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One Broken Friendship After 10 Years


Kabuto

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Had felt very annoyed with a former best friend of mine.   He neglected me in a time of need- instead choosing to ignore me in favor of other aspects of his life.    I was struggling, and he turned his back on me.   I really can't forgive him for that.   

It sucks though, because it was a nice friendship at the time while it lasted.   It had hurt to reach out for help and receive nothing.   He's what I like to call a 'fair weather friend'.    

More annoying yet is that my brother remains friends with this guy.   It's annoying and lame that my brother chooses to do so, but...what are you gonna do.   

I guess I'm trying to figure out how to fully move on and feel nothing towards him.   While at the same time, making my own situation better.

Edited by Kabuto
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Hey there Kabuto,

Sorry to hear about your situation, I recently ended a long time friendship so I might be able to understand to a small extent. For me at least, I had to accept the fact that maybe they couldn't help me, maybe they were unable to help me. Maybe they had bigger problems going on in their own life which made them incapable of being able to help, even when you needed them really badly.  It's hard, I hate to think about it, because I tend to dwell on all that we had been through just to throw it away over (in my situation) something so silly. 

The way I look at things now/force myself to - Is to see it as something I have to beat, overcome and work towards a better life that I can be proud of and not let their hurtful words define me. That might be more specific to my situation but, I don't know how else to do it, and everyday is a struggle but my other options aren't really acceptable. I would hurt to many people and I know in the end if I keep trying and keep working towards a better life, I know I will be happy, I know things can change, they just never change as fast or as soon as I would like it. 

I don't know how much that helps Kabuto, but hang in there, tomorrow is another day and this feeling this situation wont last forever.

 

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Having been thru two similar situations in the past year, Kabuto, about all I can say is that I've found it takes time to "get over it" and move on.  I like that you mentioned making your situation better.  Meanwhile, it absolutely sucks.

In the first case a year ago, a long time friend completely blew off the stress I was under at the time and, by his actions, made it clear he didn't give a damn about respecting my time.  For me, the best thing was to confront him and, when he refused to take responsibility - a non-apology apology - I cut him off.  Benefit to me was taking charge of my own situation with him and setting a boundary.

The second was a colleague in the my profession who is a control type, but, I thought, relatively benign...until I criticized a facility with which he dealt informally.  Instead of taking it private as he normally would - I don't care about the whys - he tried to humiliate and make an example of me on social media in front of several dozen colleagues.  I kept my head enough to immediately remove myself from his circle of influence and, honestly, laid into him in writing without naming names.  Intuitively I knew immediately the relationship was over when he crossed MY line.  Aware I had nothing to lose - my reputation's already good - I acted accordingly, but with some restraint.  Inasmuch as anything "worked' in the situation, it worked and gained me some respect.  I damaged his control freak ego, sending him and his toady scurrying to try to repair the damage...which was kinda funny to watch.  And, yes, there was some (probably temporary) downside to him professionally.  ok, I figuratively kicked him in the family jewels and he was helpless to do anything about it.

idk that this would apply to your brother, but I found out who my real friends were - some completely unexpected - as they supported my actions...and kept me in the loop professionally anyway, knowing not to mention the guy's name to me.  Three months later, I'm not as raging mad as I was, but it certainly has fed my depression and I'm still sore about it.  I don't dwell on it with friends except to describe it as "political bs" if anyone asks.

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