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I hurt myself today...


lackluster

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I hurt myself today and feel so ashamed. I ended up burning myself on my arm with a lighter...

i feel so low right now. I guess I just needed a distraction from mental pain. I feel like a loser right now... 

i feel like I can never forgive myself 

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I'm sorry I don't know a lot about your as a poster at this point, but if you aren't seeing a therapist already, you need to find yourself someone to talk to about your issues. You can't keep taking it out on your body. When you cut or harm yourself, it becomes addictive. Your body releases some kind of chemical reaction to the pain that makes you feel better temporarily. I have heard from a psychiatrist that this becomes like a drug addiction. You end up needing to do it more and more in order to obtain the same release each time. I guess what I'm trying to say is that this is a very dangerous habit!

You can forgive yourself. It takes time though. I hope you have a therapist who can help you work through your problems. If you don't have one, please strongly consider finding one right away. At least go to your primary care physician and let him/her know that you are struggling. You cannot do this alone, and you are in a crisis. 

You are not a loser, no matter what happened! Please get help!

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Don’t beat yourself up. You made a mistake, but don’t let that mistake allow you to spiral out of control. Self harm is a hard habit to break, especially if you are dealing with it alone. You should definitely seek help if you haven’t already. And know that you are safe here to talk.

Until you are able to gain the help you need perhaps you can try some alternatives to self-harm. Try snapping your wrists with a rubber band or hair tie. It might sound silly, but it will give that pain you may be craving without any real detrimental effects. But best yet, come here and talk out anything you might not be able to work out within yourself. You’re amongst many that understand. Many hugs!! And feel free to message me anytime if you just need a release. 

 

 

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On 10/04/2018 at 8:25 AM, lackluster said:
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I hurt myself today and feel so ashamed. I ended up burning myself on my arm with a lighter...

i feel so low right now. I guess I just needed a distraction from mental pain. I feel like a loser right now... 

i feel like I can never forgive myself 

@lackluster   I fully understand about that feeling. Dont say that you never forgive yourself. Doing what you did helps the pain inside there.  I used to do that too, exactly like what you did. I feel better after doing it. But, like our friends here said, you must see a therapist or psychologist. The burning is for temporary release only. The urge will keep coming back. 

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Sorry that happened to you Lackluster.  Depression makes us do things we would never do.  I think it was the depression and not you that caused what happened.

Your post is from Monday.  How are you feeling today?  I hope you are feeling better! 

What you do for all of us here on the Forums is really great.  You help us feel connected and understood, which is a priceless gift. It is so good that you exist.  You are greatly appreciated here!   - epictetus 

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I actually have been feeling better since Monday, still feel down but overall better mood. 

I kinda feel really trapped cause I still have trouble talking about my depression with people. It's hard to talk about something that I don't understand ya know. My mom came in the kitchen today and saw the wound and asked how I got it... and I couldn't bring myself to admit it to her so I lied I said it's an accident while lighting a cigarette.

i need to build the courage to open up more. 

Whats wierd to me is this was the first time I've ever did any sort of physical self harm. I struggled with really bad substance abuse and have hurt my body that way, but never physical self harm. 

I hope that's not a sign that I'm getting worse...

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@lackluster   I understand if you don't know how to express it. With a therapist or psychologist, they will know what you are saying. Just a bit of words from you, they can understand. 

I'm afraid  that is a sign that you are getting worse. I did that several times  then this thing is not enough anymore. I attempted suicide few times because I want to end everything including myself, because I don't know what else to do. Long story short, I eventually see a therapist and  psychologist. The self harm stops. I guess I have somebody that I can talk to and they understand. 

From my experience, I hope you are not getting worse. 

 

 

Edited by Camellia
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Yea I've been wanting to try therapy soon. Just broke and don't have any health insurance. I'm glad a have really close friend I talk to about it but I don't wanna overwhelm them with my problems cause I know everyone has there on battles. So I therapist would be nice in the near future. 

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