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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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3 hours ago, StillStandinTall said:

It's Friday. I feel bad that another week has past and I have accomplished very little.  I am stuck in a rut of nothingness, going nowhere.

In similar situation, except for me it's stretching past 2 years instead of a week or 2

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15 hours ago, sober4life said:

Life is constantly trying to break me.  I'm sure this is hell.  Life seems very scripted but never in a good way.  I won't drink though no matter how bad things are!

We believe in you! You’re making good decisions in the worst of times, which become the most difficult decisions to make. Life’s in store for some troubling news if it thinks it will break you ❤️

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Finally opened up about my true PTSD cause, seeing my family suffer from my actions. I got triggered on vacation by one of my family members, total accident of course so I’m not mad anymore. But it forced me to confront my guilt and helped me gain closure. My actions in my youth were terrible but they reminded me it’s in the past and the present is as beautiful as it is bc of everything that happened. With bad comes good too, it’s just a matter of seeing it. 

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3 hours ago, bellerose said:

We believe in you! You’re making good decisions in the worst of times, which become the most difficult decisions to make. Life’s in store for some troubling news if it thinks it will break you ❤️

Thank you.  Life won't break me.  I just need to get through this time.  Things keep getting worse and worse.

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Relatively calm after a week of racing, intrusive, negative thoughts.

Trying to get motivated to get everything accomplished without getting overwhelmed or spending all weekend in bed. Must cut the grass, wash dishes, grocery shop, and find a groomer for my little long haired (somewhat matted) kitty. Deep breath. I can do this.

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Today is weird. I keep hitting pockets of anxiety for "no particular reason".

 

Edit: It was my blood glucose dropping weirdly again. So weird how this happens. It causes quite intense anxiety and depression and when I feel that low and upset, I always forget to think of blood glucose/ food. This has been happening for 10 + years. Will I ever learn? Or will it seem like a "mystery" everytime it happens?   : P

Edited by Sophy
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It's amazing how bad I can be and still put on the act.  The people that know me say I'm doing so well.  I'm not doing so well you idiots.  If I trusted you instead of being scared to death I might be honest.  I don't trust anyone in the real world though.  I feel like I have to watch everyone!😥I've been ruined by people!

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I feel physically horrible, and not much better mentally. Even after getting a good result on my colonoscopy, the symptoms are persisting and getting worse. 

I'm seeing my PCP on Tuesday. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. 

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went for a walk, I pushed myself. and I came home feeling even more worse than I did when I left. why? because I took a look around me and I saw little kids playing at the park enjoying the water,  (its hot out) others playing soccer..others bicycling , and me knowing that i dont have the energy or desire to enjoy any of these things.....so I continue to wonder when it will be all over so I can find some relief from this misery we call life..

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I haven't felt well for a couple of days.  I went out and everyone's face changed to the faces of my abusers.  I might have schizophrenia but I think I have PTSD because I have been ruined by people my whole life.  I'll never be well because I have to trust people to be well.  Too much has happened to me for that to happen.  I expect every new person I meet to mess me up more.  Where does life really go from here?

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I am sitting in a coffee shop sipping diet Coke.  I feel lonely.  My therapist told me loneliness leeds to addiction.  I need a smart, intelligent female companion to speak to.

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