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How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

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11 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

Like a broken thing.  The second back surgery has yielded no change in level or frequency of pain.  Putting my second surgery back before my knee replacement surgery has left my right knee bone-on-bone and extremely painful when CRAWLING out of low cars (sedans, etc.), getting up from a seated position on any level.  This neurologist is young and should not have made the promises he did.  "I know I can help you."  "My patients come out of surgery with 80-90% pain relief."  "For how long?" I ask dazzled with hope.  "For the rest of their lives."  LIAR.  

I have no hope of a romantic relationship because men do not want a broken thing.

I hate my life.  

If those were the true results of your doctor he would be the most successful surgeon in the history of the world by a long shot.  80-90 percent pain relief for all of his patients was a flat out lie.  It makes me angry what you're going through.  Also technically I am a man and I like you and would take you out on a date for sure.

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14 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

Like a broken thing.  The second back surgery has yielded no change in level or frequency of pain.  Putting my second surgery back before my knee replacement surgery has left my right knee bone-on-bone and extremely painful when CRAWLING out of low cars (sedans, etc.), getting up from a seated position on any level.  This neurologist is young and should not have made the promises he did.  "I know I can help you."  "My patients come out of surgery with 80-90% pain relief."  "For how long?" I ask dazzled with hope.  "For the rest of their lives."  LIAR.  

I have no hope of a romantic relationship because men do not want a broken thing.

I hate my life.  

I am so sorry, WOTL.  I have been waiting for an update from you, and hoping for the best.

I will continue to hope that there is a solution for your pain.  I know it is easy for me to do, but, I will continue!

Hugs and Love, Brian

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17 hours ago, womanofthelight said:

Like a broken thing.  The second back surgery has yielded no change in level or frequency of pain.  Putting my second surgery back before my knee replacement surgery has left my right knee bone-on-bone and extremely painful when CRAWLING out of low cars (sedans, etc.), getting up from a seated position on any level.  This neurologist is young and should not have made the promises he did.  "I know I can help you."  "My patients come out of surgery with 80-90% pain relief."  "For how long?" I ask dazzled with hope.  "For the rest of their lives."  LIAR.  

I have no hope of a romantic relationship because men do not want a broken thing.

I hate my life.  

Hey, have you been on the forum "Spine Health"?

I used to struggle with horrific back pain and found this forum so incredibly helpful and jam-packed with good scientific information.

Also, it's full of people who've had back surgery and most of them seem to say it made their condition worse or much worse.

It's a very humbling reminder for all back pain patients considering surgery that it's a big risk.

I'd try talking to people at this forum - you'll get amazing support re "what to do now" and tons of people who understand exactly what surgery you've had and what happened and why and how to cope with it.

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On 7.5.2018 at 7:02 PM, JD4010 said:

I've had a few cats who do that. I always thought it was counter-productive. I mean, if you're a cat hunting birds, I'd think you'd want to be stealthy about it.

Both of my current cats chatter like that when they see a bird or squirrel...

My cats do this too : )

As farm cats, they hunt outside, but I've never seen them do it there... then they concentrate and hunt.

With my cats, the chattering (which always sounds like "meh, meh" to me) happens indoors, from the excited tension/ delicious frustration of seeing something tantalising but not being able to get to it/ hunt it.

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I'm always tired.  I'm completely dependent on coffee to function.  I'm one of those people that have coffee with them all day.  I used to drink alcohol to help anxiety.  Now it's completely to the other end of the spectrum.  I'll drink 15 cups of coffee a day and my blood pressure stays below normal the whole day.

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Anyway... I actually just wanted to say that I feel that annoying kind of jazzed, when you've pushed yourself too hard to get work done and you're just doing it on adrenaline and then once you've finished the work, you can't relax cos there's more adrenaline than blood sloshing round in your veins.

Trying to think of anti-adrenaline measures now...

Maybe a nice, hot shower?

Having a relaxing bath is not an option right now... We are renovating and so where there used to be a bathtub is now a 2 metre squared hole in the floor of the bathroom.... hahaha : )

A shower will have to do...

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Feeling tired, some physical pain, depressed, but hoping for better things. Not "things" as such, just better spirits.  I am reading a book which on one hand is very satisfying--it reveals how people deal with cognitive dissonance (that is when their consciousness and sensibility does not mesh with their actions) (and mostly they deny because cognitive dissonance is full of disturbing feelings).  But now, I'm thinking non-stop about all the times I've done wrong and lied about it. What might I have justified to myself so that I could continue to live the lie?

One of the chapters is about the interrogation practices police use--they pretty much deny the possibility of innocence...and I keep thinking, it's good to know if I'm ever interrogated...

I'm not perfect. 

 

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12 minutes ago, Dolphin2013 said:

Feeling tired, some physical pain, depressed, but hoping for better things. Not "things" as such, just better spirits.  I am reading a book which on one hand is very satisfying--it reveals how people deal with cognitive dissonance (that is when their consciousness and sensibility does not mesh with their actions) (and mostly they deny because cognitive dissonance is full of disturbing feelings).  But now, I'm thinking non-stop about all the times I've done wrong and lied about it. What might I have justified to myself so that I could continue to live the lie?

One of the chapters is about the interrogation practices police use--they pretty much deny the possibility of innocence...and I keep thinking, it's good to know if I'm ever interrogated...

I'm not perfect. 

 

It sounds like an interesting book.  What's the name of the book?  I feel tired all the time.  I drink coffee all the time like tweak from South Park.  It takes everything in me to dig out of the hole at this point.  

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On 4/16/2018 at 0:49 PM, babyxgothxx said:

Today has to be one of my strongest days. Not only that today was the first day back into college since 3 weeks... Seeing my crush, back to the whole setting, loud class... I was acting normal the entire time, while I was exhausted. I couldn't sleep last night - at all! We had a mental health class downstairs, later. My crush's gf was there the entire time which made him avoid me completely... She's not supposed to be there on Mondays but she turns up anyway... She may be guessing that I like him! Fair enough for him to avoid me... I wish I would stop making a fool of myself and actually liked guys who were single... Oh, wait... No, they would reject me too, no matter how confident, how well I dress or put on makeup! I'm an undateable, ugly, foolish forever-a-loner that should k-ll herself. I wish I didn't tell my crush that I liked him; now I look like the rejected, loner fool all over again! 

Plus the mental health subject alone was enough to make me terribly emotional - talking about triggering stuff like "harming,"  "s--cide" etc... I was so close to crying today - but didn't!!! I know crying isn't weak but damn... It was terribly hard fighting back those tears... It would've been inappropriate to cry at that moment anyway... I just wanted/want to d-e, like I've been all month...

Funny that they had to talk about this wile I am having a H-ll month!!! Maybe it is predicting something terrible to happen? Hopefully something horribly tragic would happen to me so I can finally be at peace... Sad, I think I don't deserve death but that's the only way out of this mess... Sorry if that sounds selfish! I don't want to make my family heartbroken. That's the only reason why I am still alive.

 

As a person who loved someone who was already in a relationship with somebody else I just want to show compassion and understanding of what you are going through. Its so hard to have feelings for someone for it to not be returned to you and given to someone else. Then being ignored just makes it all worse. Because idk about you but for me idky but i just needed to talk to them and i thought it would make me feel better. Bur i think thats just me trying to gain some control of the situation. Once i stopped trying to have control it sucked and was super hard, but its better than reply moments with that person or practicing a bunch of stuff to say to them. When i finally got the chance to (not really) i didnt remember what i wanted to say or they didnt really understand the depth of hurt/feelings I had. Anyways, I recommend focusing on school and not on your crush’s gf or them. You cant help how you feel, but you cannot let this control how you view yourself. I hope you find peace and love within yourself:console:

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6 minutes ago, StillStandinTall said:

you have a beautiful smile. 

I hope that makes you feel a teeny bit better 8))

I wish that was me in my avatar and yes it makes me feel better.  You are very sweet to say that.:icon12::Coopwink:

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Frustrated. I took a break from here for a little while; I thought I was starting to feel better. I finally found a wonderful friend in my life. Good and okay days outnumbered the truly bad.

But I had a very powerful anxiety recently, and once it passed, I was completely exhausted and overwhelmed. And from that, I feel myself spiraling down again. I just feel this overwhelming and vague sense of sadness and melancholy. I don't know how to pull out of this. I'm scared and lost in my own mind.

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1 hour ago, velvetpuddles said:

Frustrated. I took a break from here for a little while; I thought I was starting to feel better. I finally found a wonderful friend in my life. Good and okay days outnumbered the truly bad.

But I had a very powerful anxiety recently, and once it passed, I was completely exhausted and overwhelmed. And from that, I feel myself spiraling down again. I just feel this overwhelming and vague sense of sadness and melancholy. I don't know how to pull out of this. I'm scared and lost in my own mind.

First, congrats on the friend, VP.  That is great.

You will go up and down.  It's just what we do - Lucky Us!  Please try not to fear it.  It will pass.

I get the anxiety triggering thing.  If I get real anxious about something, a downword spiral into depression is a given.  

It will pass.  Surf through it without thinking too much, and accept that it is here until it goes!

Hugs

Bri

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I don't really feel healthy anymore like I did.  There's something going on with me but I don't really care I'll be honest.  Maybe age is catching up to me or maybe it's me drinking coffee all day doing worker bee jobs at almost 40.  

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I’m suffering from Anhedonia. It’s so random. With my depression Anhedonia comes and goes with no rhyme or reason. Every time it does I’m like oh great. I already have really annoying depression and then Anhedonia pops out of no where to say hello and go **** myself.

It’s so weird- I don’t know what’s worse. To hate everything and feel sad all the time or not feel anything at all. I’ve had a few good things happen to me this week and I feel it minimally but the Anhedonia is strong and clouds any happiness that I deserve, want, and have to feel. 

I’m not an addict but occasionally I abuse stimulants (adderall) and I have today because my Anhedonia is strong. It’s funny- it feels stronger when happy things happen because I notice I don’t fed anything of enjoy it. I’m trying to figure out if I’m taking too many stimulants to punish myself, or subconsciously hope to die, or because in the past stimulants have helped my Anhedonia but I feel like they’ve become resistant. 

I have so much in my mind and so much to do and I feel overwhelmed and yet I feel nothing. 

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Due to my fear of keeping a journal, long PTSD related story, I find myself coming here when I feel really down. Because I'm so forgetful, I can't remember how long it's been since I last was deeply depressed. It's nice to come here and just be able to see my log of posting dates. Really helpful.

Anyways, I'm in that place again. Hopeless, helpless. Spent the day laying on the floor getting high and doing nothing. The anniversary of the day that changed my world coming up. Happens to be my mom and sister's bday, along with mother's day. Gotta stay happy for them and for the family. Can't break this weekend.

Death is on the brain, nothing serious, just fleeting thoughts of wishing I were dead. They're annoying yet oddly comfortable at the same time.

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