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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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I'm so frustrated with my brain these last couple days. I now have the attention span of a gnat. Can't sit through a movie or TV episode without losing track of it every few minutes, only to rewind and get lost again, rewind and get lost again... Can't read my books or paint without getting lost in thought. And those are the activities that usually fill my evenings so pleasantly! This issue needs to resolve itself posthaste.

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1 hour ago, velvetpuddles said:

I'm so frustrated with my brain these last couple days. I now have the attention span of a gnat. Can't sit through a movie or TV episode without losing track of it every few minutes, only to rewind and get lost again, rewind and get lost again... Can't read my books or paint without getting lost in thought. And those are the activities that usually fill my evenings so pleasantly! This issue needs to resolve itself posthaste.

That has been happening to me also. I tell myself: I'll concentrate this time and I just get lost in thought again... It's really frustrating!

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On 6/18/2018 at 2:11 PM, babyxgothxx said:

as i sit here and eating my huge bowl of ice cream, reading this breaks my heart. Is your town that small? Cant hear me speak louder! like really loud to be an ass lol Not wanna sit next to me good i rather be alone anyways! Wanna stair good maybe they will remember. Embrace being different !!! 

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8 hours ago, Laila said:

That has been happening to me also. I tell myself: I'll concentrate this time and I just get lost in thought again... It's really frustrating!

Haha, yes! No matter how sternly I tell myself that, it never works! And I'm not even thinking about anything in particular usually, just anything and everything.

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Frustrated that I don't know how to express my feelings verbally. I never learned. And I feel like when I try, it doesn't always come out right or it gets misconstrued and it makes me feel even more isolated and reluctant to try to express myself. And then I just bottle things inside and feel resentful. 

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54 minutes ago, evalynn said:

Frustrated that I don't know how to express my feelings verbally. I never learned. And I feel like when I try, it doesn't always come out right or it gets misconstrued and it makes me feel even more isolated and reluctant to try to express myself. And then I just bottle things inside and feel resentful. 

Boiiiiiiiiiii, do I feel that. Do you feel like it’s on a person to person basis? Or when speaking with people in general?

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18 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Elated. My boyfriend asked me to marry him last night.... but without the ring. I said yes! The ring has to come and it needs to be official, but is that like a verbal engagement???

Haha, I never had a ring in my first engagement, but it never made it any less official! A ring is a piece of jewelry; an engagement is a commitment. Congratulations!!! ❤️

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19 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Elated. My boyfriend asked me to marry him last night.... but without the ring. I said yes! The ring has to come and it needs to be official, but is that like a verbal engagement???

Woot!.  Congrats Riv!  Yes, you don't need the ring for it to be official!! 🙂

 

 

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7 minutes ago, velvetpuddles said:

Haha, I never had a ring in my first engagement, but it never made it any less official! A ring is a piece of jewelry; an engagement is a commitment. Congratulations!!! ❤️

Cool! And thanks!!! ❤️ I just asked him if we're unofficially engaged, and he said yes, 100%!

8 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

Woot!.  Congrats Riv!  Yes, you don't need the ring for it to be official!! 🙂

 

 

YAY! Thanks!!! :hugs:

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25 minutes ago, Boihowdythisisntfun said:

Boiiiiiiiiiii, do I feel that. Do you feel like it’s on a person to person basis? Or when speaking with people in general?

I think the exact "difficulty level" can change depending on the person, but in general I just have trouble expressing my actual feelings with anyone. Maybe that's why therapy is kind of a waste for me. I leave out the most important things that I just can't say aloud, even if someone had a gun to my head. I have so many repressed emotions, I'm surprised I haven't had a total breakdown yet. Instead I just try to not think about it.

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1 minute ago, evalynn said:

I think the exact "difficulty level" can change depending on the person, but in general I just have trouble expressing my actual feelings with anyone. Maybe that's why therapy is kind of a waste for me. I leave out the most important things that I just can't say aloud, even if someone had a gun to my head. I have so many repressed emotions, I'm surprised I haven't had a total breakdown yet. Instead I just try to not think about it.

But isn't not thinking about it repressing even further? I’ve been kinda lucky with my past therapy experiences, but I understand others aren’t so. I think the key is try different things until something clicks. Certain types of therapy won’t work and that’s okay. Just move towards the next one. It’s all a process.

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39 minutes ago, RiverLight said:

Elated. My boyfriend asked me to marry him last night.... but without the ring. I said yes! The ring has to come and it needs to be official, but is that like a verbal engagement???

That's absolutely an engagement! : )

CONGRATULATIONS - Very happy for you both!!!

Many people choose to be "modern" and NOT to wear an engagement ring or wedding ring at all, so it's not like their engagements and marriages don't count  ; )   : D

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9 minutes ago, evalynn said:

I think the exact "difficulty level" can change depending on the person, but in general I just have trouble expressing my actual feelings with anyone. Maybe that's why therapy is kind of a waste for me. I leave out the most important things that I just can't say aloud, even if someone had a gun to my head. I have so many repressed emotions, I'm surprised I haven't had a total breakdown yet. Instead I just try to not think about it.

I used to get this a LOT with therapy.

When I was at my worst, if I was feeling bad, then I didn't even leave the house to go to the therapy appt.

So my therapist would only ever see me when I was "well enough" to come.

I told him that this was a MASSIVE problem and that he was only getting to see about 20% of my "reality" and my "life" and my "mental illness".

He agreed that this was a problem and said some of his other patients had the same problem.

We made an agreement that I could email him or write stuff down as a letter that I could bring to the next appointment and read out loud, so that he would get the "full" information and the full "picture".

It was important to him that I don't create tons of additional (unpaid) work for him. So he wouldn't have wanted me sending long daily emails or anything like that.

But whenever stuff would be going on that I *KNEW* I would not be able to express verbally at a therapy appt, we used this approach, to make sure that the information "got to him".

As long as it wasn't creating inappropriate levels of "additional work" he was very happy with this approach and it made a HUGE difference to my therapy. It made it much more effective and helpful and it made me feel "heard" and "seen" and "understood".

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9 minutes ago, Sophy said:

That's absolutely an engagement! : )

CONGRATULATIONS - Very happy for you both!!!

Many people choose to be "modern" and NOT to wear an engagement ring or wedding ring at all, so it's not like their engagements and marriages don't count  ; )   : D

Oh yay that makes me SO happy!!!

Thanks so much!!! :hugs:

I cannot wait to see the actual ring! I picked it out... it's an oval pink sapphire gemstone with lots of small diamonds surrounding it.... a vintage style ring. It's perfect for me, and I will proudly wear it!

 

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1 minute ago, RiverLight said:

Oh yay that makes me SO happy!!!

Thanks so much!!! :hugs:

I cannot wait to see the actual ring! I picked it out... it's an oval pink sapphire gemstone with lots of small diamonds surrounding it.... a vintage style ring. It's perfect for me, and I will proudly wear it!

 

Sounds goooooorgeous! : )

And the two of you sound like a totally gorgeous couple too!!!! : )

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21 minutes ago, Boihowdythisisntfun said:

But isn't not thinking about it repressing even further?

Yeah, I'm sure it is. I'm actually not even in a position right now to go to therapy, I was just mainly reflecting on the past. One thing that has happened to me though is I get to a point where my mind just blanks out, sometimes mid-thought. I mean, this only happens in therapy when I'm trying to work through something. It's like my mind won't let me go there.

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5 minutes ago, Sophy said:

Sounds goooooorgeous! : )

And the two of you sound like a totally gorgeous couple too!!!! : )

It is!!!! It's stunning! A real beauty!!

And, awwwwwwww........ !!

Not sure if I am allowed to post this link, but it's a DF link to my gallery images which shows the two of us together:
https://www.depressionforums.org/forums/gallery/album/1400-me-riverlight/

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2 minutes ago, evalynn said:

Yeah, I'm sure it is. I'm actually not even in a position right now to go to therapy, I was just mainly reflecting on the past. One thing that has happened to me though is I get to a point where my mind just blanks out, sometimes mid-thought. I mean, this only happens in therapy when I'm trying to work through something. It's like my mind won't let me go there.

This could be a sign of trauma. If you have trauma, your brain protects you by "not going there" until it is ready.

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@SophyI actually do this thing when I'm really, really upset and feel overwhelmed with the emotions where I literally tell myself "This isn't real. This isn't really happening" to help myself deal with it. I told my last therapist that and she had me fill out this questionnaire to see if I have...is it disassociative disorder? And I definitely don't. But I do think I try to protect myself from things by trying to not think about it. Every once in a while, I'll just randomly have something pop in my head that happened years ago and it's like I relive it and it's awful. I don't even know what triggers this to happen, because I don't have to be experiencing anything bad for it take place, and it used to never happen until maybe the last few years. I really think I've gotten to the point where I can't keep a lid on my feelings anymore and they just explode out without my control.

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19 hours ago, Sophy said:

Do you think crushes are like an addiction for you?

There's a lot of classic addiction behaviour going on.

Maybe you should treat your crushes like a harmful substance too and beware/ keep a distance?

Yes I'm addicted to love and crushes haha 

I just blocked Facebook, now all it takes is willpower to not unblock it! 

 

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57 minutes ago, evalynn said:

@SophyI actually do this thing when I'm really, really upset and feel overwhelmed with the emotions where I literally tell myself "This isn't real. This isn't really happening" to help myself deal with it. I told my last therapist that and she had me fill out this questionnaire to see if I have...is it disassociative disorder? And I definitely don't. But I do think I try to protect myself from things by trying to not think about it. Every once in a while, I'll just randomly have something pop in my head that happened years ago and it's like I relive it and it's awful. I don't even know what triggers this to happen, because I don't have to be experiencing anything bad for it take place, and it used to never happen until maybe the last few years. I really think I've gotten to the point where I can't keep a lid on my feelings anymore and they just explode out without my control.

I have PTSD and I have found that yes, sometimes there will be a "trigger" that sets off memories.

But, as you have described, sometimes the brain just "releases" memories, the way it sometimes does in dreams/ nightmares at night.

If you have experienced trauma, then your brain is "holding" all of that and occassionally it will release stuff, just to ease the pressure and to finally get rid of it, in bits and pieces.

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11 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

Yes I'm addicted to love and crushes haha 

I just blocked Facebook, now all it takes is willpower to not unblock it!

Yeah. Dealing with all addictions takes willpower. It gets easier with time.

Willpower is a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes.

Every time you give in, you are weakening that muscle again.

You've said that wisdom is important to you.

The biggest wisdom in life is "know thyself".

That means knowing your patterns and knowing how to deal with them.

Time to start getting wise!

Edited by Sophy
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