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sabiflitch

Starvation and alcoholism

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Posted (edited)

Never posted in the ED forums before, so hello to all. I'm Samantha, I'm 24.

 

My stomach is growling and I'm not hungry. I've had some shots today already. It's just about noon. I go on these kicks of starvation and fasting. I eat perhaps... 200 calories a day, if not 500-900 at the most. Usually I make up for it with dinner. I went from snacking often to eating early lunches, to now, nothing besides dinner. Sometimes I only eat half or a quarter of my dinner before I'm ready for bed. I struggled with bulimia in 2013 for only 1 month. I never considered myself to have any eating disorders, just bad, bad body image, and constant anxiety. I wish I was able to eat more, but then again, I smile when the scales drop in numbers. 

 

My alcoholism definitely worsens this, suppresses my appetite, and makes me tired. It's a vicious cycle and I can't get out of it. Even if I feel like I'm hungry, I won't eat much. It hurts my stomach nowadays. The less I eat, the more my stomach feels as if it is shrinking, and the less I eat, the less I want to eat. Blehhhh. About a week ago I lost 6lbs just due to my eating habits. Idk what to do with myself anymore, in any aspect of my life.

 

I love food. I love cooking it, smelling it, tasting it. But when I see my plate in front of me, I just can't manage more than a few bites here and there. It's like I get full from just looking at the food. I have began cooking smaller portions because I keep wasting food especially if my boyfriend doesn't eat the rest of what's on my plate.

Edited by sabiflitch

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Hi Samantha. Welcome to the group! Thank you for sharing your struggles. It sounds like a vicious cycle to be in, the food issues and the alcoholism on top it. Alcohol can definitely take your appetite away. That's not good in general, but when you are struggling with food and food intake it makes things so much worse! You said that you have always had bad body image and have had anxiety. What don't you like about yourself? What makes you feel bad about yourself? I'm guessing that you have probably used alcohol to subdue some of those bad feelings and make it so you don't have to feel whatever it is you don't want to feel. I'm wondering if the withholding food and thinking you aren't hungry is another way that you may be punishing yourself? What are you hiding from? I say this because I have struggled with food and alcohol in my life and I know these are some of the things that were going on with me, hence why I asked the questions!  I would love to hear your story if you are wiling to share. I'm hear to listen if you want to discuss this more.

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Hey Samantha! I'm pretty new here, and I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert on anything, but I was wondering if you are on meds at the moment? I started Valdoxen recently, and I have stopped wanting to eat, so I'm probably taking in about the same number of calories as you per day. I was just wondering if that might be a factor for you.

 

Thank you for sharing. I hope you can find some answers.

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