Jump to content

How Do You Feel Right Now #6


Natasha1

Recommended Posts

18 hours ago, babyxgothxx said:

I can't wait for the weekend anymore. I can't wait to drink again! It becomes habit-forming very fast.

I wish this coming-and-going drinking habit can die forever. I will then be free. I'm just afraid I'll get addicted in the future; doubt it, but it could happen! I really admire people who don't drink.   

Addiction to booze sneaks up on you. Your mind tries to tell you that you are in control of booze, but it's fooling you in an attempt to bring on another drunk session. I'm saying this from personal experience, as well as hearing the same thing from countless other people.

My life was essentially destroyed by my addiction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, sober4life said:

Each day that goes by makes me feel more and more like this is my last year on this planet.

You too, eh? I keep going through scenarios in my head of what will happen when I get "let go" from work. Each scenario involves me having a massive breakdown and then offing myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

19 minutes ago, sober4life said:

You offer nice and people take it and say see ya I'm out of here.  You never get anything back in this world.  Pretty much if all my teeth didn't fall out from drugs and alcohol someone would have knocked them out anyway.  I guess I saved them the trouble.

Sometimes I feel the same way. I treat everyone with kindness and then I get crap in return. It's not right. The group I hang out with is amazing and not this way at all though. I guess there's that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

47 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

You too, eh? I keep going through scenarios in my head of what will happen when I get "let go" from work. Each scenario involves me having a massive breakdown and then offing myself.

I hate that you are in so much pain.  I would do anything to help you.  I am beyond help.  The way I see it I am in the final days of my life.  I have fought so hard the last few years to make it nowhere.  I can't wait to die at this point.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, sober4life said:

I hate that you are in so much pain.  I would do anything to help you.  I am beyond help.  The way I see it I am in the final days of my life.  I have fought so hard the last few years to make it nowhere.  I can't wait to die at this point.

I hate it that you are feeling that way too. I no longer hold any optimism. There's absolutely nothing to look forward to. Most people my age are looking forward to retirement and sitting on the front porch all day, sipping coffee. Me? I don't have a porch and I couldn't afford one anyway. My illnesses, mental and physical, are going to croak me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm trying as hard as I can to keep it together but today has been a total nightmare!  Life is so hard when things are falling down around you and there is nobody to help!  The people in my life are there to destroy my life more or to point and laugh!  I have to figure things out or I'm completely screwed!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, salparadise6132 said:

Sorry you're all struggling, guys.  HUGS!!!!

Me too.  Anxiety and depression both cranked up to 11.  I am just hoping this episode will be a short one and I can get back to the usual blah LOL.  This is almost unbearable.

 

Dang. Hugs back at you, my friend.

Yes, blah is very appealing when we are wound tight like this. I welcome boredom. I seek it out. Being overwhelmed every waking second is literally making me sick.

@sober4life Sorry you are having such a rough time today. I wish things were better for you and that I could help in some way.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I've been crying the entire day.:sniffle1:

To be completely honest I know exactly how you feel. I should be getting treatment or counseling or something soon. It'll probably be a waste of time. Granted I'm going to try. I've had days where I can't stop crying about my past when I was in the 4th and 5th grades. I would get beat up. I broke someones rib cage back then. (Not on purpose.) I always feel guilty when I think about it though. I still talk to my ex-girlfriend who was in my class for 3 years straight when I was in Elementary. There can be so many feelings of hurt, pain, guilt, anger, doubt, grief. Everything. You just have to move past it. Take it a step at a time. It's all anyone can do. I've gotten a bit better lately. Not great though. And this is something completely unrelated, but that same girl wants to come back to me. There's no way I'd turn her down. I've known her for the last 6 years. That and otherwise girls would much rather not acknowledge my existence. All I can do is guard my heart if she's going to break it again. In a way the anger I feel is good for something. It turns into determination that leads me to say: "Screw everyone." and then I use that to my advantage as physical strength or otherwise. You'd be amazed what you can accomplish when you're p***** lol. Hang in there. It's going to get better eventually. If things can get better for an angry, douchey 15 year-old like me, they can get better for anyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry everyone I love you all.  I'm falling apart completely right now.  I'm barely hanging on right now.  I have to spend the entire weekend doing nothing but thinking about where I am going to go from here.  My life isn't working at all right now.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Asta said:

Oh no, did something happen?

I've spent years trying to improve myself and my life in every way just to still be hated and manipulated and abused by everyone in my real life.  Who could handle that?  All I want is a normal happy life but people won't even treat me like I'm human ever.  It wears away at me more and more every day that I'm constantly treated awful.  I can't handle one more day like this!  People seem to like me here and care about me here but when I leave this place it's like I'm going to another planet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've spent years trying to improve myself and my life in every way just to still be hated and manipulated and abused by everyone in my real life.  Who could handle that?  All I want is a normal happy life but people won't even treat me like I'm human ever.  It wears away at me more and more every day that I'm constantly treated awful.  I can't handle one more day like this!  People seem to like me here and care about me here but when I leave this place it's like I'm going to another planet.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. This by no means an excuse  but humanity is total crap at dealing with anything out of the established norm.

Screw them. 

Here it's different. We all have our reasons to feel out of place, unhappy, dissatisfied, disappointed and suicidal too. But we KNOW. I don't know if it helps or not..but it's something I guess.

Rooting for you Sober.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

44 minutes ago, samadhiSheol said:

I'm so sorry you feel this way. This by no means an excuse  but humanity is total crap at dealing with anything out of the established norm.

Screw them. 

Here it's different. We all have our reasons to feel out of place, unhappy, dissatisfied, disappointed and suicidal too. But we KNOW. I don't know if it helps or not..but it's something I guess.

Rooting for you Sober.

 

Thank you I'm rooting for you too.  I've been up for 3 straight days trying to fix my collapsing life.  Things are finally stable enough to get some rest.  I'm tired of having a life that often falls completely down.  I want a peaceful life for once.  I'm so stressed out but for a change I buckled down and solved my problems and stayed sober.  I keep proving to myself that I can stay sober no matter what.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 hours ago, sober4life said:

I've been crying the entire day.:sniffle1:

Damn. That sucks. I'm sorry.

Please stick around with your family here on DF. This place is a lifeline for so many of us. I would honestly be gone if not for DF and the wonderful people here.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Damn. That sucks. I'm sorry.

Please stick around with your family here on DF. This place is a lifeline for so many of us. I would honestly be gone if not for DF and the wonderful people here.

Me too, JD. I shudder to think where I'd be without DF!

Another bad night's sleep for me.  Anxious as hell.  Hoping to get some things done today and treat myself well.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have a massive report to the feds due in a couple of hours. The Pentagon can lose $6,000,000,000,000 (12 zeroes!) and nobody bats an eye. That's $192,000 each and every second, all day, every day, for an entire year. But in my report, they worry about the trip length of one vehicle out of 215 being "outside the expected margin of error". And the data I'm crapping out for them isn't even used by anyone else. It's completely ridiculous.

Edited by JD4010
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You all have helped me through impossible times.  It makes me cry when I see myself getting bad here.  My mind always tells me I'm an awful person but I'm not a bad person.  All or at least most of my issues are because I have been terrorized by bad people.  I have to get past it though or everything I have done will be for nothing.  Is it really possible to get completely past it all and go back to normal?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, sober4life said:

You all have helped me through impossible times.  It makes me cry when I see myself getting bad here.  My mind always tells me I'm an awful person but I'm not a bad person.  All or at least most of my issues are because I have been terrorized by bad people.  I have to get past it though or everything I have done will be for nothing.  Is it really possible to get completely past it all and go back to normal?

 I don't know about that last part. I don't know if it is in my case. Instead of going through life normally, I've sobbed my way through everything. A lot of nights I sob myself to sleep out of guilt, grief, sadness, anger and longing for older times back. I'm actually crying as I type this. It's pathetic of me to be honest. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

16 minutes ago, Logan Sims said:

 I don't know about that last part. I don't know if it is in my case. Instead of going through life normally, I've sobbed my way through everything. A lot of nights I sob myself to sleep out of guilt, grief, sadness, anger and longing for older times back. I'm actually crying as I type this. It's pathetic of me to be honest. 

I'm exactly the same way.  You just want to be happy again and have a happy life.  It's not pathetic of course you want that.  Everyone does and you deserve to be happy and have whatever life you want.  You want a normal life like I do.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I'm exactly the same way.  You just want to be happy again and have a happy life.  It's not pathetic of course you want that.  Everyone does and you deserve to be happy and have whatever life you want.  You want a normal life like I do.

I guess... It's been extra hard today. My best friend (ex-girlfriend) and I talk just about everyday. And we agreed to get back together someday. But then I go back and look at the messages from when we broke up and I'm having second thoughts on getting back together with her. I don't know If we would get hurt like that again. And now I don't know if anybody is right for me....

I feel that no matter what I might just get hurt again...

Edited by Logan Sims
Link to comment
Share on other sites

45 minutes ago, Logan Sims said:

I guess... It's been extra hard today. My best friend (ex-girlfriend) and I talk just about everyday. And we agreed to get back together someday. But then I go back and look at the messages from when we broke up and I'm having second thoughts on getting back together with her. I don't know If we would get hurt like that again. And now I don't know if anybody is right for me....

I feel that no matter what I might just get hurt again...

Of course there is someone right for you.  None of us should be alone.  I'm a tender heart that believes we all have a true love out there somewhere.  What do you really want?  Do you want her as a best friend or a girl friend?  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just now, sober4life said:

Of course there is someone right for you.  None of us should be alone.  I'm a tender heart that believes we all have a true love out there somewhere.  What do you really want?  Do you want her as a best friend or a girl friend?  

I love her, but I don't want us to hurt each other again. So I don't know what to do. I've changed for the better when it comes to dealing with anger, but I don't know if she's changed. The last time we dated she "tested me" by making up a story about loving another guy. But she'd been honest to that point and knew I was fragile. She seems to be better now but I don't actually know what to do or think.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...