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Taken advantage


Camellia

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Person like me always taken advantage by people, again. I cannot even take care of myself. I talk to people who are in pain, people who are sick, people who are ill. I have physical illness too, so I understand them.  Why am I so stupid. I can't even take care of myself. He said I has helped him when he was very suicidal. He said my support has helped him from ending his life. He said his gf left him when he really in need of her. Now he tell me to let him know if I want sex from him. How can we know if they are really in pain, really suicidal, really ill or if they have something else. I can't even take care of myself. I feel so stupid. I don't have love from family. I just want to have love, not sex.  :tear2: 

I support them not to get love from them, but I easily feel sympathy for people who are sick or ill or in pain, because I have physical illness too. I understand how it feels.

Edited by Camellia
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@lonelyforeigner    thank you for response.  I told him I'm always there to listen but not anything about sex. He said he is still sick (he has physicall illness) and he said he likes the way I support him. He can now go to work. And he said the sex is normal when we love someone. 

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@Camellia Everyone receives love differently. Sex is normal human nature, but not everyone receives love through physical touch.

You are not stupid, don't put yourself down so much. Everyone wants love, that's also human nature.

Here's the thing, you probably receive love through quality time, as do a lot of people, not sex. Keep standing up for yourself and keep respecting yourself not to engage in sexual intercourse with him. Sounds like you are great for his well-being, but he's always using that to his advantage and applying a guilt trip to you. Stand your ground, if you do not receive love through sex then you're going to feel empty if you do have sex with him.

Does he love you or is he inlove with you? Because there is a difference.

Your gut instinct is always the best one you have. If you love him just as a friend and you value the friendship you need to make a boundary with him. Set it and don't let it down, but you need to be aware of the consequence- he may want sex or nothing more at all and if that's the case you should cut off ties to him because it's toxic to your well-being.

The best way to not being taken advantage of is setting your own boundaries. You can sympathize with people, even empathize with them but if you don't abide by your own self respecting boundary it's going to be a never ending cycle.

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It's not your responsibility nor problem if others become irresponsible in response to your empathy.  Unfortunately, we can tend to attract others that our sick in our own pain too.  You are not stupid!  You are a kind soul that has a big heart and has gone through a tremendous amount.  

I found for myself the way out of attracting people that would hurt me more was learning my value and worth, as well as good boundaries.  It's not easy to practice good boundaries and sometimes can feel mean.  But, it's not!  Boundaries says respect me and I respect you.  Boundaries is truth and honesty wrapped up in grace.  Don't we all want to know where we stand with someone?  Of course we do! It's really a kindness to set boundaries and hold firm to those values.  And, it helps safe guard you.

Being a kind soul means you have to learn to guard your heart.  It's not available for others to trample on just because they have pain. You are worthy and have a purpose, please remember that and don't allow others pain to say different.  Run from people that use your good heart and try to get more.

Sex is most beautiful in a loving marriage with a person that cherishes you.  You become one in soul.  It's not for anyone else.  That just brings more pain.  I know this all too well.  We then get our hearts broken and feel more pain.  Big hugs for your kind sweet soul!  Shake off the dust and leave those that use and abuse behind you!

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@MayzeeDog0518    Thank you for responding.

I will do that . To not having sexual intercourse with him.

After few months of conversations, he said that I make him able to go to work again, that I make him happy again after the suicide thoughts, that he loves me for what I've done for him, I eventually said I love him. I do want love. I feel nice if someone loves me, but I don’t want sex. . 

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Stand your ground, if you do not receive love through sex then you're going to feel empty if you do have sex with him.

 Thank you for your advice. I will remember this.

 

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Does he love you or is he in love with you? Because there is a difference.

He said he loves me. He said he love the way I support him when he was ill (online support). He wants to come and see me. I don’t know if he loves me or he is in love with me.

 

Everything goes well, we talk about loving each other, supporting each other with our illness, until  he started to talk heavily about sex with me.

I don’t know if he only wants sex with me and nothing else.

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The best way to not being taken advantage of is setting your own boundaries. You can sympathize with people, even empathize with them but if you don't abide by your own self respecting boundary it's going to be a never ending cycle.

 

Thank you for your advice. I have strong sense of sympathy to people who are sick and ill. I cannot even say no because I will be sad if I see them sad.

 I will make the boundaries after this.   I learn a lot from this experience. Thank you again.

 

 

 

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@Peacebwu2017   Thank you for your response.

After reading  the responses in here (thank you so much to all), I now understand that I have to put boundaries. My problem is I can easily cry for people who are in deep sorrow and I want to take their sorrow away and they can get back to normal life, especially if they keep coming back to me. That means they are really in pain.

Now I must learn to put boundaries.

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It's not easy to practice good boundaries and sometimes can feel mean. 

Yes, I feel I am being mean if I just ignore them.

 

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 Don't we all want to know where we stand with someone?  Of course we do!

Yes, we do. I said to him, if I love him, it’s because I truly love him. It’s not easy for me to say I love you to someone. He keep saying he loves me because I make his life better, which he said I can never understand that (he was very ill, gf left him when he was so ill, he wanted to commit suicide). I support him  (online support) just like I support others. We have same illness in that group. He joined the group for further support. Long story short, I eventually said I love him.

 

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Run from people that use your good heart and try to get more.

Thank you. I will remember this. I don’t know if I can do it or not, but I will learn to do it. It's so difficult for me to say no. If they are in pain, I can feel it too. 

 

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Sex is most beautiful in a loving marriage with a person that cherishes you.  You become one in soul.  It's not for anyone else.  That just brings more pain.  I know this all too well.  We then get our hearts broken and feel more pain. 

Thank you. I will remember this too.

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Big hugs for your kind sweet soul!  Shake off the dust and leave those that use and abuse behind you

 Thank you. Big hugs to you too. I’m trying to find strength to deal with this.

Thank you to all here for the support. Means a lot to me.

 

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2 hours ago, Camellia said:

@lonelyforeigner   I don't know how to do with this.

Basically it's about setting boundaries, sometimes men have difficulty differentiating between a woman being kind and a woman sending signals that she's interested in... Now that you discussed it with him he should respect it and hopefully he won't ask again.

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On 3/27/2018 at 10:01 AM, Camellia said:
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Person like me always taken advantage by people, again. I cannot even take care of myself. I talk to people who are in pain, people who are sick, people who are ill. I have physical illness too, so I understand them.  Why am I so stupid. I can't even take care of myself. He said I has helped him when he was very suicidal. He said my support has helped him from ending his life. He said his gf left him when he really in need of her. Now he tell me to let him know if I want sex from him. How can we know if they are really in pain, really suicidal, really ill or if they have something else. I can't even take care of myself. I feel so stupid. I don't have love from family. I just want to have love, not sex.  :tear2: 

I support them not to get love from them, but I easily feel sympathy for people who are sick or ill or in pain, because I have physical illness too. I understand how it feels.

Sorry to read this, it sounds such an awful situation. I'm trying to see it from both sides. With depression, quite often people will seek out some form of instant gratification without caring about how they'll feel later, whether it be drink, drugs, sex or whatever. Mine's mainly food. I've never had a one night stand or anything but I'm sure I'd wake up feeling guilty and if the other person was beating themselves up for it that'd be even worse. Not that there's anything wrong with it, so long as people are on the same page about it, but ofcourse it can be damaging if not.

It's horrible being used though, for whatever reason. I understand and agree with @lonelyforeigner that sometimes an act of kindness can send the wrong signals to a guy, but that's not your problem to fix. It's their interpretation that's the problem. Guys need to realise that life isn't a porno and that if someone is nice to us they're nice to us, they owe us nothing and there's no ulterior motive. Equally, kindness in the hope of sex or any other personal gain isn't really kindness.

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On ‎3‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 3:03 AM, Camellia said:

@Peacebwu2017   Thank you for your response.

After reading  the responses in here (thank you so much to all), I now understand that I have to put boundaries. My problem is I can easily cry for people who are in deep sorrow and I want to take their sorrow away and they can get back to normal life, especially if they keep coming back to me. That means they are really in pain.

Now I must learn to put boundaries.

Yes, I feel I am being mean if I just ignore them. 

 

You are amazing!  You not only reach out to get help but also very willing to listen and learn.  What a gift and amazing heat you have!  A really helpful book I found on boundaries, that also has a workbook you can get is: "Boundaries, When to say yes, when to say no and how to take control of you life" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  The principles work.  It's hard work to change an old behavior, sometimes it's down right painful.  I tend to take these kinds of books and work them out slowly.  I hope for you courage on your journey of health and healing!  You are worthy of life's best!

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On 3/28/2018 at 8:28 PM, lonelyforeigner said:

Basically it's about setting boundaries, sometimes men have difficulty differentiating between a woman being kind and a woman sending signals that she's interested in... Now that you discussed it with him he should respect it and hopefully he won't ask again.

@lonelyforeigner   Thank you so much. After I talked to him about the sex thing (after the advice from everyone here), he didn't ask about that anymore. I hope it will continue to remain that way. I do love love and hugs, but I don't want sex.

After learning it from here, I'm trying as much as possible to always remember about the boundaries. And at the same time, I don't want to hurt him. I will tell him nicely if he forget about it.

Thank you again for the support. I appreciate it so much.

 

Edited by Camellia
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On 3/30/2018 at 3:39 AM, Peacebwu2017 said:

You are amazing!  You not only reach out to get help but also very willing to listen and learn.  What a gift and amazing heat you have!  A really helpful book I found on boundaries, that also has a workbook you can get is: "Boundaries, When to say yes, when to say no and how to take control of you life" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  The principles work.  It's hard work to change an old behavior, sometimes it's down right painful.  I tend to take these kinds of books and work them out slowly.  I hope for you courage on your journey of health and healing!  You are worthy of life's best!

@Peacebwu2017    Thank you for the nice words and for the prayers and wishes you have for me.  And thank you for sharing about the book by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. You are right. It's so difficult for me to change and to say no especially when someone keep coming back. I really don't know how to stop it (talking to each other) after we have talked for couple of months. I can't ignore him either because I feel sympathy when he is sick. We have same illness, that's why we support each other because we understand the illness.

Thank you again for your support. I will learn to do the boundaries. I appreciate it so much. 

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On 3/28/2018 at 9:04 PM, RichW said:

Sorry to read this, it sounds such an awful situation. I'm trying to see it from both sides. With depression, quite often people will seek out some form of instant gratification without caring about how they'll feel later, whether it be drink, drugs, sex or whatever. Mine's mainly food. I've never had a one night stand or anything but I'm sure I'd wake up feeling guilty and if the other person was beating themselves up for it that'd be even worse. Not that there's anything wrong with it, so long as people are on the same page about it, but ofcourse it can be damaging if not.

It's horrible being used though, for whatever reason. I understand and agree with @lonelyforeigner that sometimes an act of kindness can send the wrong signals to a guy, but that's not your problem to fix. It's their interpretation that's the problem. Guys need to realise that life isn't a porno and that if someone is nice to us they're nice to us, they owe us nothing and there's no ulterior motive. Equally, kindness in the hope of sex or any other personal gain isn't really kindness.

@RichW    Thank you for your support. I talk to people with the same illness like me. We support each other. It is a long life illness. He said I has helped him from suicide (he was very ill and his gf left him at the same time). I have couple of attempted suicide due to family problem, and I also have the same illness with him, so I can fully relate.

On the other hand, I have very strong sympathy to people who are in pain, physical health problem or emotional problem, because I've been there and still experiencing it until today. When I think about my family, the suicidal thoughts return.

My support in the forum, is just the ordinary support like I do to other people in the forum (internet health forum).    He said he loves me because I has helped him from suicidal thoughts until he is able to return to work. But he never mention anything about sex. That makes me comfortable talking to him. 

Long story short, after many months, I accepted his love. I feel nice to have someone loves me, until the sex thing came in.  Now I don't know how to tell him that I don't love him anymore, I don't feel  safe.  I don't want to hurt him either.

I'm glad he never mentioned about the sex thing anymore. I hope it will continue to remain like that. 

Thank you again for your support. I appreciate it so much. 

Edited by Camellia
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On 3/28/2018 at 9:57 AM, Peacebwu2017 said:

It's not your responsibility nor problem if others become irresponsible in response to your empathy.  Unfortunately, we can tend to attract others that our sick in our own pain too.  You are not stupid!  You are a kind soul that has a big heart and has gone through a tremendous amount.  

I found for myself the way out of attracting people that would hurt me more was learning my value and worth, as well as good boundaries.  It's not easy to practice good boundaries and sometimes can feel mean.  But, it's not!  Boundaries says respect me and I respect you.  Boundaries is truth and honesty wrapped up in grace.  Don't we all want to know where we stand with someone?  Of course we do! It's really a kindness to set boundaries and hold firm to those values.  And, it helps safe guard you.

Being a kind soul means you have to learn to guard your heart.  It's not available for others to trample on just because they have pain. You are worthy and have a purpose, please remember that and don't allow others pain to say different.  Run from people that use your good heart and try to get more.

Sex is most beautiful in a loving marriage with a person that cherishes you.  You become one in soul.  It's not for anyone else.  That just brings more pain.  I know this all too well.  We then get our hearts broken and feel more pain.  Big hugs for your kind sweet soul!  Shake off the dust and leave those that use and abuse behind you!

LOVE this. I agree with every word, except the marriage bit. There is nothing wrong with your empathy, Camellia! There's something wrong with people who see that as something they can use rather than something they want to celebrate and cherish. 

Speaking of which, maybe it's not my place to say, but this guy sounds very suspect to me. The way he keeps saying "I love you because of your support and how you help me"...this sounds like he wants you for what he can get out of you, not because he truly loves YOU. Now he talks heavily about sex. Let me ask you this: Does he support and help YOU as much as you support and help him? Are YOU able to do things you couldn't before because of him, like he's able to work because of you? Is he giving as good as he gets? I hate to say it like that, but it's very important to consider these things when it feels like someone is taking advantage of you, or wants to. 

Bottom line: if you don't want to have sex with him -- ANY kind of sex -- then don't. 

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On 3/28/2018 at 10:04 PM, RichW said:

It's horrible being used though, for whatever reason. I understand and agree with @lonelyforeigner that sometimes an act of kindness can send the wrong signals to a guy, but that's not your problem to fix. It's their interpretation that's the problem. Guys need to realise that life isn't a porno and that if someone is nice to us they're nice to us, they owe us nothing and there's no ulterior motive. Equally, kindness in the hope of sex or any other personal gain isn't really kindness.

Love this, too. I'm naturally very empathetic myself, and this kind of reaction has made me increasingly cautious about being "too" kind to males. Which I think is sad, even though I agree that we have to learn to guard ourselves because we live in a sad world. And I don't even necessarily get hurt by advances (it depends on the situation) . But I don't do casual, and I only move *really* slowly in that direction, no matter how strongly I'm tempted. Nothing makes me cut and run like aggression. I know that's a healthy response...but it takes a while to calm down and try to reach out in trust again. 

I think once you learn how to set boundaries and read the signs, you can start to attract the people who will love you back like you deserve. Do learn to guard your heart and take care of yourself, but don't think you're stupid or need to change who you are! Empathy is a beautiful gift, the basic foundation of love. It's something you need to guard, yes, and celebrate -- and something you need to in return from anyone you're going to be so intimate with. 

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2 hours ago, Camellia said:

@RichW    Thank you for your support. I talk to people with the same illness like me. We support each other. It is a long life illness. He said I has helped him from suicide (he was very ill and his gf left him at the same time). I have couple of attempted suicide due to family problem, and I also have the same illness with him, so I can fully relate.

On the other hand, I have very strong sympathy to people who are in pain, physical health problem or emotional problem, because I've been there and still experiencing it until today. When I think about my family, the suicidal thoughts return.

My support in the forum, is just the ordinary support like I do to other people in the forum (internet health forum).    He said he loves me because I has helped him from suicidal thoughts until he is able to return to work. But he never mention anything about sex. That makes me comfortable talking to him. 

Long story short, after many months, I accepted his love. I feel nice to have someone loves me, until the sex thing came in.  Now I don't know how to tell him that I don't love him anymore, I don't feel  safe.  I don't want to hurt him either.

I'm glad he never mentioned about the sex thing anymore. I hope it will continue to remain like that. 

Thank you again for your support. I appreciate it so much. 

I hope the friendship can carry on as it had been, can completely understand how it could be awkward after something like that. It sounds like you've both valued each other's support and that's great.

31 minutes ago, UnicornFire said:

Love this, too. I'm naturally very empathetic myself, and this kind of reaction has made me increasingly cautious about being "too" kind to males. Which I think is sad, even though I agree that we have to learn to guard ourselves because we live in a sad world. And I don't even necessarily get hurt by advances (it depends on the situation) . But I don't do casual, and I only move *really* slowly in that direction, no matter how strongly I'm tempted. Nothing makes me cut and run like aggression. I know that's a healthy response...but it takes a while to calm down and try to reach out in trust again. 

I think once you learn how to set boundaries and read the signs, you can start to attract the people who will love you back like you deserve. Do learn to guard your heart and take care of yourself, but don't think you're stupid or need to change who you are! Empathy is a beautiful gift, the basic foundation of love. It's something you need to guard, yes, and celebrate -- and something you need to in return from anyone you're going to be so intimate with. 

I think it can be quite tempting for people to exaggerate the importance of sex and relationships too. I had a falling out with a guy last year that's loosely connected to this kinda stuff. 

Alright, I'm married to someone I love, but obviously I've been a single virgin before, had four exes along the way too. When I've felt more vulnerable in the past, I've definitely idealised relationships and people. When I was a shy virgin, I thought having someone tell me they love me or losing my virginity would be colossal, that I'd gain a huge amount of confidence overnight and it'd change everything. Course it didn't, yeah I'd had new experiences but I'm still the same person. Anyway, the guy I fell out with, I'm disappointed we were friends in the first place. He has his mental health problems just like I do, but he's very much in the mindset I've just been describing. If he had a girlfriend, everything would be great. Women owe him, if they don't want to be with him it's because they're superficial, nothing to do with his bitterness and sense of entitlement. Marriage, relationships, sex are all great with the right people but by no means a fix all. We've been together nearly four years, longer than all my exes combined, but even now I still worry that it's only a matter of time till she realises I'm not the person she thinks I am and it all goes wrong. We can't expect anyone else to fix us, it's just not fair to place that responsibility on someone and it's just not going to happen.

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1 hour ago, RichW said:

If he had a girlfriend, everything would be great. Women owe him, if they don't want to be with him it's because they're superficial, nothing to do with his bitterness and sense of entitlement. Marriage, relationships, sex are all great with the right people but by no means a fix all. 

It's a common mindset. I used to be super bitter like that too, blaming women for my loneliness and expecting someone to take pity on me and shower me with attention and sex. If only I had a girlfriend my life would be fixed. Now that I'm older I realize that I never truly loved any of my crushes, it was always about what I wanted them to do for me. Big surprise that being bitter, entitled and selfish didn't exactly help me succeed, lol. Glad MGTOW wasn't a thing back then, I surely would have bought into that. 

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19 hours ago, lonelyforeigner said:

It's a common mindset. I used to be super bitter like that too, blaming women for my loneliness and expecting someone to take pity on me and shower me with attention and sex. If only I had a girlfriend my life would be fixed. Now that I'm older I realize that I never truly loved any of my crushes, it was always about what I wanted them to do for me. Big surprise that being bitter, entitled and selfish didn't exactly help me succeed, lol. Glad MGTOW wasn't a thing back then, I surely would have bought into that. 

I can certainly see how people could fall into that kind of mindset but I think what stopped me as much as anything is that I could see plenty of reasons in myself for people not to want to be with me anyway, without casting any sort of aspersions on anyone who wasn't interested.

It's weird how we react sometimes. Up until my mid 20s I could fall for someone every week, suppose in most situations in life the grass is greener on the other side and before I'd had any relationship experience it was definitely a brighter green than usual on the other side. It's a strange balance, being so negative yet idealistic at the same time. As far as relationships go a bit more broadly, in my experience they've never ever been plain saling. Looking back, I'd say at least half of them either went on too long or shouldn't have happened at all, at the time, at their beginnings, it was better than being single. That's no benchmark though is it? One of my exes cheated on me and ofcourse it was hurtful, as it would be for anyone irrespective of the state of their mental health, and for a long time I found ways to justify it. Took me a while to realise how wrong that was, how nobody deserves to be treated like that. I've lost track of what I was trying to say, think the point is about being careful what you wish for, amazing how you can go from being desperate not to be single, have a relationship that for a long time you wish never happened cos it messed you up so much, but with time letting it fade to gray till you can't remember what she sounded like.

I don't know what MGTOW is, but if you're glad it wasn't a thing back then I think I'm glad I don't know what it is now! Think I've derailed this thread a bit, sorry. 

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On 4/3/2018 at 7:35 PM, UnicornFire said:

LOVE this. I agree with every word, except the marriage bit. There is nothing wrong with your empathy, Camellia! There's something wrong with people who see that as something they can use rather than something they want to celebrate and cherish. 

Speaking of which, maybe it's not my place to say, but this guy sounds very suspect to me. The way he keeps saying "I love you because of your support and how you help me"...this sounds like he wants you for what he can get out of you, not because he truly loves YOU. Now he talks heavily about sex. Let me ask you this: Does he support and help YOU as much as you support and help him? Are YOU able to do things you couldn't before because of him, like he's able to work because of you? Is he giving as good as he gets? I hate to say it like that, but it's very important to consider these things when it feels like someone is taking advantage of you, or wants to. 

Bottom line: if you don't want to have sex with him -- ANY kind of sex -- then don't. 

   @UnicornFire     Thank you for your support. I don't know if he want something from me or if he truly love me. He give me love. He knows I have family problem (abused, and I ran away from home). I feel happy that he love me but not the sex thing. I don't support people (in the health forum) to find love.

He said he love me because he was very suicidal when he was very ill and his gf left him when he really in need of her. I support him in the forum after he got out from hospital. 

So far, he don't talk about sex anymore, Now, I'm very careful, a bit distance, and will keep quiet if he talk about sex. 

Thank you again for helping me. I'm learning something from this experience (about boundaries). I also feel trapped because I already said to him that I love him. I don't know how to get out from this situation because I don't want to hurt him. The bigger problem is I always feel guilty if I don't response to messages, because I never do that to people or I cannot do that to people especially when we have talk for many months. This is my weakness.  Thank you again for your support. It means a lot to me. 

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On 4/3/2018 at 7:50 PM, UnicornFire said:

Love this, too. I'm naturally very empathetic myself, and this kind of reaction has made me increasingly cautious about being "too" kind to males. Which I think is sad, even though I agree that we have to learn to guard ourselves because we live in a sad world. And I don't even necessarily get hurt by advances (it depends on the situation) . But I don't do casual, and I only move *really* slowly in that direction, no matter how strongly I'm tempted. Nothing makes me cut and run like aggression. I know that's a healthy response...but it takes a while to calm down and try to reach out in trust again. 

I think once you learn how to set boundaries and read the signs, you can start to attract the people who will love you back like you deserve. Do learn to guard your heart and take care of yourself, but don't think you're stupid or need to change who you are! Empathy is a beautiful gift, the basic foundation of love. It's something you need to guard, yes, and celebrate -- and something you need to in return from anyone you're going to be so intimate with. 

@UnicornFire      Thank you again. I learn a lot from this experience. I didn't expect things like this will happen to me. Everyday he will say that he love me, from the time he came out from hospital until today.  I eventually fall to him. I will be cautious on the sex part. Thank you again for your support and also every one here. I really learn a lot from this experience,

 

 

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 hope the friendship can carry on as it had been, can completely understand how it could be awkward after something like that. It sounds like you've both valued each other's support and that's great.

@RichW    Thank  you again. The friendship still carries on. I do hope he find his love one day. So that it can help him with his illness. The illness is a long life illness. We understand each other on this part and we support each other. I can carry on with the friendship but maybe not enough for him. 

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@RichW

@lonelyforeigner

I've read your conversations, I will read again to understand more.

Everyone experience is important to me. I will take that as a guideline.

I'm not close to family. All the messages and experience here are very useful for me.

Thank you again to you both and everyone for all the support and advice. It helps me a lot. I feel better. 

 

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1 hour ago, Camellia said:

I've read your conversations, I will read again to understand more.

I think the main take-away is to beware needy men. Sometimes they expect a woman to come into their lives and fix them which is obviously an unreasonable expectation. Being emotionally dependent can also lead some men to profess love for a woman but that's not true love, that's just desperation and loving what a particular woman can do for them. 

I obviously don't know what's going on in your friends head but I would take it with a grain of salt when he says he loves you. Being there for each other as friends is a good thing though, just keep firm boundaries and if love comes up again tell him you love him "as a friend" ;-)

Edited by lonelyforeigner
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On 06/04/2018 at 8:26 PM, lonelyforeigner said:

I think the main take-away is to beware needy men. Sometimes they expect a woman to come into their lives and fix them which is obviously an unreasonable expectation. Being emotionally dependent can also lead some men to profess love for a woman but that's not true love, that's just desperation and loving what a particular woman can do for them. 

I obviously don't know what's going on in your friends head but I would take it with a grain of salt when he says he loves you. Being there for each other as friends is a good thing though, just keep firm boundaries and if love comes up again tell him you love him "as a friend" ;-)

@lonelyforeigner   Thank you again for your advice. I will remember to have boundaries and to tell him that I love him as a friend. This experience will make me more carefull about love. Thank you again for all your advice and other members advice in here. 

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