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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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Numb, tired, angry and frustrated. (And I suddenly realized this sh#t has eaten up six hours of my day)

Elderly birthmother creates drama where there is none.  She has significant depressive and codependent issues for which she's steadfastly refused to seek help.  As with her fellow parishioners - some of whom have significantly more experience with this scenario - I don't let myself be sucked into "oh, you poor thing."  I use my inner Spock to deal with her, but it nevertheless drains me.  So, another stupid little drama this morning about which she knew I was irritated...essentially, when the child becomes the parent.  She's the saddest, most self-pitying woman I've ever met, loves to play victim and "ain't it awful."  This year has been spent cleaning up the dam mess she's made of her finances, meds, legals, etc.  I now meet with her doctor.

I'm her sole caregiver.  No other family available.  Very limited financial options, as well.

My thing for today is to regain my equilibrium...have an online forum elsewhere and a twice-monthly local group.  Bluntly, my first priority is ME, not her.  Hell, she'll always be miserable and ain't nothin' I can do about it.

Edited by MarkintheDark
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come back on df for the first proper time in about a year and just want to say that this forum helped me to get through so much and I'm doing so much better then I'd ever have thought and I'm so grateful and glad that this place exists! 

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1 minute ago, Sophy said:

Awwwwwwww! What's going on?

 

Omg.. everything. Feeling uncomfortable and awkward in an office setting again. I feel I don't know enough to deserve my title. A co-worker junior to me seems to know a whole lot more, which just makes me feel like total crap. What else? I fear they will let me go once they find out that I don't know enough. Anxiety is eating away at me -- I just feel awful. ARGH. Thanks for listening. :hugs:

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1 minute ago, RiverLight said:

Omg.. everything. Feeling uncomfortable and awkward in an office setting again. I feel I don't know enough to deserve my title. A co-worker junior to me seems to know a whole lot more, which just makes me feel like total crap. What else? I fear they will let me go once they find out that I don't know enough. Anxiety is eating away at me -- I just feel awful. ARGH. Thanks for listening. :hugs:

Awwwww poor thing.

A new job with new responsibilities is a nightmare.

It'll shake you to your core a few times yet, til you've learned to ride this new horse...

I bet your anxiety levels are sky-high from all the uncertainty and needing to adjust.

IMO you need to find a way to "balance" that in the first weeks of this new job.

Do you have things that are super-soothing, super-comforting, super-relaxing?

Try and do as MUCH of this stuff as possible while your nerves are so on edge and frazzled.

If it means having a bubble bath every day for a month, then do it : )

You need un-stress antidotes for all of this stress that's going on.

And keep breathing... Lean into the situation.

I used to HATE HATE HATE office jobs.

Now I'm like "Hah! I'm stronger than any sh*tty office job"

(Yes... it took me til 40 to get there, but hey!)

You know, what with you being so new at this job and this company, the CLEANING LADY probably knows way more about the company and what goes on there than you do right now.

So don't worry about the junior co-worker...  ; )

This is like learning to surf. The first weeks you will spend just about zero time ON your surf board. You'll swallow more salt-water than you'd wish.

And then... one day... soon... as if by magic... you'll be ON the board... surfing... and wondering why you thought it was so hard at first... ???

*big hug*  !!!

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1 hour ago, Sophy said:

Awwwww poor thing.

A new job with new responsibilities is a nightmare.

It'll shake you to your core a few times yet, til you've learned to ride this new horse...

I bet your anxiety levels are sky-high from all the uncertainty and needing to adjust.

IMO you need to find a way to "balance" that in the first weeks of this new job.

Do you have things that are super-soothing, super-comforting, super-relaxing?

Try and do as MUCH of this stuff as possible while your nerves are so on edge and frazzled.

If it means having a bubble bath every day for a month, then do it : )

You need un-stress antidotes for all of this stress that's going on.

And keep breathing... Lean into the situation.

I used to HATE HATE HATE office jobs.

Now I'm like "Hah! I'm stronger than any sh*tty office job"

(Yes... it took me til 40 to get there, but hey!)

You know, what with you being so new at this job and this company, the CLEANING LADY probably knows way more about the company and what goes on there than you do right now.

So don't worry about the junior co-worker...  ; )

This is like learning to surf. The first weeks you will spend just about zero time ON your surf board. You'll swallow more salt-water than you'd wish.

And then... one day... soon... as if by magic... you'll be ON the board... surfing... and wondering why you thought it was so hard at first... ???

*big hug*  !!!

Awwwwwww, thanks so much, Sophy!!!! I soo appreciate what you wrote. Everything you said is right on. That's a great idea to de-stress as much as possible -- I will need to!

Yes, now I am regretting giving up my work from home gig!!! Argh.

You're the best!!

 

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Hard to tell when certain things are appropriate in my family. Can’t eat poorly for anything other than meals. Vacation is confusing with them. They encourage healthy habits yet eat ramen noodles and Burger King for dinner. I don’t ever snack on chips but now I’m scolded at for eating them during a 6 hour long car ride? I’ll just go back to starving myself. I can’t keep up with what they want anymore. They seemed to be happy when I don’t eat. 

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4 minutes ago, bellerose said:

Hard to tell when certain things are appropriate in my family. Can’t eat poorly for anything other than meals. Vacation is confusing with them. They encourage healthy habits yet eat ramen noodles and Burger King for dinner. I don’t ever snack on chips but now I’m scolded at for eating them during a 6 hour long car ride? I’ll just go back to starving myself. I can’t keep up with what they want anymore. They seemed to be happy when I don’t eat. 

My family is pretty much the cause of my eating issues too.  They expect me to stay at the weight I am now but every time we go anywhere they want to eat at Bob Evans!

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47 minutes ago, sober4life said:

My family is pretty much the cause of my eating issues too.  They expect me to stay at the weight I am now but every time we go anywhere they want to eat at Bob Evans!

Family and weight are hard. I’m the only chubby one and my dad has a prejudice against fat people. He’s not proud of it, but he admits to it. I feel like there’s a part of him that resents me for my weight. I’m trying to change but he’s treating me as if I don’t try at all :(

i don’t understand families sometimes. Their expectations and realities don’t match up. 

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This vacation is a real bummer. Exhausted myself, and the bf is not enjoying it either. Feel bad for bringing him. He’s having trouble having a good time which puts me in a sad mood to begin with. On top of that, he told me he can’t do a trip like this again which means I will have to explain why he won’t be joining us on family trips like this. Embarrassed that his standards for vacation are too high. We aren’t a cruise ship family like his who travels Europe. Nope, we stay in air bnbs and eat fast food when it’s convenient. He’s too high class for my family n now he’s saying something. Feeling bad all around. 

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Feeling folded, spindled and mutilated..

Did the prep for my scope this morning and it was not pleasant. Nothing like drinking a gallon of prescription laxative and then camping out in the bathroom all night.

Scope is in 6 hours.. hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

 

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The best I've felt all day actually but I think that's due to recently consumed carbs and sugar and the fact that it's the middle of the night and I plan on sleeping all day tomorrow (well, later today) if I can.

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2 hours ago, LonelyHiker said:

Feeling folded, spindled and mutilated..

Did the prep for my scope this morning and it was not pleasant. Nothing like drinking a gallon of prescription laxative and then camping out in the bathroom all night.

Scope is in 6 hours.. hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

 

I hope everything goes well for you.  I know how scared you are.  I'm always here for you if you need me.😥

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23 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I hope everything goes well for you.  I know how scared you are.  I'm always here for you if you need me.😥

Thanks s4l..I appreciate it.

I have no idea what I'm going to do if I get a cancer diagnosis.

 

Die, I suppose...

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6 hours ago, TopekaK said:

I'm not cut out for this advancing fast paced world around me. I feel useless.

I feel the same. I've berated myself in the past for not adapting, but as the world deteriorates daily I've begun to question what it is exactly I'd be adapting to, and whether that's something I really want. And I don't think it is. 

This world is not my home, I'm just a-passing through.

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9 hours ago, bellerose said:

Family and weight are hard. I’m the only chubby one and my dad has a prejudice against fat people. He’s not proud of it, but he admits to it. I feel like there’s a part of him that resents me for my weight. I’m trying to change but he’s treating me as if I don’t try at all 😞

i don’t understand families sometimes. Their expectations and realities don’t match up. 

I have a dad like your dad.  What your dad is doing is abuse.  You can live your whole life waiting for praise from him that will never happen or you can realize his opinion doesn't matter.  The only opinions that matter in life come from people you respect and want to be like and nobody wants to be like someone that would treat their child that way.

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2 hours ago, sober4life said:

I have a dad like your dad.  What your dad is doing is abuse.  You can live your whole life waiting for praise from him that will never happen or you can realize his opinion doesn't matter.  The only opinions that matter in life come from people you respect and want to be like and nobody wants to be like someone that would treat their child that way.

My dad’s intentions aren’t malicious. He’s concerned that I will have health problems if I don’t take care of myself. And I agree. He and my whole family worry about my physical and mental health. After having a long talk with them about me giving it a real go at becoming a healthy person, I guess I just thought they’d believe me. But they don’t see the changes I make at home so they assume there are no changes. What I consider a treat to myself they see as a bad habit and feel obligated to say, eat something healthier. It’s stupid annoying, but these people aren’t abusers, just not socially aware whatsoever. I’m the most socially conscious person in my family and it is a curse. 

 

I can see though how it would seem like abuse. I tend to emphasize negative aspects of my situation when I’m depressed. I notice I make good people into monsters when I post on here sometimes.

Edited by bellerose
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