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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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Depression and anhedonia is ripping me apart! I don't know where to hide.

Oddly enough I'm not suicidal, the medications seem to block such thoughts. But I can't even find comfort in thoughts like that.

Blarghwhulph!

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9 hours ago, anxiousE said:

Can't be true! Attractive on the inside makes attractive on the outside. I only say this because I haven't seen you so it's not fair to say you're good looking, but you probably are. Unless that's you in the profile pic, which is attractive.

 

Thank you I wish that was me in the profile pic.  That's Claire Coffee an actress.  Honestly I'm not ugly.  I just have low self esteem.

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6 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

I feel like I've let you guys down because I drank 😞 

Please get this out of your head. I think I speak for everyone here in this case - you didn't let us down or disappoint us. We care about you. I care about you. At one point I thought you were going to try to get off Facebook completely - it causes you so much pain. Maybe someone here will have a suggestion as to what you could say to people as to why you are getting off completely. What's the worst that could happen if you did get off FB?     

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30 minutes ago, uncertain1 said:

Please get this out of your head. I think I speak for everyone here in this case - you didn't let us down or disappoint us. We care about you. I care about you. At one point I thought you were going to try to get off Facebook completely - it causes you so much pain. Maybe someone here will have a suggestion as to what you could say to people as to why you are getting off completely. What's the worst that could happen if you did get off FB?     

She didn't let us down.  She is in pain and she is trying to feel better.  Her mind wants her to feel bad about herself by telling her she let everyone down so she will drink again.  That's how that addictive voice is.  It begs and lies and tricks you into drinking any way it can and the second you take the first drink it makes you feel terrible about yourself for doing it.  It's a lifelong nightmare having a brain that is always against you.

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9 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

It's both. It was mainly to get drunk, though. Pathetic  

ill drink after a s***ty day, ill slam down a couple just ti get a good buzz. Ive been even if i had a good day sometimes just to feel good. Do you think your drinking is becoming a problem?

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10 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

And I feel like a complete h-e! I kinda flirted with my taken crush last night. I kept telling him he's so cute for forgiving me. I put so many heart emojis and called him darling!!!!!! YUCK!!! I immediately realised what I was doing, then kept on apologising. Being drunk is no excuse!

I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. I told him to block me but he kept saying, "You have done nothing wrong" He would just never block me. We are friends now but I wish I was dead. I won't ever unadd him again. This is too much! I love him but come on.

I never thought I'd ever be a h-e. Guess I am worse than I thought I was. My opinion of myself was already low before this haha

 

((((((((babyxgoth))))))), you are and I are friends and I love you dearly. I know loving this crush has been extremely hard on you. Please, however, DO consider your crush's girlfriend. You are treading on dangerous territory. I had a girlfriend blatantly hit on my boyfriend, and I was beyond livid and upset with her..... he is being very sweet to you and is very forgiving of you.. he is probably extremely flattered. But if I were the girlfriend and I knew you were doing this, I would confront you and give you a piece of my mind. PLEASE consider HER feelings and her stance..... and I say this with the greatest compassion and love. I know you don't feel good about this, but please DO reign it in. This is not fair or right to do to his girlfriend..... I don't mean to make you feel worse or bad, but you gotta consider this...... and watch the drinking and what you do when you are drinking. Just sayin'. ((((Hugs))))))))

Edited by RiverLight
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@babyxgothxx didn't let us down. Habits are hard to break. Just don't beat yourself up and keep trying for next time. Remember how important it is to you to do this. I think @RiverLight has a good point. Consider the girlfriend. You've got to reign in your friendship with your crush if you want to keep it. You can do it! Maybe even just simplify it to liking his posts, no talking. See how long you can do that. In my experience, I was nearly the only one commenting constantly on my ex friends FB posts. I stood out as annoying. If only I'd backed away and backed away from the PMs. Just see how long you can do these things. 

 

Just to share a little more, I've another FB friendship I'm worried about losing one day. She doesn't like my posts or talk to me unless I talk to her first. The only way I know she has any interest in me is because we are in groups and it tells if she has seen my posts. But I haven't been posting there lately and it's been like a few months since we've spoken. She once told me that nobody is going to leave me, but that's not true. Granted I wasn't as close to some of those, but it still bothered me based on what she said. Feels like a lie, even though I know she meant well when she said it and I needed that comfort at the time. But now I'm worried she will get bored with me because I've stopped liking her posts, stopped all contact (why should I initiate all the time?) and unfriend me. Then that would really be a lie. I just wish she would check on me! She says such comforting words but it's always and only when I initiate a need. She is shy, so maybe there's that, but part of it I think she forgets about me which is so devastating when I think of er like a best friend. Anyway, I tried not to care, did the unfollow thing...the complications that she's mutual friends with others, so now I've gotta unfollow all of them. Bleh! Those others used to initiate before but haven't as much lately. I'm scared to try, scared to care anymore, but I'm afraid they'll leave me if I ignore. Ughhh! 

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14 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

... as I've disappointed everyone on here 😞 

Well, no. You haven't disappointed us at all. Many of us have been in similar places as you are. This damned disease can be so painful that we need "help" numbing that pain.

I kept the entire booze industry afloat for many years.

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4 hours ago, sarahrahrah92 said:

ill drink after a s***ty day, ill slam down a couple just ti get a good buzz. Ive been even if i had a good day sometimes just to feel good. Do you think your drinking is becoming a problem?

If you think it is, then it is. Is it interfering with your work, school, or life in general?

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It's fall over and die weather and I mowed all day with a push mower. One of these days life is going to remind me how old I am with a heart attack.  I'm a very lazy person part of the time but other times I'm an absolute work horse.  It doesn't matter how big the job is I do the whole thing with little or no breaks.

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17 minutes ago, sober4life said:

It's fall over and die weather and I mowed all day with a push mower. One of these days life is going to remind me how old I am with a heart attack.  I'm a very lazy person part of the time but other times I'm an absolute work horse.  It doesn't matter how big the job is I do the whole thing with little or no breaks.

A push mower!  That's tough work.

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I'm feeling OK I guess. My daughter bought me a really cool book for Fathers Day. It cost her some serious dough.

I'm hanging out in the air conditioned office because it is so grossly hot and humid outside. Not getting much done but at least I don't have sweat running down my face and back.

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I'm one paycheck away from bankruptcy (as are millions of other people). I helped out a destitute friend yesterday. She had been "let go" from her job and decided to finally escape an abusive relationship she had been in. She had toabsolutely no $$$$. I helped her as much as I could and I hope it's enough to get her to her brother's place in California.

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I'm pretty neutral, I guess. Got a lot accomplished this weekend...cut grass, washed dishes, cleaned fish tank. Don't know how I managed to do all that.

Purged some emotional baggage by talking about a couple things that have been weighing me down in secret for a long time. It was relieving, but broke my heart as I upset someone in the process. We are okay now (I think) and can finally have the friendship we should've had all along without our secrets hanging over our heads. I'm hoping it'll be better for both of us in the long run to acknowledge our mistakes rather than bottle them up and deny them. I don't know.

Anyway, the good from all I got done balanced with the bad of confessing some painful truths and upsetting someone...I'm coming out of today neutral, I think. I guess that's okay. 

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6 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

LOL Celebrating Father's Day when my brother and I hate my Dad. Then going on Facebook and seeing friends post about their perfect Dads haha Can I die now? 😢 

totally agree with you, definitely not a fan of my fathers, in fact you could say hate

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13 minutes ago, babyxgothxx said:

LOL Celebrating Father's Day when my brother and I hate my Dad. Then going on Facebook and seeing friends post about their perfect Dads haha Can I die now? 😢 

I feel ya! I wrote a scathing hypothetical letter to my dad to celebrate today. Now if only I had the guts to send it to him!

Nothing like a recognized holiday to remind us of what we don't have. I'm just treating it like another day. Not worth ruining my day for a man that treated me badly!

Hope the rest of your day goes well! Try not to let today or a crappy parent get ya down. Just not worth it!

Edited by velvetpuddles
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