do but zero motivation to execute. I think I'm starting to sound like a broken record....

Urg. I know I need to stop hoping that the meds will kick in and do the simple things: vitamins, eating, exercise, shower, look for a job.

Why can't I get going?!?  Zero discipline. 

Edited by StillStandinTall
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