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Moving out, getting a job


velvetpuddles

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I'm not really sure what I'm writing here, so it may just end up being rambling vent. Sorry in advance!

At this point, I know that I need to move out of this house sooner than later. I'm currently still living with my ex-fiance, and while we have a civil relationship and are able to talk and generally coexist well together, I know that I'm drowning inside. I feel trapped and I feel like I'm under the microscope with him - he's never done anything to cause these feelings, it's all coming from my anxiety. He's told me numerous times that I can stay until I find a new job, that there's no reason to leave in a rush.

The next problem is my job. I will be laid off probably in the next couple months, and with my track record, I have no idea how long it will take me to find something new. I will be getting unemployment benefits and I'll be walking away with a pretty decent severance package when I'm done (hence my sticking around until the end).

 

So, here's the issue that's been plaguing me. I can either wait to move until I find a job so that I'm open to applying anywhere at all (as I have no ties to this community aside from my ex, I moved here to be with him) and find a home near my new job whenever that happens. Or, I can find an affordable place generally near where I am now to move out ASAP and hope to be able to find a good job in the area. There are some colleges nearby and a lot of medical facilities - both areas I could be successful in finding employment.

I have no clear career path, so I'm really open to anything that won't aggravate my anxiety too much and pays relatively well so that all my expenses can be covered comfortably. As far as a new home goes, I really wanted to buy a little house and property of my own, but I don't have enough saved up for that yet. So I think I'll have to settle for another crappy apartment with a shady landlord.

 

I have no idea how to handle this. I'm completely overwhelmed by my situation and it's causing me to start shutting down. I know I need to move as soon as I can, but I don't know if it's smarter to focus on that now or whenever I have a new job. I feel like I'm in over my head. And of course every time I start thinking about this, I worry about all the other issues with this process...finding people to help me move (I have no one) or hiring movers, having to re-buy a lot of the kitchen stuff and furniture that we got rid of when I moved in with him. And of course, once I move out, I will be completely alone. The one good thing about being here still is having someone around...even if we don't talk much, I know that there's someone there and it's comforting. Once I leave, that's all gone and I will truly be alone, and I'm afraid of what that will do to me since I'm barely keeping myself together with the minimal social contact that I have now. So I'm essentially debating between staying in a semi-toxic but tolerable environment with companionship until I'm financially stable; or, find somewhere cheap nearby to move now with the hope that it might help my mental health by having my own space and freedom but also run the risk of not being able to afford the place when I'm laid off.

 

I have been thinking on this for two months now but I'm so indecisive and get too anxious about the unknown that I end up just stuffing it down to wait for another day to figure it out. But I know I really need a plan here. I'm just so frustrated and overwhelmed!

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I’m sorry for the struggles you are currently facing. I was in your situation about ten years ago. I inevitably decided to leave and severe all negative ties that I had, even though it was terrifying with nothing and no one to fall back on.

 

You will find your security, peace, and self achievement once the dust settles. I know it’s hard, but I would wait until you have the means to leave, and leave. Go somewhere you can find financial security and stability. Somewhere that you can obtain a comfortable work environment. That will be one less thing you will have to worry about, one less thing to cause you stress, anxiety, and panic over.

 

Put your focus there, on you, your growth and happiness. Once you’ve obtained that you may have found yourself organically opening yourself up to others and finding those meaningful connections, and if not by then. Than at the point, you will have the means, the energy, and the desire to pursue those types of things.

 

I hope you make the decision to choose better for yourself. You deserve it.

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Thanks for your insights!

I want to leave. I feel like I'm ready to leave. But it's feeling pretty impossible to find something I can afford without having my severance pay/new job, and I don't know when exactly I'm getting laid off - could be in a month or two, could be later in the summer, no one knows. I'm just feeling frustrated and overall stuck in my life situation and I don't know how to get out. I thought it would help to have my own place again, a fresh start, but it's looking like I may have to wait until the money gods look favorably upon me.

Thanks again; I appreciate your time!

 

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I would definitely stay where you are for the moment, as frustrating as it might feel at times at least you have somewhere to live that you can afford , you have companionship and there won't be the added worry that will have to move all your stuff and have the potential for the financial stress of keeping a new more expensive place if it takes a while to find a new job. It makes sense to wait for a little bit in your current place I think at least for the moment. 

Best wishes,

Mr Hocico :hugs:

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1 hour ago, hocico said:

I would definitely stay where you are for the moment, as frustrating as it might feel at times at least you have somewhere to live that you can afford , you have companionship and there won't be the added worry that will have to move all your stuff and have the potential for the financial stress of keeping a new more expensive place if it takes a while to find a new job. It makes sense to wait for a little bit in your current place I think at least for the moment. 

Best wishes,

Mr Hocico :hugs:

Yeah, I think you're right. I spent quite a few hours this evening searching for anything that I could consider. Without being any pickier than affordable, safe area, allows cats, and not a studio, I came up pretty empty-handed, even when I looked at all the nearby towns. I'm going to stick it out a little longer and try to overcome the awkwardness of living with an ex who already has a new girlfriend and try to save some more money. The fear of moving now and not being able to find a new job soon enough to afford the place was a huge concern of mine.

Thanks for your advice!! :icon12:

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10 hours ago, velvetpuddles said:

Yeah, I think you're right. I spent quite a few hours this evening searching for anything that I could consider. Without being any pickier than affordable, safe area, allows cats, and not a studio, I came up pretty empty-handed, even when I looked at all the nearby towns. I'm going to stick it out a little longer and try to overcome the awkwardness of living with an ex who already has a new girlfriend and try to save some more money. The fear of moving now and not being able to find a new job soon enough to afford the place was a huge concern of mine.

Thanks for your advice!! :icon12:

Most welcome VP :hugs:I was in the same situation myself not so long ago. 

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