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sabiflitch

Fell off the wagon yesterday (alcohol)

7 posts in this topic

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I know better than to give in this way.

I blacked out and I feel so terrible this morning, right now, and plus I argued and made my partner feel bad.

Will I ever get rid of my addiction? I feel as if all my anxiety really is the trigger for my drinking. Idk what to do anymore. I feel so defeated.

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12 minutes ago, sabiflitch said:
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I know better than to give in this way.

I blacked out and I feel so terrible this morning, right now, and plus I argued and made my partner feel bad.

Will I ever get rid of my addiction? I feel as if all my anxiety really is the trigger for my drinking. Idk what to do anymore. I feel so defeated.

Wow. I'm sorry about that. I'm a boozer myself. I've fallen off the wagon countless times. I've been able to go for 6 months or more without a drink and then I'll blow it again. I'm at about 3 weeks from my last bender right now. It was a 2-day affair. Complete blackout both days. Needless to say, it took a long time to feel better after that.

I use booze for escape. I call it the "poor man's vacation". I'm gone for a short while. But when I come back, everything is worse. I think my last hangover convinced me to leave the stuff alone for good.

Anyway, we can leave it behind if we want to badly enough. We are in control of that. I'm convinced of it.

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7 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

Wow. I'm sorry about that. I'm a boozer myself. I've fallen off the wagon countless times. I've been able to go for 6 months or more without a drink and then I'll blow it again. I'm at about 3 weeks from my last bender right now. It was a 2-day affair. Complete blackout both days. Needless to say, it took a long time to feel better after that.

I use booze for escape. I call it the "poor man's vacation". I'm gone for a short while. But when I come back, everything is worse. I think my last hangover convinced me to leave the stuff alone for good.

Anyway, we can leave it behind if we want to badly enough. We are in control of that. I'm convinced of it.

Thanks man. It's alright. Each time I blackout just gets me closer to wanting to stop. My severe anxiety is the trigger for my drinking. This unsettled nerve. This constant search for something to relax me. Never works and now Im hungover as hell and embarrassed..

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Yes. Anxiety. My job redlines my anxiety meter day after day. When I was still married, I'd come home and head down to my workshop in the basement right away. I had a bottle of booze stashed down there. I'd take a few chugs and then go upstairs to "relax". Not in the least bit healthy.

You are very young so kick that crap now. Just walk away. It's poison.

But who am I to give such advice? Gah.

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I quit for the last time because I had no choice.  Every time I drank I drank as much as I possibly could.  I was trying hard to finish myself off.  Every time I drank I planned on that being my last day alive.  I absolutely had a death wish.  I think in the beginning it helps depression for a while but once you completely lose control it takes your depression and your mental health overall to places you think you will never come back from.  I will never drink again and will never hate myself again either.  I am a total freak and outcast but I completely accept myself for all of my flaws.  I used to drink because of anxiety but it doesn't help an anxiety disorder.  It creates an anxiety disorder.  Now this far away from my last drink my anxiety is not anywhere near as bad as it was. 

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Be gentle with yourself, falling off the wagon is part of the recovery process. As long as you can reduce your overall consumption and lessen the number of times that you do fall of the wagon you're on the right path. My drug of choice is tobacco and I've quit and failed countless times, I'm usually fine not smoking but when I experience more stress and anxiety than usual the cravings just get overwhelming, I'm sure it's not much different with booze... Just don't give up and keep trying, that's all anyone can ask for. 

11 minutes ago, sober4life said:

I used to drink because of anxiety but it doesn't help an anxiety disorder.  It creates an anxiety disorder.  Now this far away from my last drink my anxiety is not anywhere near as bad as it was. 

So true, self-medication is never a solution and often it'll just mask symptoms but make the underlying problem even worse. Congrats on staying sober btw, very proud of you for not giving in despite facing some major challenges recently! 

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