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Anyone had abortion before?


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That's not your family's decision! It's 100% up to you to decide whether or not you want to have another child...

How do YOU feel about the prospect of another one? While I don't have a problem with abortions I would still urge caution since some experience a lot of guilt/depression after going through with it. If you do decide to have one you should make sure that you're in care of a psychologist who can support you. 

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So given the choice you would keep the child?

If so you should. As much as some guys hate to hear it we need to man up if we want to be man enough to have sex, i.e. accept responsibility if a woman gets pregnant. Don't let your husband off the hook this easily! What does can't afford mean? Like literally can't or "I don't want to make any sacrifices" can't?

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I agree with lonelyforeigner.  If things were absolutely impossible, having the child and then putting it up for adoption is an option.  There are many couples who cannot have children who are looking to adopt a child.    

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On 4/4/2018 at 11:25 PM, lonelyforeigner said:

So given the choice you would keep the child?

If so you should. As much as some guys hate to hear it we need to man up if we want to be man enough to have sex, i.e. accept responsibility if a woman gets pregnant. Don't let your husband off the hook this easily! What does can't afford mean? Like literally can't or "I don't want to make any sacrifices" can't?

Yes. I would. It would be harder and cannot give our children the best education and stuff, but I don't think my daughter would want to grow up knowing that what she has is at the cost of a life being sacrifice. Plus, I might get insane if I killed a life and end up, my daughter would lose a mother.

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On 4/5/2018 at 0:36 AM, Epictetus said:

I agree with lonelyforeigner.  If things were absolutely impossible, having the child and then putting it up for adoption is an option.  There are many couples who cannot have children who are looking to adopt a child.    

There are actually a lot of children in orphanage here. I not sure that anyone would want a child whose mother is mentally illed

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Oh I see.  Sorry my words were not helpful.  Not being a woman, I feel really unqualified to give advice. Totally unqualified.

     The only experience I have is second hand, from a really good friend of mine who had an abortion.  She often tells me how she regrets having the abortion and how she suffers from uncontrollable crying.  Sometimes when we are out shopping she will break down and cry when she sees a mother and child.  Or a baby. She also had some health complications though she doesn't like to talk about those to me.   She had her abortion over 20 years ago and cannot seem to get over it.  Of course knowing one woman in this situation does not give me any right to offer advice!!!  

     I have read many of your posts here on the Forums and know you to be a very good and sensitive person.  My heart really goes out to you and I hope for the very best for you!!!  - epictetus

Edited by Epictetus
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3 hours ago, Joyandsmile said:

It would be harder and cannot give our children the best education and stuff, but I don't think my daughter would want to grow up knowing that what she has is at the cost of a life being sacrifice. 

Excellent point! It's admirable that you want to give your children the best education and stuff but what matters most is that you love them unconditionally. I received a lot of material things from my father as a child, a ton of toys and an education, but he was never there for me and I was never good enough for him, this is probably one of the reasons I developed BPD. The best education becomes worthless when someone doesn't feel loved and develops mental health issues, much harder to fix than not having gone to the best school. Point being, do the best you can and your daughter will turn out just fine :console:

3 hours ago, Epictetus said:

She often tells me how she regrets having the abortion and how she suffers from uncontrollable crying.  Sometimes when we are out shopping she will break down and cry when she sees a mother and child.  Or a baby. She also had some health complications though she doesn't like to talk about those to me.   She had her abortion over 20 years ago and cannot seem to get over it.  Of course knowing one woman in this situation does not give me any right to offer advice!!!

This doesn't seem to be uncommon. I have a friend who recently had an abortion and she got so depressed that she couldn't work for a month and even now she's really struggling.  It's hard to wrap our mind around the psychological impact as men, the maternal bond is something we'll never understand. Sad to think about how many men try to impose their personal beliefs on pregnant women, be it through religion or legislation. 

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I believe that God will honor your decision to keep this child.  Even without any health issues and appropriate finances, a child can oftentimes come when the "timing" is off.  If only someone was there to guide me during my uncertainties.  I had an abortion in my teens because of a very abusive relationship and I was on my own.  I was staying with his mom and she couldn't stop the abuse.  Yes, I did regret it but have forgiven myself as God has forgiven me.  I also gave another child up for adoption.  That turned out to be a beautiful blessing for a couple who could not have children.  I share both stories of my life in hopes that you would trust that nothing in life is guaranteed but God can bless the decision to choose life.  Today is pretty much all any of us can truly see and by grace, we've made it thus far.  All of our needs are met as we need them and it can fluctuate between lack and increase.  This child will be a beautiful addition to your family and the love you will give will amount to the best possible care.  Also, in addition to your primary care physician, there are counselors and therapist to guide and provide resources to assist in your areas of concern.  We never know what the future holds but the journey of motherhood can be so amazing when we choose to walk by faith and not what we currently see.  I do have two children and it was not planned but again, God provide for us.  He will do that for you and yours.  Hoping you have a peace about your decision when you finally decide.  YOU will not be alone and your child will be cared for.  God's resources are limitless.

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I'm rather unsentimental about abortion because I've had two due to BAD BIRTH CONTROL CHOICES.  ("Foam" without a condom and the "Rhythm" method.)  These decisions would have been difficult to make had I been in love with either of the men (years apart) I was sleeping with.  To me, pregnancy was a clump of cells that was keeping my period from coming and standing in the way of my immediate goals.  But you have love in your life, which, in my mind, makes all the difference.  Even if  you have the baby and give it up for adoption, your choice will have come from love, not from fear.  So, I guess my advice is to always act from love, whatever that means to YOU.

My best wishes for your health and happiness.

WOTL

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It's your decision. It sounds tough because you guys can't afford it. But yes like others said, there are tons of people who would love a child and can't have one. Just because you have a mental illness does not mean that your child will get it. It does not always work like that. It may skip a generation, or not, I don't think science truly knows 100% yet how it works.

 I am not religious so I can't speak for that. I think it's a woman's choice. I will tell you however that a friend had an abortion 10 years ago (in her 20s) and she regrets it every day. Then she had difficulty in her 30s to get pregnant with her husband but was able to have a child. So if you decide to do it, make sure you talk to the doctor and he is reliable and good. I think there is a certain time frame you must do it before it's too late and risky for both you and the baby.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 4/6/2018 at 2:12 AM, Epictetus said:

Oh I see.  Sorry my words were not helpful.  Not being a woman, I feel really unqualified to give advice. Totally unqualified.

     The only experience I have is second hand, from a really good friend of mine who had an abortion.  She often tells me how she regrets having the abortion and how she suffers from uncontrollable crying.  Sometimes when we are out shopping she will break down and cry when she sees a mother and child.  Or a baby. She also had some health complications though she doesn't like to talk about those to me.   She had her abortion over 20 years ago and cannot seem to get over it.  Of course knowing one woman in this situation does not give me any right to offer advice!!!  

     I have read many of your posts here on the Forums and know you to be a very good and sensitive person.  My heart really goes out to you and I hope for the very best for you!!!  - epictetus

Thanks epictetus. I know I will be like her. I will never forgive myself if I do get an abortion.

Edited by Joyandsmile
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On 4/6/2018 at 5:56 AM, lonelyforeigner said:

Excellent point! It's admirable that you want to give your children the best education and stuff but what matters most is that you love them unconditionally. I received a lot of material things from my father as a child, a ton of toys and an education, but he was never there for me and I was never good enough for him, this is probably one of the reasons I developed BPD. The best education becomes worthless when someone doesn't feel loved and develops mental health issues, much harder to fix than not having gone to the best school. Point being, do the best you can and your daughter will turn out just fine :console:

This doesn't seem to be uncommon. I have a friend who recently had an abortion and she got so depressed that she couldn't work for a month and even now she's really struggling.  It's hard to wrap our mind around the psychological impact as men, the maternal bond is something we'll never understand. Sad to think about how many men try to impose their personal beliefs on pregnant women, be it through religion or legislation. 

Thanks lonelyforeigner for sharing your personal story. I will try to be there for my children.

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On 4/10/2018 at 2:35 AM, Barnabas17 said:

I believe that God will honor your decision to keep this child.  Even without any health issues and appropriate finances, a child can oftentimes come when the "timing" is off.  If only someone was there to guide me during my uncertainties.  I had an abortion in my teens because of a very abusive relationship and I was on my own.  I was staying with his mom and she couldn't stop the abuse.  Yes, I did regret it but have forgiven myself as God has forgiven me.  I also gave another child up for adoption.  That turned out to be a beautiful blessing for a couple who could not have children.  I share both stories of my life in hopes that you would trust that nothing in life is guaranteed but God can bless the decision to choose life.  Today is pretty much all any of us can truly see and by grace, we've made it thus far.  All of our needs are met as we need them and it can fluctuate between lack and increase.  This child will be a beautiful addition to your family and the love you will give will amount to the best possible care.  Also, in addition to your primary care physician, there are counselors and therapist to guide and provide resources to assist in your areas of concern.  We never know what the future holds but the journey of motherhood can be so amazing when we choose to walk by faith and not what we currently see.  I do have two children and it was not planned but again, God provide for us.  He will do that for you and yours.  Hoping you have a peace about your decision when you finally decide.  YOU will not be alone and your child will be cared for.  God's resources are limitless.

Hi Barnabas. Thanks for your sharing. I feel very hard to have faith. Especially with my mental condition. I used to have a lovely walk with God when I was a teen. Then reality kicked in and so is the mental illness. I couldn't have a stable relationship/friendship with able-to-see and touch and talk human being. What's more the unseen God. My husband is not a Christian so I no longer go to church. I know God is still there for me, to provide and to bless. But I am too useless and disappointed at my past to be anywhere near Him.

I tried going to counsellor and I don't like the experience. As for therapist, we don't have it here. Or maybe it's too costly to see one.

 

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On 4/10/2018 at 3:16 AM, womanofthelight said:

I'm rather unsentimental about abortion because I've had two due to BAD BIRTH CONTROL CHOICES.  ("Foam" without a condom and the "Rhythm" method.)  These decisions would have been difficult to make had I been in love with either of the men (years apart) I was sleeping with.  To me, pregnancy was a clump of cells that was keeping my period from coming and standing in the way of my immediate goals.  But you have love in your life, which, in my mind, makes all the difference.  Even if  you have the baby and give it up for adoption, your choice will have come from love, not from fear.  So, I guess my advice is to always act from love, whatever that means to YOU.

My best wishes for your health and happiness.

WOTL

It's a difficult decision to make if I ever have to make one. Thanks for the sharing.

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On 4/10/2018 at 5:31 AM, ladysmurf said:

It's your decision. It sounds tough because you guys can't afford it. But yes like others said, there are tons of people who would love a child and can't have one. Just because you have a mental illness does not mean that your child will get it. It does not always work like that. It may skip a generation, or not, I don't think science truly knows 100% yet how it works.

 I am not religious so I can't speak for that. I think it's a woman's choice. I will tell you however that a friend had an abortion 10 years ago (in her 20s) and she regrets it every day. Then she had difficulty in her 30s to get pregnant with her husband but was able to have a child. So if you decide to do it, make sure you talk to the doctor and he is reliable and good. I think there is a certain time frame you must do it before it's too late and risky for both you and the baby.

Thanks ladysmurf. Fortunate for me, I am not pregnant so I don't have to make that decision. Phew.

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