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TheSunflowerOil

I just need to say it

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Just here to say it, for every time they asked me how I was, why I don't smile, why I sleep too much, why I don't go out, why I'm so silent, and for every time I answered I'm fine, I'm just tired. For every time I said the truth and felt guilty for days for making them share my burden. And even then they can't understan, they never could. 

So I say it here, where nobody knows me, so I can't feel guilty, and everybody understand how does it feel, so I'll feel less alone: I'm not fine, I've felt like every day in the last three years, and yes, even if I lay in bed until my all body hurts, I'm tired in a way that a normal person can't even start to understand. "Take a walk, find the will, try to smile, you're just a sensible person, you decided to feel this way..." are s***ty advice.

They just don't know what it means. 

 

I'm sorry for all this nonsense, it's 10 am here and I haven't slept last night, so I'm being a little delirious .

Sorry also for any grammatical or syntactic mistake, when I'm tired my english just goes to . 

 

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Hi @TheSunflowerOil and welcome to the forum!

We know the lack of empathy and understanding that people have towards people with mental health issues. Exhaustion was one of my main symptoms while I was in a depressive episode so I definitely understand you. Feel free to tell your story here.

Take care!

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Welcome!

I, and so many others here, truly understand and appreciate what you've described and what you're going through. 

I hope you're able to find the support and comfort that you need here among us. Reach out whenever you need to!

Best wishes to you!

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Oh that is so beautifully said!

It describes it perfectly.

Welcome here.

 

Just on a side note: from someone who has both depression-related tiredness and hypothyroidism, it may be worthwhile having your thyroid levels checked.

I developed my thyroid issues *during* depression, so I didn't pick up on it. Just thought I was getting more and more exhausted, more and more depressed.

(Unfortunately, thyroid bloodwork can be complicated/ not sensitive enough. It took 2 years from my first (major) symptoms until the results in the bloodwork finally detected it.)

I have heard a fellow thyroid patient describe it as this: "When I walk across the road and at the other side I get to the curb, I stand there defeated, staring at the curb, wondering where to find the energy to lift my foot up on the curb."

That describes perfectly the undescribable tiredness I felt from the low thyroid levels.

 

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4 hours ago, Sophy said:

Oh that is so beautifully said!

It describes it perfectly.

Welcome here.

 

Just on a side note: from someone who has both depression-related tiredness and hypothyroidism, it may be worthwhile having your thyroid levels checked.

I developed my thyroid issues *during* depression, so I didn't pick up on it. Just thought I was getting more and more exhausted, more and more depressed.

(Unfortunately, thyroid bloodwork can be complicated/ not sensitive enough. It took 2 years from my first (major) symptoms until the results in the bloodwork finally detected it.)

I have heard a fellow thyroid patient describe it as this: "When I walk across the road and at the other side I get to the curb, I stand there defeated, staring at the curb, wondering where to find the energy to lift my foot up on the curb."

That describes perfectly the undescribable tiredness I felt from the low thyroid levels.

 

Actually when It started I thought about it and I was so hoping (I know it sounds weird to say) i had hypothyroidism, but at the end of all the check ups they found "only" a prolactinoma, which is a benign tumor of the pituitary gland that produces prolactin. After I started the cure It got better, like I don't feel THAT suicidal anymore, and I'm able to cry, after a year not being able to. From the other side, I feel even more tired, I cry all the time, I spend all day in bed but I have problems sleeping, I still having panic attacks, social anxiety and serious problems focusing and remembering things... I've already contacted a psichiatrist but I know it's a long path and I have to stay strong. 

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9 hours ago, TheSunflowerOil said:
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Just here to say it, for every time they asked me how I was, why I don't smile, why I sleep too much, why I don't go out, why I'm so silent, and for every time I answered I'm fine, I'm just tired. For every time I said the truth and felt guilty for days for making them share my burden. And even then they can't understan, they never could. 

So I say it here, where nobody knows me, so I can't feel guilty, and everybody understand how does it feel, so I'll feel less alone: I'm not fine, I've felt like every day in the last three years, and yes, even if I lay in bed until my all body hurts, I'm tired in a way that a normal person can't even start to understand. "Take a walk, find the will, try to smile, you're just a sensible person, you decided to feel this way..." are s***ty advice.

They just don't know what it means. 

 

I'm sorry for all this nonsense, it's 10 am here and I haven't slept last night, so I'm being a little delirious .

Sorry also for any grammatical or syntactic mistake, when I'm tired my english just goes to . 

 

@TheSunflowerOil Hey friend, we understand how people who don't have mental illness cannot possibly begin to comfort us, or relate to us. The 3 close people in my life do not know how to comfort me one bit. They too say "You're just giving into your depression. You gotta just try harder." or "It's all in your head. Just do something that makes you smile!" No... haha, not even close. It's also 10 am here and I too have not slept at all but perhaps 1 1/2 hours last night. This place brings a lot of comfort to a lot of people who have to endure the ignorance of the people around us, who may indeed love us, but damn it, they are so, so far off from the reality of it all. 

 

No one can begin to understand the struggle of getting out of bed, brushing your teeth and combing your hair. I typically don't do a thing until around 4-5pm. My mind is permanently frozen. I cannot force myself to do simple things, even enjoyable hobbies of mine. It's all too strenuous on my mentality, which in turn makes me feel more physically exhausted as if I just ran a marathon. I know one day we will all feel better, I am not hopeless in a little hope.

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5 hours ago, Sophy said:

Oh that is so beautifully said!

It describes it perfectly.

Welcome here.

 

Just on a side note: from someone who has both depression-related tiredness and hypothyroidism, it may be worthwhile having your thyroid levels checked.

I developed my thyroid issues *during* depression, so I didn't pick up on it. Just thought I was getting more and more exhausted, more and more depressed.

(Unfortunately, thyroid bloodwork can be complicated/ not sensitive enough. It took 2 years from my first (major) symptoms until the results in the bloodwork finally detected it.)

I have heard a fellow thyroid patient describe it as this: "When I walk across the road and at the other side I get to the curb, I stand there defeated, staring at the curb, wondering where to find the energy to lift my foot up on the curb."

That describes perfectly the undescribable tiredness I felt from the low thyroid levels.

 

@Sophy That's really interesting you mentioned Hypothyroidism. My mother has struggled with severe depression and a thyroid issue. I never considered Thyroid to be contributing to any exhaustion. Maybe that's what I could have, and I only say that because of my extreme exhaust. Then again it's really hard to assume anything when I haven't been to a doctor yet. So many possible issues to consider.

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34 minutes ago, sabiflitch said:

@Sophy That's really interesting you mentioned Hypothyroidism. My mother has struggled with severe depression and a thyroid issue. I never considered Thyroid to be contributing to any exhaustion. Maybe that's what I could have, and I only say that because of my extreme exhaust. Then again it's really hard to assume anything when I haven't been to a doctor yet. So many possible issues to consider.

Yeah, exhaustion is one of the main symptoms for hypothyroidism and a good doctor should check for it immediately when a patient says they are "depressed/ exhausted" to rule it out.

What I have found super frustrating is the bloodwork thing re thyroid levels.

The official range for thyroid levels in bloodwork is so "wide" (overly generous) that you can fall within that range and officially get the "all clear" yet still be having major thyroid symptoms.

I'm lucky that after the 2 year gap when my thyroid symptoms were massive but the bloodwork results kept coming back as "fine"... I found a really good doctor who was willing to adjust the thyroid med dose "according to the symptoms" and not according to the numbers in the bloodwork results.

I think it's called symptom-based treatment re thyroid meds, or something.

The point being: so what if the numbers say you are fine - if the symptoms are saying you are NOT fine, then increase the medication, til the symptoms go "yaaayyyy".

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Oh, also, I just remembered that my Pdoc told me last year that Pdocs can even use meds for hypothyroidism off label as a way of counteracting the exhaustion in depression... !

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